Dear Abby, Why aren't don't older chicks try to be hotter?

andreanicole686

I don't think theres anything shallow in wanting someone you are attractive to. But how high is he setting his standards? Maybe they aren't going after him because he seems like a jerk or all the good guys already got the best looking women. I will say sometimes I see women who look super frumpy with a good looking guy or just look frumpy in general and I'm like um seriously? But there is also a time and place for everything. I'm not going to wear a dress and high heels to go to the grocery store on a saturday afternoon unless I'm coming back from something fancy which is unlikely. However I am going to make sure I look decent in public. Some people are rough looking and don't even try and that goes for MEN and Women.

I think it depends on the circumstances. When I see a girl downtown in skinny jeans, a bustier, and hooker boots I don't think anything of it. When I see that same woman walking into the grocery store like that, it's definitely a "WTF?" moment. I go to the grocery store to get groceries. What the hell do I need to dress like it's a bar for? Similarly, I saw a girl downtown fully made up with her hair all done and she was wearing flannel pajama bottoms, sandals, and a super tight tiny tank top. I just don't get it. But whatever. If it makes them feel good to do that, that's fine. Good for them. I hope they walk around feeling like they are the hottest thing there ever was. My only problem is with the expectation that others should do the same. If you feel like the hottest thing there ever was in your sweat pants your ex's tattered Metallica T-Shirt with a pony tail and no make up, that's awesome. Go for it.

Isn't that what I said? lol Yes, time and place greatly depends on what I'm wearing.

yoovie

Every woman (and man for that matter) should have a little pride in themselves when they walk out the door. Sometimes sweatpants and a t-shirt can be sexy, but not every day. Sexy isn't about being a size 2. Buy clothing that compliments your body, put a little make up on if you're looking a little pale and most importantly wear your smile. First impressions can never be repeated, so make yours count.

A person who is proud and confident in comfortable clothing without make up is far more attractive than someone who thinks showing pride means you have to alter your appearance.

Most employers disagree.

Well it's not like there's a difference between how you look all the time and how you look at work, is there?

They can disagree all they want, but they can't do **** about it unless your contract states you must wear make up and dress in "figure flattering" clothing.

wow - you really live a sheltered life lol - if I showed up at work in non flattering clothing and no makeup - id get reprimanded for not giving a sht

yoovie

Whats amazing is that you care so much that youre willing to argue with strangers all day about your right to be frumpy and still be considered hot

Sarah52281

Why is a successful and fit middle-aged man writing Dear Abby to find a date?

Exactly.

It's like I've always said: plenty more fish in the sea....

if you have a massive rod.

:laugh:

heh

cutchro

When my current boyfriends friends saw pictures of me they stated I was cute. When they found out I was pushing 50 they said I was HOT!

So some do take care of themselves or try to. If this *kitten* is so set on hot bodies why not go for the younger ones? Or sign up to be a Sugar Daddy?

Blah! :drinker:

BaileyP3

IMHO my husband is a handsome middle-aged man BUT does he preen?...Nope. Frankly his choice in clothing leaves a lot to be desired. ;-) So if the OP was a woman asking about men, this would be applicable to my husband.

I have to admit that I don't put on make-up everyday...he comes home to a fresh-faced woman in a ponytail most of the time (ponytail largely because I spend a lot of time cooking/baking and I don't want my hair creeping into the food)

