How do you feel about stay-at-home parents?

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  • lorettaasmith
    lorettaasmith Posts: 418 Member
    I was a stay at home Mom from the time my first child was born until my last child started to kindergarten....ten years altogether, the last three of those as a single parent. It was the hardest and best job I ever had. There were days when I envied my then husband for his ability to stay gone all day or more often all week, and there are times now when I think where my career would be if I hadn't stayed home (I am an attorney).. But I wouldn't trade that time for anything and I would go back to it if I could. My children are now 15, 17 and 19 and are very bright successful young adults. I am so thankful I was able to invest that extra time in them!
  • EatClean_WashUrNuts
    EatClean_WashUrNuts Posts: 1,590 Member
    Simple. It's a choice that BOTH parents make and should support without question 100%.
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,674 Member
    I was a reporter on an afternoon newspaper before I was a stay-at-home father. We had five different deadlines a day, and when the editor told you to get a story, you had to get it, whether there was an hour or only 15 minutes. I thought that job was the most stressful job you could have.
    I was wrong. My hair started falling out from the stress when I was home with the kids. Granted, some of that stress was due to being in the situation where I had no income, and where I was worried about my future career prospects, but much was because looking after kids is hard. On the newspaper, a deadline passed, you had done what you had done, and you could breathe a sigh of relief. When you are a stay-at-home parent, there is NO down time. There is no deadline that passes. You sit the kids down to eat, and, just as you are ready to take your seat, they are done and ready to go again. You want to read an article or watch a TV program, they need some attention.
    I think it is extra hard for a male too. Men who work cannot relate to your situation at all. They can ask other men: "So, how is work?" or "how'd that project go?" But they are not really comfortable asking: "So, how are the kids?" especially given that it is something completely foreign to anything they have ever done. They just simply do not know what to ask about.
    Then there are the women see. When you are a stay-at-home parent, you go to a lot of places where there are other stay-at-home parents. Most of them are women. Most women who stay home tend to be traditional types, and most traditional types don't know what to make of a man who does not fit their idea of a man. They feel threatened by a man who is not a "man" and they feel that your are interloping on their turf. I swear to god that, when I walked into the park with my kids during the day time, conversation would stop dead.
    It was a rather lonely five years.
    On the other hand, it was incredibly meaningful and I would do it again without hesitation.
    I love this. It's so honest!
    Funny thing is, as a woman, I can still relate to much of what you are saying, even the social aspect. It's really a different kind of socializing that takes place when children are part of the dynamic. And I'll bet the "silence" was really a form of respect.
    Loniliness is something probably most moms experience.
    And it is really true that something SO HARD as this job, is also so very meaningful. I would not trade it either!
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,674 Member
    You all sound like you have such beautiful families!!

    I'm not a parent. Nor not sure if I'll be one. But I'm a career oriented person and my husband isn't as much so our plan is that hopefully I'm making the big bucks and he's teaching or doing something fun part time.... And in that process that should allow him to be a part time stay at home dad maybe.

    I'm just not the 100% mothering type and couldn't be home all the time. I did it just being jobless and out of school. It was the worst summer ever!!
    I can promise you that you'd have full-time employment if you SAHM'ed. lol!
  • jb852013
    jb852013 Posts: 116
    I LOVE staying home with my kiddos and homeschooling them! There is nothing I would rather do. I really enjoy the company of my children, and I love to watch them experience their firsts, and to watch them learn new things. There is no payment I could recieve greater than the one of my children putting their arms around me and telling me that they love me. Unfortunately I am now getting divorced and have to figure out how to support us while being home with them as well. I am going to start watching kiddos in my home so I can still be a sahm.

    I don't understand how someone can get lonely as a sahm. There are plenty of volunteer oportunities, play groups, field trips, etc that you are free to participate in as a sahm. If I get stir crazy I take the kiddos to the book store where they can play with the trains and legos while I sit and read, or call up a friend and we meet at the park or Chickfila.
  • AnnaMC1977
    AnnaMC1977 Posts: 241
    Another reason why I would not become a "stay at home mom" is because I don't want to rely on ANYONE to take care of me (and the kids). By allowing one spouse to work while the other "takes care of the kiddos and the house" you are allowing them (the one bringing home a paycheck) to dictate how you live your life. You might stay on top of the bills, ect, but if you are not bringing home the money, you dont' have a lot of say. You lose control of your own life if you allow someone else to take care of you. Contributing to the household (to me) includes getting a paycheck.
  • AnnaMC1977
    AnnaMC1977 Posts: 241
    I LOVE staying home with my kiddos and homeschooling them! There is nothing I would rather do. I really enjoy the company of my children, and I love to watch them experience their firsts, and to watch them learn new things. There is no payment I could recieve greater than the one of my children putting their arms around me and telling me that they love me. Unfortunately I am now getting divorced and have to figure out how to support us while being home with them as well. I am going to start watching kiddos in my home so I can still be a sahm.

