Dear Abby, Why aren't don't older chicks try to be hotter?

fbmandy55

This man may have very high expectations. However I know a lot of women who "let them selves go". It is hard to juggle working and raising children, sometimes you can't find 10 minutes to yourself. many women find it easier to just throw on some comfortable clothing and pull their hair back. I happen to be one of those women who will put on my make-up while the kids eat breakfast. I also value my time and have decided that it is OK to invest in myself. I make myself a priority along with making sure everyone in my house is taken care of. Besides, I feel great when I wear nice things.

Those are all terrible excuses. Just as bad as "I am overweight/unhealthy because I have no time to work out." It doesn't take long to make yourself presentable, if you can't MAKE just a couple minutes then a person has bigger problems.

Many of us work full time jobs, travel and hour each way between daycare and work, make homemade meals everday. do chores everyday and still find time to workout and look nice.

gingerjen7

There is a difference between preening to look good for some man, and walking out into the world head high as a dignified, classy, beautiful well put together woman. In an outfit you planned, with fresh skin and a little makeup, clean healthy hair and a bounce in your step because you feel good about the way you present yourself to the world.

Precisely. The guy didn't say, "Why don't more women take the time to present themselves in a way that makes them feel good?" he said "Why don't women understand that single men want hot chicks and take measures to make that happen?"

Cranktastic

Why is a successful and fit middle-aged man writing Dear Abby to find a date?

Exactly.

It's like I've always said: plenty more fish in the sea....

if you have a massive rod.

heh

gingerjen7

Not everybody is going to look hot, but I'll tell you what there are more women that have "looked" after themselves at my age than there are guys - (Mind you there are more women alive at my age than there are guys too).

I didn't expect the ending there, so it really made me laugh!

myofibril

The guy didn't say, "Why don't more women take the time to present themselves in a way that makes them feel good?"

Why should he care?

It's not like he's the Pope, or the head of the UN or anything. People are self interested.

The end.

ChgingMe

This man may have very high expectations. However I know a lot of women who "let them selves go". It is hard to juggle working and raising children, sometimes you can't find 10 minutes to yourself. many women find it easier to just throw on some comfortable clothing and pull their hair back. I happen to be one of those women who will put on my make-up while the kids eat breakfast. I also value my time and have decided that it is OK to invest in myself. I make myself a priority along with making sure everyone in my house is taken care of. Besides, I feel great when I wear nice things.

Those are all terrible excuses. Just as bad as "I am overweight/unhealthy because I have no time to work out." It doesn't take long to make yourself presentable, if you can't MAKE just a couple minutes then a person has bigger problems.

Many of us work full time jobs, travel and hour each way between daycare and work, make homemade meals everday. do chores everyday and still find time to workout and look nice.

Yep I have worked out at midnight on a Saturday night because that was the only time I could do it!!

gingerjen7

He probably could've used a different choice of words or phrasing, but I don't think it's a problem to want to be with someone who cares enough about themselves to workout, eat well, and dress well.

I honestly don't care if he wants a hot girlfriend. He flat out said, "I want a girl who's really attractive." Not a problem. It's when he says, "Me and all my friends want someone who is really attractive and it's very important to us. Why don't women understand that?" He can want whatever he wants, but the expectation that women should know how important their appearance is to single men and then conform themselves to meet that standard that is ridiculous. If I don't want to date fat guys, that's fine, but I'm not going to go around telling fat guys that they should lose weight because that's what I want.

sdereski

In my mid-40s, I find that men my age tend to have given up on their appearance whereas the women are well-groomed and keep themselves fit.

OR the phenomenon is entirely subjective and we're all looking for partners who looked like they did when we were last single, 20 years ago

This!^^^

phatycake

On that note, I will always be a MILF.

This^

blushingmama

and he wonders why he's single?

the wrong attitude makes even the most handsome or beautiful absolutely ugly

Skyfire23

Excuses, shmexcuses. I'm going to do what I want, and if you don't like it, don't look. I don't give a flying **** what you think. Just because a person doesn't meet your standards of appearance doesn't mean they're not taking care of themselves.

Cranktastic

I DID let myself go.


But I have worked ****ing hard.

I still go to Walmart in my yoga pants/sweats and a pony tail... who cares?

