Dear Abby, Why aren't don't older chicks try to be hotter?

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  • JenKillough
    JenKillough Posts: 474 Member
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    What's the famous Gloria Steinem story - when told by a reporter that she doesn't even look 40 (!), she stated "This is 40. You're looking at it."

    :heart: this!
  • marz42
    marz42 Posts: 223 Member
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    the funny thing about this is..you can bet the guy writing it is fat and bald.

    Yeah, but lots of bald guys are in good shape, take good care of themselves, and have pride in their appearance. Criticizing someone for being bald is like criticizing them for having brown eyes or something.

    True.
    I think she was just trying to make the point that many guys that would write something like that are not very attractive themselves (same as I made in a later post) Bald in and of itself certainly doesn't mean unattractive, and heck for that matter (imho) neither does fat. But the guy who wrote dear Abbey seems to be saying he can't find any woman who is hot enough for him.

    I happen to think bald can be quite hot. Patrick Stewart and Bruce Willis just to name a couple. Even better than really short hair sometimes. I think most women care less about the amount of head hair than most men think they do.
  • LauraMacNCheese
    LauraMacNCheese Posts: 7,198 Member
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    I’ve been down the road where no matter what I did to myself, the guy I was with at the time constantly said how unattractive I was…with make-up; without make-up; dressed to the nines or in jeans & a t-shirt…it didn’t matter. He destroyed my self-esteem and I will damned if I ever let another guy do that to me. So the yutz who wrote that letter to Dear Abby can kiss the fattest part of my *kitten*.


    Yes, I put effort into my appearance. I like to look nice…put on a little make-up, wear some clothes that show off the fact that I’ve lost a little weight. It makes ME happy to do that. But let me tell you, if I’m not good enough for you when I fall out of bed in the morning, looking my worst then you don’t deserve me when I look my best.
  • emmy3111
    emmy3111 Posts: 482 Member
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    I kinda feel like anyone else who gets mad at this is the people that show up at Walmart at 3pm on a Saturday afternoon in stained jogging pants and a tweety bird tshirt with their hair in a lopsided banana clip, angry that men always go for hot chicks.

    Hahaha - can totally picture this, and couldn't agree more.

    There's a difference between someone having impossibly high standards of perfection, and someone who just wants their partner to CARE.
  • Crochetluvr
    Crochetluvr Posts: 3,143 Member
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    OMG! When I was on match.com, there was no end to the men looking for "fit, trim, attractive" women who love hiking
  • ZoeLifts
    ZoeLifts Posts: 10,347 Member
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    I have to say that I disagree with the tone of the question, and my first assumption is that this guy may not be much of a catch himself, you know? If he is in shape and taking care of himself and had realistic expectations, he probably doesn't need to resort to Dear Abby for his problem. I say that because I know plenty of men that do not take care of themselves, yet only have eyes for particular "model types" and claim there are no women for them. That is an unrealistic expectation.

    On the other hand, I believe fully in having pride in how you look, no matter if it means a touch of make up and a brush through your clean hair and clothes that fit well, or going all out dressed to the nines. It doesn't take much time to put in a little bit of effort, no matter your size or situation. It does wonders for one's confidence and the impression they give off about themselves.

    And an aside observation, it doesn't seem to matter the generation, there is a definite double standard that weighs heavily on how much effort many men feel they have to put in for their own grooming vs women. On date nights, I look around and see women in heels and lipstick and cute tops, with their hair fixed and pretty, sitting with a guy wearing torn up jeans, an ugly shirt, flip flops and a baseball hat. He may even be good looking and in shape, buy my mind cannot get past the lack of effort compared to his girl and that is very common nowadays.
  • gingerjen7
    gingerjen7 Posts: 821 Member
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    Did she? I'm pretty sure she started a post about the absurdity of a man saying that women should format their appearance to please him when they obviously don't care what his opinion is.

    My bad, I thought the point of staying in shape and caring for my appearance was for my own health and self-confidence, not because I'm trying to "format my appearance" to please men. I'm sure this is an issue of male oppression, isn't it.
    When the man in question specifically asks why women don't understand how important it is to guys that they be really attractive, yes, it is.
  • silvergurl518
    silvergurl518 Posts: 4,123 Member
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    the wording of the title confuddled me.
  • ArroganceInStep
    ArroganceInStep Posts: 6,239 Member
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    My bad, I thought the point of staying in shape and caring for my appearance was for my own health and self-confidence, not because I'm trying to "format my appearance" to please men. I'm sure this is an issue of male oppression, isn't it.
    When the man in question specifically asks why women don't understand how important it is to guys that they be really attractive, yes, it is.

    It's only an issue if you let it be one.
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,377 Member
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    I kinda feel like anyone else who gets mad at this is the people that show up at Walmart at 3pm on a Saturday afternoon in stained jogging pants and a tweety bird tshirt with their hair in a lopsided banana clip, angry that men always go for hot chicks.

    I know this girl!!! She's married, so she's not worried about who men are going for, but she gave up a long time ago. :(
  • gingerjen7
    gingerjen7 Posts: 821 Member
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    Did she? I'm pretty sure she started a post about the absurdity of a man saying that women should format their appearance to please him when they obviously don't care what his opinion is.

    If you don't care, then let it bother you? I'm not saying anything specific to you, OP, just making the assertion.

    If women don't format their appearance to please him and he doesn't hook up with them, then he doesn't get laid.

    I can't think of a better punishment for thinking stupid things than not getting any.
    Agreed. I found his comment funny and knew it would generate conversation that would be entertaining and interesting, so I shared it.
  • stormieweather
    stormieweather Posts: 2,549 Member
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    I agree here, but with one caveat.....if you really give a rip about looking put together and super sexy when making a mid Sunday afternoon run to Wally World for some TP you need to rethink your priorities. Just sayin!!

