Should I keep dating this guy? (Cheap)

Maris_Swan

My boyfriend and I take turns, always. It's equal, and I honestly feel he does not need to carry the brunt of paying simply because he is male. I make my own money, he makes his. We are a partnership, and it works for us. If this is really an issue for you, you need to move on.

FitandFab33

To each her own... I prefer to take turns taking the tab. Just like I do with friends.. but you have to play it by ear- each guy is different. But, if he insists on taking the tab every time, I don't argue. I will, however, make a point of buying and making a really nice dinner for him (IF I like him). But I also haven't been on a real date in something like 4 1/2 years so.....,

Brunner26_2

A real man pays for everything!!!!

I think you're a great guy, Herb, but I disagree!

AwesomeMoJo

OP, don't judge him just yet....

For me if I ask a guy out (which I have)...I will plan the date and then I pay for the date..if HE does the asking the he does the planning and paying...that is the way I see it..at least when you first start dating.

Thie past Friday I went out with someone...we went for dinner (he paid), then we went to see this band nearby and had a couple of drinks (I paid). I told our server that it would be on my tab and gave her my card (he was in the restroom and didnt know it)...when it was time to leave he was going to pay..but then was told that I had already settled the bill. He was greatful and surprised. He said he felt a little strange having a woman pay for him. It was my idea to see the band and go to that place so I Was the one who paid....it is all a balance....

Side Note: I did have a guy ask me out, take me too a nice restaurant, we laughed had drinks, dinner, and I thought we were clicking and there was lots of flirting...when the bill came though HE actually handed me the bill. I am sorry but that was just wrong. He asked ME out and he chose the place....needless to say I never saw him again...that was $120 to get rid of a true loser....

themeaningofthemorning

I'm of the opinion that it's totally ridiculous to expect a guy to pay for everything. If we as women want equal treatment in society, then we also need to let go of the chivalry we expect of men otherwise it's a bit hypocritical.

**** equal treatment!
I don't want any equal treatment! You women in America got yourself your equal treatment when have 6 weeks to take care of a baby after the delivery, and we have up to 1.5 years, our jobs are protected by the law.
Men and women are NOT the same, neither physically, nor mentally, why would we have the same responsibilities?
Equal human and political rights? Yes. But you guys take it to a freaking another level.

please explain to me how any of that has to do with expecting a guy to pay for everything
the fact that your job is protected by law speaks more to the necessity for women to start growing up and realizing they can pull their own weight than anything else, so i don't know what your point was here.

this thread literally took feminism back like 40 years
some of you girls need to get a grip

Valm0n

To those who compare this case with prostitution, I'm afraid I have to disagree....

when you pay a hooker, you're sure you'll have sex afterward :-P

IslandRider

Since this is date 2, is it too soon for him to start wanting me to pay or am I over reacting?

What?! That's as goofy as asking if the first date is too soon for him to expect you to put out. Sounds to me like you want to have him as the guy who acts like its the 1940's and pays for everything. This is 2012, if you want to be treated as an equal, act like one.

And, yes I always expect to pay my own way, always have.

Laces_0ut

Here is what i have found...

women who dont have much going on career wise are the ones who expect men to pay for everything.

the women who ive dated who are career minded/professionals will begin to pay their share as the relationship develops and some pay their share right from the start.

a woman who has a good career and doesnt expect to be taken care of is super sexy.

jcr85

Equal rights works both ways.

crimsoncat

Side Note: I did have a guy ask me out, take me too a nice restaurant, we laughed had drinks, dinner, and I thought we were clicking and there was lots of flirting...when the bill came though HE actually handed me the bill. I am sorry but that was just wrong. He asked ME out and he chose the place....needless to say I never saw him again...that was $120 to get rid of a true loser....

This is what I'm referring to.

Man, woman or anywhere in between: you invite, you pick the place, YOU pay.

AntWrig

To those who compare this case with prostitution, I'm afraid I have to disagree....

when you pay a hooker, you're sure you'll have sex afterward :-P

Touche.

SabrinaJL

I think whoever initiated the date should pay. If it was a mutual decision, split the bill. That just seems fair (and like good manners) to me.

stargazer008

I'm of the opinion that it's totally ridiculous to expect a guy to pay for everything. If we as women want equal treatment in society, then we also need to let go of the chivalry we expect of men otherwise it's a bit hypocritical.

This is so true!

crimsoncat

I think whoever initiated the date should pay. If it was a mutual decision, split the bill. That just seems fair (and like good manners) to me.

