Dear Abby, Why aren't don't older chicks try to be hotter?

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  • _Elemenopee_
    _Elemenopee_ Posts: 2,665 Member
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    Why is a successful and fit middle-aged man writing Dear Abby to find a date?

    To be a tick-turd.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    I have to agree with the man who wrote the letter. Everyone should always try to look their best every day. You never know who you might bump into while out in society. You might meet someone and randomly land your dream job, or dream spouse. People are also incredibly judgemental people. By not looking your best, you're not putting your best foot forward. You'll end up behind.

    ^^ A+
  • Bronx_Montgomery
    Bronx_Montgomery Posts: 2,287 Member
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    I do not have any issues with this guys comment. He said it in a way that may make him a **** but there is no issue with me. If he is someone who lives an active lifestyle and takes care of himself physically why would he be with someone who doesn't. He wants someone who is compatible with his lifestyle.
  • disasterman
    disasterman Posts: 746 Member
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    the funny thing about this is..you can bet the guy writing it is fat and bald.

    Offensive. Ain't nothing wrong with being bald.

    /baldchaser

    Nailed it.
  • gingerjen7
    gingerjen7 Posts: 821 Member
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    I don't think theres anything shallow in wanting someone you are attractive to. But how high is he setting his standards? Maybe they aren't going after him because he seems like a jerk or all the good guys already got the best looking women. I will say sometimes I see women who look super frumpy with a good looking guy or just look frumpy in general and I'm like um seriously? But there is also a time and place for everything. I'm not going to wear a dress and high heels to go to the grocery store on a saturday afternoon unless I'm coming back from something fancy which is unlikely. However I am going to make sure I look decent in public. Some people are rough looking and don't even try and that goes for MEN and Women.
    I think it depends on the circumstances. When I see a girl downtown in skinny jeans, a bustier, and hooker boots I don't think anything of it. When I see that same woman walking into the grocery store like that, it's definitely a "WTF?" moment. I go to the grocery store to get groceries. What the hell do I need to dress like it's a bar for? Similarly, I saw a girl downtown fully made up with her hair all done and she was wearing flannel pajama bottoms, sandals, and a super tight tiny tank top. I just don't get it. But whatever. If it makes them feel good to do that, that's fine. Good for them. I hope they walk around feeling like they are the hottest thing there ever was. My only problem is with the expectation that others should do the same. If you feel like the hottest thing there ever was in your sweat pants your ex's tattered Metallica T-Shirt with a pony tail and no make up, that's awesome. Go for it.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    I agree here, but with one caveat.....if you really give a rip about looking put together and super sexy when making a mid Sunday afternoon run to Wally World for some TP you need to rethink your priorities. Just sayin!!

    there is a completely acceptable middle ground between dressing up and dressing for public. Dont act like I only gave you two extreme choices. That is simply ridiculous.

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  • jedi9393
    jedi9393 Posts: 121
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    I dont have a problem with this guys opinion, but I do get a little leary of nice looking people who are single for a long time, but I dont think this guys said how long he was single.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
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    I have absolutely no problem with this man's comment. Im often surrounded by women my age plus 10-15 and I cannot believe how much freaking frump is happening.

    There is a difference between preening to look good for some man, and walking out into the world head high as a dignified, classy, beautiful well put together woman. In an outfit you planned, with fresh skin and a little makeup, clean healthy hair and a bounce in your step because you feel good about the way you present yourself to the world.

    I kinda feel like anyone else who gets mad at this is the people that show up at Walmart at 3pm on a Saturday afternoon in stained jogging pants and a tweety bird tshirt with their hair in a lopsided banana clip, angry that men always go for hot chicks.

    and this...x10
  • jedi9393
    jedi9393 Posts: 121
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    I don't think theres anything shallow in wanting someone you are attractive to. But how high is he setting his standards? Maybe they aren't going after him because he seems like a jerk or all the good guys already got the best looking women. I will say sometimes I see women who look super frumpy with a good looking guy or just look frumpy in general and I'm like um seriously? But there is also a time and place for everything. I'm not going to wear a dress and high heels to go to the grocery store on a saturday afternoon unless I'm coming back from something fancy which is unlikely. However I am going to make sure I look decent in public. Some people are rough looking and don't even try and that goes for MEN and Women.
    I think it depends on the circumstances. When I see a girl downtown in skinny jeans, a bustier, and hooker boots I don't think anything of it. When I see that same woman walking into the grocery store like that, it's definitely a "WTF?" moment. I go to the grocery store to get groceries. What the hell do I need to dress like it's a bar for. Similarly, I saw a girl downtown fully made up with her hair all done and she was wearing flannel pajama bottoms, sandals, and a super tight tiny tank top. I just don't get it. But whatever. If it makes them feel good to do that, that's fine. Good for them. I hope they walk around feeling like they are the hottest thing there ever was. My only problem is with the expectation that others should do the same. If you feel like the hottest thing there ever was in your sweat pants your ex's tattered Metallica T-Shirt with a pony tale and no make up, that's awesome. Go for it.

    I couldnt have said it better!!!
  • gingerjen7
    gingerjen7 Posts: 821 Member
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    It depends on where you live too. But to be honest if I wasnt married and I was looking for a mate then I would dress the part, but I am married so I never really notice guys around me. I'm too busy to care. I dress up at work, but I am a tomboy and like basketball shorts and t-shirts. I also have a 2 year old and go to college and work full time, so yeah I'm tired. I could care less what other people think. At work yes, off of work no. Too many people care about what others think and thats part of the problem.

