Dear Abby, Why aren't don't older chicks try to be hotter?
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My original post got cut off and I cant edit it so I am reposting.
When I was on match.com, there were a lot of men who were looking for "fit, trim, atheletic" women....who were far from any of those things themselves. Hypocrisy at its worst!
Have you noticed that when you see commercials with a husband and wife, the wife is usually thin and cute and the man has a beer belly? Sheesh!0 -
i can't relate, i find women 10-15 years older than me to be hot half the time. This 55 year old woman in my gym has the best *kitten* ive ever seen, and she knows it too. Sooo i dunno what this guy is talking about.
then me rephrase: more than half the time.0 -
I agree - I mentioned a few pages ago that this "Abby?" person referred to him 'trolling' at the gym and that sums it up for me. I am amazed that the thread has run this long.Sounds like a fake letter to me based on a perception that a fit man in his 40s (with an education and a decent job) would want an excuse to date someone younger.
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I just read through the entire thread and noticed something among the majority here. It seems like most women here who are agreeing with the letter have the attitude of, "It's not that hard, really. Put on a little makeup, wear figure-flattering clothes, take pride in your appearance. I do it every day so there's no reason others shouldn't."
That's all well and good, but these commenters invariably think that what they're doing meets the standard this guy is talking about. What if it's not? What if your bit of mascara and lipstick and well-fitting clothing falls into his "not taking care of themselves" category? What if you're exactly who he's whining about? When do his expectations become unreasonable?
Honestly, I'm sitting here in full makeup, hair done (as well as I can manage), in my nice work clothes and shoes, and I didn't think for an instant that I would meet the letter-writer's standards. I was fairly surprised upon reading through the comments how low people think the bar is set. If it's just a matter of running a brush through your hair and not wearing stuff that's stained, then this guy wouldn't be having such a hard time finding those people. They're everywhere, take a look around (you don't even have to get up, just look at how many people in this very thread hold themselves at least that standard).
A few people have mentioned it, but it's worth repeating that the insulting part of his letter isn't that the guy wants an attractive partner. Of course we can't fault people for wanting to be attracted to the person they get into an intimate relationship with; that's an integral part of it. What's insane about the letter is that this guy is apparently living in a universe where women are wholly unaware that they're expected to be attractive. It's condescending in the extreme for him to conclude that women are just completely oblivious to the fact that men look at them. They get it; it's just that perhaps they aren't interested in doing what he wants them to.0 -
:smokin: that is highly probable........:bigsmile:the funny thing about this is..you can bet the guy writing it is fat and bald.
Hey now. I'm just height and weight disproportionate with an advanced recding hirline.0 -
I just read through the entire thread and noticed something among the majority here. It seems like most women here who are agreeing with the letter have the attitude of, "It's not that hard, really. Put on a little makeup, wear figure-flattering clothes, take pride in your appearance. I do it every day so there's no reason others shouldn't."
That's all well and good, but these commenters invariably think that what they're doing meets the standard this guy is talking about. What if it's not? What if your bit of mascara and lipstick and well-fitting clothing falls into his "not taking care of themselves" category? What if you're exactly who he's whining about? When do his expectations become unreasonable?
Honestly, I'm sitting here in full makeup, hair done (as well as I can manage), in my nice work clothes and shoes, and I didn't think for an instant that I would meet the letter-writer's standards. I was fairly surprised upon reading through the comments how low people think the bar is set. If it's just a matter of running a brush through your hair and not wearing stuff that's stained, then this guy wouldn't be having such a hard time finding those people. They're everywhere, take a look around (you don't even have to get up, just look at how many people in this very thread hold themselves at least that standard).
A few people have mentioned it, but it's worth repeating that the insulting part of his letter isn't that the guy wants an attractive partner. Of course we can't fault people for wanting to be attracted to the person they get into an intimate relationship with; that's an integral part of it. What's insane about the letter is that this guy is apparently living in a universe where women are wholly unaware that they're expected to be attractive. It's condescending in the extreme for him to conclude that women are just completely oblivious to the fact that men look at them. They get it; it's just that perhaps they aren't interested in doing what he wants them to.
