Should I keep dating this guy? (Cheap)

YaGigi

Lol, you think I'm confused? Oh dear you demand equal rights yet you have no idea why you need them.

And quit saying what I have to do. I have never met a man who didn't want to pay for my dinner. I guess I do not look like a woman who fights to be equal with men. And they love it

Really? Okay, please explain to me the purpose of my equal rights and treatment and then please explain to me why it is okay for me to place expectations on men simply because they are men when I do not want any expectations placed on me simply because I am a woman.

Oh, honey. Don't flatter yourself. All of us have had men wanting to pay for our dinners. But there is a difference between a man wanting to pay for your dinner and a woman expecting a man to pay for her dinner and then throwing a hissy fit when he doesn't.

Why do I have to explain you your need of equal rights with men? I'm not interested in it, you are. So you go ahead and explain why you need those equal rights.

I'm not throwing a hissy when men not paying, I've never had a man not paying on a date. I don't demand, don't say anything, it's a normal reactive or a man to pay on a date.

It's like explaining why the earth is round to a child. Ridiculous. You want o pay? Go ahead. Don't push your lame life standards on others.

Faericn_Rising

I dont know if you realize this or not, but it seems you are basing the entire fate of the relationship around money, and nothing at all to do with the guy, what hes like, how he treats you, what you have in common... nothing that actually matters.

Unless of course, you are actually just after money alone. In which case, yes, find someone else and let him find a woman who will appreciate more than his bankbook.

Bentley2718

I'm of the opinion that it's totally ridiculous to expect a guy to pay for everything. If we as women want equal treatment in society, then we also need to let go of the chivalry we expect of men otherwise it's a bit hypocritical.

This. When I was dating (I'm now married) I didn't start letting a guy pay for things until we'd been dating for a while. At first, I would pay for me, he'd pay for him. Once you're actually in a relationship, if one person pays sometimes, and the other person pays others, over time it works out, but at first, I think everyone should pay their own way.

bananapancakebella

My ex, talking to a friend and me butting in:

Ex: I never pay for girl's drinks.
Me: You paid for mine when I first met you.
Ex: Right, but I already knew I loved you.

crimsoncat

I think whoever initiated the date should pay. If it was a mutual decision, split the bill. That just seems fair (and like good manners) to me.

I agree.

So let me get this straight, I am paying for the honor of spending time with you?

I will make sure to ask in future if the girl I'm asking out is from an escort service...

Yes you are paying so that you can enjoy the company of someone you like. I do this all the time with my friends who are less well off than I am. I know they can't afford to go to a restaurant with me, so I pay because I like spending time with them. We also do non-money activities like go on walks in the park and have mario party parties. I also pay to take my mother our to dinner on mother's day because I want to give her something.

If you feel like it, I see nothing wrong with you picking up a prostitute, and paying her to spend time with you. You are enjoying the sex with her and that's totally fine. I enjoy the conversation with my friends, so I'm willing to pay for that. Perhaps it isn't your style, but I enjoy it.

This is a genderless thing too. I paid several times for my dates with my fiance (I'm a girl and he's a boy in case you didn't guess) because I wanted to treat him to a special meal because he's important to me. If I invite you out, then I pay and I don't care what gender you are.

I usually make this clear by saying: "I would like to treat you to a movie with me." or "Please let me treat you to coffee".

This would be in contrast to going dutch where I would say: "I'm off to get coffee. You're welcome to join me if you like." To me, the offer of a choice to come versus asking permission "please come with me" makes it clear that you are not paying but you'd like to have them along if they want to go.

TL:DR: If I ask you to join me, I pay. If I offer you a choice of coming with me, we go dutch.

And ain't nothing wrong with paying for sex.

MiCool90

The fact is, this tradition hearkens back to the days when the man worked and the woman stayed at home.

When a man came courting, most likely the woman was at home helping mother with the chores, thus the man payed.

So, the dilemma is should we step back from the gender roles that have been so recently been broken through hard work of a female society..?

If the man wants to pay as a treat... GREAT! But it should never be taken for granted.

obsidianwings

To be honest i think its pretty rude to put in the title that he is cheap because he wanted you to pay for one thing and you object to that, if anything that would make you cheap.

nadinab

We live in 2012 - in a world where we as woman dig and seek for equal treatment at any opportunity we get, however some of us seem to make special rules when it suits you - i.e. a man should always pay! What? Why? You should stop being so CHEAP and offer to pay as well. We all work hard, we all have to support ourselves!

bananapancakebella

You need to wake up and realize that this "feminism" you're talking about is not pro women. In other countries where women did not archive this feminism yet, thank God, if a woman wants to take care of a baby, she is legally protected for staying t home on maternity leave for 1.5 to 3 years, her job is protected and she receives a percentage of her salary. That's what I call taking care of women's rights, not pushing women going back to work after 6 weeks.

No idea what you were fighting for out there. Equal treatment? What equal treatment? In some states you're not allowed to have abortion! That's not 40, that's like 60 years past in Europe.

Who needs equal treatment if its ridiculous and only causes pain in *kitten*?

Kinda off topic, but I believe Ireland is part of Europe. Go read up on Ireland's abortion laws.

YaGigi

When women are successful and have something in life, they won't date a broke guy from a street, no, we want a man equal to us in terms of education, money and career. And I have not yet met a successful man who would ask a lady to pay at a restaurant. That's low class.

