When did you know it was over?

Diary_Queen

Last LTR: I knew it was over when we were getting together one weekend to take our kids (my twins and his son who were 1 yr apart in age difference and about 4 going on 5 and mine 5's going on 6's) to the circus. My boys and I spent hours in the party supply store picking out funny foam visor hats shaped like animals that matched all of our personalities, big neon colored sunglasses, silly t-shirts and funky necklaces for all the guys and a multi-colored feather boa for me. Everything was bright colors and sparkly so we could sort of participate in the circus from the audience. Ex shows up in khakis and a button down shirt and would not 'allow' me or my kids in the car unless we all changed because he would be 'too ashamed' for people to see him with us 'dressed like THAT'.

Last STR: I knew it was over when we had broken up once because he was completely unsupportive of me getting healthy and working out and he made efforts to sabotage my efforts to 'make himself not look so lazy and fat' (he was about 30 lbs. over the weight that he wanted to be). We got back together after he apologized and started seeing a counselor for his weight issues which I made the strong point that his weight issues could never be MY weight issues and mine would never be his, etc. After getting back together, he went with my boys and I to the park to play tennis (which lasted about 10 minutes then he sat on the side of the court and played a game on his phone) and after a 1/2 mile walk, we left because he was being pissy about having to walk at all. When we got back to my place, he couldn't leave to drive home (it was 2:00 p.m. not 2:00 a.m.) because he was too tired from all that exercise and he 'planned to never do that *kitten* again' and next time i could 'go on my own' and drop him off at a friend's house so he could 'take a nap'. He then went to my bedroom and slept for 3 hours. When he woke up, he blamed me for him missing some online gaming tournament on his need for a nap because of all my 'stupid lifestyle stuff', so I dumped him.

crystalflame

About the millionth night of not getting sleep because he was having another schizophrenic breakdown. I tried to break up with him, and he kept following me around. I started seeing someone else, and he didn't care. It took about three months and him finally starting medication for me to extract myself from him and another 2 years of having to see him all the time around campus before I was finally really free.

...How have so many of us ended up with such strange people?

lniffa

BUMP to post later.

BrettPGH

Ok, ok...you win.

I am trying to be a sore loser, but the "Thankfully she's dead now" comment made me laugh too hard to be mad.

But I gotta ask......you never went to the doctor with her or talked to a professional about her condition?

Always gets a laugh...

Nope, she was very private about things. She would tell me about trips she made to the hospital when I wasn't around. Even sent flowers to The Cleveland Clinic when she said she was going there.. Plus she was a Jehovah's Witness so no blood transfusions...she said she didn't even see the point of seeing a doctor...

I gotta stop remembering all this, I'm turning red.

auroranflash

When his booze/pill addiction became so bad he was literally wasted 90+% of the time, I had to leave work and pick him up from his job because his coworker called to tell me he was too effed up to even hold his head up. Took him home, he started to pass out in his Taco Bell taco, then got up and tried to zombie-walk out the door toward a six-lane street during rush hour. Had to call the cops to restrain him or he would have died horribly.

Slept on the couch for a few weeks until I could find a place to stay. Still best choice of my life to leave. No one can save someone who doesn't want to be saved. Wish I hadn't wasted so many years on someone who didn't truly care about me (or himself).

Much happier now.

lacroyx

When I walked in on her with another guy right in the middle of it. I was in complete shock. I turned around and left.

yoovie

Ok, ok...you win.

I am trying to be a sore loser, but the "Thankfully she's dead now" comment made me laugh too hard to be mad.

But I gotta ask......you never went to the doctor with her or talked to a professional about her condition?

Always gets a laugh...

Nope, she was very private about things. She would tell me about trips she made to the hospital when I wasn't around. Even sent flowers to The Cleveland Clinic when she said she was going there.. Plus she was a Jehovah's Witness so no blood transfusions...she said she didn't even see the point of seeing a doctor...

I gotta stop remembering all this, I'm turning red.

As a former JW that they erased from existence, the medical stuff is so restrictingly tight you really could fake anything from an entire pregnancy to your own death.

:drinker:

IntoTheSky

I was married for 10 years to a man that I never truly loved. I had been convinced that I should just go ahead and marry him, as I was not gonna be getting many other offers...... I stuck it out, but I hated myself. I ate to cope. I finally started to lose weight and realize that it didnt HAVE to be that way for my life. I was driving home from the Jacksonville airport one night after a week away for work at midnight. I had to pull over a few times and cry. I didn't want to go home. I had my daughter at home that I was ready to see, but I did NOT want to be home with him. I realized that night, that I had to make some decisions. He is not a bad guy. Just not a good guy for me. He is a good dad to the kid (as much as he knows to be). And he and I are both far happier in our current situations.

toomuchbootyindapants

This thread makes me really sad.

