Sexual Orientation Changed Through Reparative Therapy?

KaleidoscopeEyes1056

Well a lesbian girlfriend of mine told me she absolutely chose to be with women only because she'd been abused by several men in her childhood and said she would never trust a man nor would she ever want to be naked with one. I'm not saying that's everyone's experience, but it is hers.

That would only explain why she *isn't with men*, not why she would have a sexual attraction to females. At best, that explanation would mean she's asexual.

Being sexually attracted to your own gender/sex is not the same as NOT being attracted to the opposite.

Well, damn, now I know that I love you.

Umeboshi

I'm not even going to read the comments the OP already makes me feel sick. (Ok I lied I read some)

I'd just like to point out that "reparative" is BS. There is nothing wrong with us queer folk that needs to be "repaired".

This comment:

Yup. Those straight people and their weird lifestyle choice. I really can't understand how they live that way either. I'm tolerant of them because some of my best friends are straight, and they seem like nice enough folks. Still. I pity them because they were obviously influenced by the straight culture that surrounds them.

Thank you. Best comment award.

NormalSaneFLGuy

Gay men will marry your girlfriends.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-YCdcnf_P8

KBrenOH

I used to believe it was a choice but now believe that there are factors that lead to it.. while im against the lifestyle I am tolerant and accepting of those who live that way.. the biggest problem I have with these therapies is that it can lead to a lot of pressure for people to change and they may act differently but not really be changed

Yup. Those straight people and their weird lifestyle choice. I really can't understand how they live that way either. I'm tolerant of them because some of my best friends are straight, and they seem like nice enough folks. Still. I pity them because they were obviously influenced by the straight culture that surrounds them.

Love this response.

It's not a choice; I firmly believe its born into you. I think anyone who says they've been able to switch sides and be straight is either lying to themselves or maybe was never fully gay/lesbian to begin with but perhaps bisexual.

Either way if my kids came and said "I'm gay/lesbian" it wouldn't change how I'd view, accept or love then.

carneson3

Since when does marriage and children=straight AKA 'fixed'??? If a guy/girl is sick of the pressure being put on him/her by family, friends, society to be a certain way he/she can easily just do what he/she is SUPPOSED to do and that by no means the BS 'therapy' worked. Depression, unhappiness and most likely divorce would soon follow....maybe a little suicide thrown in there as well. Trying to 'fix' how people ARE to fit into perfect little molds that society has created is ridiculous.

jessiekanga

I think the idea of "reparative therapy" is fear and shame-based. The name alone implies something is "broken" and needs repairing. I think there are people who may be gay but live a straight lifestyle because they are surrounded by intolerance and ignorance, or maybe simply scared of their own truth. In my opinion, that's what needs repairing. I can't imagine denying something so fundamental about who you are and trying to live a life against that.

I have nothing to add to what you wrote, only my gratitude that you wrote it. You're right on, and thank you for being you. My world is better because I share it with you.

Umeboshi

I think the idea of "reparative therapy" is fear and shame-based. The name alone implies something is "broken" and needs repairing. I think there are people who may be gay but live a straight lifestyle because they are surrounded by intolerance and ignorance, or maybe simply scared of their own truth. In my opinion, that's what needs repairing. I can't imagine denying something so fundamental about who you are and trying to live a life against that.

I have nothing to add to what you wrote, only my gratitude that you wrote it. You're right on, and thank you for being you. My world is better because I share it with you.

YES

michellekicks

anyone think that in some circumstances sexual orientation can be the result of abuse by older males at a young age?

I would say for some men, yes. I say this because I know some men for whom this has been the case... their experiences began as children, with other boys/teens somewhat older... Seemingly innocent. But then there's pleasure and there's shame... all rolled up into one. That becomes the thing that's comforting to them, but there's shame associated and they tend to carry on healthy relationships with women. So for them, I'd say they weren't born gay. I can't say others aren't though.

jessiekanga

anyone think that in some circumstances sexual orientation can be the result of abuse by older males at a young age?

I've spent a couple of decades working with folks who've been abused. I believe that trauma can influence someone's aversion to sex. I know sex can trigger intrusive reminders of abuse. It may even "allow" some to feel more comfortable with exploring their sexuality. Yet, trauma cannot fundamentally alter our primary sexual orientation, that is somehow mysteriously imbred, and if we're true to ourselves as several posts suggest, (and trauma often does hide us from our very selves) we eventual do find our true orientation.

