How do you feel about stay-at-home parents?

gimpygramma

I stayed home with my kids till my youngest was in grade two. I loved being with them but when they left for school I went back to school too.

I haven't noticed anyone posting about the thing I hated about being a SAHM....that was the way others treated me. My husband had a management position and it required that we attend dinners or parties from time to time. These were HELL for me. People just looked over me as if I wasn't there. I started law school the year DD was in grade two and three months later when we hit the round of Christmas functions my social value had gone up exponentially. People sought me out. I am pretty sure that I was no brighter or socially adept than I'd been the year before but what a difference.

SAHM's definitely do not get the respect that they deserve; I would have befriended you during those dinners!

:flowerforyou: beccanne

KinzieElise

This reminds me of something I heard earlier today. A SAHM put on her resume that she was a nurse, educator, taxi driver, housekeeper, chef, accountant, and pretty much anything else that is a paid position that SAHPs' do. Supposedly she got hired from that resume.

bushidowoman

Wow..I'm glad you don't run a daycare. I couldn't imagine letting a 3 year old go off to play by himself. Or be ""creative" by himself. How can a THREE year old "simply love being alone" ?

Wow....it's no wonder you still have "loads" of energy...sounds like you don't do much...just going by what you wrote.

Wow, that was a bit judgmental. Maybe it's not *your* experience, but why be critical of another?

Her child sounds very similar to my oldest at age 3. We lived way out in the country with a fenced in yard, and there wasn't really any danger she could get into out there. I sat on the patio reading while she happily played made-up games. She had such an imagination! I had plenty of time to practice piano while she drew pictures and wrote little books (she could already write her ABCs at that age). We listened to classical music together, and at age three, she could identify different composers and their works. I had loads of energy then, too. Plenty of time to exercise and take care of myself. I knew from listening to my other friends with children that my child was rare, and I enjoyed every minute of it. That was a happy time in my life.
It's rare that moms get to have that experience...but there's no need to criticize them for it.

(And then I had baby #2 when my oldest was 7, and that child turned my world upside down. I got no sleep, had trouble even fixing myself a sandwich or taking a shower, and ended every night in tears. And then baby #3 was just almost as needy. Being unable to care for myself properly after those two was when I packed on all my weight.)

littlelily613

If I ever get married and have kids (I'm thinking that won't happen, though) then I would want to be a stay-at-home mom until my kids are school-aged. Once kids go off to school, unless people are financially stable because of their other parent, there is no excuse to stay at home. I know someone who is single and insists on being a "stay-at-home mom" when her son is gone ALL day long. That is ridiculous. Sure, if the kid is a toddler or infant, but not for a pre-teen that is gone to school for the bulk of the day.

AReasor

This is in response to some of the negativity. I am a sahm, my daughters are 7 and 10. My oldest was the easiest kid ever. She just wanted to eat, sleep, and do her own thing. She would put herself down for naps. I didn't understand how people thought this was difficult. Then my youngest came along. Oh my, she wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep, and only wanted me. She spent most of her first year adhered to me in some manner. Her nickname is barnacle.

My point is, all kids are different. And boy did I get payback, lol.

norcal_yogi

I can tell you... Being a SAHM is WAYYYYYYYYYYY harder than any other job I've EVER had. Mentally and Physically.

yes, definately this^. but...in the end, its worth it if you can pull it off financially.

Ocarina

You all sound like you have such beautiful families!!

I'm not a parent. Nor not sure if I'll be one. But I'm a career oriented person and my husband isn't as much so our plan is that hopefully I'm making the big bucks and he's teaching or doing something fun part time.... And in that process that should allow him to be a part time stay at home dad maybe.

I'm just not the 100% mothering type and couldn't be home all the time. I did it just being jobless and out of school. It was the worst summer ever!!