    I don't understand how someone can get lonely as a sahm. There are plenty of volunteer oportunities, play groups, field trips, etc that you are free to participate in as a sahm. If I get stir crazy I take the kiddos to the book store where they can play with the trains and legos while I sit and read, or call up a friend and we meet at the park or Chickfila.

    It's time for you to get a real job. No husband to fund the "housewife" thing? It's time to get out in the real world and support your family. Hope you aren't planning on government assistance.
  • Italianyc84
    Italianyc84 Posts: 192 Member
    I don't have kids, don't really want any either, BUT, I would only consider having kids if I knew I could be a stay at home mom. My mother was one, and I wouldn't trade the childhood I had for the world. My Aunt and Uncle both work full time, and my little cousin has to spend almost 12 hours a day at school in pre-care, school and after school care. She's a happy kid, and her parents are doing the best they can, but damn, I LOVED having my mother there when I was a kid. I love the idea of being a stay at home mom--I'd much rather my job be taking care of my family by cooking, cleaning, nursing, shopping, etc, then sitting here working with lawyers all day!!! :-)
  • Italianyc84
    Italianyc84 Posts: 192 Member
    I LOVE staying home with my kiddos and homeschooling them! There is nothing I would rather do. I really enjoy the company of my children, and I love to watch them experience their firsts, and to watch them learn new things. There is no payment I could recieve greater than the one of my children putting their arms around me and telling me that they love me. Unfortunately I am now getting divorced and have to figure out how to support us while being home with them as well. I am going to start watching kiddos in my home so I can still be a sahm.

    I don't understand how someone can get lonely as a sahm. There are plenty of volunteer oportunities, play groups, field trips, etc that you are free to participate in as a sahm. If I get stir crazy I take the kiddos to the book store where they can play with the trains and legos while I sit and read, or call up a friend and we meet at the park or Chickfila.

    It's time for you to get a real job. No husband to fund the "housewife" thing? It's time to get out in the real world and support your family. Hope you aren't planning on government assistance.

    So what if she does need assistance? It would make less financial sense to put those kids into daycare!
  • AnnaMC1977
    AnnaMC1977 Posts: 241
    I don't have kids, don't really want any either, BUT, I would only consider having kids if I knew I could be a stay at home mom. My mother was one, and I wouldn't trade the childhood I had for the world. My Aunt and Uncle both work full time, and my little cousin has to spend almost 12 hours a day at school in pre-care, school and after school care. She's a happy kid, and her parents are doing the best they can, but damn, I LOVED having my mother there when I was a kid. I love the idea of being a stay at home mom--I'd much rather my job be taking care of my family by cooking, cleaning, nursing, shopping, etc, then sitting here working with lawyers all day!!! :-)

    At least you get real money for working....the "rewards of rearing children" do not pay the bils.
  • Italianyc84
    Italianyc84 Posts: 192 Member
    I don't have kids, don't really want any either, BUT, I would only consider having kids if I knew I could be a stay at home mom. My mother was one, and I wouldn't trade the childhood I had for the world. My Aunt and Uncle both work full time, and my little cousin has to spend almost 12 hours a day at school in pre-care, school and after school care. She's a happy kid, and her parents are doing the best they can, but damn, I LOVED having my mother there when I was a kid. I love the idea of being a stay at home mom--I'd much rather my job be taking care of my family by cooking, cleaning, nursing, shopping, etc, then sitting here working with lawyers all day!!! :-)

    At least you get real money for working....the "rewards of rearing children" do not pay the bils.

