Cheating on your Spouse
Replies
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People on this site are too judgmental.
I'm going to tell some rather personal things here.
I cheated on my ex once. My ex used to slap me around. He used to insult and degrade me on a daily basis, telling me I was fat (I was a size 10 back then) and no wonder my father didn't want me (I haven't seen him since I was 4).
Every time I left the house without him I was accused of cheating. He didn't like me working. He didn't like me seeing my family. He was a control freak.
One day, I met a guy through a friend who said all the right things to me. He was the first person I opened up to, mainly because he caught me crying in the toilet at a friends house party after a particularly vicious row.
He was there for me, and a couple of months down the line, I slept with him. I couldn't have told my partner I was thinking about cheating on him, the ensuing argument and violence wasn't worth it, and it wasn't a planned thing.
Before anyone thinks; 'why didn't you leave him?' it was my first relationship, and he had ground down my confidence so much I didn't think I could function on my own.
Am I a 'horrible person'? Am I a 'coward'?
Anyone that can form that sort of opinion of me or anyone else without realizing there are two sides to every story is far too judgmental, in my opinion.
Are you horrible? No. Are you a coward? Yes. Everything you shared is just a justified excuse as to why you should feel ok that you did it. His bad behavior doesn't negate your bad behavior.0 -
You are not in their house or living their lives. You have [i[no[/'i] idea what went on between the two of them behind closed doors. You said yourself that they seemed happy and in love on the outside. Again, you have no idea what went on at home behind closed doors. You don't know if there were discussions, arguments, tears, counseling. You have no idea what either person is thinking. You don't know the reasons why the cheating happened and in all honesty you never will because you will only get one side of the story: The person who was cheated on and believe me that side can taint you for life.
There's a plethora of reasons why a person would cheat and sure it's easy to sit there and say "Well just say something and leave the other person" but sometimes it might not be that easy. You have no idea what goes on in the mind of someone else or what goes on behind their doors unless you are that person and you are there.0 -
People on this site are too judgmental.
I'm going to tell some rather personal things here.
I cheated on my ex once. My ex used to slap me around. He used to insult and degrade me on a daily basis, telling me I was fat (I was a size 10 back then) and no wonder my father didn't want me (I haven't seen him since I was 4).
Every time I left the house without him I was accused of cheating. He didn't like me working. He didn't like me seeing my family. He was a control freak.
One day, I met a guy through a friend who said all the right things to me. He was the first person I opened up to, mainly because he caught me crying in the toilet at a friends house party after a particularly vicious row.
He was there for me, and a couple of months down the line, I slept with him. I couldn't have told my partner I was thinking about cheating on him, the ensuing argument and violence wasn't worth it, and it wasn't a planned thing.
Before anyone thinks; 'why didn't you leave him?' it was my first relationship, and he had ground down my confidence so much I didn't think I could function on my own.
Am I a 'horrible person'? Am I a 'coward'?
Anyone that can form that sort of opinion of me or anyone else without realizing there are two sides to every story is far too judgmental, in my opinion.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I am sorry to hear you were trapped in an abusive relationship. I am grateful you were able to get out of that situation. I really appreciate this as you share your perception and what you were thinking when you were going to cheat and why you were unable to say anything.
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You are not in their house or living their lives. You have [i[no[/'i] idea what went on between the two of them behind closed doors. You said yourself that they seemed happy and in love on the outside. Again, you have no idea what went on at home behind closed doors. You don't know if there were discussions, arguments, tears, counseling. You have no idea what either person is thinking. You don't know the reasons why the cheating happened and in all honesty you never will because you will only get one side of the story: The person who was cheated on and believe me that side can taint you for life.
There's a plethora of reasons why a person would cheat and sure it's easy to sit there and say "Well just say something and leave the other person" but sometimes it might not be that easy. You have no idea what goes on in the mind of someone else or what goes on behind their doors unless you are that person and you are there.
This this this... I love when outside people judge other people's relationships based on perceptions.0 -
People on this site are too judgmental.
I'm going to tell some rather personal things here.
I cheated on my ex once. My ex used to slap me around. He used to insult and degrade me on a daily basis, telling me I was fat (I was a size 10 back then) and no wonder my father didn't want me (I haven't seen him since I was 4).
Every time I left the house without him I was accused of cheating. He didn't like me working. He didn't like me seeing my family. He was a control freak.
