So at what weight do women actually respond to a guy?
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Confidence, a sense of humor and a personality are way more important than weight. The 2nd ex husband was almost as round as tall and his weight never bothered me. The laziness and dope smoking got him kicked to the curb but never weight. You just are not talking to the right girls.0
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yeah, you're walking up to the wrong girls..0
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@Weekndovoxo: i agree on what you said.Guys should take notes on that:P. Ha, you just described my favorite approach by a guy. A guy who is confident, but not overly confident. A guy who does not just talk about himself, tries to make small talk, remembers something you said, makes eye contact, subtle moves. Subtlety is the KEY. Even if the guy's intention is just to try and sleep with me:D, still the best approach.0
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Don't know if she's willing to give you her number/ interested in you? Few things to look out for... Leaning towards you, starts asking you tons of questions, blushing, tone of voice, posture. You can go for the kill by getting close saying something, if she doesn't reject what you said go for a kiss. If she does reject you. Chin up. Sometimes even with all of these hints she could just be an attention *kitten* or a tease. There's more out there.
Going for a kiss, in the very first conversation with a girl? Oh, hell to the no. See prior comments about "creepy".
Again it's all about signs.
There are girls that are receptive to it and are fine. Hell, there are women that have one night stands at get go. And there are others that don't approve of it. It's just one way of figuring out if a girl is into you. Obviously a number works too. But these situations make a lot more sense when describing a party/club/bar environment IMO, if this is at a public bus stop, library, cafe shop, etc then obviously going for a kiss would just be silly.
Anyways, I applaud men that have the confidence to be ballsy.0 -
What kind of sense of humor does he have?0
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Because clearly when I go up to a guy, I ask them to stand on a scale. Oh 201lbs? I'm sorry, 200 is my limit.. goodbye!0
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It's not the weight. It's you.0
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It's not the weight. It's you.
Weight has a lot to do with attraction.0 -
Depends... Some girls are "chubby chasers" and some girls like extremely fit, muscles bulging.
And then there are girls who like guys at any weight.
I personally was with someone ~240 for 2 years. Better bear hugs from bigger guys! I think lower weight actually turns me off more. I like my men a little chubby.0 -
men and woman tend to end up with where they are at in attractiveness.
In other words, 10's tend to be with 10's.
1's end up with 1's.
There have been studies that verify this. So if you are a 5 going for a 10 it probably won't work... in general.
Good luck and good hunting.How is that women are the only ones 'expecting men to be hot' but men don't think like that? OH REALLY?!!!!!!! Everybody wants to be attracted to the person they're kissing. And everyone has different ideas of what attracts them, as i'm sure you do yourself. If you aren't even getting responses on internet dating or in person, you are doing the following:
* coming across as a weirdo or a sleaze or just a plain old douche. Has anyone ever accused of this before?
* punching way above your weight
* coming on way too strong
* being too wussy
OR
* coming across as a man that doesn't like women. Cause that's how you're coming across now...Look, lets be honest here, although the person who walked away without acknowledging you is completely rude, yes, looks matter for first impressions. They matter for women, they matter for men, i'm sure you are not approaching people you find physically unattractive. I would also find it a little creepy if a random guy I know nothing about came up to me.
You've had good advice about getting to know people first so they can judge you on your personality and vice versa, but you don't want to do that because you think if you get to know eachother you will be friend zoned.
So you don't want people to be able to judge you on your personality before knowing if they are interested or not, and you are not worried about what their personality is like either, so you are the one who is making it neccesary for both parties to judge on first impressions (yes, looks).
You've had heaps of good advice here, and shot it all down, if you want a girlfriend, take some of the advice and do something about it instead of being all woe is me for 10 more pages.
You don't seem to be interested in the advice of any of the girls that tried to be nice, so I won't bother. I'll be cruel instead.
Give up.
I mean it. You think the cynicism you feel at this point doesn't show through, but people can smell it, and it negatively affects their opinion of you.
