Dear Abby, Why aren't don't older chicks try to be hotter?

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Replies

  • djsawruh
    djsawruh Posts: 8
    I've never met a genuinely happy person who was shallow.
  • Juliejustsaying
    Juliejustsaying Posts: 2,332 Member
    Different strokes for different folks =) Not all men are like that though

    I've said it before..but what the hell

    How YOU doing? lol
  • Kap10
    Kap10 Posts: 229 Member
    There are a lot of women as they get older and more comfortable with life do not feel the need to look "hot" and there are a lot of guys who have never looked hot and always expected their better others look hot for them. Not everybody is going to look hot, but I'll tell you what there are more women that have "looked" after themselves at my age than there are guys - (Mind you there are more women alive at my age than there are guys too).
  • LovePBandJ
    LovePBandJ Posts: 288 Member
    Why is a successful and fit middle-aged man writing Dear Abby to find a date?
  • Corsetopia
    Corsetopia Posts: 307 Member
    In then end, we'll all be 90 and wrinkled anyways - if we're lucky to live that long. People will never cease to be judgmental, and never stop and think that maybe that particular 'frumpy' person doesn't put appearance as a first priority in their life. I can't say that I haven't judged people that same way; i'm not innocent...but I feel like society places too much of an emphasis on that. I've met some of the most brilliant professors and doctors who were 'frumpy'; that's just the way they lived.
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
    I don't have a problem with him looking for someone who takes care of herself. Most women I know who are married and have kids completely let themselves go. How is that fair to your spouse or yourself? To me it's almost as bad as lying or cheating, you are depriving your significant other of the person they were attracted to and married.

    My bowling league is a perfect example. The women between 35-60 are disgusting. They bring baked goods every week and eat large amounts of food and I swear there is one woman who is as wide as she is tall. Her stomach flab hands down to her knees, but she wears shorts so that if you happen to be behind her, you can see the flab swinging against her legs. Her daughter is the same size and she got so angry at someone cutting her in the snack bar line last week she was about to cry while screaming at the lady.

    The people I know in my personal life are like my parents, they think healthy means a loaded up salad with extra ranch or loaded baked potatoes and steak every night. That or they are just lazy and it would kill them to get up and take a walk around the block.

    There is NO REASON what so ever that women should let themselves go, just because they are married or older. Take 5 mins to put on a bit of make-up, brush your hair and wear a decent outfit.
  • VelociMama
    VelociMama Posts: 3,119 Member
    I know a lot of women who have let themselves go as they got older and many who did the exact opposite and look better at 50 than they did at 20. MFP is full of the latter.

    He probably could've used a different choice of words or phrasing, but I don't think it's a problem to want to be with someone who cares enough about themselves to workout, eat well, and dress well.
  • snowdrop_diva
    snowdrop_diva Posts: 142 Member
    So, what I'm getting from this is he want's a trophy girlfriend. Window dressing on his arm basically.

    Something to look pretty, but not much else.

    Seriously, he mentions that he is well-educated, earns a decent income and is in shape... yet he doesn't mention wanting any attributes other than "Very Attractive" from the lady he is searching for.
  • StyxxandStones
    StyxxandStones Posts: 120
    WTF??? Seriously? has this dude taken a look in the mirror? There is a reason my bf is 15 years younger than me...the hot older men here are an anomoly.

    100% disagree! Nearly every guy I'm attracted to on mfp is older than me. I'm 31, and most of them are 40+. But, like someone said, to each their own. I do agree with yoovie's comment though. I want to look good, and I want my guy to look good. That doesn't mean I'm walking around in a cocktail dress, nor should he wear a suit everywhere he goes, but dress appropriately, be healthy, and care a bit about the image you put forth.
  • EatClean_WashUrNuts
    EatClean_WashUrNuts Posts: 1,590 Member
    What's wrong with putting it writing? Women are just as bad.

    Keep your self prejudices to just that...yourself. Let the man be....and go workout.
  • Off10h8ed
    Off10h8ed Posts: 282 Member
    I'm only frumped out at home... When I go someplace I have to do my hair and put a lil makeup on and throw at minimum a pair of decent jeans and a t-shirt on.