One day, I met a guy through a friend who said all the right things to me. He was the first person I opened up to, mainly because he caught me crying in the toilet at a friends house party after a particularly vicious row.
He was there for me, and a couple of months down the line, I slept with him. I couldn't have told my partner I was thinking about cheating on him, the ensuing argument and violence wasn't worth it, and it wasn't a planned thing.
Before anyone thinks; 'why didn't you leave him?' it was my first relationship, and he had ground down my confidence so much I didn't think I could function on my own.
Am I a 'horrible person'? Am I a 'coward'?
Anyone that can form that sort of opinion of me or anyone else without realizing there are two sides to every story is far too judgmental, in my opinion.
Are you horrible? No. Are you a coward? Yes. Everything you shared is just a justified excuse as to why you should feel ok that you did it. His bad behavior doesn't negate your bad behavior.
Perhaps I am a coward. However, unless you have been in a abusive relationship (which I hope you haven't) you will have no idea how difficult it is.
I don't feel guilty. and I don't regret it. Cheating on him made me realize I wasn't worthless or unwanted. It gave me the boost of confidence I needed to get out of the relationship.
This is not me saying that all cheats have an excuse. Some just cheat because they want to. But do not be so quick to judge people when you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors.0 -
People on this site are too judgmental.
I'm going to tell some rather personal things here.
I cheated on my ex once. My ex used to slap me around. He used to insult and degrade me on a daily basis, telling me I was fat (I was a size 10 back then) and no wonder my father didn't want me (I haven't seen him since I was 4).
Every time I left the house without him I was accused of cheating. He didn't like me working. He didn't like me seeing my family. He was a control freak.
One day, I met a guy through a friend who said all the right things to me. He was the first person I opened up to, mainly because he caught me crying in the toilet at a friends house party after a particularly vicious row.
He was there for me, and a couple of months down the line, I slept with him. I couldn't have told my partner I was thinking about cheating on him, the ensuing argument and violence wasn't worth it, and it wasn't a planned thing.
Before anyone thinks; 'why didn't you leave him?' it was my first relationship, and he had ground down my confidence so much I didn't think I could function on my own.
Am I a 'horrible person'? Am I a 'coward'?
Anyone that can form that sort of opinion of me or anyone else without realizing there are two sides to every story is far too judgmental, in my opinion.
Are you horrible? No. Are you a coward? Yes. Everything you shared is just a justified excuse as to why you should feel ok that you did it. His bad behavior doesn't negate your bad behavior.
Perhaps I am a coward. However, unless you have been in a abusive relationship (which I hope you haven't) you will have no idea how difficult it is.
I don't feel guilty. and I don't regret it. Cheating on him made me realize I wasn't worthless or unwanted. It gave me the boost of confidence I needed to get out of the relationship.
This is not me saying that all cheats have an excuse. Some just cheat because they want to. But do not be so quick to judge people when you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors.
I was, to my first husband for 8 years. I still NEVER EVER cheated. Like I said it's all just justification. I took my vows seriously, even if he didn't. I respected MYSELF far too much to compromise my own values by giving into something I don't agree with for temporary satisfaction. I know that my self worth doesn't come from a sexual experience.0 -
I bashed cheaters once, then I was put in a situation that allowed me to find feelings for another man. It is not as easy to walk away as you would think. I had a realtionship for a little while and I did eventually tell my husband. It made me realize that if I could do this then I was not in love with him anymore. We have been divorced for a while, but we remain friends.0
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People on this site are too judgmental.
I'm going to tell some rather personal things here.
I cheated on my ex once. My ex used to slap me around. He used to insult and degrade me on a daily basis, telling me I was fat (I was a size 10 back then) and no wonder my father didn't want me (I haven't seen him since I was 4).
Every time I left the house without him I was accused of cheating. He didn't like me working. He didn't like me seeing my family. He was a control freak.
One day, I met a guy through a friend who said all the right things to me. He was the first person I opened up to, mainly because he caught me crying in the toilet at a friends house party after a particularly vicious row.
He was there for me, and a couple of months down the line, I slept with him. I couldn't have told my partner I was thinking about cheating on him, the ensuing argument and violence wasn't worth it, and it wasn't a planned thing.
Before anyone thinks; 'why didn't you leave him?' it was my first relationship, and he had ground down my confidence so much I didn't think I could function on my own.
Am I a 'horrible person'? Am I a 'coward'?
Anyone that can form that sort of opinion of me or anyone else without realizing there are two sides to every story is far too judgmental, in my opinion.
