Children throwing tantrums in stores! What??

scruffykaz

Other people's children suck.

All children suck!

Hezzietiger1

Don't u remember being a kid and having your mind so set on something when you were told no if was seriously the worst thing ever for you. It's not like a 4 year old has tact to know how to socially handle such emotion appropriately. Hell, I'm 30 and when I get really crazy or frustrated I throw the F bomb in response to emotion. Tell me you always act in a way that doesn't offend or put others off!!?? I have 11 nieces and nephews and 2 sisters that were 10 and 16 years younger than me. Kids throw tantrums. It happens.

marathon_mama

You know... now that I have my own "Rude little twerps" I am much less judgemental of what other parents go through.
Personally if I was the man we'd have left and the child would have gone to time out or bed when we got home.
But everybody does what works for them. Sometimes parents don't take their children out when they are young and tantrum prone, which tends to prolong the period of time in which they are tantrum prone.


Please never have children. Please.

ditto.

OH_matt

WOW, a lot of you people are pretty harsh and nasty about this. I agree that parents letting kids get away with throwing tantrums in public (really at home too) is ridiculous. But all of you people telling the OP to not have kids, or that she'll be "an amazing mother" and being sarcastic, smart a$$es about it is just as bad. This is coming from a single dad of an 8 year old son. There have been a few times where he tried to throw tantrums but it was squashed right then and there. I can probably count on one hand the number of tantrums he's thrown in his entire life. Never spanked or hit him, just never acknowledged the tantrum and it stopped after he got bored with it then I walked to him about it and took things away from him. And guess what? He's not some wierd kid that was negatively impacted because I stopped him from throwing tantrums or acting out.

Your kid can want to throw tantrums all they want but if you let it go on or give it any kind of attention then they will continue to happen. All of the people that say "kids will just do that" and are satisfied with that are part of the issue with this country and world. They are happy letting things go on no matter if it's right, bothers anyone else, or teaches the kid anything worthwile. They let it happen because it is easy for them. By letting the kids get away with it tells them that it is ok to do.

It's just like a kid touching a stove. If they touch it a hundred times and it's cold, then they think it's ok and will continue to do it. If it's hot one time, they learn never to do it again.

People need to be parents and quit saying "that's what they do." I'm 28 and never had my parents spank or belt me or anything like that. Anytime my brother, sister, or I got out of line we heard about it. Guess what?? That stuff stopped pretty quick.

OP, i completely agree with you that it is nuts the dad let the kid's tantrum continue like it did. People need to be parents and quit trying to be their kids' best friend. My parents worked more on being parents than my friend, and I respect them more for that and they are some of my best friends for it.

DrBorkBork

How old were your kids when you started spanking them? How old are they now?

The first time I spanked my daughter she was 3 and trying to stick her tongue in an electrical outlet. My kids are 7 and 6 now, daughter turns 8 in March.

See, this is one of the times I agree spanking is okay. If you're being a complete idiot and putting your life in danger, you're gonna need a smack upside the something somewhere!

Mine gets "Mama Bear" swats once in a while, too, but it's only when she's being an idiot like that.

LoraF83

You obviously don't have kids. I am sure when you do you will be an amazing mother and your kids will never throw tantrums though.

Exactly.

You do what you can. Sometimes, you do better at managing the situation than other times. Sometimes kids are sh*ts and sometimes *kitten* happens.

supplemama

Let me say first off I DON'T believe in hitting children. In my opinion spanking does not work and is totally unnecessary.

When my kids acted the fool in a store or other public place, I would walk away. Never out of my line of sight, but they didn't know that. For example, if we were in the grocery store and a tantrum started, I would start walking up or down the aisle. That usually did the trick! they'd stop hollering and scurry after me. The few times that did not work, I picked them up and we left the store.

When kids are throwing tantrums, it's best not to give them attention for it. If I was the dad in your example, there is no way I would have tolerated him screaming for 45 minutes. I would have left the store and taken him home.

For the most part to avoid tantrums with little ones, you need to be preemptive. Make sure they are well-rested, well-fed, and hydrated before you take them out. If you take hungry, tired, thirsty kids out shopping you are guaranteed a cranky time. Also bring a bag of things to occupy them: books, small toys, small snacks, paper, crayons, etc.

PhillyTD

BAMFMeredith

First, are you suggesting that people beat their children with belts until they bleed? I'm like 90% that lands you in jail these days. I wouldn't know, though, since I don't beat my child (there is a difference in an open palm spanking and beating your kid with a belt).