If you're not planning on hitting fitness model status, give up.
You're on a losing streak, so stop playing the game.
That last quote I posted, pay special attention to it. They're right. You made this about looks, so now you have to look like a Greek God. Get there or give up.
Alternatively, be rich and flaunt it. I have no other advice.0 -
Ensure you smell good and look neat, after this it all comes down to confidence, I can't hold a conversation with a woman for more than 5 minutes, it's tough but push yourself to approach and speak to more women even if you strike out, confidence and experience will grow.
Although as said by many people, if she is walking away based on what you look like...she is not worth your time.0 -
Depends... Some girls are "chubby chasers" and some girls like extremely fit, muscles bulging.
And then there are girls who like guys at any weight.
I personally was with someone ~240 for 2 years. Better bear hugs from bigger guys! I think lower weight actually turns me off more. I like my men a little chubby.
From my experience I've had more success at the weight I'm in now than what I was before.
I always carried confidence in myself, but the attraction wasn't there for them.
It definitely depends though, but from my experience and many friends around me weight has a lot to do with attraction. I mean why else do people lose weight(aside from health concerns..?)0 -
It's not the weight. It's you.
Weight has a lot to do with attraction.
Guys who are awkward like to use that as an excuse. It's one of many cop-outs that just make them sound whiny and negative, which is probably part of the reason they ain't getting the ladies. At any rate, I'm sure it feels a lot better to blame your lack of game on women being shallow than on a personality defect of your own.0 -
So when I was 290 the last girl I approached before starting my weight loss back up literally turned around on walked away without acknowledging me. At 245 I guess things have improved in the sense they'll talk to me for 30 seconds until they come up with an excuse to get away but still. So guys who have lost weight or to all the women out there, when does it actually get better? I mean do I need to be a fitness model or something because that's probably a bit out of reach.
Cold approaching a girl is just plain creepy!!
Do it in a manner where you can ask for her opinion on something and then take it from there, for example walk up to a girl promoting a new product and then use your wit to twist and turn the conversation so you can end up asking her on a date. Woman aren't superior in any way and believe it or not confidence, humour and charm will get you the hottest girl on the block.0 -
Interesting.It's not the weight. It's you.
Weight has a lot to do with attraction.
I had no trouble getting women at 315. It appears I have more trouble now, because it's perceived I am cocky or unapproachable.0 -
Interesting.It's not the weight. It's you.
Weight has a lot to do with attraction.
I had no trouble getting women at 315. It appears I have more trouble now, because it's perceived I am cocky or unapproachable.
After effects of many people losing weight...cockiness/arrogance is just a turn off, don't lose game my friend0 -
It's not the weight. It's you.
Weight has a lot to do with attraction.
Guys who are awkward like to use that as an excuse. It's one of many cop-outs that just make them sound whiny and negative, which is probably part of the reason they ain't getting the ladies. At any rate, I'm sure it feels a lot better to blame your lack of game on women being shallow than on a personality defect of your own.
Guys who are overweight get turned down by all type of girls. No matter how much confidence you carry. I see it every damn time I'm in the club or I'm at a house party. A guy can have all the confidence in the world and he still gets shut down from his size. Attraction matters.
Awkwardness doesn't help at all though. Any guy who is awkward no matter what size will look like a complete fool unless that girl is a dork/timid/shy too.0 -
Interesting.It's not the weight. It's you.
Weight has a lot to do with attraction.
I had no trouble getting women at 315. It appears I have more trouble now, because it's perceived I am cocky or unapproachable.
After effects of many people losing weight...cockiness/arrogance is just a turn off, don't lose game my friend
Agreed. When the guys cocky, it doesn't matter what they look like.0 -
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So when I was 290 the last girl I approached before starting my weight loss back up literally turned around on walked away without acknowledging me. At 245 I guess things have improved in the sense they'll talk to me for 30 seconds until they come up with an excuse to get away but still. So guys who have lost weight or to all the women out there, when does it actually get better? I mean do I need to be a fitness model or something because that's probably a bit out of reach.