Are you horrible? No. Are you a coward? Yes. Everything you shared is just a justified excuse as to why you should feel ok that you did it. His bad behavior doesn't negate your bad behavior.
Perhaps I am a coward. However, unless you have been in a abusive relationship (which I hope you haven't) you will have no idea how difficult it is.
I don't feel guilty. and I don't regret it. Cheating on him made me realize I wasn't worthless or unwanted. It gave me the boost of confidence I needed to get out of the relationship.
This is not me saying that all cheats have an excuse. Some just cheat because they want to. But do not be so quick to judge people when you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors.
I was, to my first husband for 8 years. I still NEVER EVER cheated. Like I said it's all just justification. I took my vows seriously, even if he didn't. I respected MYSELF far too much to compromise my own values by giving into something I don't agree with for temporary satisfaction. I know that my self worth doesn't come from a sexual experience.
This is the thing you don't understand. I didn't have any respect for myself. Clearly, neither did you, or you wouldn't have been in an abusive relationship for 8 years.
My self worth didn't come from a sexual experience. What did come from that sexual experience was a realization, shall we say, that I was not as worthless as my ex told me I was. When I built up the courage to leave him, my self worth rebuilt from there,
I think we are clearly not going to agree and I think this is quite a tender subject to be discussing. I do hope that no-one judges you in an as unforgiving way as you have me.0 -
People on this site are too judgmental.
I'm going to tell some rather personal things here.
I cheated on my ex once. My ex used to slap me around. He used to insult and degrade me on a daily basis, telling me I was fat (I was a size 10 back then) and no wonder my father didn't want me (I haven't seen him since I was 4).
Every time I left the house without him I was accused of cheating. He didn't like me working. He didn't like me seeing my family. He was a control freak.
One day, I met a guy through a friend who said all the right things to me. He was the first person I opened up to, mainly because he caught me crying in the toilet at a friends house party after a particularly vicious row.
He was there for me, and a couple of months down the line, I slept with him. I couldn't have told my partner I was thinking about cheating on him, the ensuing argument and violence wasn't worth it, and it wasn't a planned thing.
Before anyone thinks; 'why didn't you leave him?' it was my first relationship, and he had ground down my confidence so much I didn't think I could function on my own.
Am I a 'horrible person'? Am I a 'coward'?
Anyone that can form that sort of opinion of me or anyone else without realizing there are two sides to every story is far too judgmental, in my opinion.
Are you horrible? No. Are you a coward? Yes. Everything you shared is just a justified excuse as to why you should feel ok that you did it. His bad behavior doesn't negate your bad behavior.
Perhaps I am a coward. However, unless you have been in a abusive relationship (which I hope you haven't) you will have no idea how difficult it is.
I don't feel guilty. and I don't regret it. Cheating on him made me realize I wasn't worthless or unwanted. It gave me the boost of confidence I needed to get out of the relationship.
This is not me saying that all cheats have an excuse. Some just cheat because they want to. But do not be so quick to judge people when you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors.
I was, to my first husband for 8 years. I still NEVER EVER cheated. Like I said it's all just justification. I took my vows seriously, even if he didn't. I respected MYSELF far too much to compromise my own values by giving into something I don't agree with for temporary satisfaction. I know that my self worth doesn't come from a sexual experience.
This is the thing you don't understand. I didn't have any respect for myself. Clearly, neither did you, or you wouldn't have been in an abusive relationship for 8 years.
My self worth didn't come from a sexual experience. What did come from that sexual experience was a realization, shall we say, that I was not as worthless as my ex told me I was. When I built up the courage to leave him, my self worth rebuilt from there,
I think we are clearly not going to agree and I think this is quite a tender subject to be discussing. I do hope that no-one judges you in an as unforgiving way as you have me.
You're absolutely right that I didn't respect myself at the time. I made excuses for why I should stay. Things will get better. We have two children together. We need to remain a family for their sake. Ect. However I wasn't going to further disrespect myself by compromising what little self respect I did have and go against my belief structure in that cheating is NEVER justifible. Having a sexual experience with someone else didn't give you courage or build up your self esteem. That's just more stupid justification. It's not like that act magically transformed your way of thinking by injection of sperm.