Effpcos

I am a sahm to five children aged 2y-11y. I worked til our second child was 2mths old out of financial necessity and then my husband's developing career made it too difficult. I've now been at home full time for almost 8 years

I do resent my husband "escaping". He readily admits he has the easier side of the deal and he's only had to look after 4 of them by himself for half the day max (and the 2 days I was in hospital post c-sect with my fifth but he had help), and the occasional evening when I go out to a kindy event or a quiz night but that's after the kids bedtime. Never has he experienced the nightmare of being sick with five sick children, and had people turn up at the door when our house reeked of vomit and disinfectant and looked like a laundromat.

His job now pays extremely well and it'd be a waste of time me going back to work at this stage. Aside from the fact me working would make life harder and more complicated. He travels a lot with his job, across the country and internationally, staying in motels, eating in restaurants and has housekeeping wherever he goes. The last time I left our region was about 2 years ago, no one helps me with housekeeping and I would give my teeth to have someone cook tea for me.

He's very anti-daycare, so it was never really an option for me to work. (and yes we DID discuss this pre-children).

While he's gone I also have to "run" our micro lifestyle block, care for my grandparents who live the next street over, and deal with all the dramas that life brings. I do the birthday parties, parent-teacher meetings, etc by myself, for many years the other parents at school thought I was a solo parent.
I almost lost the plot at the beginning of this year buying our house, dealing with the lawyers, bank and vendors by myself, as he was busy working away and mostly un-contact-able. I had to make a few time-sensitive decisions on his behalf as I couldn't get a hold of him, two of them were "wrong" so naturally I got the blame, :grumble: .
And of course if I get sick no one cares for me, I'll be busy cleaning the vomit out of my hair because I don't have time for a shower, driving the kids to school with a bowl between my knees, praying I can manage to get them there and then me and the littlies back home again without vomiting over my dash or ****ting myself. And hoping like crazy that no one sees me!
I'm looking forward to my littlest being in school so I can go re-train. I'm hoping to go into nursing, I like to think I have a pretty good handle on all things gory and gross, I was a medical student before I got pregnant with our first.
Don't get me wrong I do love our children and wouldn't trade these years at home with them for anything, but it is hard, and society's attitude to me being "at home" all day does grate. All of my friends are working mothers and the way they lord that over me drives me insane, I would love to swap with them for just one day, sitting in an office drinking coffee without someone spilling it on me and having actual adult conversation with real life adults, and go home to a clean and tidy house because there hasn't been toddler-tornadoes ripping through it all day. (I realise not everyone's jobs are like that but their's are.) If my friends are ill they still have their kids in daycare for the day and go home to sleep. And I pick their kids up for them, a favour they can't/don't/won't return. They grab their groceries after work child-free. They get haircuts and manicures in their lunchbreaks, the last few weeks before they had their latest babies they were on maternity leave and their older children were in daycare, so they spent those last couple of weeks getting the nurseries ready, reading, relaxing, getting massages.
Sorry that all seems whinier that it should be. Today has been a long day, currently my 11y is sulking in his room (I have confiscated his Lego as he was naughty), awaiting his music tutor, my 8y & 6yo are making cupcakes in the kitchen, and my 4y & 2y are playing nicely for once, so I sit down with a cup of tea to check my emails and they were not pleasant, =/.
We don't have family nearby (aside from my grandparents whom I suspect should not be living alone for much longer), perhaps if we did have some support it would be easier.
Pros of being at home- I see my kids everyday, not just at dinner/bed time, I save us a lot of money with growing veg, cooking from scratch etc, I can help out at school and kindergarten (and therefore have really good relationships with their teachers and hear about it the moment one of the kids slips behind or has a bad day, or does really well), I don't worry about my children as I know exactly where they are, what they are doing etc, and I am available to help out my grandparents and friends and that is satisfying, most of the time.
So, umm, yeah, there you are. My attitude towards being a SAHM on a bad day.

I came onto MFP to remind myself why I shouldn't have a cupcake! :ohwell:

gingerjen7

My best friend in high school is now a stay at home mother and she's a fabulous mother. She cooks healthy meals nearly every night (they occasionally have pizza delivered), she keeps the home well, she takes the kids (and boy does she have a lot of them--7) to all sorts of activities: story times, age apporpriate play groups, karate, dance, church, library, etc. She does an amazing job and I really look up to her.