Couldn't agree with you more. Very well said!! :drinker:0 -
good idea : casually running errands in lounge/gym clothes
bad idea: letting yourself go
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I just read through the entire thread and noticed something among the majority here. It seems like most women here who are agreeing with the letter have the attitude of, "It's not that hard, really. Put on a little makeup, wear figure-flattering clothes, take pride in your appearance. I do it every day so there's no reason others shouldn't."
That's all well and good, but these commenters invariably think that what they're doing meets the standard this guy is talking about. What if it's not? What if your bit of mascara and lipstick and well-fitting clothing falls into his "not taking care of themselves" category? What if you're exactly who he's whining about? When do his expectations become unreasonable?
Honestly, I'm sitting here in full makeup, hair done (as well as I can manage), in my nice work clothes and shoes, and I didn't think for an instant that I would meet the letter-writer's standards. I was fairly surprised upon reading through the comments how low people think the bar is set. If it's just a matter of running a brush through your hair and not wearing stuff that's stained, then this guy wouldn't be having such a hard time finding those people. They're everywhere, take a look around (you don't even have to get up, just look at how many people in this very thread hold themselves at least that standard).
A few people have mentioned it, but it's worth repeating that the insulting part of his letter isn't that the guy wants an attractive partner. Of course we can't fault people for wanting to be attracted to the person they get into an intimate relationship with; that's an integral part of it. What's insane about the letter is that this guy is apparently living in a universe where women are wholly unaware that they're expected to be attractive. It's condescending in the extreme for him to conclude that women are just completely oblivious to the fact that men look at them. They get it; it's just that perhaps they aren't interested in doing what he wants them to.
And this is why I love you, Zug0 -
I will always care about my appearance in public. Once you are in a couple, you arent just representing yourself anymore. if youre single and wanna frump around town, and dont care if you arent getting dates or promotions or whatever - fine. I dont feel the same way once you are in a couple.
The face you present to the world, your best foot forward and your bright face out in public... is going to reflect on my other half as well, and I would hope that when people come across just me - They dont think to themselves... Ohhhhhh so THAT's the weakest link in that whole relationship. Nope.
I care alot a lot allot a l o t about my reputation, in a city that demands you do so, in a competitive as heck world. And because I love my hypothetical other half, I'd like to reflect well on him as well.
This is so true. I work in a Real Estate industry and cannot tell you how many times I have heard comments about a person, or their spouse's appearance. "They guy with the wife that looks like a hooker" or "I can't believe our top agent wore jeans a a tee shirt to a business luncheon." Our last board president is what one may call "white trash". I love her, she is awesome as a person but she regularly wore straight leg jeans, old, ratty sweaters, never a lick of makeup and always stringy hair in a ponytail and most people did not take her seriously at all or respect her.0 -
I will always care about my appearance in public. Once you are in a couple, you arent just representing yourself anymore. if youre single and wanna frump around town, and dont care if you arent getting dates or promotions or whatever - fine. I dont feel the same way once you are in a couple.
The face you present to the world, your best foot forward and your bright face out in public... is going to reflect on my other half as well, and I would hope that when people come across just me - They dont think to themselves... Ohhhhhh so THAT's the weakest link in that whole relationship. Nope.
I care alot a lot allot a l o t about my reputation, in a city that demands you do so, in a competitive as heck world. And because I love my hypothetical other half, I'd like to reflect well on him as well.
This is so true. I work in a Real Estate industry and cannot tell you how many times I have heard comments about a person, or their spouse's appearance. "They guy with the wife that looks like a hooker" or "I can't believe our top agent wore jeans a a tee shirt to a business luncheon." Our last board president is what one may call "white trash". I love her, she is awesome as a person but she regularly wore straight leg jeans, old, ratty sweaters, never a lick of makeup and always stringy hair in a ponytail and most people did not take her seriously at all or respect her.
