Dear Abby, Why aren't don't older chicks try to be hotter?
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I think this Abby's reply sums this up neatly "...if that doesn't net you what you are TROLLING for..."
so, what does this Abby look like?
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Did she? I'm pretty sure she started a post about the absurdity of a man saying that women should format their appearance to please him when they obviously don't care what his opinion is.
My bad, I thought the point of staying in shape and caring for my appearance was for my own health and self-confidence, not because I'm trying to "format my appearance" to please men. I'm sure this is an issue of male oppression, isn't it.0 -
Most single men I know also put a premium on a woman's appearance. Why don't women understand this?
Why don't women understand this??!!?? We are VERY well aware of this "premium" placed on our appearance. All too aware.
Some of us bust our *kitten* to look our best, some don't... why would any man lump a group of women into a category and make a blanket statement as he did? I'm not a 40-something yet, so I can't speak for them... but I can speak for the 30-somethings... some of us are hotter than the 20-somethings... he needs to look in the gym and the track clubs!0 -
Did she? I'm pretty sure she started a post about the absurdity of a man saying that women should format their appearance to please him when they obviously don't care what his opinion is.
If you don't care, then let it bother you? I'm not saying anything specific to you, OP, just making the assertion.
If women don't format their appearance to please him and he doesn't hook up with them, then he doesn't get laid.
I can't think of a better punishment for thinking stupid things than not getting any.0 -
Straight up, Dear Abby! I dig the O.P.'s response as well. I hear a lot from my younger co-workers that they "can't believe" that I'm 44, etc etc. Per our prevailing cultural attitudes around aging, I guess I should be flattered by this, but instead it irritates me. What's the famous Gloria Steinem story - when told by a reporter that she doesn't even look 40 (!), she stated "This is 40. You're looking at it."
I'm attracted to my also middle-aged long-term partner, but it doesn't matter to me that he doesn't have six-pack abs and is starting to lose his hair. I love his mind and his heart. Thankfully, he feels the same about me. I couldn't be with a man who expects me to live up to some shallow expectation of what a woman "should" look like...yuck. There's physical beauty, then there's internal beauty - that dude from the Dear Abby column has none of the latter. I bet he ain't as "hot" as he thinks he is, either, haha!0 -
This man obviously hasn't seen some of the 40+ women on my friends list, seriously....
:drinker:0 -
I wonder what type of women he looking for. Supper model?
Beside there are other things in life to consider if he want some one to be with him for the rest of his life. Not just the appearance. Though the appearance is the first thing to attract people.0 -
I am 45 years old. After I had lost about 20 of the 40 lbs that I have lost, I had an experience that pointed out to me just how frumpy I had become. I was always one who couldn't wait to get home from work and change out of my work clothes and into sweats and a sweatshirt or shorts and a t-shirt and to wash the makeup off from me right away. I had been married for 18 years or so at that point and he didn't seem to care at all if that's what made me comfortable.
Then one Friday I was headed to my parents' lake house. My husband was driving separately because he had some work to do before he could leave. I washed my face and changed into some old shorts and a t-shirt and headed out. I stopped at a small convenience store just around the corner from the lake house to buy worms for fishing. An hour later, my husband stopped at the same store to pick up some worms for me to fish with, not knowing that I had already been there. So he asked the guy behind the counter if they had noticed whether I had been by. The one guy says "you mean the blonde lady with no makeup on with a car full of dogs?". When he told me about that, I was embarrassed. He didn't say attractive, clean or friendly, he mentioned the no makeup part.
From then on, I decided that if that had embarrassed me, then I needed to make a bit more effort about how I looked. And I do. My husband tells me he doesn't care, he thinks I am beautiful with or without makeup. I do it for myself and I feel better about myself because of it.
So your husband doesn't care if you wear make up and thinks you are beautiful without it. But some stranger in a fishing store commented on your lack of and now you wear it and take more effort in how you look. I don't understand that logic.0 -
Straight up, Dear Abby! I dig the O.P.'s response as well. I hear a lot from my younger co-workers that they "can't believe" that I'm 44, etc etc. Per our prevailing cultural attitudes around aging, I guess I should be flattered by this, but instead it irritates me. What's the famous Gloria Steinem story - when told by a reporter that she doesn't even look 40 (!), she stated "This is 40. You're looking at it."
I'm attracted to my also middle-aged long-term partner, but it doesn't matter to me that he doesn't have six-pack abs and is starting to lose his hair. I love his mind and his heart. Thankfully, he feels the same about me. I couldn't be with a man who expects me to live up to some shallow expectation of what a woman "should" look like...yuck. There's physical beauty, then there's internal beauty - that dude from the Dear Abby column has none of the latter. I bet he ain't as "hot" as he thinks he is, either, haha!0 -
I'm not trying to pick on your spelling at all, but the idea of a "Supper Model" is pretty damn funnyI wonder what type of women he looking for. Supper model?