Polly758

It's hard to fake being happy for nearly half a decade. I should get an Oscar.

And then nobody believes you had any reason to leave him I could barely speak to my mom for a year after I left my ex, because she didn't get it... and that was because I was such a good faker.

AddieOverhaul

I was with my ex for about 3 years. 1.5 years in we moved in together, and his anger issues started to surface (as well as perpetual negativity - ugh). Anyway, over time things got worse, he became verbally and emotionally abusive, and extremely negative all the time. He would scream at me for hours over nothing, saying anything he could to hurt me, and then one day he picked up a bunch of wire hangers i had on the dresser (I was cleaning out the closet) and threw them at my face. That was the moment I fell out of love.

I broke up with him shortly after that, but after his crying and begging and threateniong to kill himself, I agreed to give it another chance on certain conditions, one of which was going to counselling for anger management. i can't remember what the other ones were now, but I do know he didn't meet any of them. He went to one counselling session (which was free through my work) and then missed the following three. He had really bad excuses for missing them too like "I was too angry to go". Hmmm...too angry to go to the anger management counsellor?

Anyways, the verbal abuse got worse and he started to shove and pin me against the wall so a few months later I broke up with him for good. I knew it was only a matter of time before he hit me, and by this point I hated him. We had to live together for a month before I could move out and he did and said so many awful things during that month that I lost 15 pounds (one positive of the experience) and had panic attacks on my way home from work, fearing what I would be walking into.

That was over 2 years ago, I have't seen or heard from him since, and it was the best decision i ever made. I am 100 times happier now, and have mostly recovered from all the damage he did to my self esteem.

My only regret is that I gave him that second chance after I broke it off the first time.

gypsyrose64

When my husband of 4 yrs confessed to cheating on me during my first pregnancy with his secretary (the week after she was born!) Unfortunately, I was terrified to raise a child on my own and forced myself to stay for her sake. He was a good father and worked hard to make things right. Had another child 5 yrs later and it fell apart overnight when I realized he'd cheated again.

Had a long list of reasons to leave, but I was too stubborn to give up on the ideal of "family". It took 15 years of marriage before I found the courage to walk for good(left a few times and ran back). Divorced since 2003. Flying solo ever since.

rose313

I knew it was over when I realized it was not ME that was angry, hated myself, negative, and worried about everything. It was because of my relationship. He was negative, didn't want to do anything with his life, sort of racist, and didn't want me to model anymore (it wasn't nude modelling or anything close, just helping photography students with their assignments) or get a tattoo. He would never show interest in anything I did. Over the years it just brought me down. Then I met someone who was the complete opposite, we were friends, he made me feel great, I started to be happy again, and it just clicked...I needed to end it with my old bf. I didn't want to cheat, I broke it off and a little while later ended up with my new friend as my boyfriend. I feel like a completely new person. It was the best thing I've ever done for myself. I had no doubts on what I had to do, I KNEW 100% it was the right thing.

Alex_is_Hawks

when I saw the stool flying for my head.....

true story.

TheCaren

I knew it was over when I could no longer come up with excuses to convince myself to stay. When no obstacle was big enough to keep me from leaving (finances, children, history...).

NormalSaneFLGuy

When the baby came out black.

pxpwop

After reading this thread for the last 10 minutes realizing my relationship has many of these same problems.

I really need to re-evaluate what I am doing right now. Very glad you all posted your stories and experience. Thank you.

QTRARO

The relationship of 6 years I had ended because ... we fell out of love I still care about him though, always will.

Latest relationship which ended 2 weeks ago...I knew it was over when I realised he was a lazy very overweight person who just wanted to watch tv programmes and movies all the time - when I wanted to be out and about doing things .. I also realised when we would sit together, I had nothing to say because it came to the point where I realised he was a "hipster" and everything he liked was so much cooler than what I liked .. so I kinda couldn't even be bothered talking anymore as nothing I could say was good enough... or "right".

We kinda ended up at a point where I knew being with a hipster type who is shorter than me, very much overweight, lazy, glasses and beard.. just isn't my type no matter how much I thought I liked him and I'm not really a person who basis things on looks but when someone has no get and up go for life and just wants to watch sports and sit around ... it is actually draining and boring .

Oh I didn't break up with him either he ended things with me, which is fair enough it was never going to go anywhere I gave too much and got very little in return. Sux to be dumped though but definitely for the best.

Ok that's a bit of a rant but it is kinda recent so I'm a little jaded! haha!

penrbrown

First date. The entire time I was thinking: I wonder what my roommate is doing?

I knew it was time to break things off then. When I knew I'd have more fun with my boring old roommate then my date. :P

sunnyside1213

When he beat me and I lost our baby. Years later he showed up and wanted to know if my son was his. No, you idiot. You killed your child.