Dear Abby, Why aren't don't older chicks try to be hotter?

delilah47

Men, you just can't please them. Too much make-up. Not enough make-up. Dress too sexy. Dress business-like. Whatever. There's someone for everyone. Kudos to Abby for her reply!

chauncyrenayCHANGED

he wants what he wants and his brave enough to be honest about it. I'd be willing to bet no woman wants a slouch, either. Difference is, she is just going to keep it to herself and/or maybe share it with her girlfriends rather than submit it to Dear Abby.

Pretty much what I was going to say.

gingerjen7

I have mixed feelings on this. On one hand I've met a lot of guys that are say, mid 40s, balding, with potbellys, that have the attitude that anything less than a model like physique isn't good enough for them/to their standards..even if they look like danny devito themselves. This irritates me. A lot.

Otoh, what if this *is* a guy who works out all the time, and is in great shape, dresses nice, does what he can with his hair etc, and looks pretty nice. Well, then I can see how he might want someone who is on a similar level that way, fair enough. Maybe he'd like a girl fit enough that they can go running together, or a tennis partner etc.

Even if he were a balding, pot-bellied 40s something, he still has the right to want a partner who looks smokin' hot (or any other way for that matter). We are all entitled to our personal preferences and tastes. Likewise, we may all dress in the way that makes us feel our best. For some people, that's casual and comfortable, while for others it's fashionable and dressy. It's the implication that women should put aside their appearance preferences in deference to what a man wants them to look like that is the problem.

TheRoadDog

I've not found a shortage of beautiful, fit, interesting women in ANY age group, but, after reading some of these judgemental and derisive responses, I'm sure glad I'm not "on the market".

momof4greatkids1

I recently met a man, an octogenarian, who was bemoaning the fact that it would be difficult, if not impossible, for him to find a female companion. His theory was that the initial basis of a relationship is physical attraction, and his comment, and I quote , "when do you see an attractive woman in her 70's?'

His comment positively floored me, because it came from a man wearing a ratty sweater from the 1970's, with eyebrows so shaggy and long that they could have been braided, just basically overall, unkempt in appearance. I was shocked at his lack of self awareness.

As to the OP, I can't say I disagree that many women, and men do "let themselves go" at a certain age, which is tragic. In a sense, when you see someone like that, you get the feeling they have given up, and that attitude can be reflected in other areas of life, such as pursuing new interests, learning and growing in all areas of life.

fldiver97

the funny thing about this is..you can bet the guy writing it is fat and bald.

:smokin: that is highly probable........:bigsmile:

hbrittingham

I am 45 years old. After I had lost about 20 of the 40 lbs that I have lost, I had an experience that pointed out to me just how frumpy I had become. I was always one who couldn't wait to get home from work and change out of my work clothes and into sweats and a sweatshirt or shorts and a t-shirt and to wash the makeup off from me right away. I had been married for 18 years or so at that point and he didn't seem to care at all if that's what made me comfortable.

Then one Friday I was headed to my parents' lake house. My husband was driving separately because he had some work to do before he could leave. I washed my face and changed into some old shorts and a t-shirt and headed out. I stopped at a small convenience store just around the corner from the lake house to buy worms for fishing. An hour later, my husband stopped at the same store to pick up some worms for me to fish with, not knowing that I had already been there. So he asked the guy behind the counter if they had noticed whether I had been by. The one guy says "you mean the blonde lady with no makeup on with a car full of dogs?". When he told me about that, I was embarrassed. He didn't say attractive, clean or friendly, he mentioned the no makeup part.

From then on, I decided that if that had embarrassed me, then I needed to make a bit more effort about how I looked. And I do. My husband tells me he doesn't care, he thinks I am beautiful with or without makeup. I do it for myself and I feel better about myself because of it.

gingerjen7

Clearly, but as long as she's confident and happy with herself, who cares?

If she was confident and happy with herself, then maybe she wouldn't care what other people think?

I don't bother getting my hair cut and my Tazmanian Devil t-shirt doubles as a cheet-o napkin, if you don't want to treat me like a QUEEN then u don't deserve me

I don't think she does (care what other people think).

I'm sure that's why she started a post about it

Did she? I'm pretty sure she started a post about the absurdity of a man saying that women should format their appearance to please him when they obviously don't care what his opinion is.

hughtwalker

I think this Abby's reply sums this up neatly "...if that doesn't net you what you are TROLLING for..."



so, what does this Abby look like?

sfoster3171982

Because you butthead they got stuff to do and the last thing they are thinking of if look good for the a-hole I am about to go on a date with. Take them as they are and maybe with you by their side they could and want to take better care of themselves.


Woow some people

rm7161

I think this Abby's reply sums this up neatly "...if that doesn't net you what you are TROLLING for..."



so, what does this Abby look like?

secretlobster

Did she? I'm pretty sure she started a post about the absurdity of a man saying that women should format their appearance to please him when they obviously don't care what his opinion is.