    I think people take marriage lightly and some are shallow because they havent grown up. It's nice to have that trophy husband or wife, but when the doo doo hits the fan is that pretty arm candy gonna be there when you get laid off or worse yet, some terminal ill disease and you cannot work out anymore and you really need a true partner? People don't think like that. My husband is dying slowly and it hurts me everyday, but my husband never has to worry about who will take care of him and am I looking out for his best interest. He knows I am. We have a storybook love affair and we married because of trust. In all honesty my husband was not my first choice, but I let love guide me and got with the person that respected me and was my best friend. I use to be shallow, but I grew up and got over it.

    The butterflies in the stomach and the swell of romantic love wears off eventually. Too many people see that as true love, but it's not. True love is, respect, honestly, a good job, great credit, stability and good parental skills. Looks fade, but stupid is forever.
    I'm very sorry about your husband. I hope that if there's nothing else to help him, you will at least enjoy your remaining time together.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    When I see a girl downtown in skinny jeans, a bustier, and hooker boots I don't think anything of it. When I see that same woman walking into the grocery store like that, it's definitely a "WTF?" moment. I go to the grocery store to get groceries. What the hell do I need to dress like it's a bar for. Similarly, I saw a girl downtown fully made up with her hair all done and she was wearing flannel pajama bottoms, sandals, and a super tight tiny tank top. I just don't get it. But whatever. If it makes them feel good to do that, that's fine. Good for them. I hope they walk around feeling like they are the hottest thing there ever was.

    1. Youre only allowed to be yourself downtown.
    2. Youre only allowed to go do the thing you dressed up for - you CANNOT run errands ahead of time.
    3. You MUST wear your outfit out - you CANNOT carry it in your bag and change upon arrival, whilst wearing comfy clothes in teh meantime.
    4. IF you are going to a bar - you cannot be seen in public on your way there - you MUST teleport.
    5. Everyone should seriously worry this much about other people's fashion and appearances or the world will fall apart.
    6. Go care about her tank top! go! its completely vital to your existence and your personal quest for awesomeness!!!!!!!
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
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    One final thing while I am on my soap box and before I go to the gym...

    Why shouldn't people be rewarded in the dating stakes for making an effort, sometimes a significant amount? Not all people are naturally slim or lean. That stylish hair you see wasn't as a result of some fairies coming in at night whilst the person slept. That stunning outfit didn't buy and choose itself along with those earrings that compliment the color of her eyes.

    Some people work damn hard to look good over and above their inner attributes and I say this:

    to the victor the spoils!
  • PaleoPath4Lyfe
    PaleoPath4Lyfe Posts: 3,161 Member
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    This man may have very high expectations. However I know a lot of women who "let them selves go". It is hard to juggle working and raising children, sometimes you can't find 10 minutes to yourself. many women find it easier to just throw on some comfortable clothing and pull their hair back. I happen to be one of those women who will put on my make-up while the kids eat breakfast. I also value my time and have decided that it is OK to invest in myself. I make myself a priority along with making sure everyone in my house is taken care of. Besides, I feel great when I wear nice things.

    Yes, very well stated.

    If you don't take care of yourself, how can you take care of anyone else?
  • kenazfehu
    kenazfehu Posts: 1,188 Member
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    Why don't older men try to be hotter, that's what I'd like to know.
  • _Timmeh_
    _Timmeh_ Posts: 2,096 Member
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    Bobby Clerici is writing to Dear Abby?
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
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    I haven't read any of the responses. The guy who wrote the letter is correct, mostly. You have to be in that position to understand the situation. But, in a field of late 40's early 50's women, there really aren't very many that take care of themselves.

    i don't think it is a one way street. I'm sure women feel the same way. You're a single female, take good care fo yourself, active and healthy, and look at your prospects, and they all liook like they eat bowling balls for dinner everynight. So, it does go both ways.

    I just think the list of available people gets smaller and smaller as you age. None of my friends exercise...ever. None. So, I'm deflintely in the vast minority of people that cares about my health and does something about it.

    Also, just as beauty is different for everyone, health is different too. How one defines taking care themselves, might be different for each person. A 30 minute walk with the dog everyday to some is exercise and they are satisfied with that. For others, it's way more than that. To some women, I'm a slacker. To others, I'm so far over the top that they think it's ridiculous. So, there is that aspect of it too. For me, a women being physically appealing is no longer a trait I worry about as much as I want a woman that takes care of herself. Meaning, she is healthy, in good shape, and can keep up with me, as well as has the capacity to chill out with me. Rest is eqaully as important as movement. I have not been able to find someone with the same idea as me. They are either lazy and slothy, or so hyper and energetic and I can't stand it. i need someone right in-between.

    What I am saying is that there are so many different aspects at play here that it's really hard to define.
  • gingerjen7
    gingerjen7 Posts: 821 Member
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    Seriously - what is wrong with this guy's comments?

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with putting value on your partner's appearance.

    Myself, I am not willing to settle for less and the result of that is that I have a girlfriend who is not only cool, funny, intelligent and loads of other stuff, but she is also frikkin hot as well! I don't feel bad in the least that I like how she looks and that appearance was part of my criteria.

    It's not like he was saying it was all he cared about, but just that he did care about it.
    "I'm looking for a very attractive woman to accompany me through life." <--- This is not the offending comment.
    "Why don't women understand this?"<--- This is.
  • Pedal_Pusher
    Pedal_Pusher Posts: 1,166 Member
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    What's wrong w/ looking good? No, seriously...............
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    True love is, respect, honesty, a good job, great credit, stability and good parental skills. Looks fade, but stupid is forever.

    that sounds half terrible and more like a roommate ad on craigslist.
  • LauraMacNCheese
    LauraMacNCheese Posts: 7,198 Member
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    Bobby Clerici is writing to Dear Abby?

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