So at what weight do women actually respond to a guy?

willwillywilson

It's an unfortunate fact, but women are raised to be hyper-vigilant about their safety. If you do something that makes them uncomfortable, even unintentionally, you're going to get rejected.

This too. I was thinking that earlier but couldn't think of a way to explain it.

Mental note, test pickup line "I am not going to rape you." The results couldn't be too much worse than I'm already getting.

BrawnAndBrains

oh...tsk.... I have one helpful comment: being in shape will boost your confidence, and that my friend will make you feel much better about it all, not just women. Keep working out. You don't need to be a model (although that would get you faster to the starting places) Rest is all up to you.

ihateroses

I'm gathering the appearance thing is a big deal for women even though you gals pretend it's not.

I don't think girls or guys beat around the bush about appearance being important.

Appearance is a big deal for everyone. First impressions are important.

I agree that it was extremely rude of that girl not to say ANYthing, but I don't think it makes them a bad person/shallow person for rejecting you.

I'll bet you any money you don't say to your friends "Hey I'm going to talk to that girl over there...I don't find her attractive at all but she looks like she might have a great personality!"

But if you can't look past appearances to see if maybe just maybe there's more to someone you are a b**** (or a d*** if you're a guy). Period. It's the main reason people end up with crappy partners. They go out based off looks and they're completely shocked when the other person turns out to be terrible.

Key words you missed: first impressions.

Did not say anything about second or third impressions after initial conversation.

Ask yourself...why did you approach the girl who rejected you? Was it because you were attracted to her?

Voila.

willwillywilson

I'm gathering the appearance thing is a big deal for women even though you gals pretend it's not.

I don't think girls or guys beat around the bush about appearance being important.

Appearance is a big deal for everyone. First impressions are important.

I agree that it was extremely rude of that girl not to say ANYthing, but I don't think it makes them a bad person/shallow person for rejecting you.

I'll bet you any money you don't say to your friends "Hey I'm going to talk to that girl over there...I don't find her attractive at all but she looks like she might have a great personality!"

But if you can't look past appearances to see if maybe just maybe there's more to someone you are a b**** (or a d*** if you're a guy). Period. It's the main reason people end up with crappy partners. They go out based off looks and they're completely shocked when the other person turns out to be terrible.

Key words you missed: first impressions.

Did not say anything about second or third impressions after initial conversation.

Ask yourself...why did you approach the girl who rejected you? Was it because you were attracted to her?

Voila.

Yeah but since the burden is on men to do the approaching women need to be a little tolerant that maybe just maybe not every guy that talks to them is going to be a hard body.

Kenzietea2

Initial attraction matters. Maybe they just aren't attracted to you. That in no ways means you are unattractive, people just have particular tastes, you shouldn't take it personally and you shouldn't assume it is your weight either. It definitely doesn't mean stop trying. It could also be the WAY you are approaching them. If a man were to approach me with confidence (assuming I am single), I would give him my time of day regardless if he was my 'type' or not.

redheaddee

Women respond to men who are smart, funny, and confident. Especially funny. Make her laugh and the weight won't matter.

ETA: I have a friend we call Monkey, because he seriously looks like a monkey. Short, hairy body, big lips, not too smart, but hardworking and funny as hell. One night during a firefighter training, the Lifeline folks were here and apparently one of the trainers was female and HOTT. Despite having her choice of the men, she picked Monkey, because he made her laugh until she cried. They have been on 4 dates so far. True story.

jbshooter

I would guess that there is a women out there with her eye on you. Maybe you don't see it cause you are friends, coworkers, or any thing else. She probably doesn't have the confidence to talk to you. Often the best person for us is right under our nose.

Mscastillo85

So when I was 290 the last girl I approached before starting my weight loss back up literally turned around on walked away without acknowledging me. At 245 I guess things have improved in the sense they'll talk to me for 30 seconds until they come up with an excuse to get away but still. So guys who have lost weight or to all the women out there, when does it actually get better? I mean do I need to be a fitness model or something because that's probably a bit out of reach.

CONFIDENCE IS KEY NOT COCKINESS. && Please don't associate your weight with why you haven't met someone yet. Thats a lot of pressure. Lose the weight because you want to feel better about yourself. As for that girl shes probably one of the large population of females who loves *kitten* and don't care how they're treated. I have 3 brothers and being a girl I've gone for the typical *kitten* and boy did Iearn my lesson. I had to look into myself and see that I didn't want to be one of those dumb girls. But if you're a good person, have a good loving heart DON'T CHANGE THAT FOR ANYONE. Love yourself unconditionally and it will show and you'll find someone when you least expect it. Trust me it happened to me. Hope this helps.

deksgrl

Yeah but since the burden is on men to do the approaching women need to be a little tolerant that maybe just maybe not every guy that talks to them is going to be a hard body.

