I Am Adam Lanzas Mother

iAMsmiling

This woman is describing my son, my family and our lives.


http://gawker.com/5968818/i-am-adam-lanzas-mother

classycouture

That is extremely powerful. Thank you for sharing.

Simona40

This woman is describing my son, my family and our lives.


http://gawker.com/5968818/i-am-adam-lanzas-mother

Sadly, this woman is describing A LOT of families.

Cherie7575

Very powerful piece - thanks for reposting.

SoDamnHungry

Great piece. Thanks for posting.

mung222

I read this yesterday. It was nice to get the other side's perspective. I work in the mental health field with these types of children. I am empathetic to this situation.

MayMaydoesntrun

I saw this yesterday..it's very thought provoking. I can't imagine living that way...Help is definitely what the writer needs but where to get it?

spfldpam

Thanks for posting this link. Very powerful article.

GatorGirl0890

I read this the other day...I'm sorry you can relate so closely to it =/

UsedToBeHusky

I can relate as well. And I'm a single mother. Fortunately, my daughter has made a lot of progress lately. But there are some very trying moments as a parent.

The psychiatrist, psychologist, and myself are leaning towards bipolar disorder. The best thing you can do for a child like this is to be proactive.

_Wits_

Thank you for posting this.

battynat12

Unforturnately, I read some of the comments on Gawker and word of warning they are not at all sympathetic to the author. Ms. Long was extremely brave in giving a voice to what so many families are experiencing, and got insulted for her trouble. I hope she doesn't see some of those comments.

Bahet

It is powerful and tragic and a travesty that mental heath care is not given more importance in this country. That said, it's also crazy that she would have an arsenal of assault weapons and ammunition that her mentally disturbed son had access to. If my kid was even a tiny fraction of that bad I'd have the steak knives under lock and key.

HelloSweetie4

I cannot say I know exactly how these mother's feel, but pretty darn close. My nephew has severe mental illnes, and like this story and so many others, the doctors cannot agree on one diagnosis. I lived with him the first few years of his life and he always had an odd way about him, even before his outbursts began. As he is not my child, I won't give too much detail, but this article realyl hits close to home.

Next, time you see a child in the store having a complete fit and the mother seemly "doing nothing" about it, keep this story in mind. It may change your perspective...

UsedToBeHusky

Unforturnately, I read some of the comments on Gawker and word of warning they are not at all sympathetic to the author. Ms. Long was extremely brave in giving a voice to what so many families are experiencing, and got insulted for her trouble. I hope she doesn't see some of those comments.

I saw those too. It was very upsetting and almost made me delete my comment in this thread. Some people really have no idea what they are talking about. It has been heavily documented that mental illness occurs more often in men that women.

Chief_Rocka

From the article

With state-run treatment centers and hospitals shuttered, prison is now the last resort for the mentally ill

^^^so much truth. More money going for prisons, less money for alternatives.

MartialPanda

AMAZING article. A lot of things to learn from this.

Chapter3point6

Wow

stellamakes3

Thanks for sharing. I am a younger sister to a 28-year-old Adam Lanza. He's currently in jail.
It's the hardest thing to deal with sometimes- especially when situations like Sandy Hook arise.. I can't help but think of my brother, and how that could have been him.

Big hugs & lots of strength to you, OP, it takes a village & I hope you have a good village.

Junken_Diraffe

I read this yesterday. It hit too close to home for me as well. There were times, growing up with my sister, that I was terrified for my life. She went to inpatient care more than once. It helped some...

fishgutzy

State run hospitals were shuttered because they are the most inhumane places ever conceived to warehouse and sedate (not treat) the mentally ill.
And until they hurt someone and declare criminally insane, there is nothing that a free society can do.
We are not North Korea or China. We cannot force adults to take medication against their will when they haven't done anything to harm someone else.