I'm a working mom without a spouse or coparent. I don't really have a choice about whether or not I go to work, the bills have to get paid. But I don't think I have the right constitution for it anyway; I doubt I'd be as good as she is.

Toya2xcel

I just became a stay at home mom about 4 months ago when I had my second child. My oldest will be 2 in Jan. I quit my job to be a SAHM, which was a hard decision for me because I have always been a hard worker (working since I was 15 & working 2 jobs at one point) But ultimately, I realized nobody can care for my kids better than me and my husband agreed.

My husband supports our family and works very hard to do so! I don't think that he resents me for not making money for the household because he sees how I contribute in other ways. He is always commenting about how hard he knows my job is.

Being a stay at home mom is a labor of love. It is seriously the hardest job I have ever done by far. But I love it because I adore my children! I find the key to keeping my sanity some days are what I call the two P's: PREPARATION AND PATIENCE. ( I.E. Bottles ready, diaper bags always packed, using ESP to predict what my 2 year old will get into before she actually gets into it LOL) And when you have 2 under 2, Patience is truly a VIRTUE! lol My main daily job is making sure my 2 year old doesn't kill herself OR her baby brother haha

I am choosing to take advantage of this time while I am not working to go back to school in Jan to become a nurse! I don't resent my husband for getting time away but sometimes I do miss interacting with adults on a daily basis.

christine24t

I'm not a parent yet, but my ideal situation would be to be a SAHM most of the time, and then work every other weekend or something. Just so I could do something occasionally, but still be with my kids.

StyxxandStones

This is in response to some of the negativity. I am a sahm, my daughters are 7 and 10. My oldest was the easiest kid ever. She just wanted to eat, sleep, and do her own thing. She would put herself down for naps. I didn't understand how people thought this was difficult. Then my youngest came along. Oh my, she wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep, and only wanted me. She spent most of her first year adhered to me in some manner. Her nickname is barnacle.

My point is, all kids are different. And boy did I get payback, lol.

Exactly. My first was soooo easy. Still is, most of the time, at 6. My second, is not. At all. Ever. I have had plenty of time to do my own thing though, while I'm home with them. On good days. Some days I can't get a darn thing done, but the (more rare) days when I can, I take full advantage and sew till my heart's content!!

AyaKara

For those of you calling me ignorant, dumb, child-less, etc., you do not know me personally nor do you know my values & how I am within a household. I may not have my own children, but I have lived with children of all ages & types for my entire life because my mother is the matriarch of the family.

I can't tell you how many times I've seen my cousins, sisters, aunts, so on & so forth, use their free time to watch 2-3 hours of TV while their child was sleeping or busy playing with a toy. I personally do not watch TV and am the type of person whom would use that time to exercise, read a book, dance, write, draw, etc.

I don't know what kind of parent you are, & I won't dare judge or assume, but If mothers have time to watch TV, they have time to do something more productive that can be just as relaxing & fun, period.

I never once said that I would ignore my children, nor did I say that I wouldn't attend to them accordingly. One member said that she had a career. I also assume that, because you're on MFP, you spend at least 30 minutes a day working on your health & fitness in moderate exercise. That's also time taken away from your children.

You're doing the exact same thing that I had in mind (focusing on health, expanding & fulfilling oneself), except the difference is that you're out of the house doing it. What would make any other non-SAHM different from a SAHM that wanted to do intrinsic, self-motivated activities from her home?

slkehl

My mom was a stay at home parent, and I loved it! She, my sis, and I would go on so many adventures! She did some substitute teaching for elementary school and taught piano lessons so she helped contribute some but still had plenty of time with us.

ssgtamputee

Its all in the right attitude. My wife and dont want others raising our son. We both stay home most of the time, due to volunteering with some veteran groups, but 99%its us taking care of our son.

So If you have a chance to stay home at least the first 6 years, do it.