I never thought that. I was an example of the guy who private messaged you, didn't know how attractive I was.

gotogirl81

[quot

Yeah but since the burden is on men to do the approaching women need to be a little tolerant that maybe just maybe not every guy that talks to them is going to be a hard body.

this isn't 1954 ... men don't have to approach women all the time.

Also I prefer and am attracted to guys who are on the " teddybear-esque" shape. or my friends would say i only date hairy lumberjacks. haha.

MizKittyB

It's an unfortunate fact, but women are raised to be hyper-vigilant about their safety. If you do something that makes them uncomfortable, even unintentionally, you're going to get rejected.

This too. I was thinking that earlier but couldn't think of a way to explain it.

Mental note, test pickup line "I am not going to rape you." The results couldn't be too much worse than I'm already getting.

I suspect that will just get the cops called on you, if you don't enunciate carefully. Also, the rape word? Total turnoff. Just sayin'.

(Really, though - I don't think you're going to have any success if you blithely disregard advice you've asked for, especially when you want women to respond and you're getting many women's points of view in response to your post.)

willwillywilson

So when I was 290 the last girl I approached before starting my weight loss back up literally turned around on walked away without acknowledging me. At 245 I guess things have improved in the sense they'll talk to me for 30 seconds until they come up with an excuse to get away but still. So guys who have lost weight or to all the women out there, when does it actually get better? I mean do I need to be a fitness model or something because that's probably a bit out of reach.

CONFIDENCE IS KEY NOT COCKINESS. && Please don't associate your weight with why you haven't met someone yet. Thats a lot of pressure. Lose the weight because you want to feel better about yourself. As for that girl shes probably one of the large population of females who loves *kitten* and don't care how they're treated. I have 3 brothers and being a girl I've gone for the typical *kitten* and boy did Iearn my lesson. I had to look into myself and see that I didn't want to be one of those dumb girls. But if you're a good person, have a good loving heart DON'T CHANGE THAT FOR ANYONE. Love yourself unconditionally and it will show and you'll find someone when you least expect it. Trust me it happened to me. Hope this helps.

Not changing is something I really hope I can do but I think I'm already getting pretty cynical about the whole thing. It's like high school except the excuses are more sugar coated. I mean when women are in their 30s shouldn't they of gotten over the whole "guys need to be hot" phase?

willwillywilson

[quot

Yeah but since the burden is on men to do the approaching women need to be a little tolerant that maybe just maybe not every guy that talks to them is going to be a hard body.

this isn't 1954 ... men don't have to approach women all the time.

Also I prefer and am attracted to guys who are on the " teddybear-esque" shape. or my friends would say i only date hairy lumberjacks. haha.

I have NEVER been approached LOL. Even when I was younger. In fact I had a friend who was a lot better looking once and when I went out with him women would come up to him all the time. Again, weight factor.

parys1

If your cynicism is apparent, it can be a turn off. If you are expecting to be rejected, odds are pretty good you will.


ETA: I meant to quote where you stated you were becoming cynical. Doggone quotey things.

mauryr

I will be a little more direct with my response: When I approached BMI of 25, I distinctly started getting more attention from women. Actually, from everyone, in pretty much all domains, not just romantic ones.

Although no one wants to admit it to themselves, everyone is prejudiced by how people look, especially when it comes to weight, and this bias is even more pronounced when it comes to gender relationships. This is certainly true for first impressions (without initial attraction there won't be an opportunity to get to know the "inner person").

Realistically, this bias is ongoing, even after the first impression. I'm no statistician, but my instinct tells me that divorce rates are higher when either both partners "let go" of their appearance, or the difference between the partners' appearances gets too wide. This is why you rarely see a couple where one partner is out of the "league" of the other... sure, it happens - but when it does, it's noteworthy because it's unusual. Kinda the exception that proves the rule.

Sadly, appearance is important to people. It pisses me off too, but that's why this site is so well populated. Duh. Everyone knows this, but shhhh... it's "politically incorrect".

BTW, google the "halo effect" and it's relationship to attractiveness, to see some interesting stuff on the psychology of attractiveness.

_JR_

I will be a little more direct with my response: When I approached BMI of 25, I distinctly started getting more attention from women. Actually, from everyone, in pretty much all domains, not just romantic ones.

Although no one wants to admit it to themselves, everyone is prejudiced by how people look, especially when it comes to weight, and this bias is even more pronounced when it comes to gender relationships. This is certainly true for first impressions (without initial attraction there won't be an opportunity to get to know the "inner person").