YES!! THIS!!!0 -
good idea : casually running errands in lounge/gym clothes
bad idea: letting yourself go
^^ This! This is a great example yoovie! But maybe other posters are right that, judging by the tone of the guys letter, even the top two wouldn't fit the bill? But it also could be a case of a man phrasing what he is really trying to say wrong. He could also be living in an area where every woman he sees walks around like Brit in this pic. Then, yes, that is the definition of someone not taking care of herself.0 -
I am 45 years old. After I had lost about 20 of the 40 lbs that I have lost, I had an experience that pointed out to me just how frumpy I had become. I was always one who couldn't wait to get home from work and change out of my work clothes and into sweats and a sweatshirt or shorts and a t-shirt and to wash the makeup off from me right away. I had been married for 18 years or so at that point and he didn't seem to care at all if that's what made me comfortable.
Then one Friday I was headed to my parents' lake house. My husband was driving separately because he had some work to do before he could leave. I washed my face and changed into some old shorts and a t-shirt and headed out. I stopped at a small convenience store just around the corner from the lake house to buy worms for fishing. An hour later, my husband stopped at the same store to pick up some worms for me to fish with, not knowing that I had already been there. So he asked the guy behind the counter if they had noticed whether I had been by. The one guy says "you mean the blonde lady with no makeup on with a car full of dogs?". When he told me about that, I was embarrassed. He didn't say attractive, clean or friendly, he mentioned the no makeup part.
From then on, I decided that if that had embarrassed me, then I needed to make a bit more effort about how I looked. And I do. My husband tells me he doesn't care, he thinks I am beautiful with or without makeup. I do it for myself and I feel better about myself because of it.
So your husband doesn't care if you wear make up and thinks you are beautiful without it. But some stranger in a fishing store commented on your lack of and now you wear it and take more effort in how you look. I don't understand that logic.
I didn't bother before because I knew he didn't care, so I didn't care. Once I realized that just because he loved me totally and just the way I was didn't mean I had to stop caring about how I looked, I decided to change it. It wasn't the fact that a stranger commented on it per se, it was the eye opener that I wasn't taking pride in how I looked and wasn't making an effort to look nice. And that's important to me. Part of the reason I let myself get fat is because I had lost pride in how I looked. I lost weight because it was important to me to take pride in looking nice. My husband still tells me I was never fat. But I was and I am glad I lost the weight even though he loved me the way I was.0 -
In the first photo, there is something seriously wrong with that hat!0
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Totally agree with the man.
Amen sister0 -
When I see a girl downtown in skinny jeans, a bustier, and hooker boots I don't think anything of it. When I see that same woman walking into the grocery store like that, it's definitely a "WTF?" moment. I go to the grocery store to get groceries. What the hell do I need to dress like it's a bar for. Similarly, I saw a girl downtown fully made up with her hair all done and she was wearing flannel pajama bottoms, sandals, and a super tight tiny tank top. I just don't get it. But whatever. If it makes them feel good to do that, that's fine. Good for them. I hope they walk around feeling like they are the hottest thing there ever was.
1. Youre only allowed to be yourself downtown.
2. Youre only allowed to go do the thing you dressed up for - you CANNOT run errands ahead of time.
3. You MUST wear your outfit out - you CANNOT carry it in your bag and change upon arrival, whilst wearing comfy clothes in teh meantime.
