Should I keep dating this guy? (Cheap)

crimsoncat

If he invited you, then he should pay. If he wants you to pay for it or half of it, he should SAY something before the date. That way you can excuse yourself if you don't have it in your budget. Not just with dates but with everyone.

Exactly. The issue is not who pays for me, it that I need to know if I have to fit it in my limited budget or not.

LinaTheShootingStar

How quick did he accept the offer? Right away? Or did you keep insisting?
If accepted right away (after you offered just once) then drop him. If he accepted after you kept insisting then it's no big deal.

daffodilsoup

"He didn't ask me if I wanted popcorn."

Are you serious? It's 2012 and men shouldn't be expected to pay for everything. He treated you to a movie - be appreciative. This man doesn't "owe" you anything.

Laces_0ut

Lmao, that's pretty lame. Calling me a gold digger because I don pay for dinner.
Yeah, I'm planning it weeks and weeks ahead! Such a complicated high profile task - to get free food! Lmao, it's on my agenda every morning. Free food!

i didnt say you were planning weeks ahead...im sure you've been at happy hour and when a guy approaches you you get excited that your drinks may be free and you might get a free dinner after as well.

and getting everything for free seems extremely high on your agenda.

taunto

Yes you are paying so that you can enjoy the company of someone you like. I do this all the time with my friends who are less well off than I am. I know they can't afford to go to a restaurant with me, so I pay because I like spending time with them. We also do non-money activities like go on walks in the park and have mario party parties. I also pay to take my mother our to dinner on mother's day because I want to give her something.

Completely irrelevant since you're talking about friends and family in a non-romantic way. Also, you're talking about folks that you've known before. We're talking about strangers who don't know you and you don't know them. If somebody asks you out, you offer to split. Plain and simple.

If you feel like it, I see nothing wrong with you picking up a prostitute, and paying her to spend time with you. You are enjoying the sex with her and that's totally fine. I enjoy the conversation with my friends, so I'm willing to pay for that. Perhaps it isn't your style, but I enjoy it.

Escort services don't always mean sex. But once again, kinda irrelevant since you're talking about wether it is right or wrong to go out with prostitutes and I'm about what "he should pay because he asked" means to guys.

This is a genderless thing too. I paid several times for my dates with my fiance (I'm a girl and he's a boy in case you didn't guess) because I wanted to treat him to a special meal because he's important to me. If I invite you out, then I pay and I don't care what gender you are.

Once again, you already know your fiance. When you're out with somebody new, making him pay is putting all the pressure on him. I mean, you could (and many times) don't want to see him again. He just payed full amount of money for a date that you both ate in or enjoyed in.

I usually make this clear by saying: "I would like to treat you to a movie with me." or "Please let me treat you to coffee".

And if the guy says this, then by no means should you feel obligated to pay for it.

This would be in contrast to going dutch where I would say: "I'm off to get coffee. You're welcome to join me if you like." To me, the offer of a choice to come versus asking permission "please come with me" makes it clear that you are not paying but you'd like to have them along if they want to go.

TL:DR: If I ask you to join me, I pay. If I offer you a choice of coming with me, we go dutch.

And ain't nothing wrong with paying for sex.

if somebody asked you out, and you agreed, you offer to split. If you enjoy his company, then why should he be the only one to pay? If you don't enjoy his company, why agree to go out?

Once again, most men would gladly pay. Just don't make us feel terrible as if we're out with an escort girl and offer to pay.

YaGigi

Lol, you think I'm confused? Oh dear you demand equal rights yet you have no idea why you need them.

And quit saying what I have to do. I have never met a man who didn't want to pay for my dinner. I guess I do not look like a woman who fights to be equal with men. And they love it

Really? Okay, please explain to me the purpose of my equal rights and treatment and then please explain to me why it is okay for me to place expectations on men simply because they are men when I do not want any expectations placed on me simply because I am a woman.

Oh, honey. Don't flatter yourself. All of us have had men wanting to pay for our dinners. But there is a difference between a man wanting to pay for your dinner and a woman expecting a man to pay for her dinner and then throwing a hissy fit when he doesn't.

Why do I have to explain you your need of equal rights with men? I'm not interested in it, you are. So you go ahead and explain why you need those equal rights.

I'm not throwing a hissy when men not paying, I've never had a man not paying on a date. I don't demand, don't say anything, it's a normal reactive or a man to pay on a date.

