So at what weight do women actually respond to a guy?

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  • dg09
    dg09 Posts: 754
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    So I've determined a lot of women on this site are OK with big guys but all the ones I meet in real life aren't. And as I've said a milllllllion times walking up to a woman takes confidence. Maybe you ladies would agree more if you didn't get approached so much, I dunno. That's the biggest problem I think. You're "job" as far as meeting men is so incredibly easy. It pretty much totally consists of shooting down guys until you decide one has enough of whatever it is you're looking for. It's a real shame.

    Have you tried the online dating route? Just fire off as many messages as you can to the women you find interesting, I'm sure you're bound to get a reply! Like others have said in earlier pages, maybe you're approaching the wrong kind of women? I think at least online, you can read and get a feel of the person before going for it. And getting shot down online is a lot better than in person. :laugh:
  • katie070563
    katie070563 Posts: 246
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    lmao. he is spot on. Deny it all you like, he is completely correct.


    No, no, no! Not all women do this!!!
  • Keto_T
    Keto_T Posts: 673 Member
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    Maybe you ladies would agree more if you didn't get approached so much, I dunno. That's the biggest problem I think. You're "job" as far as meeting men is so incredibly easy. It pretty much totally consists of shooting down guys until you decide one has enough of whatever it is you're looking for. It's a real shame.

    False.

    Completely false
  • ErzaScarlet
    ErzaScarlet Posts: 64 Member
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    the same weight you would expect a women to be.
  • ASDavis72
    ASDavis72 Posts: 77 Member
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    Confidence is a very important factor. You should also be mindful in the type of woman you are approaching; some can be shallow, mean or even shy.
  • willwillywilson
    willwillywilson Posts: 229
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    the same weight you would expect a women to be.

    I'd expect most women would weight less than me LOL. I mean i'm 245.
  • Marie31450
    Marie31450 Posts: 96 Member
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    Some girls can be very shallow as well as some guys! Those that don't look past your size and see you for the great person that you are..well then they aren't worth talking to in my book!
  • shamarie87
    shamarie87 Posts: 2
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    I don't know about everyone who is saying "approaching the wrong girls"... maybe, but how are you approaching them? If you come off as overly creepy/aggressive/weird, no girl wants that... so unless you are just being genuine, laidback and friendly I wouldn't necessarily assume it's just because of your weight. Again, I don't know how you're approaching them, just saying that might factor in to what sort of response you get as well (rather than just saying "oh something is wrong with the girl").
  • Cupcakehippiemommy
    Cupcakehippiemommy Posts: 457 Member
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    You need to have confidence.

    It's hard, I know..I struggle with it a lot.

    But strong confidence will go a long ways.

    Yes!! Regardless of weight confidence is always good! That's how my husband got my attention and he is a big guy :)
  • queenreason
    queenreason Posts: 2
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    Everyone has the right to their own preferences. Calling some women shallow for not being attracted to this particular person is ridiculous.
    As for OP, if you are approaching women who aren't interested in you, they won't become interested if you lose weight. Suck it up and try again.
  • jeardawg
    jeardawg Posts: 110 Member
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    This sounds weird but its probably not them, but you. Not being critical, but stick with getting into shape because its good for you. Have a life, do things with your friends and feel good about you, then all of a sudden you will get noticed, in fact you will be fighting them off with a stick. Like dogs, and bees, women smell fear and desperation like a fart in a car.
  • peterdt
    peterdt Posts: 820 Member
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    men and woman tend to end up with where they are at in attractiveness.

    In other words, 10's tend to be with 10's.

    1's end up with 1's.

    There have been studies that verify this. So if you are a 5 going for a 10 it probably won't work... in general.

    Good luck and good hunting.
  • ihateroses
    ihateroses Posts: 893 Member
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    lmao. he is spot on. Deny it all you like, he is completely correct.
    Maybe you ladies would agree more if you didn't get approached so much, I dunno. That's the biggest problem I think. You're "job" as far as meeting men is so incredibly easy. It pretty much totally consists of shooting down guys until you decide one has enough of whatever it is you're looking for. It's a real shame.

    False.

    You could go to any nightlife venue in the world and have your pic of most of the men there with almost no effort...if that was your desire.

    The OP wasn't talking about one night stands (I don't think?). I just think its ridiculous that he still think its "the mans job" to approach women. And its even more hilarious that he assumes we stand around shooting men down if they don't make the "checklist". I think I've been approached by strangers who genuinely wanted my number to go on a date maybe a total of 5 times my entire life (2 of which I went on a date with).

    Its 2012 gentlemen.

    Whoever recommended online dating has it right. But I'm pretty sure its more of a personality issue if you think all women are cold-hearted and superficial.
  • willwillywilson
    willwillywilson Posts: 229
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    lmao. he is spot on. Deny it all you like, he is completely correct.
    Maybe you ladies would agree more if you didn't get approached so much, I dunno. That's the biggest problem I think. You're "job" as far as meeting men is so incredibly easy. It pretty much totally consists of shooting down guys until you decide one has enough of whatever it is you're looking for. It's a real shame.

    False.

    You could go to any nightlife venue in the world and have your pic of most of the men there with almost no effort...if that was your desire.

    The OP wasn't talking about one night stands (I don't think?). I just think its ridiculous that he still think its "the mans job" to approach women. And its even more hilarious that he assumes we stand around shooting men down if they don't make the "checklist". I think I've been approached by strangers who genuinely wanted my number to go on a date maybe a total of 5 times my entire life (2 of which I went on a date with).

    Its 2012 gentlemen.

    Whoever recommended online dating has it right. But I'm pretty sure its more of a personality issue if you think all women are cold-hearted and superficial.