4. IF you are going to a bar - you cannot be seen in public on your way there - you MUST teleport.
5. Everyone should seriously worry this much about other people's fashion and appearances or the world will fall apart.
6. Go care about her tank top! go! its completely vital to your existence and your personal quest for awesomeness!!!!!!!
haha i
you 0 -
I didnt realize we were supposed to be hating this man, i thought we were debating whether you should put your best foot forward, even on casual days, if you are hoping to meet someone and fall in love and rule the world together.0
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All I wanna know is if I can still wear yoga pants..even if I do not do yoga??. thank you :laugh:
Look at it this way...You want to be tricked??...or know what you are getting once you get hooked?? Men
silly...silly men.. I will not be wearing heels when I make you a sammich.. 0 -
All I wanna know is if I can still wear yoga pants..even if I do not do yoga??. thank you :laugh:
Look at it this way...You want to be tricked??...or know what you are getting once you get hooked?? Men silly...silly men.. I will not be wearing heels when I make you a sammich..
..but your still making the sammich right
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This man obviously hasn't seen some of the 40+ women on my friends list, seriously....
how YOU doin?0 -
All I wanna know is if I can still wear yoga pants..even if I do not do yoga??. thank you :laugh:
Look at it this way...You want to be tricked??...or know what you are getting once you get hooked?? Men silly...silly men.. I will not be wearing heels when I make you a sammich..
..but your still making the sammich right
This just made my day.0 -
And what if all he wants is a woman who doesn't just make squealing, piggish noises when eating at a restaurant?That's all well and good, but these commenters invariably think that what they're doing meets the standard this guy is talking about. What if it's not? What if your bit of mascara and lipstick and well-fitting clothing falls into his "not taking care of themselves" category? What if you're exactly who he's whining about? When do his expectations become unreasonable?
In many places it can be hard to find someone after a certain age. Hell, around here it's difficult to find someone after high school because people marry and have children really young.
You're all making a lot of presumptions about what he wanted off of very little information. I'm sure if he could have written a whole column he would have given the standard "Now I'm not a **** asking for perfection, and I understand that you don't want to put on make-up just to go to Wal Mart ... but could you please not slurp from your wine glass?"0 -
People are presuming these things because this guy went to the trouble of writing a letter to a syndicated advice columnist because he cannot find any of the people who meet his standards. If all he wanted was "a woman who doesn't just make squealing, piggish noises when eating at a restaurant" then he wouldn't have to ask anyone about where to find them; they're everywhere. The fact that he finds it nigh impossible to meet the women he wants indicates that these women are few and far between. There are women who dress reasonably well and behave decently all over the place; if that's what he was looking for, he would have found it by now without difficulty.
And what if all he wants is a woman who doesn't just make squealing, piggish noises when eating at a restaurant?That's all well and good, but these commenters invariably think that what they're doing meets the standard this guy is talking about. What if it's not? What if your bit of mascara and lipstick and well-fitting clothing falls into his "not taking care of themselves" category? What if you're exactly who he's whining about? When do his expectations become unreasonable?
In many places it can be hard to find someone after a certain age. Hell, around here it's difficult to find someone after high school because people marry and have children really young.
You're all making a lot of presumptions about what he wanted off of very little information. I'm sure if he could have written a whole column he would have given the standard "Now I'm not a **** asking for perfection, and I understand that you don't want to put on make-up just to go to Wal Mart ... but could you please not slurp from your wine glass?"0 -
I agree here, but with one caveat.....if you really give a rip about looking put together and super sexy when making a mid Sunday afternoon run to Wally World for some TP you need to rethink your priorities. Just sayin!!
there is a completely acceptable middle ground between dressing up and dressing for public. Dont act like I only gave you two extreme choices. That is simply ridiculous.
The woman in this picture actually has a problem though, she was on starange addictions because she couldn't look at herself without makeup..There's a difference between looking presentable and literally wearing caked on coverup and green eyeshadow everywhere, including bed. That's a major self esteem crisis.0 -
I agree here, but with one caveat.....if you really give a rip about looking put together and super sexy when making a mid Sunday afternoon run to Wally World for some TP you need to rethink your priorities. Just sayin!!
there is a completely acceptable middle ground between dressing up and dressing for public. Dont act like I only gave you two extreme choices. That is simply ridiculous.