I started MFP at 250lbs. Never had a problem with woman, talking, ect.
I will say I do feel a little sexier with the 13 lbs removed. Just keep at it, if they don't wanna chat, you shouldn't care anyways. That's what I do here on MFP......they request me then never say anything after that, goodbye, delete.:yawn:0 -
You're walking up to the wrong girls.0
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You're walking up to the wrong girls.
this
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Interesting.It's not the weight. It's you.
Weight has a lot to do with attraction.
I had no trouble getting women at 315. It appears I have more trouble now, because it's perceived I am cocky or unapproachable.
Cockiness has a lot to do with it . Once guys start getting more ripped they seem to lose the intellectual side and rely heavily on their looks to get women.
But a direct quote from your page, "The real reason is I was turned down by a girl, who in which I was trying to talk to at the time. She said point blank, "You can't be serious. You're way too (colorful metaphor) fat to be even seen out in public with me."
You think if you weren't healthier you'd had that problem? Weight has a lot to do with attraction. Once that issue has been solved, different types of women start to show up. Women that were once turning you down.
And it depends on the guys standard in women.
Edit: Congrats on the weight loss btw, look like a beast.0 -
You're walking up to the wrong girls.
This. I've dated guys who were 400 pounds and I've dated guys who were 125 pounds.0 -
My honest feeling is I'm going to end up going to pro's eventually. It just seems like that's what I'm going to get stuck with. Now if one of them rejects me that might be considered hitting bottom lol.
if you are projecting this when walking up to a girl, ofcourse she will reject you. self pitty is not desirable.. movies make it work but in real life you are better off believing you do deserve and that you can accomplish.0 -
Your weight doesn't matter if you have a good personality. The only guys I don't like are ones that talk to me based on looks and have nothing in common with me. Most of the guys I have dated were overweight/obese. If the girl doesn't give you a chance because of your weight, she wasn't worth your time anyway.0
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I never get approached...I dont think it happens as much as you think. Besides you automatically fail if you dont try, right?So I've determined a lot of women on this site are OK with big guys but all the ones I meet in real life aren't. And as I've said a milllllllion times walking up to a woman takes confidence. Maybe you ladies would agree more if you didn't get approached so much, I dunno. That's the biggest problem I think. You're "job" as far as meeting men is so incredibly easy. It pretty much totally consists of shooting down guys until you decide one has enough of whatever it is you're looking for. It's a real shame.0 -
Firstly, MASSIVE KUDOS to the (sadly, very few) posters who mentioned that different people are attracted to different things. My faith in humanity has been somewhat restored, so thanks for that.
Having said which, there are a LOT of really unpalatable posts on this thread, including the OP's. Treating all women as if they're the same; as if there's one thing we all find attractive (be it a certain weight, hairstyle, build, age, height, etc) is massively insulting. Take the replies stating things like: 'fat women are nicer than skinny ones' (No, they're not! Some are, some aren't, but you cannot generalise like that!) and 'women like confidence, but hate arrogance' (Who the hell are you to tell me what I like? I happen to LOVE arrogance!). Wow. Just, wow. *slow-hand clap*
To the OP: My genuine advice would be to try - and bear with me here - approaching someone you like the look of as an individual, because you want to chat to them, to get to know them, without the underlying motivation of a getting laid. Approaching a woman because you've lost some weight so now she has no reason to turn you down is an incredibly unattractive attitude, and I would suggest that it's that rather than anything at all to do with what you weigh that is your problem.
^^^^^ Yeah, basically this. ^^^^^if you have a hot body and are a douche, you will still be lonely.