AnnaMC1977

I just don't see how it's possible these days. Even if you have a good job, having both parents work is added security in case the "bread winner" loses his (or her) job. I'm not a parent (nor will I ever be), but I would never even consider being a stay at home mom. I enjoy adult interaction way too much to focus my entire life and attention on kids.

cogp

Have loved being a stay at home mom. I taught at a university until my first baby was born. My husband watched our children so I could continue to take classes--every year for many many years. I took one or two classes a year. My youngest is now in college and my husband likes the fact that one of us has time to volunteer to make our community better, so I am still at home. Besides volunteering, I take piano lessons, and am learning Swedish next semester. I've taken Japanese and Spanish too. This semester I'm taking Scandinavian research and my husband and I are taking bowling together twice a week. Now that our children are older he and I take classes together--one class a semester during his lunch hour. We've taken flexibility, weight training, and ice skating. He's usually better at sports than I am. I have a group of friends who get together every friday and talk about everything from politics to religion. We read books together. Our children all played together, sledded together, made movies together, etc. It's a great life. I'm grateful for my husband who makes it all possible, he's my best friend, and we've worked to raise our best friends. He said having one at home and one at work makes life less complicated. He's the best!

VelociMama

I just don't see how it's possible these days. Even if you have a good job, having both parents work is added security in case the "bread winner" loses his (or her) job. I'm not a parent (nor will I ever be), but I would never even consider being a stay at home mom. I enjoy adult interaction way too much to focus my entire life and attention on kids.

Daycare costs can be prohibitive to a two-earner household as well especially if the non-breadwinner's salary isn't enough to cover it. It often ends up being less costly to have one parent at home unless both parents have higher paying jobs.

For our area, daycare runs about $800-$1200 per month for an infant, and the cost goes down to $600-$900 for ages 6 months to 12 months. For a lot of families, that's more than many people who work low-wage jobs make. That's only for one child too. Having 2, 3, or 4+ kids can make daycare impossible for a lot of families.

AnnaMC1977

I just don't see how it's possible these days. Even if you have a good job, having both parents work is added security in case the "bread winner" loses his (or her) job. I'm not a parent (nor will I ever be), but I would never even consider being a stay at home mom. I enjoy adult interaction way too much to focus my entire life and attention on kids.

Daycare costs can be prohibitive to a two-earner household as well especially if the non-breadwinner's salary isn't enough to cover it. It often ends up being less costly to have one parent at home unless both parents have higher paying jobs.

For our area, daycare runs about $800-$1200 per month for an infant, and the cost goes down to $600-$900 for ages 6 months to 12 months. For a lot of families, that's more than many people who work low-wage jobs make.

I'm just saying that in this economy, when the chances are so high for people go get laid off, that having both parents work is added security. Even if one of them makes less. There are too many risk factors involved...layoffs, company goes bankrupt, company gets grant cut, injuries, death ect... If one spouse doesn't work, and any of these things happen...how will they pay to live? Not everyone has an extended family that can just 'take care' of them.

VelociMama

I just don't see how it's possible these days. Even if you have a good job, having both parents work is added security in case the "bread winner" loses his (or her) job. I'm not a parent (nor will I ever be), but I would never even consider being a stay at home mom. I enjoy adult interaction way too much to focus my entire life and attention on kids.

Daycare costs can be prohibitive to a two-earner household as well especially if the non-breadwinner's salary isn't enough to cover it. It often ends up being less costly to have one parent at home unless both parents have higher paying jobs.

For our area, daycare runs about $800-$1200 per month for an infant, and the cost goes down to $600-$900 for ages 6 months to 12 months. For a lot of families, that's more than many people who work low-wage jobs make.

I'm just saying that in this economy, when the chances are so high for people go get laid off, that having both parents work is added security. Even if one of them makes less. There are too many risk factors involved...layoffs, company goes bankrupt, company gets grant cut, injuries, death ect... If one spouse doesn't work, and any of these things happen...how will they pay to live? Not everyone has an extended family that can just 'take care' of them.

I get your point, but sometimes "security" comes at a secondary to being able to care for your children.