The woman in this picture actually has a problem though, she was on starange addictions because she couldn't look at herself without makeup..There's a difference between looking presentable and literally wearing caked on coverup and green eyeshadow everywhere, including bed. That's a major self esteem crisis.
thats actually not true, some women don't know how to put on make up.0 -
People are presuming these things because this guy went to the trouble of writing a letter to a syndicated advice columnist because he cannot find any of the people who meet his standards. If all he wanted was "a woman who doesn't just make squealing, piggish noises when eating at a restaurant" then he wouldn't have to ask anyone about where to find them; they're everywhere. The fact that he finds it nigh impossible to meet the women he wants indicates that these women are few and far between. There are women who dress reasonably well and behave decently all over the place; if that's what he was looking for, he would have found it by now without difficulty.
Well, considering how hawt the ladies a 50+ attractive guy I know dates (Playboy bunny material, yes), this guy simply has standards so high nobody can reach them, or he lives in a cave.
Or more probably, he isn't as hawt as he thinks he is.0 -
I didn't really find his letter, or his message, to be that derogatory. In fact, it seems many readers here are making too many presumptions as to what he wants. It would be nice to spend the rest of my life with a physically attractive woman who puts a premium on her appearance and level of physical fitness. Why? Because I expect that from myself and want to be capable of leading a high quality of life with little to no dependence on others as I age. When I know a woman is trying her hardest and not making excuses to improve her physique and level of fitness and health, I see a potential partner who will be there for me in good health when I'm 50, 60, 70 years or older. If I have a choice between two women, one who stays at home and simply gives up on herself compared to one who I see doing back squats, deadlifts and chest presses, I will prefer the latter one to accompany me through the remainder of my life with no hesitation.0
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People are presuming these things because this guy went to the trouble of writing a letter to a syndicated advice columnist because he cannot find any of the people who meet his standards. If all he wanted was "a woman who doesn't just make squealing, piggish noises when eating at a restaurant" then he wouldn't have to ask anyone about where to find them; they're everywhere. The fact that he finds it nigh impossible to meet the women he wants indicates that these women are few and far between. There are women who dress reasonably well and behave decently all over the place; if that's what he was looking for, he would have found it by now without difficulty.
Well, considering how hawt the ladies a 50+ attractive guy I know dates (Playboy bunny material, yes), this guy simply has standards so high nobody can reach them, or he lives in a cave.
Or more probably, he isn't as hawt as he thinks he is.
this is obviously apparent,and if you haven't gotten this point then your off track. But this thread did turn more interesting when talking about actually caring or not caring about your appearance when going out into public, and to what degrees.0 -
All I wanna know is if I can still wear yoga pants..even if I do not do yoga??. thank you :laugh:
Look at it this way...You want to be tricked??...or know what you are getting once you get hooked?? Men silly...silly men.. I will not be wearing heels when I make you a sammich..
..but your still making the sammich right
Hot meat balls ok??0 -
All I wanna know is if I can still wear yoga pants..even if I do not do yoga??. thank you :laugh:
Look at it this way...You want to be tricked??...or know what you are getting once you get hooked?? Men silly...silly men.. I will not be wearing heels when I make you a sammich..
..but your still making the sammich right
Hot meat balls ok??
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I have absolutely no problem with this man's comment. Im often surrounded by women my age plus 10-15 and I cannot believe how much freaking frump is happening.
There is a difference between preening to look good for some man, and walking out into the world head high as a dignified, classy, beautiful well put together woman. In an outfit you planned, with fresh skin and a little makeup, clean healthy hair and a bounce in your step because you feel good about the way you present yourself to the world.
I kinda feel like anyone else who gets mad at this is the people that show up at Walmart at 3pm on a Saturday afternoon in stained jogging pants and a tweety bird tshirt with their hair in a lopsided banana clip, angry that men always go for hot chicks.
Agreed.0
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