    No one writes back LOL. Those things are probably just as much a meat market as a bar.
  • captainsuperpants
    captainsuperpants Posts: 64 Member
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    Look, lets be honest here, although the person who walked away without acknowledging you is completely rude, yes, looks matter for first impressions. They matter for women, they matter for men, i'm sure you are not approaching people you find physically unattractive. I would also find it a little creepy if a random guy I know nothing about came up to me.
    You've had good advice about getting to know people first so they can judge you on your personality and vice versa, but you don't want to do that because you think if you get to know eachother you will be friend zoned.
    So you don't want people to be able to judge you on your personality before knowing if they are interested or not, and you are not worried about what their personality is like either, so you are the one who is making it neccesary for both parties to judge on first impressions (yes, looks).
    You've had heaps of good advice here, and shot it all down, if you want a girlfriend, take some of the advice and do something about it instead of being all woe is me for 10 more pages.

    I'v got to say, i agree!!! I find it offensive that you say somewhere in here 'you girls have it easy, you just shoot men down and take your pick' or something like that. Do you seriously believe that loads of men are approaching fat women? That society isn't constantly sending the message that women not only have to be thin, but also hairless, wrinkle-free, and dressed immaculately? It's a pain in the *kitten* buddy!!

    I bet you're walking up to fit, tiny women, spouting some kind of line and then wondering why they're not interested. I see men in particular do this all the time and it's called 'punching above your weight' (so to speak). I'm not trying to be mean, just real. I am always seeing average guys scanning the room and then hitting on the hottest girl there. You got to think, if you're trying to pull her- isn't every other bloke?

    As the other post said, there's plenty of good advice on here. Try it out!
  • Infauna
    Infauna Posts: 89
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    Everyone has the right to their own preferences. Calling some women shallow for not being attracted to this particular person is ridiculous.
    As for OP, if you are approaching women who aren't interested in you, they won't become interested if you lose weight. Suck it up and try again.
  • captainsuperpants
    captainsuperpants Posts: 64 Member
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    Oh my god, i've just read some more of the things you've said, and dude, you sound like a bit of a misogynist. You say the men are being 'honest' and the women aren't, instead of really listening to what people are saying. I also think some of the men who you've quoted are saying what you want to hear- that women are shallow and hurtful on purpose and they haven't changed since highschool??!!!! Gee, that's odd, because the women on here seem like they're being really supportive to a guy who's being a bit of a jerk. And remember they can see your picture, they wouldn't be saying nice stuff if they thought you didn't have a chance.

    I cannot believe that in 2012 men actually think like you do. How is that women are the only ones 'expecting men to be hot' but men don't think like that? OH REALLY?!!!!!!! Everybody wants to be attracted to the person they're kissing. And everyone has different ideas of what attracts them, as i'm sure you do yourself. If you aren't even getting responses on internet dating or in person, you are doing the following:

    * coming across as a weirdo or a sleaze or just a plain old douche. Has anyone ever accused of this before?
    * punching way above your weight
    * coming on way too strong
    * being too wussy
    OR
    * coming across as a man that doesn't like women. Cause that's how you're coming across now...
  • willwillywilson
    willwillywilson Posts: 229
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    Oh my god, i've just read some more of the things you've said, and dude, you sound like a bit of a misogynist. You say the men are being 'honest' and the women aren't, instead of really listening to what people are saying. I also think some of the men who you've quoted are saying what you want to hear- that women are shallow and hurtful on purpose and they haven't changed since highschool??!!!! Gee, that's odd, because the women on here seem like they're being really supportive to a guy who's being a bit of a jerk. And remember they can see your picture, they wouldn't be saying nice stuff if they thought you didn't have a chance.

    I cannot believe that in 2012 men actually think like you do. How is that women are the only ones 'expecting men to be hot' but men don't think like that? OH REALLY?!!!!!!! Everybody wants to be attracted to the person they're kissing. And everyone has different ideas of what attracts them, as i'm sure you do yourself. If you aren't even getting responses on internet dating or in person, you are doing the following:

    * coming across as a weirdo or a sleaze or just a plain old douche. Has anyone ever accused of this before?
    * punching way above your weight
    * coming on way too strong
    * being too wussy
    OR
    * coming across as a man that doesn't like women. Cause that's how you're coming across now...

    I can almost guarantee most guys who get rejected because of their weight on a frequent basis feel similar to me. Also, the punching above your weight thing is kind of odd. I mean doesn't that go against the whole confidence thing half the posts mentioned? Not that I'm approaching super models or anything anyways. It's like with jobs though. If I only applied for jobs I thought I was qualified for I'd be homeless by now. That was kind of the whole point of the original post. At what weight will I not be punching above my weight as far as average girls go?
  • Nerdybreisawesome
    Nerdybreisawesome Posts: 359 Member
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    So when I was 290 the last girl I approached before starting my weight loss back up literally turned around on walked away without acknowledging me. At 245 I guess things have improved in the sense they'll talk to me for 30 seconds until they come up with an excuse to get away but still. So guys who have lost weight or to all the women out there, when does it actually get better? I mean do I need to be a fitness model or something because that's probably a bit out of reach.

    In what way are you approaching them? And what kind of girls are you approaching? Do you do it with confidence but not cockiness?
  • mavrick7
    mavrick7 Posts: 1,607 Member
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    To the OP:
    After reading your post and the many subsequent posts, I think about the movie: "Shallow Hal" you may want to think about working on the inner beauty first (yourself) then look for those qualities in a women. It shouldn't matter what you look like to attract your partner.

    Most people perceive me as a person attract to fitness models or gym trainers. The truth is that I don't find anything in common with those types and date mostly women that share the same interests. Anyone interested in you, only for your looks, will not be a good long term match. If you pretend to become someone you are not, don't do it.

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