You can continue to justify why you cheated, and feel that I'm unforgiving to you. The simple matter of the fact is that I don't owe you any forgiveness because you didn't commit anything against me. As for the judgement, people judge others all the time. If you are as okay in your choices as you claim to be, it wouldn't matter what I or anyone else things regarding your situation. I think you know you're not as okay with it as you claim or you wouldn't feel the need to defend yourself, especially not on a message board to strangers.0 -
People on this site are too judgmental.
I'm going to tell some rather personal things here.
I cheated on my ex once. My ex used to slap me around. He used to insult and degrade me on a daily basis, telling me I was fat (I was a size 10 back then) and no wonder my father didn't want me (I haven't seen him since I was 4).
Every time I left the house without him I was accused of cheating. He didn't like me working. He didn't like me seeing my family. He was a control freak.
One day, I met a guy through a friend who said all the right things to me. He was the first person I opened up to, mainly because he caught me crying in the toilet at a friends house party after a particularly vicious row.
He was there for me, and a couple of months down the line, I slept with him. I couldn't have told my partner I was thinking about cheating on him, the ensuing argument and violence wasn't worth it, and it wasn't a planned thing.
Before anyone thinks; 'why didn't you leave him?' it was my first relationship, and he had ground down my confidence so much I didn't think I could function on my own.
Am I a 'horrible person'? Am I a 'coward'?
Anyone that can form that sort of opinion of me or anyone else without realizing there are two sides to every story is far too judgmental, in my opinion.
You are not a horrible person.0 -
I love my husband & I love the family we created together.
In the past three years, my husband and I have had sex only 2x a year. He knows I want more. He knows I need more. I have told him... cried to him... practically begged him. He has ignored me and brushed me aside over and over again. I have become embarassed by my desire for physical touch and intimacy and so now I say nothing.
I have been faithful, but I have thought about cheating... fantasized about it in fact.
I have not and will not tell him that I have been thinking about cheating because I love my husband & I love the family we created together. I just wish he loved me too.0 -
People on this site are too judgmental.
I'm going to tell some rather personal things here.
I cheated on my ex once. My ex used to slap me around. He used to insult and degrade me on a daily basis, telling me I was fat (I was a size 10 back then) and no wonder my father didn't want me (I haven't seen him since I was 4).
Every time I left the house without him I was accused of cheating. He didn't like me working. He didn't like me seeing my family. He was a control freak.
One day, I met a guy through a friend who said all the right things to me. He was the first person I opened up to, mainly because he caught me crying in the toilet at a friends house party after a particularly vicious row.
He was there for me, and a couple of months down the line, I slept with him. I couldn't have told my partner I was thinking about cheating on him, the ensuing argument and violence wasn't worth it, and it wasn't a planned thing.
Before anyone thinks; 'why didn't you leave him?' it was my first relationship, and he had ground down my confidence so much I didn't think I could function on my own.
Am I a 'horrible person'? Am I a 'coward'?
Anyone that can form that sort of opinion of me or anyone else without realizing there are two sides to every story is far too judgmental, in my opinion.
Are you horrible? No. Are you a coward? Yes. Everything you shared is just a justified excuse as to why you should feel ok that you did it. His bad behavior doesn't negate your bad behavior.
Perhaps I am a coward. However, unless you have been in a abusive relationship (which I hope you haven't) you will have no idea how difficult it is.
I don't feel guilty. and I don't regret it. Cheating on him made me realize I wasn't worthless or unwanted. It gave me the boost of confidence I needed to get out of the relationship.
This is not me saying that all cheats have an excuse. Some just cheat because they want to. But do not be so quick to judge people when you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors.
I was, to my first husband for 8 years. I still NEVER EVER cheated. Like I said it's all just justification. I took my vows seriously, even if he didn't. I respected MYSELF far too much to compromise my own values by giving into something I don't agree with for temporary satisfaction. I know that my self worth doesn't come from a sexual experience.
This is the thing you don't understand. I didn't have any respect for myself. Clearly, neither did you, or you wouldn't have been in an abusive relationship for 8 years.
My self worth didn't come from a sexual experience. What did come from that sexual experience was a realization, shall we say, that I was not as worthless as my ex told me I was. When I built up the courage to leave him, my self worth rebuilt from there,
I think we are clearly not going to agree and I think this is quite a tender subject to be discussing. I do hope that no-one judges you in an as unforgiving way as you have me.