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What's the famous Gloria Steinem story - when told by a reporter that she doesn't even look 40 (!), she stated "This is 40. You're looking at it."
this! 0 -
the funny thing about this is..you can bet the guy writing it is fat and bald.
Yeah, but lots of bald guys are in good shape, take good care of themselves, and have pride in their appearance. Criticizing someone for being bald is like criticizing them for having brown eyes or something.
True.
I think she was just trying to make the point that many guys that would write something like that are not very attractive themselves (same as I made in a later post) Bald in and of itself certainly doesn't mean unattractive, and heck for that matter (imho) neither does fat. But the guy who wrote dear Abbey seems to be saying he can't find any woman who is hot enough for him.
I happen to think bald can be quite hot. Patrick Stewart and Bruce Willis just to name a couple. Even better than really short hair sometimes. I think most women care less about the amount of head hair than most men think they do.0 -
I’ve been down the road where no matter what I did to myself, the guy I was with at the time constantly said how unattractive I was…with make-up; without make-up; dressed to the nines or in jeans & a t-shirt…it didn’t matter. He destroyed my self-esteem and I will damned if I ever let another guy do that to me. So the yutz who wrote that letter to Dear Abby can kiss the fattest part of my *kitten*.
Yes, I put effort into my appearance. I like to look nice…put on a little make-up, wear some clothes that show off the fact that I’ve lost a little weight. It makes ME happy to do that. But let me tell you, if I’m not good enough for you when I fall out of bed in the morning, looking my worst then you don’t deserve me when I look my best.0 -
I kinda feel like anyone else who gets mad at this is the people that show up at Walmart at 3pm on a Saturday afternoon in stained jogging pants and a tweety bird tshirt with their hair in a lopsided banana clip, angry that men always go for hot chicks.
Hahaha - can totally picture this, and couldn't agree more.
There's a difference between someone having impossibly high standards of perfection, and someone who just wants their partner to CARE.0 -
OMG! When I was on match.com, there was no end to the men looking for "fit, trim, attractive" women who love hiking0
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I have to say that I disagree with the tone of the question, and my first assumption is that this guy may not be much of a catch himself, you know? If he is in shape and taking care of himself and had realistic expectations, he probably doesn't need to resort to Dear Abby for his problem. I say that because I know plenty of men that do not take care of themselves, yet only have eyes for particular "model types" and claim there are no women for them. That is an unrealistic expectation.
On the other hand, I believe fully in having pride in how you look, no matter if it means a touch of make up and a brush through your clean hair and clothes that fit well, or going all out dressed to the nines. It doesn't take much time to put in a little bit of effort, no matter your size or situation. It does wonders for one's confidence and the impression they give off about themselves.
And an aside observation, it doesn't seem to matter the generation, there is a definite double standard that weighs heavily on how much effort many men feel they have to put in for their own grooming vs women. On date nights, I look around and see women in heels and lipstick and cute tops, with their hair fixed and pretty, sitting with a guy wearing torn up jeans, an ugly shirt, flip flops and a baseball hat. He may even be good looking and in shape, buy my mind cannot get past the lack of effort compared to his girl and that is very common nowadays.0 -
When the man in question specifically asks why women don't understand how important it is to guys that they be really attractive, yes, it is.Did she? I'm pretty sure she started a post about the absurdity of a man saying that women should format their appearance to please him when they obviously don't care what his opinion is.
My bad, I thought the point of staying in shape and caring for my appearance was for my own health and self-confidence, not because I'm trying to "format my appearance" to please men. I'm sure this is an issue of male oppression, isn't it.0 -
the wording of the title confuddled me.0
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When the man in question specifically asks why women don't understand how important it is to guys that they be really attractive, yes, it is.My bad, I thought the point of staying in shape and caring for my appearance was for my own health and self-confidence, not because I'm trying to "format my appearance" to please men. I'm sure this is an issue of male oppression, isn't it.
It's only an issue if you let it be one.0 -
I kinda feel like anyone else who gets mad at this is the people that show up at Walmart at 3pm on a Saturday afternoon in stained jogging pants and a tweety bird tshirt with their hair in a lopsided banana clip, angry that men always go for hot chicks.
I know this girl!!! She's married, so she's not worried about who men are going for, but she gave up a long time ago.
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Agreed. I found his comment funny and knew it would generate conversation that would be entertaining and interesting, so I shared it.Did she? I'm pretty sure she started a post about the absurdity of a man saying that women should format their appearance to please him when they obviously don't care what his opinion is.
If you don't care, then let it bother you? I'm not saying anything specific to you, OP, just making the assertion.
If women don't format their appearance to please him and he doesn't hook up with them, then he doesn't get laid.
I can't think of a better punishment for thinking stupid things than not getting any.0 -
I agree here, but with one caveat.....if you really give a rip about looking put together and super sexy when making a mid Sunday afternoon run to Wally World for some TP you need to rethink your priorities. Just sayin!!