I get dressed up when i feel like it.

snowdrop_diva

He probably could've used a different choice of words or phrasing, but I don't think it's a problem to want to be with someone who cares enough about themselves to workout, eat well, and dress well.

I honestly don't care if he wants a hot girlfriend. He flat out said, "I want a girl who's really attractive." Not a problem. It's when he says, "Me and all my friends want someone who is really attractive and it's very important to us. Why don't women understand that?" He can want whatever he wants, but the expectation that women should know how important their appearance is to single men and then conform themselves to meet that standard that is ridiculous. If I don't want to date fat guys, that's fine, but I'm not going to go around telling fat guys that they should lose weight because that's what I want.

^^
This

gingerjen7

What's wrong with putting it writing? Women are just as bad.

Keep your self prejudices to just that...yourself. Let the man be....and go workout.

So we should keep our "self prejudices" to ourselves, but there is nothing wrong with him putting his "self prejudices" in writing?

Double standard = failed logic.

ChrisRS87

Good for this guy, he knows what he wants.

I'll openly admit it, I'm shallow. I won't even consider dating someone I'm not attacted to, and attraction is usually cute, slender and tone. I hold myself to a high standard, I don't see whats so unfair of holding a potential mate to the same.

But, perhaps its the CHARACTER TRAITS that keep someone driven to stay in good shape that I am attracted to more, whether its motivation, focus, dedication, etc. I also have a girlfriend who I have been dating for a couple months now which has been the best I've had yet, no fights and nothing but laughter.

juliecat1

I have absolutely no problem with this man's comment. Im often surrounded by women my age plus 10-15 and I cannot believe how much freaking frump is happening.

There is a difference between preening to look good for some man, and walking out into the world head high as a dignified, classy, beautiful well put together woman. In an outfit you planned, with fresh skin and a little makeup, clean healthy hair and a bounce in your step because you feel good about the way you present yourself to the world.

I kinda feel like anyone else who gets mad at this is the people that show up at Walmart at 3pm on a Saturday afternoon in stained jogging pants and a tweety bird tshirt with their hair in a lopsided banana clip, angry that men always go for hot chicks.

What she said ^^

I also agree.
I want my man to be hot, I want to be hot for my man.
It does not mean I wear hills and make up all the time, but it does mean that even my sweats are cute and never streched or smelly. And I work out and watch my food to be hot, for me, for him, just because

I don't want to be with someone who does not take care of himself or not care if I'm attractive or not. I want my man to find me attractive and I'm ready to work for it.

Exactly! I have no issue with what he said. I wouldn't be here trying to make a rocking hot bod if I didn't find it important and want someone who thought the same.
It's not like he said he wanted an actual playboy bunny on his arm. I'd call him out for that. !

gingerjen7

I have to agree with the man who wrote the letter. Everyone should always try to look their best every day. You never know who you might bump into while out in society. You might meet someone and randomly land your dream job, or dream spouse. People are also incredibly judgemental people. By not looking your best, you're not putting your best foot forward. You'll end up behind.

My "dream spouse" wouldn't care if I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt with no make up rather than hot pants an 1/3 of a shirt with my geisha face on. I'm not interested in attracting someone whose #1 priority in a partner is her appearance.

Tropical_Turtle

Well here is the thing - men his age can put "few extra pounds" say on a dating profile but they weight 400 lbs. A woman can put "average" and be called obese. Double standard much?

You attract what you are - and obviously he hasn't realized he just may not be all that and a bag of chips too.

snowdrop_diva

I have to agree with the man who wrote the letter. Everyone should always try to look their best every day. You never know who you might bump into while out in society. You might meet someone and randomly land your dream job, or dream spouse. People are also incredibly judgemental people. By not looking your best, you're not putting your best foot forward. You'll end up behind.

My "dream spouse" wouldn't care if I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt with no make up rather than hot pants an 1/3 of a shirt with my geisha face on. I'm not interested in attracting someone whose #1 priority in a partner is her appearance.

Exactly.

NJSunshine13

Every woman (and man for that matter) should have a little pride in themselves when they walk out the door. Sometimes sweatpants and a t-shirt can be sexy, but not every day. Sexy isn't about being a size 2. Buy clothing that compliments your body, put a little make up on if you're looking a little pale and most importantly wear your smile. First impressions can never be repeated, so make yours count.