I was born left-handed when some still believed that southpaws were somehow the devil's spawn. Folks tried to coach it out of me by training my right hand and not letting me use my left. While I developed a little more dexterity, and could throw a pretty competent lay-up with either hand, I am still very much a lefty:).

Umeboshi

anyone think that in some circumstances sexual orientation can be the result of abuse by older males at a young age?

I would say for some men, yes. I say this because I know some men for whom this has been the case... their experiences began as children, with other boys/teens somewhat older... Seemingly innocent. But then there's pleasure and there's shame... all rolled up into one. That becomes the thing that's comforting to them, but there's shame associated and they tend to carry on healthy relationships with women. So for them, I'd say they weren't born gay. I can't say others aren't though.

No.
I don't get this logic.
"Abuse by the same sex makes you gay!"
"Abuse by the opposite sex makes you gay!"
wat.

songbyrdsweet

Homosexuality is as innate is heterosexuality. Why anyone would believe sexuality is a choice is beyond me. It's like a straight person one day deciding to just not be straight anymore. Ridiculous. It doesn't work that way. Ignorance!

ladymiseryali

Reparative "therapy" is bull-ploppers. I would like to ask Dr. Oz when he chose to be straight. The man's a quack.

merkuri22

No.
I don't get this logic.
"Abuse by the same sex makes you gay!"
"Abuse by the opposite sex makes you gay!"
wat.

Abuse might make you not want to sleep with men, but it doesn't necessarily make you gay.

A man can wear a dress. Does that make him a woman? No, it makes him a man dressing like a woman.

Gay is who you are, not what (or who) you do.

Umeboshi

No.
I don't get this logic.
"Abuse by the same sex makes you gay!"
"Abuse by the opposite sex makes you gay!"
wat.

Abuse might make you not want to sleep with men, but it doesn't necessarily make you gay.

A man can wear a dress. Does that make him a woman? No, it makes him a man dressing like a woman.

Gay is who you are, not what (or who) you do.

I think you were getting transphobic there.

mjrkearney

Unfortunately a lot of these "therapies" for sexual orientation or gender identification border on brainwashing and torture. They tend to be based on a religious or cultural belief that your sex chromosomes should determine who you are, how you feel about yourself, and how you see the world.

monty619

anyone think that in some circumstances sexual orientation can be the result of abuse by older males at a young age?

I would say for some men, yes. I say this because I know some men for whom this has been the case... their experiences began as children, with other boys/teens somewhat older... Seemingly innocent. But then there's pleasure and there's shame... all rolled up into one. That becomes the thing that's comforting to them, but there's shame associated and they tend to carry on healthy relationships with women. So for them, I'd say they weren't born gay. I can't say others aren't though.

this is how i feel where therapy may be somewhat useful?

CarmenSRT

Straight people don't choose to be straight. They just are. Why would gay people be any different as far as choosing their sexuality? It wouldn't make sense.

My mother-in-law thinks gays chose their orientation - but that's because it fits her religious views. No amount of logic will sway her from that view because she's more comfortable seeing gay people as sinners than as merely different.

Umeboshi

anyone think that in some circumstances sexual orientation can be the result of abuse by older males at a young age?

I would say for some men, yes. I say this because I know some men for whom this has been the case... their experiences began as children, with other boys/teens somewhat older... Seemingly innocent. But then there's pleasure and there's shame... all rolled up into one. That becomes the thing that's comforting to them, but there's shame associated and they tend to carry on healthy relationships with women. So for them, I'd say they weren't born gay. I can't say others aren't though.

this is how i feel where therapy may be somewhat useful?

I'm pretty sure therapy is useful for all persons who have suffered abuse? The usefulness of therapy isn't going to magically change a person's sexual orientation.

FlaxMilk

Would this not be considered a divisive topic?

(Didn't report. Not going to report. Just don't get why this topic is ok and others are not.)

michellekicks

Would this not be considered a divisive topic?

(Didn't report. Not going to report. Just don't get why this topic is ok and others are not.)

So far the conversation seems quite respectable.