    So...someone should get a job "just because", even if it means almost their entire wage will go towards childcare? Sorry, I'd rather take care of my children themselves then go to work just to get a paycheck, when almost the entire check will go towards daycare, etc. Regarding your earlier post--what a SAD marriage that sounds like--you're only equals if you both contribute with a paycheck? Sounds like an awful, awful marriage.
  • Joreanasaurous
    Joreanasaurous Posts: 1,384 Member
    I think if someone is in a financial position where they can afford to have a member of the household stay at home more power to them. Eh. I don't find that realistic in today's economy though.
    Do I think it is tacky and irresponsible to do it if you can't afford to? Yup. Am I going to judge you for it? Yeah. I don't think the government should support able bodies that can work. It's just one more financial drain we can't afford. But that's just me.
  • AnnaMC1977
    AnnaMC1977 Posts: 241
    I don't have kids, don't really want any either, BUT, I would only consider having kids if I knew I could be a stay at home mom. My mother was one, and I wouldn't trade the childhood I had for the world. My Aunt and Uncle both work full time, and my little cousin has to spend almost 12 hours a day at school in pre-care, school and after school care. She's a happy kid, and her parents are doing the best they can, but damn, I LOVED having my mother there when I was a kid. I love the idea of being a stay at home mom--I'd much rather my job be taking care of my family by cooking, cleaning, nursing, shopping, etc, then sitting here working with lawyers all day!!! :-)

    At least you get real money for working....the "rewards of rearing children" do not pay the bils.

    So...someone should get a job "just because", even if it means almost their entire wage will go towards childcare? Sorry, I'd rather take care of my children themselves then go to work just to get a paycheck, when almost the entire check will go towards daycare, etc. Regarding your earlier post--what a SAD marriage that sounds like--you're only equals if you both contribute with a paycheck? Sounds like an awful, awful marriage.

    Precisely! Why should one spous do all the work? If you're just taking care of kids, you really don't have a right to dictate where the money goes because you didn't earn it. Think about it, when you were growing up, did you tell your parents where the money they earned should be allocated? Same holds true, if you don't bring home a check, you should never have the right to say where the money someone else earns goes. What you are suggesting is an unbalanced marriaige where the husband is the head of the household and the wife is his "helpmate". You are suggesting that you (the housewife) is inferior to your husband.
  • PaleoPath4Lyfe
    PaleoPath4Lyfe Posts: 3,161 Member
    You can just talk freely or use the following questions to guide you! Thanks for sharing your perspective!


    If you're the SAHP (stay at home parent) ...are your envious that your spouse gets to "escape" ...even if it is for work?

    Do you like staying at home?

    If you're the off-to-work parent...are you resentful that your spouse stays at home? Do you care that your spouse isn't contributing to the household income?

    What would the ideal arrangement look like for you?

    My husband and I don't have kids together...........but I can say it is NOT for me personally.

    If it works for others and their household / family - then GREAT!!!!! I just could not do it.

    I was ready to chop off my own fingers and arms when I was laid off for 2 months at the first part of the year. I don't think I could do the stay at home thing long term...............I pray I never become disabled.
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    Sometimes I am jealous.... but then Saturday comes around...


    However, if I could choose... I would rather work part time in the office and part time at home. Or just part time... but in my field... Because I enjoy my work... but there are days where thoughts of home and what needs to be done there permeate my thoughts more often than work does.
  • AlbaAngel25
    AlbaAngel25 Posts: 484 Member
    Im a SAHM, and I really do like it 80% of the time. It is a big adjustment when you've been so used to working all your life and having all those conversations with other adults. I transitioned into being a SAHM fairly well, but I have to say sometimes I think about how I would love to work a few days a week, just to break the day up. But, I just can't imagine someone else taking care of my LO right now, and I KNOW I would miss her too much and I would always wonder is she ok, is she happy, being treated well etc etc...( every parents worries lol).

    I am planning on being SAHM for a while longer( not sure when ) and I feel blessed that I'm able to stay home to watch her while my husband works.

    I miss her being a baby already and I can only imagine how quickly toddlerhood will pass me by... So i'll be working in to time ;)
  • travisseger
    travisseger Posts: 271 Member
    While my wife and I both choose to work full-time jobs, we have plenty of friends, both men and women, who choose to stay home. I don't have a problem with it. I do admit that I find it curious that some people I know complain about their financial situation, but yet send their kids off to school and stay home, rather than get a part-time job during school hours. It's one thing if you are home-schooling your child. It's one thing if you can afford to send your kids off to school and stay at home while they're gone. But to sit at home for eight hours a day while your kids are at school and complain about financial stress? I don't understand it.