    Yes. There's a time and place for making an effort to look hot, and Walmart is not one of them. :noway:
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
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    Yes. There's a time and place for making an effort to look hot, and Walmart is not one of them. :noway:

    If you try to blend in with the People of Walmart, they are less likely to attack and eat you
  • disasterman
    disasterman Posts: 746 Member
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    the funny thing about this is..you can bet the guy writing it is fat and bald.

    Yeah, but lots of bald guys are in good shape, take good care of themselves, and have pride in their appearance. Criticizing someone for being bald is like criticizing them for having brown eyes or something.

    True.
    I think she was just trying to make the point that many guys that would write something like that are not very attractive themselves (same as I made in a later post) Bald in and of itself certainly doesn't mean unattractive, and heck for that matter (imho) neither does fat. But the guy who wrote dear Abbey seems to be saying he can't find any woman who is hot enough for him.

    I happen to think bald can be quite hot. Patrick Stewart and Bruce Willis just to name a couple. Even better than really short hair sometimes. I think most women care less about the amount of head hair than most men think they do.

    I understood her point but it's a poor way to make it because it perpetuates offensive stereotypes. Some women may find bald attractive, others not so much-but it's not really a similar thing to fat, slovenly, or frumpy. It's more similar to tall, short, blonde, or brunette. For most, a genetic trait not a lifestyle choice. That was my point.

    Anyhow, I'm not PERSONALLY offended. I don't really care what she thinks. But I thought it was worth pointing out.
  • anneerick
    anneerick Posts: 147 Member
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    I think appearance is an important aspect in today’s society.
    With that being said, Mr. Particular's letter is ridiculous for a "well educated" man. I see where (hopefully) he was coming from but his choice of wording is awful. I am wondering if perhaps this "catch" has issues communicating his point of view. If the man would have said;
    DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced father of two children, one in college and the other in high school. I have reached a point in life where I can take trips and make time for me. I am well-educated and earn an above-average income. I'm in decent shape and considered a "catch" by many of the single women I encounter.
    I am seeking a woman who shares my priorities in life such as taking pride in ones looks, being physically active and travelling. So far I haven’t had much luck. Where would you suggest finding a suitable partner for someone in my situation?

    PROBLEM SOLVED.

    If not, if he’s actually insinuating that women must not realize how important it is to men that they are attractive…… ummm…then, ya, women do realize but a lot of the time we don’t give a **** about what you think…you, egotistical *kitten*.
  • rm7161
    rm7161 Posts: 505
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    I know a few older attractive men, and the one thing they don't have a problem with is finding attractive women their age or slightly below.

    I really find this guy to be suspect. Kudos to those who detected the same thing. All I see is a middle aged man with a giant college bill wanting out of his familial responsibilities, and it remains to be seen if he really takes care of himself as much as he expects his lady friend to.

    That is the last thing I want to date, I'd rather stay single. I make a giant effort to take care of myself these days, and if I am not interested in a middle aged man with college age children education bills, it probably has to do with wanting to not inherit other peoples financial and familial problems.
  • angryguy77
    angryguy77 Posts: 836 Member
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    ha ha at all the women pissed at this guy. I'm sure these same women will now go to the Magic Mike thread with the same type of vigor to tell people how looks don't matter.


    I also love how he's a judgmental *kitten* about something he experiences in his world, but it's perfectly fine to make fun of how he looks without a picture.

    How dare a guy want to find a woman that embraces how she looks and is confident enough to show it. He must be a real chump for wanting a woman who hasn't given up and let herself go. I mean, he should just settle for the first frumpy woman and be happy with that, because we all now when people settle, the relationship always works.

    Can you women getting mad at this just stop and think before you get up in arms over a guy wanting what everyone one of us wants in a partner-someone who takes care of themselves.

    I swear, people are getting dumber by the day here.
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
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    ok... so I am 36. I have every intention of looking great as long as I possibly can.

    That said... *gasp* sometimes I go to walmart in yoga pants, with a banana clip and no makeup - especially if I am sick. I don't NEED to be hot and sexy 24/7. I am NOT a Stacey / Clinton from What Not to Wear - sometimes I think it is fine to relax a bit.

    I want someone who will want me when I'm glammed up, and when I'm yoga'd down. I want someone who knows what they have, and can see past a runny nose, messy hair and day old makeup - because it DOESN'T happen all the time... And lastly, I especially want someone who likes it when I'm sporting the bday suit.

    But damnit, sometimes I wanna be able to just let it go for a bit - and in return, I'll give my man leave to do likewise.
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
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    I don't want to date a fat man who doesn't shower regularly.

    Anyone who doesn't like it just doesn't deserve me
  • EatClean_WashUrNuts
    EatClean_WashUrNuts Posts: 1,590 Member
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    ok... so I am 36. I have every intention of looking great as long as I possibly can.

    That said... *gasp* sometimes I go to walmart in yoga pants, with a banana clip and no makeup - especially if I am sick. I don't NEED to be hot and sexy 24/7. I am NOT a Stacey / Clinton from What Not to Wear - sometimes I think it is fine to relax a bit.

    I want someone who will want me when I'm glammed up, and when I'm yoga'd down. I want someone who knows what they have, and can see past a runny nose, messy hair and day old makeup - because it DOESN'T happen all the time... And lastly, I especially want someone who likes it when I'm sporting the bday suit.

    But damnit, sometimes I wanna be able to just let it go for a bit - and in return, I'll give my man leave to do likewise.

    Come over. Like Ive said plenty :)

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