With freedom comes risk. I'd rather live with the risk than in a society that locks people up because they "might" commit a violent crime.

amyhoss

I read this yesterday. It is terrifying.

secretlobster

It was a really moving article. I'd love to be able to just take it "as-is". But Adam Lanza's mother also kept guns in the house with her mentally unstable child. I really feel awful for mothers of children who show violence through their mental illnesses, but Adam Lanza's mother is partially responsible for this event. As far as I've read, she was a responsible gun owner herself, and tried to teach her kid safe handling of a firearm, but he was mentally ill from childhood and there were numerous signs of violence in his personality. You can't expect a young adult who suffers from mental illness to be responsible with a gun.

I have younger family members with different degrees of autism (some violent on occasion) and while they are wonderful, caring people most of the time as individuals, there are some things that most human beings can handle that they cannot. They're not ever going to own guns because they don't have the capacity to be responsible with them 100% of the time, and they don't have the ability to regulate violent impulses like these. It sucks but that's reality. You can love someone unconditionally as your child and still retain awareness of what they are capable of. You can't deny that their brain doesn't function the way yours does.

I'm a huge advocate for awareness of mental health in the US. These kids are generally over-medicated and misunderstood. Mental illness is extremely costly to deal with. It's really shameful.

iAMsmiling

State run hospitals were shuttered because they are the most inhumane places ever conceived to warehouse and sedate (not treat) the mentally ill.
And until they hurt someone and declare criminally insane, there is nothing that a free society can do.
We are not North Korea or China. We cannot force adults to take medication against their will when they haven't done anything to harm someone else.

With freedom comes risk. I'd rather live with the risk than in a society that locks people up because they "might" commit a violent crime.

I'm not suggesting my son be locked up because he might commit a crime. I'm suggesting that services be offered to keep him in an environment that helps him NOT become violent.

More importantly, we should recognize that the state institutions have not been shuttered...they've just be re-labeled as prisons. And instead of any kind of treatment, the patients are subjected to the state's loving care in that environment.

iAMsmiling

It was a really moving article. I'd love to be able to just take it "as-is". But Adam Lanza's mother also kept guns in the house with her mentally unstable child. I really feel awful for mothers of children who show violence through their mental illnesses, but Adam Lanza's mother is partially responsible for this event. As far as I've read, she was a responsible gun owner herself, and tried to teach her kid safe handling of a firearm, but he was mentally ill from childhood and there were numerous signs of violence in his personality. You can't expect a young adult who suffers from mental illness to be responsible with a gun.

I have younger family members with different degrees of autism (some violent on occasion) and while they are wonderful, caring people most of the time as individuals, there are some things that most human beings can handle that they cannot. They're not ever going to own guns because they don't have the capacity to be responsible with them 100% of the time, and they don't have the ability to regulate violent impulses like these. It sucks but that's reality. You can love someone unconditionally as your child and still retain awareness of what they are capable of. You can't deny that their brain doesn't function the way yours does.

Another reason why we need to address this violence as a mental health issue. Parents of these kids need to have an informed and realistic view of their world.
I was a competitive shooter for more than 20 years. I co-authored a book on gun laws in the state of Virginia. I've had articles published on 2nd Amendment issues. My wedding gift from my wife was a custom combat competition pistol. All that considered, when my son's condition became apparent, I sold all my guns.

chocl8girl

My older son is bipolar. We went through YEARS of ER visits, violence, police, psychiatrists. It was hell. The ONLY thing that finally got him the help he needed was going to DCF, asking for help, and giving partial custody to of my child to them, so that he could be on state health insurance (I have health insurance, but they refused to pay for the kind of help my son needed, and kept sending him home from the hospital even after a suicide attempt) and put into a group home. I thank GOODNESS that my son is now stable and has been for years, and is in college and has a job and is a functioning adult on his way to being able to be on his own. He still has struggles, but there have been no more hospital visits, no more violence, and my younger son is no longer afraid. I cannot even imagine the pain of trying to get help and never getting it. We should NEVER EVER give up on these children that need help, not even after they reach adulthood. There is no excuse for these tragedies, but there is also no excuse for our health care and compassion for others being as broken as it is right now.

JustJennie1

State run hospitals were shuttered because they are the most inhumane places ever conceived to warehouse and sedate (not treat) the mentally ill.
And until they hurt someone and declare criminally insane, there is nothing that a free society can do.
We are not North Korea or China. We cannot force adults to take medication against their will when they haven't done anything to harm someone else.