Second, lemme give you a little personal experience. I tend to think I'm a pretty good mom. My son is 6, and has ADHD, is very smart, and tends to get in trouble when he's bored (which seems to be often at school). We have a "strike" system. If he is exhibiting a behavior that is unacceptable, I give him a verbal warning and explain to him why said behavior is unacceptable (i.e. "Please stop pulling the dog's tail. She doesn't like it and it could hurt her. I don't want her to hurt you because you are hurting her first.") If he continues that behavior, strike 1: 5 minute time out. Behavior continues, strike 2: 10 minute time out, and all electronics privileges are gone for the day. Behavior STILL continues, strike 3: grounded for the day. Only acceptable activities are reading or working on spelling/handwriting words. We rarely have to get to strike 3. When we're out in public all I have to say is "If you continue to do that, you will start getting strikes. Do you want to lose privileges today?" and USUALLY that stops whatever bad behavior is happening...but not always.

This one time we were visiting my mom and we were going to go out to lunch. Well, when my little man is hungry, it's like the devil has taken over his soul---he's AWFUL. He began being hateful, disrespectful, sat in the middle of the floor of the restaurant, I mean this was probably the worst he's ever behaved in public, aside from tantrums he threw when he was like 2. He was being rude the the waiter, I was beyond embarrassed. When I gave him strikes and told him he would be grounded when we got home, instead of the usual somber reaction, he went APE *kitten*. I picked him up, took him outside the restaurant and said "Ok, you want to act like that? Then you can throw your tantrum out here, outside, on the sidewalk, where everybody walking by can see you. Go ahead, finish your tantrum, because I'm hungry and I want to go finish my lunch." It took me at least 15 minute to get him to stop throwing a fit, go back inside and apologize to my mom and the waiter and eat his food (which magically turned him back into my sweet little 6 year old). Yep, I was that lady, my 6 year old throwing a screaming fit inside/in front of a crowded restaurant. Should I beat him with a belt from now on so that doesn't happen anymore? Absolutely not. He's a kid. Kids throw fits sometimes. It's EMBARRASSING when your child starts throwing a fit in public, so I totally understand pleading with them to stop.

Pro-tip: If you have no children of your own, try not to hand out parenting advice. We don't like it when people who actually do have kids hand out unsolicited parenting advice, but when those who don't have children do it, well, I'm a lot nicer than some people would be about it.

busywaterbending

I learned at an early age that tantrums are something you don't do...ever...because it attracts the zombies and as a small child, mom can outrun me, thus making me bait.

Charlie003

Also if someone dragged me into a Michael's I'd throw a f'ing tantrum too

I know I do!

EvgeniZyntx

... you're an unfit parent if you can't find a way to raise a child that doesn't involve breaking their skin.

This would seem a pretty basic concept - yet the OP posts leads one to thinks that she believes this is good disciple.

Physical punishment is illegal here. I believe that it should not happen but that the role of the state in parenting should be minimized. I've never seen it applied, so as a law that creates awareness, I'm not against it.

ETA: typo.

cyrstephaniec

Please don't judge the child or the parent. You don't know what is going on in that family. What if the child was not feeling well, has a developmental delay, just got back from the doctor and had to have his shots. You can't judge someone on seeing them one time.

My kids don't normally act like this, because they know they won't get their way if they pitch a fit. But saying that- my son was speech delayed and would act like this sometimes because he couldn't communicate with us what he wanted. Once we got the speech issue taken care of (in speech therapy since age 2, is now 6.5), he doesn't do this- at home or in public). My youngest has epilepsy, and before we got her meds regulated she could sometimes act this way. As a parent you do what you have to do to maintain sanity on a daily basis. Sometimes you need to get out and get stuff done, and the child doesn't want to go out and will try to act like this. What makes it worse is the judging looks and comments. If you're not going to help, just walk away and don't judge- a stressed out parent doesn't need that, they have enough on their plate.

mistyblue1963

I remember this spanking the most b/c the welp marks bled.... this is not discipline its abuse !!

solarpower4

It's very scary and frustrating to be a four year old.
I know that whenever I'm scared or frustrated, nothing calms me down like getting hit with objects by the only people I can trust.

^^^ This. ^^^- and op, understand that the last part is sarcasm...

jenbit

First, the kids are not spoiled. They are still operating on Id part of brain. The child was probably 3 because 4 year olds do not do that usually. I have a 28 month old. he will do that sometimes. He is not spoiled. He just wants what he wants. I let him go at it until he gets tired. But , for that reason I do not take him to restaurants or movies. But, stores, fair game to any social inconviences. If it bothers you so much, shop on the internet. But to call a child a brat or spoiled without knowing that particular individual is just ignorant.