If you want a man equal to you then wouldn't it logically make sense to split the bill?
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Not to toot my own horn, but I consider myself fairly successful financially. And you're right, I do always pay for the date. Since I know I am paying, I usually suggest where I am taking her and this way I know my budget.

However, the general tone in these types of threads is that a man should ALWAYS pay. Well... no. He doesn't OWE you anything. True many men are old school and would pay, even if you demand to go to some ridiculous place thats out of his budget, we still go above and beyond (I mean... not all of us can afford extra nice $20 drink places...)

Then the ladies say "well, because he asked her out, he should pay". Once again, no. If he's paying for the pleasure of your company, thats called an escort service. Also, kudos for having the ego to think that men deserve to pay for just being in your presence.

Ladies: If a man asks you out, most stand up men (like me) would gladly offer to pay. But please be kind and don't make us think we're out with a girl from escort service and atleast suggest to pay to split the bill. Unless he took you, without asking, to some very expensive place, in which case you should mention ahead of time, politely, that you don't think you brought enough for a place like this. TRUST me, it will make us respect you more
[/quote]

Of course I'm not going to discuss finances.

Well, I agree and disagree with some parts.

Agree with a man choosing a place to eat. He can ask for a suggestion from a lady. And at a restaurant I usually ask for his opinion on the food because I never can choose what to eat, I want it all!

And I would guest to pay he bill....but honestly it never even comes to it, I often do not see the bill at all, my boyfriend gives his card to the waiter when I don't see it. And I love him or that, he NEVER makes me feel uncomfortable about such silly thing as paying for dinner.

That's what I consider a gentleman, taking care of my needs and feelings. And by the way he's American and lives in Europe.

_happycats_

Don't push your lame life standards on others.

This could be said to you as well! As someone who considers themselves as rather successful as well, and who has never had an issue finding dates or men happy to pay for my meals, I still think it's ridiculous to expect it of them (or to allow them!) to pay every time. If you were so against those equal rights you wouldn't be an ivy league graduate or an executive at your company because you'd be home full time, uneducated, cooking, cleaning and doing whatever your man told you to do because you didn't have the same rights he does.

d_Mode

Just put out... :P

Rizabees

i don't think its fair to call someone cheap when you're the one that doesn't wanna pay

This. I like this.

YaGigi

I should've add that most of my girlfriends are pretty successful and follow the same way.

When women are successful and have something in life, they won't date a broke guy from a street, no, we want a man equal to us in terms of education, money and career. And I have not yet met a successful man who would ask a lady to pay at a restaurant. That's low class.

lol.. expecting a man to pay for every date you go on is low class.


maybe your definition of "successful" is below mine because every single woman i have ever met that was truly successful did not expect or want a man to pay for every date they had.

If you never been on the moon, it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Probably, you should start looking for real women, not a lame copy of it. Not sure if you can handle it thou.

i never said i didnt believe gold diggers exist.

Lmao, that's pretty lame. Calling me a gold digger because I don pay for dinner.
Yeah, I'm planning it weeks and weeks ahead! Such a complicated high profile task - to get free food! Lmao, it's on my agenda every morning. Free food!

WinnerVictorious

look, it's simple.

if he asks her out, he pays.
if she asks him out, she pays.
if he's got any class and manners, he always pays. but thanks her for the offer.
if they get married, her father pays.

crimsoncat

if he asks her out, he pays.
if she asks him out, she pays.
if they get married, her father pays.

Or in my family, the two getting married pay and the dad voulenteers the backyard for a BBQ.

WVmom24

If you want to be with a gentleman, then NO you should not.

LuciaLongIsland

A gentleman always pays.

THIS!!!!

THIS!!! I am old school. Men pay always!

themeaningofthemorning

Lol, you think I'm confused? Oh dear you demand equal rights yet you have no idea why you need them.

And quit saying what I have to do. I have never met a man who didn't want to pay for my dinner. I guess I do not look like a woman who fights to be equal with men. And they love it

Really? Okay, please explain to me the purpose of my equal rights and treatment and then please explain to me why it is okay for me to place expectations on men simply because they are men when I do not want any expectations placed on me simply because I am a woman.

Oh, honey. Don't flatter yourself. All of us have had men wanting to pay for our dinners. But there is a difference between a man wanting to pay for your dinner and a woman expecting a man to pay for her dinner and then throwing a hissy fit when he doesn't.

Why do I have to explain you your need of equal rights with men? I'm not interested in it, you are. So you go ahead and explain why you need those equal rights.

I'm not throwing a hissy when men not paying, I've never had a man not paying on a date. I don't demand, don't say anything, it's a normal reactive or a man to pay on a date.

It's like explaining why the earth is round to a child. Ridiculous. You want o pay? Go ahead. Don't push your lame life standards on others.

lol good to know you don't value your equal civil rights and would trade them in for the patriarchal treatment of women that you find so shallowly validating
thanks tips have fun with that

not to mention that i never once said that a woman must pay, or did i "push my lame life standards on others".
i simply said that a woman should not EXPECT a man to pay simply because of his gender... so... quite the contrary, actually. you seem to be the one wanting to push YOUR lame life standards on men.

LesaDave

If he invited you, then he should pay. If he wants you to pay for it or half of it, he should SAY something before the date. That way you can excuse yourself if you don't have it in your budget. Not just with dates but with everyone.

Just my opinion.