You're absolutely right that I didn't respect myself at the time. I made excuses for why I should stay. Things will get better. We have two children together. We need to remain a family for their sake. Ect. However I wasn't going to further disrespect myself by compromising what little self respect I did have and go against my belief structure in that cheating is NEVER justifible. Having a sexual experience with someone else didn't give you courage or build up your self esteem. That's just more stupid justification. It's not like that act magically transformed your way of thinking by injection of sperm.
You can continue to justify why you cheated, and feel that I'm unforgiving to you. The simple matter of the fact is that I don't owe you any forgiveness because you didn't commit anything against me. As for the judgement, people judge others all the time. If you are as okay in your choices as you claim to be, it wouldn't matter what I or anyone else things regarding your situation. I think you know you're not as okay with it as you claim or you wouldn't feel the need to defend yourself, especially not on a message board to strangers.
Lol.
I am not defending myself, Tbh I'm pretty sure that 99% of normal people would agree with me that I have nothing to defend myself for, I am trying to explain to you the difference in my opinion and situation to yours, This is a debate.
Yes, my sexual experience DID give me courage and self-esteem. And no, it has nothing to do with 'the injection of sperm'. Don't be so utterly ridiculous, What I had was someone else's care, love and respect, all the things my ex did not give me. Sex is not the ultimate example of cheating. It is not like simply jumping into a strangers bed to gain confidence. Your opinions are childish and extremely closed-minded.
YOU may not agree with cheating under any circumstance, but that is YOUR opinion. I would not take back what I did for the world. I am now engaged to a lovely man and happier than I ever have been. Hooray for my 'injection of sperm!' 0 -
People on this site are too judgmental.
I'm going to tell some rather personal things here.
I cheated on my ex once. My ex used to slap me around. He used to insult and degrade me on a daily basis, telling me I was fat (I was a size 10 back then) and no wonder my father didn't want me (I haven't seen him since I was 4).
Every time I left the house without him I was accused of cheating. He didn't like me working. He didn't like me seeing my family. He was a control freak.
One day, I met a guy through a friend who said all the right things to me. He was the first person I opened up to, mainly because he caught me crying in the toilet at a friends house party after a particularly vicious row.
He was there for me, and a couple of months down the line, I slept with him. I couldn't have told my partner I was thinking about cheating on him, the ensuing argument and violence wasn't worth it, and it wasn't a planned thing.
Before anyone thinks; 'why didn't you leave him?' it was my first relationship, and he had ground down my confidence so much I didn't think I could function on my own.
Am I a 'horrible person'? Am I a 'coward'?
Anyone that can form that sort of opinion of me or anyone else without realizing there are two sides to every story is far too judgmental, in my opinion.
You are not a horrible person.
Thank you. :-)
I've had a couple of lovely messages as well. It's nice to know that not everyone on this site is consumed by their own self-righteousness.0 -
I've had a couple of lovely messages as well. It's nice to know that not everyone on this site is consumed by their own self-righteousness.
I'd rather be self righteous than make excuses for cheating. How would you feel if your current partner cheated on you? Would you still feel like it's okay, that it was obviously something you weren't doing right to make them go out and seek for it elsewhere? I bet you'd be crying and complaining how much you loved them and why you don't understand how they could do that to you. Selfish people cheat.End of story. And who agrees with you, other cheaters. Congrats.0 -
I've had a couple of lovely messages as well. It's nice to know that not everyone on this site is consumed by their own self-righteousness.
I'd rather be self righteous than make excuses for cheating. How would you feel if your current partner cheated on you? Would you still feel like it's okay, that it was obviously something you weren't doing right to make them go out and seek for it elsewhere? I bet you'd be crying and complaining how much you loved them and why you don't understand how they could do that to you. Selfish people cheat.End of story. And who agrees with you, other cheaters. Congrats.
One rather huge fundamental difference with that; I don't beat my partner up or slowly crumble any self-esteem he has. IF he cheated on me, I would certainly ask his reasons. I would definitely wonder if had done anything wrong.
I will post something someone (no names mentioned) just messaged me as I think they hit the nail on the head:
"She clearly feels superior because she endured a horrible relationship and "kept her integrity."
But she isn't better than you. She just is a different person who made a different choice."
And I will not reply to you any more. We have a huge difference in opinion and will never agree, and this is ridiculous.0 -
Sometimes they might want the security of home and the excitement of something new. If they can keep it up they can have the best of both worlds.
I agree with this. A lot of people don't want to give up their home life....kids, house, security....but yet they want to feel "wanted" which maybe isn't the case at home what with all the added stress of life and whatnot.