    And lets be honest, some of us are here because we WANT to look hotter. We want that lean, firm, sexy body. I will admit it... that is a good part of the reason I am here. I want to not only feel good, but I want to LOOK good!
  • Juliejustsaying
    Juliejustsaying Posts: 2,332 Member
    WTF??? Seriously? has this dude taken a look in the mirror? There is a reason my bf is 15 years younger than me...the hot older men here are an anomoly.

    100% disagree! Nearly every guy I'm attracted to on mfp is older than me. I'm 31, and most of them are 40+. But, like someone said, to each their own. I do agree with yoovie's comment though. I want to look good, and I want my guy to look good. That doesn't mean I'm walking around in a cocktail dress, nor should he wear a suit everywhere he goes, but dress appropriately, be healthy, and care a bit about the image you put forth.

    Yeah, that is what I said, the guys on HERE are the exception...sheez
  • MrsPong
    MrsPong Posts: 580 Member
    Married young men think the same... I'm 24, married for 4 years... and my husband is Marine. He keeps himself looking great. He doesnt expect me to be perfection, but as long as I go to the gym or watch what I eat and dress nice when we go out. I don't want a "give up" husband so I dont wanna be that either.
  • RikanSoulja
    RikanSoulja Posts: 463 Member
    I see nothing wrong with what this man wants.
  • SarahofTwins
    SarahofTwins Posts: 1,169 Member
    This man may have very high expectations. However I know a lot of women who "let them selves go". It is hard to juggle working and raising children, sometimes you can't find 10 minutes to yourself. many women find it easier to just throw on some comfortable clothing and pull their hair back. I happen to be one of those women who will put on my make-up while the kids eat breakfast. I also value my time and have decided that it is OK to invest in myself. I make myself a priority along with making sure everyone in my house is taken care of. Besides, I feel great when I wear nice things.

    This ^^^
  • disasterman
    disasterman Posts: 746 Member
    the funny thing about this is..you can bet the guy writing it is fat and bald.

    Yeah, but lots of bald guys are in good shape, take good care of themselves, and have pride in their appearance. Criticizing someone for being bald is like criticizing them for having brown eyes or something.
  • Darkskinned88
    Darkskinned88 Posts: 1,177 Member
    His comment is phrased insensitively but he has a point
  • RunningDirty
    RunningDirty Posts: 293
    He's just pissed that even the frumpy chicks aren't interested in him. Keep swinging buddy.
  • chickpeas83
    chickpeas83 Posts: 32
    wow, I had so many responses to this: from what a pig, to hey the guy has a point. But then again I think Dear Abby had the best. Look for people in the environment you would be in. If you are trolling for catches in walmart at 3 pm, you are most likely to find a frazzled housewife in her sweats and tweety T. if you are looking for pair of legs in a short skirt, go bar hopping. If you want a fit and active mate, then go to the gym. so simple. But keep in mind that first immpresions arent always the most accurate... i have worked with some amazing nurses who at 3 am, only want to go home to a pair of comfy sweats but when you meet them at a party you are shocked because they look amazing.. i dont take 45 minutes a day to put on make-up just to clean my washroom or fold the laundry, but if I am going out, i look neat. I also make an effort to look nice for my husband. but thats just who I am...
  • BeeElMarvin
    BeeElMarvin Posts: 2,086 Member
    By her response, it sounds like "Dear Abby" may have a "frumpiness" issue herself.:ohwell:
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    It's not just older women that sometimes let themselves go - older men do as well, it's not particular to one gender. If I was single I would look for a man that was interested in health, exercise and well being because those areas of life are important to me along with many other things (family, friends, pets, ect). Anyway.....they guy worded his letter to Dr. Abby like it was the 1950's. It came out offensive and shallow. Poorly worded or he's just flat out a out dated chauvinistic pig.
  • Sarah52281
    Sarah52281 Posts: 44
    I have absolutely no problem with this man's comment. Im often surrounded by women my age plus 10-15 and I cannot believe how much freaking frump is happening.

