Dear Abby, Why aren't don't older chicks try to be hotter?
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:laugh:0 -
this is obviously apparent,and if you haven't gotten this point then your off track. But this thread did turn more interesting when talking about actually caring or not caring about your appearance when going out into public, and to what degrees.
If anything, I got a list of chicks who shop at wal-mart wearing banana clips and stained Looney Tunes t-shirts.
It's a longer list than I expected.0 -
You know why I think this makes a lot of women mad? Because in our experience, dudes that write this tripe look like Jabba the Hutt with a five o'clock shadow. And smell twice as bad.
I see it all the damn time.
If you place that much of a premium on how your partner looks, your relationships will fail, because deep down you're a shallow twit with skewed priorities. First bump in the road and you're done. None of the lasting couples I know are together because they both look hot in a swimsuit, that's for certain. They've stayed together through cancer, through childbirth, depression and any number of other "unnattractive" scenarios because they care deeply for each other on a level that transcend appearance. There's simply no other explanation for their longevity.
I don't think his standards are as simple as "takes a bath and puts on makeup and a nice dress once in a while." If they were, he'd have no shortage. I see these women every single day. He obviously has some prima donna standards to be completely unable to find someone that meets them. Believe this. But then, we've become a horribly shallow society in general, which explains our divorce rate...and the existence of "men" like this in the first place.0 -
I kinda feel like anyone else who gets mad at this is the people that show up at Walmart at 3pm on a Saturday afternoon in stained jogging pants and a tweety bird tshirt with their hair in a lopsided banana clip, angry that men always go for hot chicks.
I don't care about what this guy says either. But I also don't give a flying **** what I look like in public half the time either and not because I'm fat. I don't feel I need to dress up for Walmart. I already look better than 99% of the weirdos there anyway! No make up, clothes that are too big for me (yay)!0 -
Different people have different expectations of what they want. If he wants to be that picky he will probably never find anyone that meets his standards and that will be his fault. I've dated guys like that and it really got to be a pain to just try and make myself look "perfect" for them. No one is perfect! I'm not frumpy and I haven't let myself go, I'm just not going to be constantly tripping if I don't look 100% 24/7. I have to say that I am glad I now am married to someone that says I don't need to fix my hair and put makeup on, I look fine just the way I am. It feels good being accepted that way.0
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I married a hot Latino man who promptly gained a huge amount of weight at a very young age, could care less what he looked like and certainly wouldn't eat a veggie or walk around the block. I was married to him for 25 years. During that time, I felt trapped. I began to frump up a bit. He had the nerve to cheat on me. At that point, I lost weight, got a new hairdo and a divorce. I went back to school and am now working on my Masters degree. He kicks himself every day for losing me, and he doesn't get a second chance.
My point...sometimes women don't care what they look like because they're depressed and feel hopeless.
All that said...I only date hot men now who are highly educated and have high-paying professional careers. I'm making up for lost time, and the door swings both ways.
For every guy who only looks at hot women there is a great woman who only looks at hot, financially secure men.0 -
cartoon charter clothing is for children, my mom got my sister tweety bird pajamas (lol shes 29, and my mom is frugal probably got them from the thrift store) and she only wore them to bed once cause they were warm and her boyfriend made her throw them away.... IMO it is not ok to wear cartoon character clothing if you are older then 12!0
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I agree here, but with one caveat.....if you really give a rip about looking put together and super sexy when making a mid Sunday afternoon run to Wally World for some TP you need to rethink your priorities. Just sayin!!
there is a completely acceptable middle ground between dressing up and dressing for public. Dont act like I only gave you two extreme choices. That is simply ridiculous.
The woman in this picture actually has a problem though, she was on starange addictions because she couldn't look at herself without makeup..There's a difference between looking presentable and literally wearing caked on coverup and green eyeshadow everywhere, including bed. That's a major self esteem crisis.
thats actually not true, some women don't know how to put on make up.
touche
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For every guy who only looks at hot women there is a great woman who only looks at hot, financially secure men.
Bingo. They're called "standards".0 -
For every guy who only looks at hot women there is a great woman who only looks at hot, financially secure men.
Bingo. They're called "standards".
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this is perfection!0 -
You know why I think this makes a lot of women mad? Because in our experience, dudes that write this tripe look like Jabba the Hutt with a five o'clock shadow. And smell twice as bad.
I see it all the damn time.
If you place that much of a premium on how your partner looks, your relationships will fail, because deep down you're a shallow twit with skewed priorities. First bump in the road and you're done. None of the lasting couples I know are together because they both look hot in a swimsuit, that's for certain. They've stayed together through cancer, through childbirth, depression and any number of other "unnattractive" scenarios because they care deeply for each other on a level that transcend appearance. There's simply no other explanation for their longevity.
I don't think his standards are as simple as "takes a bath and puts on makeup and a nice dress once in a while." If they were, he'd have no shortage. I see these women every single day. He obviously has some prima donna standards to be completely unable to find someone that meets them. Believe this. But then, we've become a horribly shallow society in general, which explains our divorce rate...and the existence of "men" like this in the first place.
