Cheating on your Spouse

rml_16

Good. Because all you do is justify why everything you endured makes it ok for you to cheat. Why it's not wrong because you have a myraid of reasons that make it okay. CHEATING IS WRONG!!!!! You were wrong, and you can't even own up to that. You and people like you make me sick that you feel justified in what you did and make no apology for it. Not that you owe me one at all. If someone said I cheated, I was wrong, I learned from that, and I am better equipped now to be in a relationship they would have my utmost respect. You're saying I cheated, I don't regret it, it wasn't my fault, and I'd do it again if I were in that situation. That's disgusting.

You know, bringing two children into the middle of an abusive relationship is pretty disgusting and wrong, too. And staying "for their sakes" is even worse.

Take it from the child who sat crying at the bottom of the stairs many nights listening to her parents screaming at each other and wishing for years and years that they would just get divorced already.

But you didn't cheat, so yay for you.

It was, and that's why I left when they were small toddlers. I didn't want to set that example for them on what a marriage should be like.

Small toddlers understand and see a lot.

And you know what? I don't judge you for it because crap happens. But if we're going to live in your black and white world, your actions are worse than Lauren's because you brought innocent children into it. Think about that the next time you rail against someone who did the best she could with a horrible situation.

Dub_D

It's none of your (or our) business why she did it.

As for the question in general, why would a spouse not tell their partner they are contemplating cheating? Maybe for fear of losing them? Maybe it's a fantasy that they never actually planned on doing? Maybe they were not contemplating it, but just got drunk and it happened? Lots of possible reasons...

kel665

Because they want their cake and eat it too. They want the excitement of something new but the comfort of coming home to someone who loves and looks after them. They are selfish gutless losers.

Alex_is_Hawks

Sometimes people want to escape their reality I guess...

I just learned that my recent ex had no less than 4 affairs in the 5 years we were together.

Maybe there were clues, but I didn't see them. I am starting to see them now, but to be honest, they were very very well hidden as that's what he desired.

I refuse to reach out to him to ask why he would do this, especially while he was declaring his love and affection for me over the past 5 years. But I did ask his mom (whom i'm still very close with) and I guess his answer to her was that he felt VERY overwhelmed with trying to make a living as an entrepreneur as well as dealing with the diagnosis' of both his boys behavioural issues and his ex wife.

All of those issues combined made him want to escape his life and since he couldn't run off to Australia (which is what he wanted to do) he decided to have affairs. I'm still not understanding where he thought it was right, fair or even kind to leave me to raise his two "challenged" sons while he was off cavorting with women, I'm still not sure where he felt it was right, fair and kind to have me work full time while was off cavorting with women (when he should have been at least TRYING to bring in a paycheque)....

but in his mind, what he needed was escape and that was MUCH more important than anything else.

so....as a result...i've chalked it up to people cheat because they are entitled and selfish....

true.story.

DamnImASexyBitch

Good. Because all you do is justify why everything you endured makes it ok for you to cheat. Why it's not wrong because you have a myraid of reasons that make it okay. CHEATING IS WRONG!!!!! You were wrong, and you can't even own up to that. You and people like you make me sick that you feel justified in what you did and make no apology for it. Not that you owe me one at all. If someone said I cheated, I was wrong, I learned from that, and I am better equipped now to be in a relationship they would have my utmost respect. You're saying I cheated, I don't regret it, it wasn't my fault, and I'd do it again if I were in that situation. That's disgusting.

You know, bringing two children into the middle of an abusive relationship is pretty disgusting and wrong, too. And staying "for their sakes" is even worse.

Take it from the child who sat crying at the bottom of the stairs many nights listening to her parents screaming at each other and wishing for years and years that they would just get divorced already.

But you didn't cheat, so yay for you.

It was, and that's why I left when they were small toddlers. I didn't want to set that example for them on what a marriage should be like.

Small toddlers understand and see a lot.

And you know what? I don't judge you for it because crap happens. But if we're going to live in your black and white world, your actions are worse than Lauren's because you brought innocent children into it. Think about that the next time you rail against someone who did the best she could with a horrible situation.