    There is a difference between preening to look good for some man, and walking out into the world head high as a dignified, classy, beautiful well put together woman. In an outfit you planned, with fresh skin and a little makeup, clean healthy hair and a bounce in your step because you feel good about the way you present yourself to the world.

    I kinda feel like anyone else who gets mad at this is the people that show up at Walmart at 3pm on a Saturday afternoon in stained jogging pants and a tweety bird tshirt with their hair in a lopsided banana clip, angry that men always go for hot chicks.

    ^^^ What she said. I mean, really ladies? Are you going to go after the half shaven, sweat pants wearing, growing something nasty between the folds of his chin guy or the guy that walks with his head up and takes care of himself. I didn't say he had to be ripped, but I know that I am in my 30's and what attracts a guy is self-confidence, a great smile, good hygiene and a woman that "cares" about her body enough to take care of it. He didn't say she had to be model material. He just said he noticed that a lot of women his age seem to not take care of themselves anymore. If "taking care" of yourself puts you in the category of a play boy bunny, then we ALL have a long way to go.
  • carriempls
    carriempls Posts: 326 Member
    Eh, nothing wrong with wanting someone who takes pride in their appearance, but there's no use wondering why women do or don't do what you want. News flash - sometimes attracting a man is last on a woman's priority list. Find someone who does make it a priority. Problem solved.
  • ChgingMe
    ChgingMe Posts: 539 Member
    I have to partly agree with the man's comment. I have many female family members and friends who think, well I got my husband so I don't have to care or worry about what I look like. Or I've heard, "oh heck, it's too hard so why bother". I don't agree at all. However, I am happily married and want to look/feel good for ME and my husband. I am in my upper 40's and many people think I am 10 years younger. I want to be a young 80 and be able to run and play with my grandchildren (when it happens) and even my great grandchildren. Yes, the guy sounded like a jerk - but what he wants is fair, how he came across was wrong. There are just as many men who don't take care of themselves either.

    Yep I agree. The delivery left something to be desired but I can understand... Im also upper 40's and I can say most of my close friends my age have let themselves go. I was once told I think I'm perfect and Im vain. I disagree. I need to stay healthy. That is the main reason I do what I do. Looking good is a plus. And can I say. The women my age who have let themselves go and are in no way trying to change things (because haven't we all let ourselves go or we wouldn't be here) are miserable. Not being able to do once they once enjoyed with their partners if you know what I mean.
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
    Why is a successful and fit middle-aged man writing Dear Abby to find a date?

    Exactly.

    It's like I've always said: plenty more fish in the sea....

    if you have a massive rod.
  • ChgingMe
    ChgingMe Posts: 539 Member
    I have absolutely no problem with this man's comment. Im often surrounded by women my age plus 10-15 and I cannot believe how much freaking frump is happening.

    There is a difference between preening to look good for some man, and walking out into the world head high as a dignified, classy, beautiful well put together woman. In an outfit you planned, with fresh skin and a little makeup, clean healthy hair and a bounce in your step because you feel good about the way you present yourself to the world.

    I kinda feel like anyone else who gets mad at this is the people that show up at Walmart at 3pm on a Saturday afternoon in stained jogging pants and a tweety bird tshirt with their hair in a lopsided banana clip, angry that men always go for hot chicks.

    OMG. I love you!!! Yes!!! :drinker: :heart:
  • Cranktastic
    Cranktastic Posts: 1,517 Member
    Different strokes for different folks =) Not all men are like that though

    I've said it before..but what the hell

    How YOU doing? lol

    he is shiny, isnt he?
  • gingah73
    gingah73 Posts: 28
    .....if you really give a rip about looking put together and super sexy when making a mid Sunday afternoon run to Wally World for some TP you need to rethink your priorities. Just sayin!!

    Word.
  • Shawty_Ro
    Shawty_Ro Posts: 135
    "Dear Mister Assface" made me laugh so much :flowerforyou:
  • tbodega
    tbodega Posts: 186
    I see this across both sexes and through all ages. I know plenty of older people that hit the gym and look/dress great as well as younger people who let themselves go or just never cared and vice versa.

    Some care care about their appearance, and some don't. It's as simple as that.

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