    What I have a huge problem with is other women, who stay at home, judging my wife because she chooses not to. Just because a woman chooses, or, in some cases, has to work, does not make them any less of a mother.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    Being a stay at home mom does not make you a better parent than a mom who works full time is all I have to say on this subject!
    Agree 100%
    I've done both. I have great respect for both. I think both Stay at home mothers and working mothers have enough on their plate that they don't need to worry about what some other mother does.
  • happyceliza
    happyceliza Posts: 36 Member
    Another reason why I would not become a "stay at home mom" is because I don't want to rely on ANYONE to take care of me (and the kids). By allowing one spouse to work while the other "takes care of the kiddos and the house" you are allowing them (the one bringing home a paycheck) to dictate how you live your life. You might stay on top of the bills, ect, but if you are not bringing home the money, you dont' have a lot of say. You lose control of your own life if you allow someone else to take care of you. Contributing to the household (to me) includes getting a paycheck.

    What?!?! That makes no sense to me. I haven't brought home the paycheck in years and I have never once felt like my life was being dictated or loosing control of my life. I have plenty of say in how things go. We are a team, not out to get each other because once of us makes money.
  • AnnaMC1977
    AnnaMC1977 Posts: 241
    Another reason why I would not become a "stay at home mom" is because I don't want to rely on ANYONE to take care of me (and the kids). By allowing one spouse to work while the other "takes care of the kiddos and the house" you are allowing them (the one bringing home a paycheck) to dictate how you live your life. You might stay on top of the bills, ect, but if you are not bringing home the money, you dont' have a lot of say. You lose control of your own life if you allow someone else to take care of you. Contributing to the household (to me) includes getting a paycheck.

    What?!?! That makes no sense to me. I haven't brought home the paycheck in years and I have never once felt like my life was being dictated or loosing control of my life. I have plenty of say in how things go. We are a team, not out to get each other because once of us makes money.

    No, you aren't a team. One person makes the money, the other does not.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    Another reason why I would not become a "stay at home mom" is because I don't want to rely on ANYONE to take care of me (and the kids). By allowing one spouse to work while the other "takes care of the kiddos and the house" you are allowing them (the one bringing home a paycheck) to dictate how you live your life. You might stay on top of the bills, ect, but if you are not bringing home the money, you dont' have a lot of say. You lose control of your own life if you allow someone else to take care of you. Contributing to the household (to me) includes getting a paycheck.

    What?!?! That makes no sense to me. I haven't brought home the paycheck in years and I have never once felt like my life was being dictated or loosing control of my life. I have plenty of say in how things go. We are a team, not out to get each other because once of us makes money.

    No, you aren't a team. One person makes the money, the other does not.

    "Making the money" is not everything there is in life. I "make the money" and hubby takes care of the kiddos. Hence, it's a team effort. Your statement makes you sound selfish and greedy.

    teamwork.jpg
  • love4fitnesslove4food_wechange
    love4fitnesslove4food_wechange Posts: 6,897 Member
    Another reason why I would not become a "stay at home mom" is because I don't want to rely on ANYONE to take care of me (and the kids). By allowing one spouse to work while the other "takes care of the kiddos and the house" you are allowing them (the one bringing home a paycheck) to dictate how you live your life. You might stay on top of the bills, ect, but if you are not bringing home the money, you dont' have a lot of say. You lose control of your own life if you allow someone else to take care of you. Contributing to the household (to me) includes getting a paycheck.

    What?!?! That makes no sense to me. I haven't brought home the paycheck in years and I have never once felt like my life was being dictated or loosing control of my life. I have plenty of say in how things go. We are a team, not out to get each other because once of us makes money.

    No, you aren't a team. One person makes the money, the other does not.

    If "team" to you is dictated by who brings home the paycheck then I hate to say it but I don't think you'll ever be a part of a team with that mindset. I guess if the partners make different amounts of money, they too aren't a team.
  • love4fitnesslove4food_wechange
    love4fitnesslove4food_wechange Posts: 6,897 Member
    I LOVE staying home with my kiddos and homeschooling them! There is nothing I would rather do. I really enjoy the company of my children, and I love to watch them experience their firsts, and to watch them learn new things. There is no payment I could recieve greater than the one of my children putting their arms around me and telling me that they love me. Unfortunately I am now getting divorced and have to figure out how to support us while being home with them as well. I am going to start watching kiddos in my home so I can still be a sahm.

    I don't understand how someone can get lonely as a sahm. There are plenty of volunteer oportunities, play groups, field trips, etc that you are free to participate in as a sahm. If I get stir crazy I take the kiddos to the book store where they can play with the trains and legos while I sit and read, or call up a friend and we meet at the park or Chickfila.