All of this, tbh. Since dropping down to 125lbs, I've had more guys approaching me -- when I'm out shopping, when I'm out on a run (dude, seriously? It was flattering and all, but I was in the middle of a run. I stopped only because he was a cyclist and I thought he wanted directions.) On the other hand, I, personally am not a fan of just being approached and asked out in the middle of the goddamn street. That's not what I go for; I prefer a bit of a conversation, a bit of ~getting to know each other~ time -- this isn't an issue if I'm at an event or a gig where there's an obvious common interest at play and the conversation is flowing as a result, but just having someone come up to me and offer nothing more than a 'hi, you look good, want to grab coffee (or whatever)' doesn't really endear me to someone. Mindless dating isn't something I'm interested in, and that's the vibe I generally get from guys who just approach me -- especially as it happens now that I'm slim and fit. Why was I not approached before? Shallowness. Lambaste women for it all you like, men are the same (you know, while we're generalising here.)
But yeah, all I'd say is that whilst in some respects you may be approaching the wrong girls, you've got to think about how you're coming across, where you're doing it -- and I don't simply mean confidence, because yes, okay, you have 'the confidence' to approach a girl, but if you don't appear at ease with yourself, that's going to be a turn off straight away. But most important, you need to think about why. If there seems to be even a hint of desperation, of 'settling', then that's going to be seriously insulting. 'I'm approaching you because I want to date someone' versus 'I'm approaching you because x/y/z interested me about you.' etc and so on.
But I'm sorry to say that a couple of your responses in this thread have given me the vibe of a Nice Guy -- someone that believes they're owed something for doing X activity. No, you're not owed anything. Yes, these girls are rude by turning away and ignoring you, but the act of rejection in and of itself is not rude. That's their choice. These girls/women know exactly what they want, and if they don't think you're it, then they are perfectly and equally entitled to say 'no'. No-one is owed a chance in dating; love and all its subsets are very personal. You've got some bitterness going on in your replies here -- perhaps understandably so -- and it'll show in person and in body language, as will your aforementioned cynicism about the whole thing, despite your apart firm belief that it won't.
Women are as much individuals as men. We are not some homogeneous group. Start remembering that. (And FTR, I personally think it's BS that it's the 'guys jobs to approach the girls'. Sexism, man. I have no time for it. In whatever respect.) And yes, of course appearance and attractiveness matters; the latter is subjective and personal, and if you're not attractive to someone in the first instance, without mutual interests to go on, they're not even going to contemplate giving you a chance. I wouldn't expect a bloke to give me a chance if he didn't find me attractive because, sry2say but attractiveness does play a part in relationships. Also, speaking from personal experience, if you feel attractive in and of yourself, that'll help. I'll hazard a guess and say you don't as the subject of this thread is 'at what weight do women respond to a guy?'
Also, I'll say that WeekndOVOXO has it down. Go read his comment on page 15 if you're still looking for tips.0 -
I should have said, it's ASSUMED. I don't base my confidence on my looks.
Interesting.It's not the weight. It's you.
Weight has a lot to do with attraction.
I had no trouble getting women at 315. It appears I have more trouble now, because it's perceived I am cocky or unapproachable.
After effects of many people losing weight...cockiness/arrogance is just a turn off, don't lose game my friend
Agreed. When the guys cocky, it doesn't matter what they look like.0 -
Regarding the story....
Interesting.It's not the weight. It's you.
Weight has a lot to do with attraction.
I had no trouble getting women at 315. It appears I have more trouble now, because it's perceived I am cocky or unapproachable.
Cockiness has a lot to do with it . Once guys start getting more ripped they seem to lose the intellectual side and rely heavily on their looks to get women.
But a direct quote from your page, "The real reason is I was turned down by a girl, who in which I was trying to talk to at the time. She said point blank, "You can't be serious. You're way too (colorful metaphor) fat to be even seen out in public with me."
You think if you weren't healthier you'd had that problem? Weight has a lot to do with attraction. Once that issue has been solved, different types of women start to show up. Women that were once turning you down.
And it depends on the guys standard in women.
Edit: Congrats on the weight loss btw, look like a beast.
Months later I found out the "girl" was a hating ex-gf. This whole conversation transpired over Myspace.0
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