I agree.

diodelcibo

A gentlewoman always pay.

ohtobe140

When I was dating, I always want to go dutch for the first few dates, that way there isn't an expectation of anything physical. I do believe in this day and age, that both sexes expect sex within the first week and whenever money or gifts are involved, well... tit for tat.

I wish dating was being done, where it would at least a month to get to bed, hell, even a few months would be good. Pay your own way, or at least offer to, if he says no that he will pay, then you say thank you and be gracious.

I am sure my warped view on dating is not typical everywhere, but where I live, it's all very one-night-stands and f#@%buddy situations. No one really wants to take the time to fall in love anymore, and well, I think that's sad.

Also, if you can't afford to pay your way regardless of whether or not you do, you shouldn't be dating. You never want to end up somewhere where you can't afford to get home all by yourself. That's just being safe.

DebraYvonne

I've always sort of evened it up after first few dates (he paid) by inviting the guy over, cooking for him, making him something special and if in a relationship, this happens more where we spend time together at home and I cook or we both cook at my house. I figure it all evens out. The only time I've ever gone dutch is with someone I didn't really want to go out with again.

WinnerVictorious

i don't think its fair to call someone cheap when you're the one that doesn't wanna pay

trophywife24

Some women *want* to be taken care. Is that not okay? If men don't want to take "princess" women that like to be taken care of um... then don't. Clearly, not every woman is like that. I don't really feel like my lady bits are dis-empowered because I don't touch the check. Really.

ScatteredThoughts

Congratulations, OP. You have finally hit jackpot with one of your threads. It took a few tries, but you got there.

31993703

WanderingBomb

I guess every relationship and every person is different. I always find it sweet for a guy to pay for the first date. After that I always offer to pay/ go dutch depending on. My boyfriend and I alternate paying now (we've been together 1.5 years) but the first 1 date he paid for and he used to stop by my work and bring me coffee all the time. We went from 'dating' to 'couple' pretty fast, there was really only one "date" lol. But if you don't like or are uncomfortable with him asking you to pay so soon then maybe he isnt the guy for you.

Laoch_Cailin

He is 29 and we seem to get along great.

Date 1: We had 2 drinks he payed.

Date 2: Watched movie (he payed), DIDN'T ask me if I wanted popcorn. After movie went to restaurant, I had like a 7 dollar plate, bill came and it was split. I asked if he wanted me to pay he said yes since he paid for movie.

Since this is date 2, is it too soon for him to start wanting me to pay or am I over reacting?

If you like him keep dating him, if you don't .....don't!

Ohh and didn't someone else have this exact same dilema a while back ???

themeaningofthemorning

Some women *want* to be taken care. Is that not okay? If men don't want to take "princess" women that like to be taken care of um... then don't. Clearly, not every woman is like that. I don't really feel like my lady bits are dis-empowered because I don't touch the check. Really.

The point is that it is disgusting to shame and ridicule a guy for not paying for literally everything during the course of a date. If you want to be spoiled, fine, but it's your responsibility to explain that to him... and not your right to expect it of him.

ironanimal

A gentleman always pays.

Hello, the 1950s called.

PikaKnight

I always try and pay and a good amount of girls don't like too much chivalry anymore. I think it's all just situation. It's only the 2nd date, give it some more time. Also weigh other things into consideration (do you actually like him?), instead of focusing so much on money...

^ What he said.

_Bob_

If she hasn't already said it.... just break up

RachM

My fiance payed for our first few dates though I always offered and felt uncomfortable when he did pay. As much as i like being "taken care of" I think there are much better ways he can "take care of me" (whiche he does!) besides paying for our dates. Dinner is expensive depending on the place, movies are expensive and so is popcorn, candy and drinks at the theatre. Now try taking someone out 2 or three times over the course of a couple weeks...it adds up!

You should want to show you are a self sufficient person and pick up part of the date. Maybe not the first one, but most Im sure most men (please correct me if Im wrong) wouldnt feel emasculated and would be pretty happy if you nicely said "hey, you got the movie, let me pick up the popcorn and drinks..." You cant tell me you expect him to pay for drinks, dinner, movies and you cant "splurge" and spend $15 on popcorn and pop!

Alex_is_Hawks

Wait...I pay...and I put out....then I invite them over to play video games....

Is this wrong?

Enkibean

Wait...I pay...and I put out....then I invite them over to play video games....

Is this wrong?

No, it means you're awesome.