It's like explaining why the earth is round to a child. Ridiculous. You want o pay? Go ahead. Don't push your lame life standards on others.

lol good to know you don't value your equal civil rights and would trade them in for the patriarchal treatment of women that you find so shallowly validating
thanks tips have fun with that

not to mention that i never once said that a woman must pay, or did i "push my lame life standards on others".
i simply said that a woman should not EXPECT a man to pay simply because of his gender... so... quite the contrary, actually. you seem to be the one wanting to push YOUR lame life standards on men.

Agaaaaaaain. Veeeeeery slowly... Please try to comprehend.
Expecting for a man to pay on a date has NOTHING to o with civil or political rights of women.

Wait. Don't argue. Think for a moment. Thiiiiiiink.

justkeepswimng

Invite him over to eat with you and a bunch of friends. Don't start cooking until he gets there. If he pitches in with the cooking and cleaning, then that's equal rights and you can feel comfortable paying for part of the dates. If he just sits around and waits to be served, then you know he is just a cheap chauvinist who wants to have his cake and eat it too.

YaGigi

Lmao, that's pretty lame. Calling me a gold digger because I don pay for dinner.
Yeah, I'm planning it weeks and weeks ahead! Such a complicated high profile task - to get free food! Lmao, it's on my agenda every morning. Free food!

i didnt say you were planning weeks ahead...im sure you've been at happy hour and when a guy approaches you you get excited that your drinks may be free and you might get a free dinner after as well.

and getting everything for free seems extremely high on your agenda.

Nah, I'm in relationship, I don't accept drinks from guys.

And I'm having a dinner with someone I enjoy company with. Not because the food is free. I can buy my own food.

I'm pretty amused by the type of women you met in your life. Are you guys living in hunger or something makes you do anything for food? Wth?

MiCool90

Lol, you think I'm confused? Oh dear you demand equal rights yet you have no idea why you need them.

And quit saying what I have to do. I have never met a man who didn't want to pay for my dinner. I guess I do not look like a woman who fights to be equal with men. And they love it

Really? Okay, please explain to me the purpose of my equal rights and treatment and then please explain to me why it is okay for me to place expectations on men simply because they are men when I do not want any expectations placed on me simply because I am a woman.

Oh, honey. Don't flatter yourself. All of us have had men wanting to pay for our dinners. But there is a difference between a man wanting to pay for your dinner and a woman expecting a man to pay for her dinner and then throwing a hissy fit when he doesn't.

Why do I have to explain you your need of equal rights with men? I'm not interested in it, you are. So you go ahead and explain why you need those equal rights.

I'm not throwing a hissy when men not paying, I've never had a man not paying on a date. I don't demand, don't say anything, it's a normal reactive or a man to pay on a date.

It's like explaining why the earth is round to a child. Ridiculous. You want o pay? Go ahead. Don't push your lame life standards on others.

lol good to know you don't value your equal civil rights and would trade them in for the patriarchal treatment of women that you find so shallowly validating
thanks tips have fun with that

not to mention that i never once said that a woman must pay, or did i "push my lame life standards on others".
i simply said that a woman should not EXPECT a man to pay simply because of his gender... so... quite the contrary, actually. you seem to be the one wanting to push YOUR lame life standards on men.

Agaaaaaaain. Veeeeeery slowly... Please try to comprehend.
Expecting for a man to pay on a date has NOTHING to o with civil or political rights of women.

Wait. Don't argue. Think for a moment. Thiiiiiiink.

Actually... it does:

"In the United States, during the advent of second wave feminism, 1960s and 1970s, the Women's Movement encouraged women to pay their own way or to pay for men's meals."

themeaningofthemorning

Agaaaaaaain. Veeeeeery slowly... Please try to comprehend.
Expecting for a man to pay on a date has NOTHING to o with civil or political rights of women.

Wait. Don't argue. Think for a moment. Thiiiiiiink.

if you don't see how our civil right to have a job and earn our own money is directly related to how a man's "duty" to pay for his date is outdated, i honestly feel sorry for you.

themeaningofthemorning

Lol, you think I'm confused? Oh dear you demand equal rights yet you have no idea why you need them.

And quit saying what I have to do. I have never met a man who didn't want to pay for my dinner. I guess I do not look like a woman who fights to be equal with men. And they love it

Really? Okay, please explain to me the purpose of my equal rights and treatment and then please explain to me why it is okay for me to place expectations on men simply because they are men when I do not want any expectations placed on me simply because I am a woman.

Oh, honey. Don't flatter yourself. All of us have had men wanting to pay for our dinners. But there is a difference between a man wanting to pay for your dinner and a woman expecting a man to pay for her dinner and then throwing a hissy fit when he doesn't.