    It's time for you to get a real job. No husband to fund the "housewife" thing? It's time to get out in the real world and support your family. Hope you aren't planning on government assistance.

    I'll assume you're trolling. You want to get a rise out of people, yes?
  • love4fitnesslove4food_wechange
    love4fitnesslove4food_wechange Posts: 6,897 Member
    Another reason why I would not become a "stay at home mom" is because I don't want to rely on ANYONE to take care of me (and the kids). By allowing one spouse to work while the other "takes care of the kiddos and the house" you are allowing them (the one bringing home a paycheck) to dictate how you live your life. You might stay on top of the bills, ect, but if you are not bringing home the money, you dont' have a lot of say. You lose control of your own life if you allow someone else to take care of you. Contributing to the household (to me) includes getting a paycheck.

    If I "don't have a lot of say" because I don't get a paycheck then it's time for a divorce--that's not a partnership in my opinion. It's greed.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    Another reason why I would not become a "stay at home mom" is because I don't want to rely on ANYONE to take care of me (and the kids). By allowing one spouse to work while the other "takes care of the kiddos and the house" you are allowing them (the one bringing home a paycheck) to dictate how you live your life. You might stay on top of the bills, ect, but if you are not bringing home the money, you dont' have a lot of say. You lose control of your own life if you allow someone else to take care of you. Contributing to the household (to me) includes getting a paycheck.

    If I "don't have a lot of say" because I don't get a paycheck then it's time for a divorce--that's not a partnership in my opinion. It's greed.

    No doubt! Anyone with such a one-sided marriage has NO business being married. It is a recipe for disaster.
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    Another reason why I would not become a "stay at home mom" is because I don't want to rely on ANYONE to take care of me (and the kids). By allowing one spouse to work while the other "takes care of the kiddos and the house" you are allowing them (the one bringing home a paycheck) to dictate how you live your life. You might stay on top of the bills, ect, but if you are not bringing home the money, you dont' have a lot of say. You lose control of your own life if you allow someone else to take care of you. Contributing to the household (to me) includes getting a paycheck.

    If I "don't have a lot of say" because I don't get a paycheck then it's time for a divorce--that's not a partnership in my opinion. It's greed.

    I agree with this statement... who brings home the proverbial bacon should not dictate who is controlling what.... It should still be a partnership regardless of how many paychecks enter the bank account.... I pity your spouse/SO if they ever are without a job with this kind of thinking.
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    I LOVE staying home with my kiddos and homeschooling them! There is nothing I would rather do. I really enjoy the company of my children, and I love to watch them experience their firsts, and to watch them learn new things. There is no payment I could recieve greater than the one of my children putting their arms around me and telling me that they love me. Unfortunately I am now getting divorced and have to figure out how to support us while being home with them as well. I am going to start watching kiddos in my home so I can still be a sahm.

    I don't understand how someone can get lonely as a sahm. There are plenty of volunteer oportunities, play groups, field trips, etc that you are free to participate in as a sahm. If I get stir crazy I take the kiddos to the book store where they can play with the trains and legos while I sit and read, or call up a friend and we meet at the park or Chickfila.

    It's time for you to get a real job. No husband to fund the "housewife" thing? It's time to get out in the real world and support your family. Hope you aren't planning on government assistance.

    So what if she does need assistance? It would make less financial sense to put those kids into daycare!

    I agree with this too... Daycare costs me, just one of my paychecks a month.... and I make a median middle class wage... imagine if I were a single mom trying to live on half my wages?
  • wendyj910
    wendyj910 Posts: 58 Member
    I am a work-at-home Mom. I work a full-time job from the comfort of my home. I wouldn't have it any other way!
  • Jen32285
    Jen32285 Posts: 281 Member
    I am one. I hate it! I want a job so bad, but we only have 1 car. I'm going to be starting college in January, hopefully...just waiting to hear back from them.
  • Lesliegail86
    Lesliegail86 Posts: 2
    I am a sahm and yes I am envious of my husband bc he gets to go to work everyday and talk to other adults and I'm stuck with a 3 yr old and 11 mon old. And on top of that with me trying to lose weight it is impossible to workout without someone crying. I wish I could escape to work! I know that sounds bad but I have no one to watch them and only get breaks every 3 months or so and my husband doesn't help with them at all. We've been doing this for a year and hopefully in another year when one goes to school maybe I can go back to work!

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