My bad, I thought the point of staying in shape and caring for my appearance was for my own health and self-confidence, not because I'm trying to "format my appearance" to please men. I'm sure this is an issue of male oppression, isn't it.

JenKillough

Most single men I know also put a premium on a woman's appearance. Why don't women understand this?

Why don't women understand this??!!?? We are VERY well aware of this "premium" placed on our appearance. All too aware.

Some of us bust our *kitten* to look our best, some don't... why would any man lump a group of women into a category and make a blanket statement as he did? I'm not a 40-something yet, so I can't speak for them... but I can speak for the 30-somethings... some of us are hotter than the 20-somethings... he needs to look in the gym and the track clubs!

ArroganceInStep

Did she? I'm pretty sure she started a post about the absurdity of a man saying that women should format their appearance to please him when they obviously don't care what his opinion is.

If you don't care, then let it bother you? I'm not saying anything specific to you, OP, just making the assertion.

If women don't format their appearance to please him and he doesn't hook up with them, then he doesn't get laid.

I can't think of a better punishment for thinking stupid things than not getting any.

larosita57

Straight up, Dear Abby! I dig the O.P.'s response as well. I hear a lot from my younger co-workers that they "can't believe" that I'm 44, etc etc. Per our prevailing cultural attitudes around aging, I guess I should be flattered by this, but instead it irritates me. What's the famous Gloria Steinem story - when told by a reporter that she doesn't even look 40 (!), she stated "This is 40. You're looking at it."

I'm attracted to my also middle-aged long-term partner, but it doesn't matter to me that he doesn't have six-pack abs and is starting to lose his hair. I love his mind and his heart. Thankfully, he feels the same about me. I couldn't be with a man who expects me to live up to some shallow expectation of what a woman "should" look like...yuck. There's physical beauty, then there's internal beauty - that dude from the Dear Abby column has none of the latter. I bet he ain't as "hot" as he thinks he is, either, haha!

supahstar71

This man obviously hasn't seen some of the 40+ women on my friends list, seriously....

:drinker:

luvtcuk

I wonder what type of women he looking for. Supper model?
Beside there are other things in life to consider if he want some one to be with him for the rest of his life. Not just the appearance. Though the appearance is the first thing to attract people.

ChgingMe

I am 45 years old. After I had lost about 20 of the 40 lbs that I have lost, I had an experience that pointed out to me just how frumpy I had become. I was always one who couldn't wait to get home from work and change out of my work clothes and into sweats and a sweatshirt or shorts and a t-shirt and to wash the makeup off from me right away. I had been married for 18 years or so at that point and he didn't seem to care at all if that's what made me comfortable.

Then one Friday I was headed to my parents' lake house. My husband was driving separately because he had some work to do before he could leave. I washed my face and changed into some old shorts and a t-shirt and headed out. I stopped at a small convenience store just around the corner from the lake house to buy worms for fishing. An hour later, my husband stopped at the same store to pick up some worms for me to fish with, not knowing that I had already been there. So he asked the guy behind the counter if they had noticed whether I had been by. The one guy says "you mean the blonde lady with no makeup on with a car full of dogs?". When he told me about that, I was embarrassed. He didn't say attractive, clean or friendly, he mentioned the no makeup part.

From then on, I decided that if that had embarrassed me, then I needed to make a bit more effort about how I looked. And I do. My husband tells me he doesn't care, he thinks I am beautiful with or without makeup. I do it for myself and I feel better about myself because of it.

So your husband doesn't care if you wear make up and thinks you are beautiful without it. But some stranger in a fishing store commented on your lack of and now you wear it and take more effort in how you look. I don't understand that logic.

larosita57

Straight up, Dear Abby! I dig the O.P.'s response as well. I hear a lot from my younger co-workers that they "can't believe" that I'm 44, etc etc. Per our prevailing cultural attitudes around aging, I guess I should be flattered by this, but instead it irritates me. What's the famous Gloria Steinem story - when told by a reporter that she doesn't even look 40 (!), she stated "This is 40. You're looking at it."

I'm attracted to my also middle-aged long-term partner, but it doesn't matter to me that he doesn't have six-pack abs and is starting to lose his hair. I love his mind and his heart. Thankfully, he feels the same about me. I couldn't be with a man who expects me to live up to some shallow expectation of what a woman "should" look like...yuck. There's physical beauty, then there's internal beauty - that dude from the Dear Abby column has none of the latter. I bet he ain't as "hot" as he thinks he is, either, haha!

SideSteel

I wonder what type of women he looking for. Supper model?

I'm not trying to pick on your spelling at all, but the idea of a "Supper Model" is pretty damn funny