My actions are worse? Okay. I'm guessing you're one of her friends, or a fellow cheater. You make me laugh.

bugaha1

Most people who cheat didn’t just start cheating no matter what they say when they get caught and cheaters are the world’s best liars, just like compulsive liars. Then the person who has been cheated on who has a broken heart has to forgive the cheater if the relationship is going to be fixed. This is very hard to do and learn how to do; it’s almost easier to get a divorce.

HMD7703

Good. Because all you do is justify why everything you endured makes it ok for you to cheat. Why it's not wrong because you have a myraid of reasons that make it okay. CHEATING IS WRONG!!!!! You were wrong, and you can't even own up to that. You and people like you make me sick that you feel justified in what you did and make no apology for it. Not that you owe me one at all. If someone said I cheated, I was wrong, I learned from that, and I am better equipped now to be in a relationship they would have my utmost respect. You're saying I cheated, I don't regret it, it wasn't my fault, and I'd do it again if I were in that situation. That's disgusting.

You know, bringing two children into the middle of an abusive relationship is pretty disgusting and wrong, too. And staying "for their sakes" is even worse.

Take it from the child who sat crying at the bottom of the stairs many nights listening to her parents screaming at each other and wishing for years and years that they would just get divorced already.

But you didn't cheat, so yay for you.

It was, and that's why I left when they were small toddlers. I didn't want to set that example for them on what a marriage should be like.

Small toddlers understand and see a lot.

And you know what? I don't judge you for it because crap happens. But if we're going to live in your black and white world, your actions are worse than Lauren's because you brought innocent children into it. Think about that the next time you rail against someone who did the best she could with a horrible situation.

My actions are worse? Okay. I'm guessing you're one of her friends, or a fellow cheater. You make me laugh.

You do realize that the same book that made cheating so "wrong" also made divorce "wrong" as well.

So, please explain why you are so high and mighty, and better than her?

DamnImASexyBitch

Good. Because all you do is justify why everything you endured makes it ok for you to cheat. Why it's not wrong because you have a myraid of reasons that make it okay. CHEATING IS WRONG!!!!! You were wrong, and you can't even own up to that. You and people like you make me sick that you feel justified in what you did and make no apology for it. Not that you owe me one at all. If someone said I cheated, I was wrong, I learned from that, and I am better equipped now to be in a relationship they would have my utmost respect. You're saying I cheated, I don't regret it, it wasn't my fault, and I'd do it again if I were in that situation. That's disgusting.

You know, bringing two children into the middle of an abusive relationship is pretty disgusting and wrong, too. And staying "for their sakes" is even worse.

Take it from the child who sat crying at the bottom of the stairs many nights listening to her parents screaming at each other and wishing for years and years that they would just get divorced already.

But you didn't cheat, so yay for you.

It was, and that's why I left when they were small toddlers. I didn't want to set that example for them on what a marriage should be like.

Small toddlers understand and see a lot.

And you know what? I don't judge you for it because crap happens. But if we're going to live in your black and white world, your actions are worse than Lauren's because you brought innocent children into it. Think about that the next time you rail against someone who did the best she could with a horrible situation.

My actions are worse? Okay. I'm guessing you're one of her friends, or a fellow cheater. You make me laugh.

You do realize that the same book that made cheating so "wrong" also made divorce "wrong" as well.

So, please explain why you are so high and mighty, and better than her?

If you're talking about the bible, I am not a christian and I don't follow that book. So your arguement is flawed.
It's not just her... it's all cheaters, liars, and anyone not owning their behavior and making excuses for it. I've said it repeated in my response to her, and in this thread in general. If you can't own what you did, and you make excuses for how it's not your fault then you just plain suck. I made bad choices in my first marriage, but what I didn't do is make excuses. I was wrong. I admit it and my choices and relationship now is amazing. I'm glad she is in a good relationship now, but it's doomed until she can admit ( and not only her but people with the same mentality ) their wrong doing without excuses. Saying I did it, and I don't care because it was what I wanted at the time is selfish, and disgusting. You can feel that my having children with someone who is a total douche is wrong, and hell maybe it was... but the alternative was abortion ( I conceived my children even though I was on the pill and we used condoms I think he sabotaged me so I wouldn't leave him ) and I'm sure that more people would find that offensive than my having them and doing my best for them ( including getting out of my abusive relationship ).

emmy3111

I asked my ex that many, many times... why didn't he just tell me? Or just leave? Why cheat?