EXACTLY.
I think he wants a Real Housewife type of gal...and you're not going to find that. But most of the older women I see look nice and cute! Not sure what his standards are or where he is looking.0 -
I have absolutely no problem with this man's comment. Im often surrounded by women my age plus 10-15 and I cannot believe how much freaking frump is happening.
How many of those women are single? The married women and those in long term relationships (effectively married) don't count. I see plenty of attractive single women in my age group, with very high standards who take excellent care of themselves. I see them at my gym, I see them in my professional and personal circles. Most are single by choice, most don't want to be a housewife but prefer to keep their professional careers and lifestyle. The point is, even these women do not reach his high standards.You know why I think this makes a lot of women mad? Because in our experience, dudes that write this tripe look like Jabba the Hutt with a five o'clock shadow. And smell twice as bad.
I see it all the damn time.
If you place that much of a premium on how your partner looks, your relationships will fail, because deep down you're a shallow twit with skewed priorities. First bump in the road and you're done. None of the lasting couples I know are together because they both look hot in a swimsuit, that's for certain. They've stayed together through cancer, through childbirth, depression and any number of other "unnattractive" scenarios because they care deeply for each other on a level that transcend appearance. There's simply no other explanation for their longevity.
I don't think his standards are as simple as "takes a bath and puts on makeup and a nice dress once in a while." If they were, he'd have no shortage. I see these women every single day. He obviously has some prima donna standards to be completely unable to find someone that meets them. Believe this. But then, we've become a horribly shallow society in general, which explains our divorce rate...and the existence of "men" like this in the first place.
exactly0 -
Maybe he just didn't want to go in to the rest of his requirements. Of my top ten traits for women, being hot is number one. But, a lot of girls I meet don't even come close to the other 9 so what the **** does it matter? I'm glad I'm not in that age bracket... because as it goes being hot is just about all these girls got going for em. However I can name a few on here who more than meet the criteria. Smart chicks avoid me IRL. Says a lot about me hahaha0
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Glad I don't spend my time thinking about how hot people will think I am. Glad I didn't turn out to be a superficial sheep basing everything on looks.0
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I would think it quite likely that you know nothing of the demographics of Tucson. Even finding demographics say nothing for what it's actually like living there. Where the hell does a 40+ year old single father pick up women?... he wouldn't have to ask anyone about where to find them; they're everywhere.
You're uniquely unqualified to answer such a question.
Sure, maybe the guy is a douche who's gross and has stupid high standards, but just because he wrote into Abby doesn't confirm that. Maybe he's having social issues due to having been a single father for so long (not a presumption, merely a possibility).
Anyway, I don't know a ton of middle aged single fathers, but of those I do know it does seem hard for them to meet someone who is worth creating a relationship with.0 -
I gained weight when I settled down. I focused on my work and my relationship instead of spending money going out all of the time and partying. Staying home more often and dating a food addict, I gained some weight. I got pregnant with my daughter and slowly gained a little more. Then I had a son last November. I am now a stay at home mom that hardly ever gets out of the damn house. That's why. lol
Edit: I would also like to add that 1. We don't have the money we did before kids and 2. He let himself go a little too.0 -
I know you cut off the context, but I'll remind you that I was responding to the impossibly high standard of "a woman who doesn't just make squealing, piggish noises when eating at a restaurant." I sincerely doubt that the majority of Tuscon women can't meet that minimum, even though I don't live there. Most sane adults are capable of acting like sane adults in public.
I would think it quite likely that you know nothing of the demographics of Tucson. Even finding demographics say nothing for what it's actually like living there. Where the hell does a 40+ year old single father pick up women?... he wouldn't have to ask anyone about where to find them; they're everywhere.
You're uniquely unqualified to answer such a question.
That's a perfectly valid explanation, but it's not one that makes his letter look any better. If he has difficulty dealing with the social world of dating, then it's not true that all these women have just let themselves go and don't care. Then it's on him to get his head back in the game and take a good look at the world around him. I wasn't saying he was gross or even a bad person, but it seems to me that he does have higher-than-realistic standards for the opposite sex. Whatever the reason, it's his perspective that's skewed, not everyone else.Sure, maybe the guy is a douche who's gross and has stupid high standards, but just because he wrote into Abby doesn't confirm that. Maybe he's having social issues due to having been a single father for so long (not a presumption, merely a possibility).
How many people really have an easy time of that? It seems like dating and new relationships are difficult and stressful for people of every age and circumstance.Anyway, I don't know a ton of middle aged single fathers, but of those I do know it does seem hard for them to meet someone who is worth creating a relationship with.0 -
I would think it quite likely that you know nothing of the demographics of Tucson. Even finding demographics say nothing for what it's actually like living there. Where the hell does a 40+ year old single father pick up women?