With freedom comes risk. I'd rather live with the risk than in a society that locks people up because they "might" commit a violent crime.

I'm not suggesting my son be locked up because he might commit a crime. I'm suggesting that services be offered to keep him in an environment that helps him NOT become violent.

More importantly, we should recognize that the state institutions have not been shuttered...they've just be re-labeled as prisons. And instead of any kind of treatment, the patients are subjected to the state's loving care in that environment.

Do any of you live in CT? If you did then you would know that they shut down all the mental hospitals in the state due to lack of money (hello, CT is BROKE!) and just kicked all the mentally ill patients out onto the streets. They have nurses who drive around and deliver the meds to them and make sure they take them (I know this because my SIL is one of the nurses who does this) but these people are out and about walking around in society. I'm sorry but I don't agree that a mental hospital isn't the way to go for some of these people. Flame me, call me cruel but some people need to be locked up period. Just because they are on their meds doesn't mean that they're stable and fine.

UsedToBeHusky

My older son is bipolar. We went through YEARS of ER visits, violence, police, psychiatrists. It was hell. The ONLY thing that finally got him the help he needed was going to DCF, asking for help, and giving partial custody to of my child to them, so that he could be on state health insurance (I have health insurance, but they refused to pay for the kind of help my son needed, and kept sending him home from the hospital even after a suicide attempt) and put into a group home. I thank GOODNESS that my son is now stable and has been for years, and is in college and has a job and is a functioning adult on his way to being able to be on his own. He still has struggles, but there have been no more hospital visits, no more violence, and my younger son is no longer afraid. I cannot even imagine the pain of trying to get help and never getting it. We should NEVER EVER give up on these children that need help, not even after they reach adulthood. There is no excuse for these tragedies, but there is also no excuse for our health care and compassion for others being as broken as it is right now.

Most of the time, the worst for bipolar kids is during adolescence due to the imbalances in hormones. But I do agree with you, these kids need support on into adulthood.

secretlobster

Another reason why we need to address this violence as a mental health issue. Parents of these kids need to have an informed and realistic view of their world.
I was a competitive shooter for more than 20 years. I co-authored a book on gun laws in the state of Virginia. I've had articles published on 2nd Amendment issues. My wedding gift from my wife was a custom combat competition pistol. All that considered, when my son's condition became apparent, I sold all my guns.

I really understand and appreciate your stance on this. I think it takes a responsible person of the highest caliber (oh god the pun... oh god) to sacrifice something important to them because their children's safety is more important. Stricter gun regulations don't make individuals more responsible with their legal firearms. I think a lesser person than you would have seen it as "I need to exercise my 2nd amendment rights no matter what". Having a right also means exercising responsibility. I'm not too surprised that people are trying to make this a "pro-gun/anti-gun" argument. But the real issue is mental health and without making real strides in that area, we will continue to have people who have the impulse to carry out unthinkable acts like this.

You are a rare person, I'm glad there are parents like you.

Retiredmom72

Thank you for sharing. There are so many labels out there. Some of them are the results of bad parenting skills while others are the desire for quick fixes like drugs. Some are true mental illness. I am a believer that as a parent, you are not a "friend" to your child. I believe that parents must guide and sometimes say "No" and sometimes put them in time-out. Why send a child to his room we
Hen there is a tv, computer, iPod, and some cases minifrig in the room. Spend time with your children when they are young. Get them involved in activities and attend the activities. When they do something wrong, have a consequence and still to it.

For mental illness, get your child help. Stop looking for labels when you have not given your child ways to cope. It is not okay to yell at you and call you names! It is not okay to destroy anything. It is okay to be a parent! It is okay to make decisions that your child won't like. Be a good parent. If you say something, then do it. Empty threats are useless. Love you child enough to say no!

Erisad

What I'm worried about is the idea that everyone that has a mental condition is going to be treated as a potential murderer. There are many citizens with mental conditions that are harmless or pacifists.