He told me that he still loved me and was hoping that he could end it without me finding out... he still wanted to keep our family together.

I call bull****. He did it to me more than once... he just wanted the "safety net" of having me there in case things fell apart with the other girl(s).

So, I guess that's not super helpful... I still really don't know why.

rml_16

My actions are worse? Okay. I'm guessing you're one of her friends, or a fellow cheater. You make me laugh.

Not at all. I was just the child in that situation and it sucked. And none of it was my fault, but I suffered most. Lauren's SO abused her. She reacted the only way she could think to at the time. As did you. You hurt innocent children. She hurt an abuser. Which is worse?

Are both wrong in their ways? Sure. But one is definitely worse than the other.

Unlike you, though, I won't lecture and chastise someone for making the only decision she could in the moment. You have a lot of nerve, though.

slyder432

bump

DamnImASexyBitch

My actions are worse? Okay. I'm guessing you're one of her friends, or a fellow cheater. You make me laugh.

Not at all. I was just the child in that situation and it sucked. And none of it was my fault, but I suffered most. Lauren's SO abused her. She reacted the only way she could think to at the time. As did you. You hurt innocent children. She hurt an abuser. Which is worse?

Are both wrong in their ways? Sure. But one is definitely worse than the other.

Unlike you, though, I won't lecture and chastise someone for making the only decision she could in the moment. You have a lot of nerve, though.

I ABSOLUTELY did NOT hurt my children and neither did their dad. He was a horrible husband, but he NEVER hurt them ever. Your implications are disgusting that I would ever do anything to them. **** you.

tyrantduck

People on this site are too judgmental.

I'm going to tell some rather personal things here.

I cheated on my ex once. My ex used to slap me around. He used to insult and degrade me on a daily basis, telling me I was fat (I was a size 10 back then) and no wonder my father didn't want me (I haven't seen him since I was 4).

Every time I left the house without him I was accused of cheating. He didn't like me working. He didn't like me seeing my family. He was a control freak.

One day, I met a guy through a friend who said all the right things to me. He was the first person I opened up to, mainly because he caught me crying in the toilet at a friends house party after a particularly vicious row.

He was there for me, and a couple of months down the line, I slept with him. I couldn't have told my partner I was thinking about cheating on him, the ensuing argument and violence wasn't worth it, and it wasn't a planned thing.

Before anyone thinks; 'why didn't you leave him?' it was my first relationship, and he had ground down my confidence so much I didn't think I could function on my own.

Am I a 'horrible person'? Am I a 'coward'?

Anyone that can form that sort of opinion of me or anyone else without realizing there are two sides to every story is far too judgmental, in my opinion.

I had the same experience. My ex was also physically (beating, threatening me with his knife collection, etc) and emotionally abusive (telling me I was fat, disgusting, that nobody wanted me and I'd never do better than him) and accused me of the same things, wouldn't let me see my family or friends, etc. It took a lot of convincing but at one point I told myself, if I'm not going to get the love and respect I need from him, I'm going somewhere else to get it. After about a month of arguing, I managed to set up an overnight at my high school crush's house (he was single at the time and we had been in love for so long, but never managed to make it work) by saying I would be spending the night at my best friend's house. So... I went. We had been talking online and he knew how bad things were and he was genuinely worried about me. He cooked dinner for the two of us and we sat in his room watching TV and it happened... multiple times that night. I had never been happier in my whole life. Three weeks later, I stayed home from work and packed up my stuff. My father came and helped me get everything out and I moved in with the man who is now my husband, that same man I cheated with.

Like you, I refused to tell my ex what I was going to do because I preferred to stay alive. And I had to leave while he was at work because I had no other way to get out. It took a lot of careful planning (from the planning of the visit to the time I actually left, 4 months) and luckily for me, he never found me. I knew I could never get away on my own... I needed a lot of help and it was hard to keep everything shut up inside, but if he had known beforehand that I was going to take every material posession I owned and run for the hills, he would have found a way to stop me, and it wouldn't have been with love and begging for forgiveness for how he treated me. I managed to save my life and my sanity, and it was the one and only time I've ever cheated on anyone.