With that in mind, I think it's all about making an effort for yourself. I like to feel pretty. In the summer when I run errands I love to put on a pretty sundress. :-)) And yes my hair and minimal make-up get thrown on prior to said errands :-))

~~~~~

The original letter writer? I have no problem with what he wrote. (as a middle-aged woman) Saying that, I think that people in general need to make more time for self. Yes, taking junior to soccer/choir/Scouts is important but parents need to find a way to carve out some personal time. Not easy but so critical :-))

gingerjen7

"I'm looking for a very attractive woman to accompany me through life." <--- This is not the offending comment.
"Why don't women understand this?"<--- This is.

How is that offensive? Im wondering the same thing myself... maybe I just dont understand your rant. Good luck and have a great day! :drinker:

Well you wouldn't if all your self worth is tied up in men's opinions of you.

For the record, I don't think that women "don't understand" how important appearance is to men; I think it's far more likely that they just don't care because their feelings of worth come from confidence in who they are as people, not other people's opinions of them.

Kap10

Why is a successful and fit middle-aged man writing Dear Abby to find a date?

because we get deluded about ourselves and desperate, then we blame our failures on women not being hot enough !! Simples!!

gingerjen7

Every woman (and man for that matter) should have a little pride in themselves when they walk out the door. Sometimes sweatpants and a t-shirt can be sexy, but not every day. Sexy isn't about being a size 2. Buy clothing that compliments your body, put a little make up on if you're looking a little pale and most importantly wear your smile. First impressions can never be repeated, so make yours count.

A person who is proud and confident in comfortable clothing without make up is far more attractive than someone who thinks showing pride means you have to alter your appearance.

Most employers disagree.

Well it's not like there's a difference between how you look all the time and how you look at work, is there?

They can disagree all they want, but they can't do **** about it unless your contract states you must wear make up and dress in "figure flattering" clothing.

wow - you really live a sheltered life lol - if I showed up at work in non flattering clothing and no makeup - id get reprimanded for not giving a sht

What do you do? Were you hired to look good or do you actually perform some sort of service that requires real skill?

If I got reprimanded for that, I'd report it to the better business bureau.

ChgingMe

Buy clothing that compliments your body, put a little make up on if you're looking a little pale and most importantly wear your smile. First impressions can never be repeated, so make yours count.

I agree. A woman can be a size 6 and look a hot mess. Its all in how you carry yourself. If you like yourself you will show that.

fbmandy55

Every woman (and man for that matter) should have a little pride in themselves when they walk out the door. Sometimes sweatpants and a t-shirt can be sexy, but not every day. Sexy isn't about being a size 2. Buy clothing that compliments your body, put a little make up on if you're looking a little pale and most importantly wear your smile. First impressions can never be repeated, so make yours count.

A person who is proud and confident in comfortable clothing without make up is far more attractive than someone who thinks showing pride means you have to alter your appearance.

Most employers disagree.

Well it's not like there's a difference between how you look all the time and how you look at work, is there?

They can disagree all they want, but they can't do **** about it unless your contract states you must wear make up and dress in "figure flattering" clothing.

wow - you really live a sheltered life lol - if I showed up at work in non flattering clothing and no makeup - id get reprimanded for not giving a sht

Not to mention if interviewing, you'd probably lose your chance to someone who did take more pride in their appearance.

ChgingMe

In my experience, I know many women who take good care of themselves. Most take pride in their appearance even if they are overweight. Their hair, face, nails, and clothing are well groomed. Some of the younger people I know walk around with pajama fleece pants on 24/7.

Whereas I know many men who've let themselves go.

I am overweight and unless I am sick (like today) refuse to leave the house without hair, face and clothing presentable and clean. I almost always wear eye makeup even if I am working around the house that day. I want to look good for me. I feel more complete with some make up on.

YESSSAAAAA!!

yoovie

There is a difference between preening to look good for some man, and walking out into the world head high as a dignified, classy, beautiful well put together woman. In an outfit you planned, with fresh skin and a little makeup, clean healthy hair and a bounce in your step because you feel good about the way you present yourself to the world.

Precisely. The guy didn't say, "Why don't more women take the time to present themselves in a way that makes them feel good?" he said "Why don't women understand that single men want hot chicks and take measures to make that happen?"

that's the same thing.

So you only feel good if single men want to date you? That makes me very sad for you. That's the same outlook my mom has. She has Borderline Personality Disorder.

Yeah thats what I said.

Some women complain that they arent getting men.