There are more dating options now than there have ever been. Nobody is confined to the demographics of their city, nobody is confined to bars and dance clubs (places you are highly unlikely to meet a well heeled attractive older woman), especially if he is as well off as he claims. "I have reached a point in life where I can take trips and make time for me." is hardly the statement of a man who is confined to one locale, unless this happens to be a misrepresentation. *which is possible*
There is the entire internet, dating sites galore, and mid 40s is hardly too old to be without a cell phone that can give an instant contact to someone interested in you - that opens dating options up like never before. I know this because I know men older than him doing just that and very successful!
He's not trying to pick up attractive women, that is not particularly difficult. He is looking for a Ferrari of a particular age who is willing to settle down with him and be arm candy, and Dear Abby hit it on the mark... can he afford one? He is claiming there are no "very attractive" women over 40, not no attractive women over 40 in his town... he means anywhere, and that's simply untrue.
Is he trying to justify dating a younger woman? Clearly "attractive single women" have told him he is a catch, but they weren't over 40, things that make you go hmm... (if that is what he really wants, then he should just do that)0 -
this is obviously apparent,and if you haven't gotten this point then your off track. But this thread did turn more interesting when talking about actually caring or not caring about your appearance when going out into public, and to what degrees.
If anything, I got a list of chicks who shop at wal-mart wearing banana clips and stained Looney Tunes t-shirts.
It's a longer list than I expected.
well i try to remember some people can't afford a new shirt, or don't have a lot of time, and i hate to get into a habit of judging people by their looks. i rather judge them by their stupid brains.0 -
the funny thing about this is..you can bet the guy writing it is fat and bald.
Offensive. Ain't nothing wrong with being bald.
/baldchaser
Nailed it.
NO FAILED IT! Totally missed any kind of point and immediately call an offense. Good god!0 -
I don't have a problem with him looking for someone who takes care of herself. Most women I know who are married and have kids completely let themselves go. How is that fair to your spouse or yourself? To me it's almost as bad as lying or cheating, you are depriving your significant other of the person they were attracted to and married.
My bowling league is a perfect example. The women between 35-60 are disgusting. They bring baked goods every week and eat large amounts of food and I swear there is one woman who is as wide as she is tall. Her stomach flab hands down to her knees, but she wears shorts so that if you happen to be behind her, you can see the flab swinging against her legs. Her daughter is the same size and she got so angry at someone cutting her in the snack bar line last week she was about to cry while screaming at the lady.
The people I know in my personal life are like my parents, they think healthy means a loaded up salad with extra ranch or loaded baked potatoes and steak every night. That or they are just lazy and it would kill them to get up and take a walk around the block.
There is NO REASON what so ever that women should let themselves go, just because they are married or older. Take 5 mins to put on a bit of make-up, brush your hair and wear a decent outfit.
hmmmmmmm.0 -
As an "older" woman who has never let herself go, I'd point out that there are a hella lot more "younger" people out of shape and sloppy than ever before. For example there were just several photos in the media of Texas State Fair attendees (due to the fire there), and the difference in attire and general size of people from the '50s to present is eye-opening.
At the fair in the '50s photos you can't find an overweight person and all the men are wearing ties, even hats; the ladies, dresses and nice shoes. Today's photos: obese people in ill-fitting, dirty t-shirts, shorts, and sneakers.
Time after time on MFP especially, I read posts from people who sound as if they are proud NOT to spend time on their appearance. In particular there are many who like to criticize women who "dress up" or "look nice" at the gym. What? Really?
Why not clean up and look nice everywhere?0 -
Gross generalizations are always problematic. Such is the case here.0
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Sleepy girl, I couldn't agree more, even though my avatar might indicate otherwise.Why not clean up and look nice everywhere?0 -
Perhaps he does not take care of himself as much as he thinks he does.
Too many men in my family enjoy pointing out when a large woman walks by (making really disgusting comments), yet do not appreciate being told they themselves are obese and not doing what they need to do. Goes both ways, fellas.
^ Totally agree with this 100%.0 -
I think it's important to remember that most women mature as they age, men rarely do. :P0
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the funny thing about this is..you can bet the guy writing it is fat and bald.
what's wrong with bald?0 -
You know why I think this makes a lot of women mad? Because in our experience, dudes that write this tripe look like Jabba the Hutt with a five o'clock shadow. And smell twice as bad.
I see it all the damn time.
If you place that much of a premium on how your partner looks, your relationships will fail, because deep down you're a shallow twit with skewed priorities. First bump in the road and you're done. None of the lasting couples I know are together because they both look hot in a swimsuit, that's for certain. They've stayed together through cancer, through childbirth, depression and any number of other "unnattractive" scenarios because they care deeply for each other on a level that transcend appearance. There's simply no other explanation for their longevity.
I don't think his standards are as simple as "takes a bath and puts on makeup and a nice dress once in a while." If they were, he'd have no shortage. I see these women every single day. He obviously has some prima donna standards to be completely unable to find someone that meets them. Believe this. But then, we've become a horribly shallow society in general, which explains our divorce rate...and the existence of "men" like this in the first place.
the sole purpose for staying together can't be that we find each other "hot" but it's a good starting point. if I wasn't attracted to my wife before we started dating and getting to know one another, I never would have asked her out. attraction is a starting point, but not the be all end all...0
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