Then, three years after my husband and I got married, I found myself on the other side of the situation. My husband cheated on me a few times throughout 2011. I had this sense that something was wrong with him and couldn't put my finger on it. So I turned into the freakin FBI and found everything out. After a lot of screaming and yelling and crying, we finally sat down and figured out what the issue was... LACK OF COMMUNICATION. He wasn't happy and wouldn't talk to me about anything. We made up a list of what the other person should do (or not do) to keep the other happy in the marriage. We've worked on about half of our list each and our marriage is becoming stronger every day. We still have our moments (and I wound up developing a severe anxiety and depression disorder after what I found out) and the lack of trust is still there, but it's getting easier. My husband truly regrets how much he hurt me and our marriage and we are working together, like we should have from the start, to make our marriage a happy and prosperous one.

I know cheating is wrong. I've always known that. But if ANYONE ever judged me by my actions without knowing exactly what happened behind closed doors or how horrible I felt inside when all this went down, I will personally make sure they swallow all their teeth. I'm not justifying cheating, I'm justifying the fact that my CHOICE gave me the reason and the feeling of self-worth that I needed to finally be able to get away from a man who would have probably killed me if I had stayed. My husband was so afraid for my safety and did not want to let me go back to my ex, and for the first 4 years of our relationship, he was the most supportive, loving, caring man I had ever met. My decision to go to him that one night saved my life.

TheRoadDog

There is no excuse. If you are cheating, you shouldn't be married.

"He/she is abusive."

"He/she doesn't fulfill me."

"He/she cheated on me."

All the above and all the ones mentioned are just rationalizations. You can't justify being dishonest to your partner. You're lazy. You're a cheater. Get out.

I'll never cheat on mine. I'm pretty sure my wife will never cheat on me. If we have an issue, we resolve it together.

lauren3101

.

I know cheating is wrong. I've always known that. But if ANYONE ever judged me by my actions without knowing exactly what happened behind closed doors or how horrible I felt inside when all this went down, I will personally make sure they swallow all their teeth. I'm not justifying cheating, I'm justifying the fact that my CHOICE gave me the reason and the feeling of self-worth that I needed to finally be able to get away from a man who would have probably killed me if I had stayed. My husband was so afraid for my safety and did not want to let me go back to my ex, and for the first 4 years of our relationship, he was the most supportive, loving, caring man I had ever met. My decision to go to him that one night saved my life.

Sometimes we have to make difficult or 'wrong' decisions to get to where we are now. Like you, I'm happy with the choices I made and I wouldn't take them back. Good on you for getting out of a horrible situation.

DamnImASexyBitch

There is no excuse. If you are cheating, you shouldn't be married.

"He/she is abusive."

"He/she doesn't fulfill me."

"He/she cheated on me."

All the above and all the ones mentioned are just rationalizations. You can't justify being dishonest to your partner. You're lazy. You're a cheater. Get out.

I'll never cheat on mine. I'm pretty sure my wife will never cheat on me. If we have an issue, we resolve it together.

THANK YOU!!!!!

newGeorge

One word: Selfishness!

lauren3101

There is no excuse. If you are cheating, you shouldn't be married.

"He/she is abusive."

"He/she doesn't fulfill me."

"He/she cheated on me."

All the above and all the ones mentioned are just rationalizations. You can't justify being dishonest to your partner. You're lazy. You're a cheater. Get out.

I'll never cheat on mine. I'm pretty sure my wife will never cheat on me. If we have an issue, we resolve it together.

I was actually starting to think despite being the abused, I was the one wrong in my relationship and should have worshiped and adored him, then I re-read your post and remembered I never married him. Phew!

MinMin97

One word: Selfishness!

Yes.

Angie_1991

My opinion is.........you don't know and won't know until or unless you are in that situation. It is easy for us to say we would do this or that...but really....you just don't know....no one does.