Yes. There's a time and place for making an effort to look hot, and Walmart is not one of them. :noway:0 -
Yes. There's a time and place for making an effort to look hot, and Walmart is not one of them. :noway:
If you try to blend in with the People of Walmart, they are less likely to attack and eat you0 -
the funny thing about this is..you can bet the guy writing it is fat and bald.
Yeah, but lots of bald guys are in good shape, take good care of themselves, and have pride in their appearance. Criticizing someone for being bald is like criticizing them for having brown eyes or something.
True.
I think she was just trying to make the point that many guys that would write something like that are not very attractive themselves (same as I made in a later post) Bald in and of itself certainly doesn't mean unattractive, and heck for that matter (imho) neither does fat. But the guy who wrote dear Abbey seems to be saying he can't find any woman who is hot enough for him.
I happen to think bald can be quite hot. Patrick Stewart and Bruce Willis just to name a couple. Even better than really short hair sometimes. I think most women care less about the amount of head hair than most men think they do.
I understood her point but it's a poor way to make it because it perpetuates offensive stereotypes. Some women may find bald attractive, others not so much-but it's not really a similar thing to fat, slovenly, or frumpy. It's more similar to tall, short, blonde, or brunette. For most, a genetic trait not a lifestyle choice. That was my point.
Anyhow, I'm not PERSONALLY offended. I don't really care what she thinks. But I thought it was worth pointing out.0 -
I think appearance is an important aspect in today’s society.
With that being said, Mr. Particular's letter is ridiculous for a "well educated" man. I see where (hopefully) he was coming from but his choice of wording is awful. I am wondering if perhaps this "catch" has issues communicating his point of view. If the man would have said;
DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced father of two children, one in college and the other in high school. I have reached a point in life where I can take trips and make time for me. I am well-educated and earn an above-average income. I'm in decent shape and considered a "catch" by many of the single women I encounter.
I am seeking a woman who shares my priorities in life such as taking pride in ones looks, being physically active and travelling. So far I haven’t had much luck. Where would you suggest finding a suitable partner for someone in my situation?
PROBLEM SOLVED.
If not, if he’s actually insinuating that women must not realize how important it is to men that they are attractive…… ummm…then, ya, women do realize but a lot of the time we don’t give a **** about what you think…you, egotistical *kitten*.0 -
I know a few older attractive men, and the one thing they don't have a problem with is finding attractive women their age or slightly below.
I really find this guy to be suspect. Kudos to those who detected the same thing. All I see is a middle aged man with a giant college bill wanting out of his familial responsibilities, and it remains to be seen if he really takes care of himself as much as he expects his lady friend to.
That is the last thing I want to date, I'd rather stay single. I make a giant effort to take care of myself these days, and if I am not interested in a middle aged man with college age children education bills, it probably has to do with wanting to not inherit other peoples financial and familial problems.0 -
ha ha at all the women pissed at this guy. I'm sure these same women will now go to the Magic Mike thread with the same type of vigor to tell people how looks don't matter.
I also love how he's a judgmental *kitten* about something he experiences in his world, but it's perfectly fine to make fun of how he looks without a picture.
How dare a guy want to find a woman that embraces how she looks and is confident enough to show it. He must be a real chump for wanting a woman who hasn't given up and let herself go. I mean, he should just settle for the first frumpy woman and be happy with that, because we all now when people settle, the relationship always works.
Can you women getting mad at this just stop and think before you get up in arms over a guy wanting what everyone one of us wants in a partner-someone who takes care of themselves.
I swear, people are getting dumber by the day here.0 -
ok... so I am 36. I have every intention of looking great as long as I possibly can.
That said... *gasp* sometimes I go to walmart in yoga pants, with a banana clip and no makeup - especially if I am sick. I don't NEED to be hot and sexy 24/7. I am NOT a Stacey / Clinton from What Not to Wear - sometimes I think it is fine to relax a bit.
I want someone who will want me when I'm glammed up, and when I'm yoga'd down. I want someone who knows what they have, and can see past a runny nose, messy hair and day old makeup - because it DOESN'T happen all the time... And lastly, I especially want someone who likes it when I'm sporting the bday suit.
But damnit, sometimes I wanna be able to just let it go for a bit - and in return, I'll give my man leave to do likewise.0 -
I don't want to date a fat man who doesn't shower regularly.
Anyone who doesn't like it just doesn't deserve me0 -
ok... so I am 36. I have every intention of looking great as long as I possibly can.
That said... *gasp* sometimes I go to walmart in yoga pants, with a banana clip and no makeup - especially if I am sick. I don't NEED to be hot and sexy 24/7. I am NOT a Stacey / Clinton from What Not to Wear - sometimes I think it is fine to relax a bit.
I want someone who will want me when I'm glammed up, and when I'm yoga'd down. I want someone who knows what they have, and can see past a runny nose, messy hair and day old makeup - because it DOESN'T happen all the time... And lastly, I especially want someone who likes it when I'm sporting the bday suit.
But damnit, sometimes I wanna be able to just let it go for a bit - and in return, I'll give my man leave to do likewise.
Come over. Like Ive said plenty 0
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