Exactly..MY children are 6 and 9 and I have spanked my kids but only when appropriate and never with an object. You go ahead and spank a child in a store see how much good that does you.
1. most of the time they are acting out in the store is because they are over tired and overstimulated spanking is only going to make things worse.

2. I find it much easier to bribe them lol.. I simpley tell them if they behave in the store I will get them a treat ( and yes its normally some yummy bad for you candsy --dont judge) when I finish my shopping they ask for their candy and if they have misbehaved they dont get to pick one out. Denail hurts for more than the spankings normally.

PlunderBunneh

I know that it is rough on the non-parents in the store, but you gotta try to understand. Being a parent is hard. We're put in situations all of the time that are embarrassing, humiliating, and frankly just tough.

It's bad enough that for whatever reason (tired, overstimulated, having a rough day, hungry, ect), our child is crying in the store.

Please don't make it worse by assuming that as a non-parent, you should be exempt from the sometimes inappropriate behavior of children in public. If you don't want to deal with how strangers sometimes act, I suggest you get familiar with online shopping and stay home.

RubyRed8067

I'm saying I didn't throw tantrums. If I did, I'd get it bad with a leather belt. And it worked on me. I was spanked for backtalking, pouting, and crying (if I was warned and didn't stop). When i was older (6-9) I was spanked for getting grades below a B. I was raised right, and disciplined well. I grew up fine, had good grades, wasn't rude, was thankful for what I got, and respected my parents...who chose to discipline me.

I worked with kids a lot when I was in HS (daycare). This was when i decided I would never have them. I don't hate kids, but I don't ever want one.

Charlie003

Point for you too!:drinker:

JustJennie1

My kids don't act like that at all because they know they will get a spanking... Spanking is so effective I don't even need to do it any more. I just give them a look and they shape right up. I remember when I was a kid my dad whooped me with his belt on the cereal isle; these days you'd probably have the cops called on you, but I never ever acted up with my dad because all it takes is one time.

You would absolutely get the cops called on you because there are nosey people out there who can't mind their own business and don't know what perpetrated the spanking.

Any way, I have no children and I do not plan on having children and yes, I get annoyed when there's a temper tantrum being thrown in a store and no matter what the parent tries to do nothing works. However I am not the parent. I don't know if they just woke the kid up from a nap to go do errands. I don't know if the child has been a tyrant all day long and they're just plain tired of trying to get them to calm down. You don't know the circumstances around the temper tantrum.

Now, a child who is in a very nice restaurant way past their bed time pitching a fit is another story. We run into this all the time and when being seated we've had to let the servers know that we do not want to be around children. Too many meals have been ruined by a screaming kid sitting at the table next to us. Flame me all you want but there are places that are child oriented and places that aren't and it really irks me when parents take their children out to a restaurant where people are trying to have a nice, relaxing and/or romantic meal. Nothing spoils the mood like a screaming child.

thrld

I was on line, and there was a kid pitching a fit. The lady in front of them turned around and smiled and started singing "Rudolph the red-nose reindeer" softly and by the end of the song the kid was all smiles.


Sometimes kids get tired. And some kids have conditions that lead to being easily over-stimulated. This might have been the dad's only chance to take the kid shopping without mom there -- so leaving the store might not have been an option.


Happy holidays.

louised88

Blimey, if I left a store every time my kid threw a tantrum Id never get anything done. He's autistic and screams a LOT. It really helps to know that other people are scoring my parenting skills without knowing the full picture.

Are you making sure to spank him in full view of everyone so that they know you're teaching him that the correct way to respond to other people's bad behaviour is to hit them? (Make sure he knows that that's only applicable if that person is smaller than him, completely reliant on him and lacks the life skills and experience to objectively assess whether their behaviour is an appropriate reaction to a situation.)

RRmath

I see there are some people here in favor of spanking their children. If there is anyone here that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children, please step forward. I know they have to exist, but I have never met a person under 75 that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children.

secretlobster

You can make the argument "your opinion is invalid because you don't have kids"

Yet it seems to be parents who are most likely to forget what it was like to be a child themselves.