Just having went through this for the umpteenth(sure that isnt a word) time..i will have to agree with ^^^ , that being said...enough is enough...get the f*** out!!0 -
I love my husband & I love the family we created together.
In the past three years, my husband and I have had sex only 2x a year. He knows I want more. He knows I need more. I have told him... cried to him... practically begged him. He has ignored me and brushed me aside over and over again. I have become embarassed by my desire for physical touch and intimacy and so now I say nothing.
I have been faithful, but I have thought about cheating... fantasized about it in fact.
I have not and will not tell him that I have been thinking about cheating because I love my husband & I love the family we created together. I just wish he loved me too.
This makes me incredibly sad...I felt your pain for many years!!! (((hugs)))0 -
I've had a couple of lovely messages as well. It's nice to know that not everyone on this site is consumed by their own self-righteousness.
I'd rather be self righteous than make excuses for cheating. How would you feel if your current partner cheated on you? Would you still feel like it's okay, that it was obviously something you weren't doing right to make them go out and seek for it elsewhere? I bet you'd be crying and complaining how much you loved them and why you don't understand how they could do that to you. Selfish people cheat.End of story. And who agrees with you, other cheaters. Congrats.
One rather huge fundamental difference with that; I don't beat my partner up or slowly crumble any self-esteem he has. IF he cheated on me, I would certainly ask his reasons. I would definitely wonder if had done anything wrong.
I will post something someone (no names mentioned) just messaged me as I think they hit the nail on the head:
"She clearly feels superior because she endured a horrible relationship and "kept her integrity."
But she isn't better than you. She just is a different person who made a different choice."
And I will not reply to you any more. We have a huge difference in opinion and will never agree, and this is ridiculous.
Good. Because all you do is justify why everything you endured makes it ok for you to cheat. Why it's not wrong because you have a myraid of reasons that make it okay. CHEATING IS WRONG!!!!! You were wrong, and you can't even own up to that. You and people like you make me sick that you feel justified in what you did and make no apology for it. Not that you owe me one at all. If someone said I cheated, I was wrong, I learned from that, and I am better equipped now to be in a relationship they would have my utmost respect. You're saying I cheated, I don't regret it, it wasn't my fault, and I'd do it again if I were in that situation. That's disgusting.0 -
Good. Because all you do is justify why everything you endured makes it ok for you to cheat. Why it's not wrong because you have a myraid of reasons that make it okay. CHEATING IS WRONG!!!!! You were wrong, and you can't even own up to that. You and people like you make me sick that you feel justified in what you did and make no apology for it. Not that you owe me one at all. If someone said I cheated, I was wrong, I learned from that, and I am better equipped now to be in a relationship they would have my utmost respect. You're saying I cheated, I don't regret it, it wasn't my fault, and I'd do it again if I were in that situation. That's disgusting.
You know, bringing two children into the middle of an abusive relationship is pretty disgusting and wrong, too. And staying "for their sakes" is even worse.
Take it from the child who sat crying at the bottom of the stairs many nights listening to her parents screaming at each other and wishing for years and years that they would just get divorced already.
But you didn't cheat, so yay for you.0 -
Good. Because all you do is justify why everything you endured makes it ok for you to cheat. Why it's not wrong because you have a myraid of reasons that make it okay. CHEATING IS WRONG!!!!! You were wrong, and you can't even own up to that. You and people like you make me sick that you feel justified in what you did and make no apology for it. Not that you owe me one at all. If someone said I cheated, I was wrong, I learned from that, and I am better equipped now to be in a relationship they would have my utmost respect. You're saying I cheated, I don't regret it, it wasn't my fault, and I'd do it again if I were in that situation. That's disgusting.
You know, bringing two children into the middle of an abusive relationship is pretty disgusting and wrong, too. And staying "for their sakes" is even worse.
Take it from the child who sat crying at the bottom of the stairs many nights listening to her parents screaming at each other and wishing for years and years that they would just get divorced already.
But you didn't cheat, so yay for you.
It was, and that's why I left when they were small toddlers. I didn't want to set that example for them on what a marriage should be like.0 -
Small toddlers understand and see a lot.Good. Because all you do is justify why everything you endured makes it ok for you to cheat. Why it's not wrong because you have a myraid of reasons that make it okay. CHEATING IS WRONG!!!!! You were wrong, and you can't even own up to that. You and people like you make me sick that you feel justified in what you did and make no apology for it. Not that you owe me one at all. If someone said I cheated, I was wrong, I learned from that, and I am better equipped now to be in a relationship they would have my utmost respect. You're saying I cheated, I don't regret it, it wasn't my fault, and I'd do it again if I were in that situation. That's disgusting.