Realistically, this bias is ongoing, even after the first impression. I'm no statistician, but my instinct tells me that divorce rates are higher when either both partners "let go" of their appearance, or the difference between the partners' appearances gets too wide. This is why you rarely see a couple where one partner is out of the "league" of the other... sure, it happens - but when it does, it's noteworthy because it's unusual. Kinda the exception that proves the rule.

Sadly, appearance is important to people. It pisses me off too, but that's why this site is so well populated. Duh. Everyone knows this, but shhhh... it's "politically incorrect".

BTW, google the "halo effect" and it's relationship to attractiveness, to see some interesting stuff on the psychology of attractiveness.

I agree with this. :drinker:

willwillywilson

If your cynicism is apparent, it can be a turn off. If you are expecting to be rejected, odds are pretty good you will.

It doesn't really project when I'm out or in person. I don't lead with "Hey, you probably are going to hate me anyways..." Also It's a catch 22. You can't be positive about a situation when you consistently get negative feedback. I'm hoping when I hit my number the tides will turn and I'll have a reason to say "Ok so they're not all bad anymore." Right now though, I can't just walk around with a 0% success rate saying "Yup, nothing wrong with me. I'm awesome!"

willwillywilson

I will be a little more direct with my response: When I approached BMI of 25, I distinctly started getting more attention from women. Actually, from everyone, in pretty much all domains, not just romantic ones.

Although no one wants to admit it to themselves, everyone is prejudiced by how people look, especially when it comes to weight, and this bias is even more pronounced when it comes to gender relationships. This is certainly true for first impressions (without initial attraction there won't be an opportunity to get to know the "inner person").

Realistically, this bias is ongoing, even after the first impression. I'm no statistician, but my instinct tells me that divorce rates are higher when either both partners "let go" of their appearance, or the difference between the partners' appearances gets too wide. This is why you rarely see a couple where one partner is out of the "league" of the other... sure, it happens - but when it does, it's noteworthy because it's unusual. Kinda the exception that proves the rule.

Sadly, appearance is important to people. It pisses me off too, but that's why this site is so well populated. Duh. Everyone knows this, but shhhh... it's "politically incorrect".

BTW, google the "halo effect" and it's relationship to attractiveness, to see some interesting stuff on the psychology of attractiveness.

Kudos for honesty. Again, the guys bringing the honesty. The women come with the feel good advice LOL. I'll look up the halo effect you mentioned.

smokedragon97

It's an unfortunate fact, but women are raised to be hyper-vigilant about their safety. If you do something that makes them uncomfortable, even unintentionally, you're going to get rejected.

This too. I was thinking that earlier but couldn't think of a way to explain it.

Mental note, test pickup line "I am not going to rape you." The results couldn't be too much worse than I'm already getting.

DO NOT say that!! You will absolutely get turned down. If I'm someplace trying to relax and enjoy myself and some dude I do NOT know comes up and says that - my reaction is definitely not going to be very pleasant.

Seriously man, you have 10 pages of good advice here and the only thing you seem to have gotten out of it is that it's your weight and you have to spend thousands of dollars to look attractive, when that is not the case. It's not just your image, it's the whole package - personality, confidence (and just walking up to her alone is not enough!), and humor.

Since your mind is in the gutter, look at it this way, you start out with a hard on but are unable to finish the act. That is what you are doing!! You go up the the woman, say hi, but then you do not finish! If you quit before you start, then I don't want you. If you talk to me and you have something interesting to say and have a humorous twist to it - I would talk to you, especially with that bald head of yours, but you just coming up to me does not tell me nothing about who you are or what you do. Again we are not mind readers!! We cannot see what is "inside" of you, IF YOU DO NOT TALK!!!! Whatever, man, I'm out of here. Good luck in your quest.

parys1

If your cynicism is apparent, it can be a turn off. If you are expecting to be rejected, odds are pretty good you will.

It doesn't really project when I'm out or in person. I don't lead with "Hey, you probably are going to hate me anyways..." Also It's a catch 22. You can't be positive about a situation when you consistently get negative feedback. I'm hoping when I hit my number the tides will turn and I'll have a reason to say "Ok so they're not all bad anymore." Right now though, I can't just walk around with a 0% success rate saying "Yup, nothing wrong with me. I'm awesome!"

But that does project in person. Very much so. It's evident in a person's body language. Perhaps forget about approaching anyone for a while and just focus on things you enjoy doing - enthusiasm and fun can be like a beacon, but do them for the joy they bring you, not to meet women.