Dear Abby, Why aren't don't older chicks try to be hotter?

chivalryder

I have to agree with the man who wrote the letter. Everyone should always try to look their best every day. You never know who you might bump into while out in society. You might meet someone and randomly land your dream job, or dream spouse. People are also incredibly judgemental people. By not looking your best, you're not putting your best foot forward. You'll end up behind.

reasnableblonde

Perhaps he does not take care of himself as much as he thinks he does.

Too many men in my family enjoy pointing out when a large woman walks by (making really disgusting comments), yet do not appreciate being told they themselves are obese and not doing what they need to do. Goes both ways, fellas.

Martucha123

I have absolutely no problem with this man's comment. Im often surrounded by women my age plus 10-15 and I cannot believe how much freaking frump is happening.

There is a difference between preening to look good for some man, and walking out into the world head high as a dignified, classy, beautiful well put together woman. In an outfit you planned, with fresh skin and a little makeup, clean healthy hair and a bounce in your step because you feel good about the way you present yourself to the world.

I kinda feel like anyone else who gets mad at this is the people that show up at Walmart at 3pm on a Saturday afternoon in stained jogging pants and a tweety bird tshirt with their hair in a lopsided banana clip, angry that men always go for hot chicks.

What she said ^^

I also agree.
I want my man to be hot, I want to be hot for my man.
It does not mean I wear hills and make up all the time, but it does mean that even my sweats are cute and never streched or smelly. And I work out and watch my food to be hot, for me, for him, just because

I don't want to be with someone who does not take care of himself or not care if I'm attractive or not. I want my man to find me attractive and I'm ready to work for it.

SoViLicious

This man may have very high expectations. However I know a lot of women who "let them selves go". It is hard to juggle working and raising children, sometimes you can't find 10 minutes to yourself. many women find it easier to just throw on some comfortable clothing and pull their hair back. I happen to be one of those women who will put on my make-up while the kids eat breakfast. I also value my time and have decided that it is OK to invest in myself. I make myself a priority along with making sure everyone in my house is taken care of. Besides, I feel great when I wear nice things.

LesleeBeAlive

I'd have to agree, you're telling me women who are 40+ and in shape don't want a hot 40 yr old man who hasn't thrown his appearance away? Of course they do. Same thing. Would you be patronizing a woman for writing this to Abby?

Just sayin.

MB_Positif

the funny thing about this is..you can bet the guy writing it is fat and bald.

LOL

_Bob_

Shallow Hal needs a gal

Shara126

I agree here, but with one caveat.....if you really give a rip about looking put together and super sexy when making a mid Sunday afternoon run to Wally World for some TP you need to rethink your priorities. Just sayin!!

angelique_redhead

I don't suppose he's ever considered the fact that her former DH might have "traded her in" for a 20 something year old exotic dancer either and she's too busy raising two teenagers on the pittance he calls child support to buy the things to make her look better or to give a flying **** if she's hot or not. (True story. It happened to one of my friends.)

Laddiegirl

I see plenty of men in that same age range he's talking about with plenty of their own frump going on. Are there women who don't care at Walmart in Tweety Bird t-shirts, yes. But I see tons of men in sweat pants, saggy jeans, faded/dirty/torn t-shirts walking around like they're hot stuff and they're not even remotely in that catagory. I also see a lot more pressure on women to be highly groomed, well dressed, fit and put together than there is for men. There is a huge double standard when it comes to appearance for men and women.

djsawruh

I've never met a genuinely happy person who was shallow.

Juliejustsaying

Different strokes for different folks Not all men are like that though

I've said it before..but what the hell

How YOU doing? lol

Kap10

There are a lot of women as they get older and more comfortable with life do not feel the need to look "hot" and there are a lot of guys who have never looked hot and always expected their better others look hot for them. Not everybody is going to look hot, but I'll tell you what there are more women that have "looked" after themselves at my age than there are guys - (Mind you there are more women alive at my age than there are guys too).

LovePBandJ

Why is a successful and fit middle-aged man writing Dear Abby to find a date?

Corsetopia

In then end, we'll all be 90 and wrinkled anyways - if we're lucky to live that long. People will never cease to be judgmental, and never stop and think that maybe that particular 'frumpy' person doesn't put appearance as a first priority in their life. I can't say that I haven't judged people that same way; i'm not innocent...but I feel like society places too much of an emphasis on that. I've met some of the most brilliant professors and doctors who were 'frumpy'; that's just the way they lived.

fbmandy55

I don't have a problem with him looking for someone who takes care of herself. Most women I know who are married and have kids completely let themselves go. How is that fair to your spouse or yourself? To me it's almost as bad as lying or cheating, you are depriving your significant other of the person they were attracted to and married.

My bowling league is a perfect example. The women between 35-60 are disgusting. They bring baked goods every week and eat large amounts of food and I swear there is one woman who is as wide as she is tall. Her stomach flab hands down to her knees, but she wears shorts so that if you happen to be behind her, you can see the flab swinging against her legs. Her daughter is the same size and she got so angry at someone cutting her in the snack bar line last week she was about to cry while screaming at the lady.

The people I know in my personal life are like my parents, they think healthy means a loaded up salad with extra ranch or loaded baked potatoes and steak every night. That or they are just lazy and it would kill them to get up and take a walk around the block.

There is NO REASON what so ever that women should let themselves go, just because they are married or older. Take 5 mins to put on a bit of make-up, brush your hair and wear a decent outfit.

VelociMama

I know a lot of women who have let themselves go as they got older and many who did the exact opposite and look better at 50 than they did at 20. MFP is full of the latter.

He probably could've used a different choice of words or phrasing, but I don't think it's a problem to want to be with someone who cares enough about themselves to workout, eat well, and dress well.

snowdrop_diva

So, what I'm getting from this is he want's a trophy girlfriend. Window dressing on his arm basically.

Something to look pretty, but not much else.

Seriously, he mentions that he is well-educated, earns a decent income and is in shape... yet he doesn't mention wanting any attributes other than "Very Attractive" from the lady he is searching for.

StyxxandStones

WTF??? Seriously? has this dude taken a look in the mirror? There is a reason my bf is 15 years younger than me...the hot older men here are an anomoly.

100% disagree! Nearly every guy I'm attracted to on mfp is older than me. I'm 31, and most of them are 40+. But, like someone said, to each their own. I do agree with yoovie's comment though. I want to look good, and I want my guy to look good. That doesn't mean I'm walking around in a cocktail dress, nor should he wear a suit everywhere he goes, but dress appropriately, be healthy, and care a bit about the image you put forth.

EatClean_WashUrNuts

What's wrong with putting it writing? Women are just as bad.

Keep your self prejudices to just that...yourself. Let the man be....and go workout.