Why do I have to explain you your need of equal rights with men? I'm not interested in it, you are. So you go ahead and explain why you need those equal rights.

I'm not throwing a hissy when men not paying, I've never had a man not paying on a date. I don't demand, don't say anything, it's a normal reactive or a man to pay on a date.

It's like explaining why the earth is round to a child. Ridiculous. You want o pay? Go ahead. Don't push your lame life standards on others.

lol good to know you don't value your equal civil rights and would trade them in for the patriarchal treatment of women that you find so shallowly validating
thanks tips have fun with that

not to mention that i never once said that a woman must pay, or did i "push my lame life standards on others".
i simply said that a woman should not EXPECT a man to pay simply because of his gender... so... quite the contrary, actually. you seem to be the one wanting to push YOUR lame life standards on men.

Agaaaaaaain. Veeeeeery slowly... Please try to comprehend.
Expecting for a man to pay on a date has NOTHING to o with civil or political rights of women.

Wait. Don't argue. Think for a moment. Thiiiiiiink.

Actually... it does:

"In the United States, during the advent of second wave feminism, 1960s and 1970s, the Women's Movement encouraged women to pay their own way or to pay for men's meals."

thank you oh my ****ing god

jboccio90

I dont get why if you wanted popcorn you wouldnt just walk over to the concession stand and buy some?

Not everyone likes popcorn or paying 20 dollars for a bucket of it and a drink at a movie theater...

ScatteredThoughts

This could be said to you as well! As someone who considers themselves as rather successful as well, and who has never had an issue finding dates or men happy to pay for my meals, I still think it's ridiculous to expect it of them (or to allow them!) to pay every time. If you were so against those equal rights you wouldn't be an ivy league graduate or an executive at your company because you'd be home full time, uneducated, cooking, cleaning and doing whatever your man told you to do because you didn't have the same rights he does.

Well said.

themeaningofthemorning

This could be said to you as well! As someone who considers themselves as rather successful as well, and who has never had an issue finding dates or men happy to pay for my meals, I still think it's ridiculous to expect it of them (or to allow them!) to pay every time. If you were so against those equal rights you wouldn't be an ivy league graduate or an executive at your company because you'd be home full time, uneducated, cooking, cleaning and doing whatever your man told you to do because you didn't have the same rights he does.

Well said.

DBiddle69

Two dates and your concern is should you keep dating based on who pays?
Sounds to me that you have no desire to be with this guy and are looking for a reason to get out of the relationship.

Laces_0ut

Nah, I'm in relationship, I don't accept drinks from guys.

And I'm having a dinner with someone I enjoy company with. Not because the food is free. I can buy my own food.

I'm pretty amused by the type of women you met in your life. Are you guys living in hunger or something makes you do anything for food? Wth?

im beginning to doubt you have the means to buy your own meals since getting everything for free is so important to you. and the women i date now are usually succesful/professional and dont need or want men to pay for everything.

maybe its a function of where you live and the women there? maybe they are not as successful and need men to take care of them? i guess im lucky that i've lived most of my life in the NYC and DC areas and the women there tended to be successful and self reliant.

Nerdy_Rose

Anyone notice the OP dipped out after starting the thread?

There's really no point in getting into heated arguments about this.

Some people feel that men *should* pay (both male and female).
Some people don't (both male and female).

Go forth and date the type of person you'd like to date, per your own personal beliefs and opinions.

YaGigi

What were you women fighting for? Equal rights of what?

Women and men work, and make equal money, equal job opportunities, equal educational opportunities. A wife brings the same amount of money as her husband, often even more (but not too much, it can hurt his feelings).

But men are stronger physically. They don't have babies, don't go through this trauma for a body to carry, deliver a baby and get back to normal. And in 6 weeks run back to work otherwise loosing a job.
And still traditionally women cook and lean up the house, and do the groceries mostly. Men do it too but it's mostly women's job.

And you say equal rights? Where's that equal? That seems pretty unequal to me!

obsidianwings

Even if you don't want to pay for anything I don't understand the logic of calling him cheap for the same thing (in fact for less, since he has paid for some things), that makes zero sense.

emaren

I dont get why if you wanted popcorn you wouldnt just walk over to the concession stand and buy some?

Not everyone likes popcorn or paying 20 dollars for a bucket of it and a drink at a movie theater...

Maybe it is me, but if I go on a movie date, I always ask if they want popcorn, nachos, drinks etc, if they insist that they pay, then I tend to pick the cheapest thing and suggest that they get that, while I get everything else.

As a rule, I will pay, if my date offers to split I will say 'pay for that last round' or 'why don't you get desert' etc....

**shrug**