A man says- well we like attractive ones so if you try that strategy- it could work for you.

Some women: Oh ok! Good point!

Angry bitter woman: THIS IS SO OFFENSIVE! ahnd if you agree with him then you obviously need constant male approval which reminds me of my mom and im going to bring up her psychological problems to strangers on the internet as a cherry on top.

I laughed.

In general, people are encouraged to put their best foot forward.

Everyone has a best foot.

Its different for work, for dating (which he obviously was referring to) and for home alone, running errands, etc.

If a woman feels her best foot forward is an "altered" version of herself, where she has on some lipstick and mascara and a form flattering outfit as she is handling her business.... she should know that youre going to be judging her because she 'cant' feel good in just jogging pants and a ponytail and OBV she has issues with needing men's approval and is suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder (which everyone has anyway).

I learned alot today.

I learned that the demographic I guessed would be the most close minded and judgmental is still right.

Sarah52281

Bacon :indifferent:

Elzecat

So, what I'm getting from this is he want's a trophy girlfriend. Window dressing on his arm basically.

Something to look pretty, but not much else.

Seriously, he mentions that he is well-educated, earns a decent income and is in shape... yet he doesn't mention wanting any attributes other than "Very Attractive" from the lady he is searching for.

all joking aside, this. ^

Dub_D

I'm including "I promise to never let myself go or wear "mom jeans" in my wedding vows.

yoovie

Every woman (and man for that matter) should have a little pride in themselves when they walk out the door. Sometimes sweatpants and a t-shirt can be sexy, but not every day. Sexy isn't about being a size 2. Buy clothing that compliments your body, put a little make up on if you're looking a little pale and most importantly wear your smile. First impressions can never be repeated, so make yours count.

A person who is proud and confident in comfortable clothing without make up is far more attractive than someone who thinks showing pride means you have to alter your appearance.

Most employers disagree.

Well it's not like there's a difference between how you look all the time and how you look at work, is there?

They can disagree all they want, but they can't do **** about it unless your contract states you must wear make up and dress in "figure flattering" clothing.

wow - you really live a sheltered life lol - if I showed up at work in non flattering clothing and no makeup - id get reprimanded for not giving a sht

What do you do? Were you hired to look good or do you actually perform some sort of service that requires real skill?

If I got reprimanded for that, I'd report it to the better business bureau.

I represent a fashion label. It plays well with my - 'I need men to fall all over me' hobby that you keep trying to make me feel bad about. Wont work. Im solid.

bridgelene

imo, it may sound harsh but in a way I kind of agree. My eye opening experience? I went to Bob Evans (y'know......often grandparent-central) and we were probably the only people below 65 there who weren't working. And EVERY SINGLE one of those older-folks had on nicer-ish clothes (no t-shirts, no sweats, barely any jeans. A lot of button down shirts for the men, blouses for the women, dockers, no tennis shoes. EVERYTHING ironed). Hair actually styled, and women all were fresh faced and with a bit of makeup. Compare that to me, sitting there in jeans, a t-shirt, pony tail, tennis shoes, and a fresh face but no makeup. I was actually a bit embarrassed.

Then I started looking around and noticed that generally, that's what a lot of that generation seems to wear out. To eat, to the grocery store, to the pharmacy, etc.

Made me feel like a bum :ohwell:

edited to add. I'm not saying this is true of only women by a long shot. Just that us younger generations (and this is admittedly a generalization which I realize and fully admit is not true of all) don't tend to take as much pride in our presentation.

ifyouknew

This man may have very high expectations. However I know a lot of women who "let them selves go". It is hard to juggle working and raising children, sometimes you can't find 10 minutes to yourself. many women find it easier to just throw on some comfortable clothing and pull their hair back. I happen to be one of those women who will put on my make-up while the kids eat breakfast. I also value my time and have decided that it is OK to invest in myself. I make myself a priority along with making sure everyone in my house is taken care of. Besides, I feel great when I wear nice things.

Yeah, but in my experience a lot of those people who 'have no time to exercise' do have time to watch TV, read celebrity magazines, and surf the 'net. It's all about priorities. Replace your TV time with exercise time, and for most people that'll be several hours a week right there.

TheCaren

I predict he's a 4 trying to snag an 8.

I am a middle aged female and I'm not a frumpy person. But I'm sure he'd be all over the fact I have weight to lose. Honestly, there are enough women who aren't frumpy, he should have no problem finding one, as long as he isn't a 4 trying to get an 8. And what he's probably doing is trying to make a 4 an 8 so he'll feel good about the person he's with, since someone who's already an 8 wouldn't be interested in him. Sorry Henry Higgins. You are going to be alone for a long time, I predict.