You know, bringing two children into the middle of an abusive relationship is pretty disgusting and wrong, too. And staying "for their sakes" is even worse.
Take it from the child who sat crying at the bottom of the stairs many nights listening to her parents screaming at each other and wishing for years and years that they would just get divorced already.
But you didn't cheat, so yay for you.
It was, and that's why I left when they were small toddlers. I didn't want to set that example for them on what a marriage should be like.
And you know what? I don't judge you for it because crap happens. But if we're going to live in your black and white world, your actions are worse than Lauren's because you brought innocent children into it. Think about that the next time you rail against someone who did the best she could with a horrible situation.0 -
It's none of your (or our) business why she did it.
As for the question in general, why would a spouse not tell their partner they are contemplating cheating? Maybe for fear of losing them? Maybe it's a fantasy that they never actually planned on doing? Maybe they were not contemplating it, but just got drunk and it happened? Lots of possible reasons...0 -
Because they want their cake and eat it too. They want the excitement of something new but the comfort of coming home to someone who loves and looks after them. They are selfish gutless losers.0
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Sometimes people want to escape their reality I guess...
I just learned that my recent ex had no less than 4 affairs in the 5 years we were together.
Maybe there were clues, but I didn't see them. I am starting to see them now, but to be honest, they were very very well hidden as that's what he desired.
I refuse to reach out to him to ask why he would do this, especially while he was declaring his love and affection for me over the past 5 years. But I did ask his mom (whom i'm still very close with) and I guess his answer to her was that he felt VERY overwhelmed with trying to make a living as an entrepreneur as well as dealing with the diagnosis' of both his boys behavioural issues and his ex wife.
All of those issues combined made him want to escape his life and since he couldn't run off to Australia (which is what he wanted to do) he decided to have affairs. I'm still not understanding where he thought it was right, fair or even kind to leave me to raise his two "challenged" sons while he was off cavorting with women, I'm still not sure where he felt it was right, fair and kind to have me work full time while was off cavorting with women (when he should have been at least TRYING to bring in a paycheque)....
but in his mind, what he needed was escape and that was MUCH more important than anything else.
so....as a result...i've chalked it up to people cheat because they are entitled and selfish....
true.story.0 -
Small toddlers understand and see a lot.Good. Because all you do is justify why everything you endured makes it ok for you to cheat. Why it's not wrong because you have a myraid of reasons that make it okay. CHEATING IS WRONG!!!!! You were wrong, and you can't even own up to that. You and people like you make me sick that you feel justified in what you did and make no apology for it. Not that you owe me one at all. If someone said I cheated, I was wrong, I learned from that, and I am better equipped now to be in a relationship they would have my utmost respect. You're saying I cheated, I don't regret it, it wasn't my fault, and I'd do it again if I were in that situation. That's disgusting.
You know, bringing two children into the middle of an abusive relationship is pretty disgusting and wrong, too. And staying "for their sakes" is even worse.
Take it from the child who sat crying at the bottom of the stairs many nights listening to her parents screaming at each other and wishing for years and years that they would just get divorced already.
But you didn't cheat, so yay for you.
It was, and that's why I left when they were small toddlers. I didn't want to set that example for them on what a marriage should be like.
And you know what? I don't judge you for it because crap happens. But if we're going to live in your black and white world, your actions are worse than Lauren's because you brought innocent children into it. Think about that the next time you rail against someone who did the best she could with a horrible situation.
My actions are worse? Okay. I'm guessing you're one of her friends, or a fellow cheater. You make me laugh.0 -
Most people who cheat didn’t just start cheating no matter what they say when they get caught and cheaters are the world’s best liars, just like compulsive liars. Then the person who has been cheated on who has a broken heart has to forgive the cheater if the relationship is going to be fixed. This is very hard to do and learn how to do; it’s almost easier to get a divorce.0
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Small toddlers understand and see a lot.Good. Because all you do is justify why everything you endured makes it ok for you to cheat. Why it's not wrong because you have a myraid of reasons that make it okay. CHEATING IS WRONG!!!!! You were wrong, and you can't even own up to that. You and people like you make me sick that you feel justified in what you did and make no apology for it. Not that you owe me one at all. If someone said I cheated, I was wrong, I learned from that, and I am better equipped now to be in a relationship they would have my utmost respect. You're saying I cheated, I don't regret it, it wasn't my fault, and I'd do it again if I were in that situation. That's disgusting.
You know, bringing two children into the middle of an abusive relationship is pretty disgusting and wrong, too. And staying "for their sakes" is even worse.
Take it from the child who sat crying at the bottom of the stairs many nights listening to her parents screaming at each other and wishing for years and years that they would just get divorced already.
But you didn't cheat, so yay for you.
It was, and that's why I left when they were small toddlers. I didn't want to set that example for them on what a marriage should be like.
And you know what? I don't judge you for it because crap happens. But if we're going to live in your black and white world, your actions are worse than Lauren's because you brought innocent children into it. Think about that the next time you rail against someone who did the best she could with a horrible situation.
My actions are worse? Okay. I'm guessing you're one of her friends, or a fellow cheater. You make me laugh.
You do realize that the same book that made cheating so "wrong" also made divorce "wrong" as well.
So, please explain why you are so high and mighty, and better than her?0 -
Small toddlers understand and see a lot.Good. Because all you do is justify why everything you endured makes it ok for you to cheat. Why it's not wrong because you have a myraid of reasons that make it okay. CHEATING IS WRONG!!!!! You were wrong, and you can't even own up to that. You and people like you make me sick that you feel justified in what you did and make no apology for it. Not that you owe me one at all. If someone said I cheated, I was wrong, I learned from that, and I am better equipped now to be in a relationship they would have my utmost respect. You're saying I cheated, I don't regret it, it wasn't my fault, and I'd do it again if I were in that situation. That's disgusting.
You know, bringing two children into the middle of an abusive relationship is pretty disgusting and wrong, too. And staying "for their sakes" is even worse.
Take it from the child who sat crying at the bottom of the stairs many nights listening to her parents screaming at each other and wishing for years and years that they would just get divorced already.
But you didn't cheat, so yay for you.
It was, and that's why I left when they were small toddlers. I didn't want to set that example for them on what a marriage should be like.
And you know what? I don't judge you for it because crap happens. But if we're going to live in your black and white world, your actions are worse than Lauren's because you brought innocent children into it. Think about that the next time you rail against someone who did the best she could with a horrible situation.
My actions are worse? Okay. I'm guessing you're one of her friends, or a fellow cheater. You make me laugh.
You do realize that the same book that made cheating so "wrong" also made divorce "wrong" as well.
So, please explain why you are so high and mighty, and better than her?
If you're talking about the bible, I am not a christian and I don't follow that book. So your arguement is flawed.
It's not just her... it's all cheaters, liars, and anyone not owning their behavior and making excuses for it. I've said it repeated in my response to her, and in this thread in general. If you can't own what you did, and you make excuses for how it's not your fault then you just plain suck. I made bad choices in my first marriage, but what I didn't do is make excuses. I was wrong. I admit it and my choices and relationship now is amazing. I'm glad she is in a good relationship now, but it's doomed until she can admit ( and not only her but people with the same mentality ) their wrong doing without excuses. Saying I did it, and I don't care because it was what I wanted at the time is selfish, and disgusting. You can feel that my having children with someone who is a total douche is wrong, and hell maybe it was... but the alternative was abortion ( I conceived my children even though I was on the pill and we used condoms I think he sabotaged me so I wouldn't leave him ) and I'm sure that more people would find that offensive than my having them and doing my best for them ( including getting out of my abusive relationship ).0 -
I asked my ex that many, many times... why didn't he just tell me? Or just leave? Why cheat?
He told me that he still loved me and was hoping that he could end it without me finding out... he still wanted to keep our family together.
I call bull****. He did it to me more than once... he just wanted the "safety net" of having me there in case things fell apart with the other girl(s).
So, I guess that's not super helpful... I still really don't know why.0 -
My actions are worse? Okay. I'm guessing you're one of her friends, or a fellow cheater. You make me laugh.
Not at all. I was just the child in that situation and it sucked. And none of it was my fault, but I suffered most. Lauren's SO abused her. She reacted the only way she could think to at the time. As did you. You hurt innocent children. She hurt an abuser. Which is worse?
Are both wrong in their ways? Sure. But one is definitely worse than the other.
Unlike you, though, I won't lecture and chastise someone for making the only decision she could in the moment. You have a lot of nerve, though.0
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