(I stuck my tongue into an electrical socket yesterday and I had a great time thank you very much)

PhearlessPhreaks

I was in Michaels yesterday and this father and son were shopping. I guess his kid (who looked around 3 or 4) wanted something, but dad wouldn't get it for him. This kid started pitching a fit in the store, crying...screaming (the usual tantrum). We got to listen to that for 45 minutes. We also had the joy of being in front of this kid and his dad in line to check out (more high pitched screaming and crying). The dad is trying to console this kid...but it doesn't stop him. When they got outside, the kid lays down on the sidewalk and basically starts thrashing and screaming and crying. Meanwhile, the dad is PLEADING with his 4 yr old to stop. WTH?? Why is a grown man trying to conjole this spoiled little brat? WHY do parents do this?

To any of you older people, what would your parents have done? I have one very distinct memory of pitching a fit for some doll. My parents took me out to the car and I got spanked there. Once we got home, I got the leather belt. I remember this spanking the most b/c the welp marks bled.... I'm so tired of this lack of discipline in kids. I have come across some of the rudest little twerps EVER, and am so happy I don't have any of my own. I know for a fact my temper would get the best of me if I had one.

rant over.

I think the reason you see so many parents handle their temper-tantrum-throwing-in-public kids like that is because, in this day and age, so many people are sensitive to discipline. Heaven forbid if the wrong person sees you smack your kid's bottom or yell at them. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's how I see it.

I worked in the restaurant business for 14 years, the last 4 of which I ran a restaurant myself. There are three types of parents in public: there are the parents who ignore their child's misbehavior, there are the ones who (like the guy you encountered) coddle their children, hoping for better behavior, and then there are the ones who realize their kids don't have the right to ruin everyone's moment, and remove their child from the situation. That's what the gentleman in the store should have done. The moment his kid started acting up (and yes, they ALL act up from time to time) they should have left the store. Doing so accomplishes two things: 1) the child doesn't ruin anyone elses shopping experience, and 2) it tells the child that behavior is not acceptable and will not be tolerated in public.

BAMFMeredith

Let me say first off I DON'T believe in hitting children. In my opinion spanking does not work and is totally unnecessary.

When my kids acted the fool in a store or other public place, I would walk away. Never out of my line of sight, but they didn't know that. For example, if we were in the grocery store and a tantrum started, I would start walking up or down the aisle. That usually did the trick! they'd stop hollering and scurry after me. The few times that did not work, I picked them up and we left the store.

When kids are throwing tantrums, it's best not to give them attention for it. If I was the dad in your example, there is no way I would have tolerated him screaming for 45 minutes. I would have left the store and taken him home.

For the most part to avoid tantrums with little ones, you need to be preemptive. Make sure they are well-rested, well-fed, and hydrated before you take them out. If you take hungry, tired, thirsty kids out shopping you are guaranteed a cranky time. Also bring a bag of things to occupy them: books, small toys, small snacks, paper, crayons, etc.

I agree, 45 minutes is WAY longer than I would have stayed at the store, but it's not my place to judge. But very good advice, they want an audience, even at home if my son starts acting out or throwing a fit I tell him he can go do that in his room because I won't pay attention to him while he acts that way. He usually goes in his room for like a minute then realizes it's boring when there's nobody there to watch you!

Caffeinewitch

Hitting a child is showing that they have outsmarted you and you resent them for it.

EvgeniZyntx

I'm saying I didn't throw tantrums. If I did, I'd get it bad with a leather belt. And it worked on me. I was abused for backtalking, pouting, and crying (if I was warned and didn't stop). When i was older (6-9) I was abused for getting grades below a B. I was raised right, and disciplined well. I grew up fine, had good grades, wasn't rude, was thankful for what I got, and respected my parents...who chose to abuse me.

I worked with kids a lot when I was in HS (daycare). This was when i decided I would never have them. I don't hate kids, but I don't ever want one.

Fixed it for you.

I'm glad your non-children won't have to go through that.

mmckee10

I was in Michaels yesterday and this father and son were shopping. I guess his kid (who looked around 3 or 4) wanted something, but dad wouldn't get it for him. This kid started pitching a fit in the store, crying...screaming (the usual tantrum). We got to listen to that for 45 minutes. We also had the joy of being in front of this kid and his dad in line to check out (more high pitched screaming and crying). The dad is trying to console this kid...but it doesn't stop him. When they got outside, the kid lays down on the sidewalk and basically starts thrashing and screaming and crying. Meanwhile, the dad is PLEADING with his 4 yr old to stop. WTH?? Why is a grown man trying to conjole this spoiled little brat? WHY do parents do this?

To any of you older people, what would your parents have done? I have one very distinct memory of pitching a fit for some doll. My parents took me out to the car and I got spanked there. Once we got home, I got the leather belt. I remember this spanking the most b/c the welp marks bled.... I'm so tired of this lack of discipline in kids. I have come across some of the rudest little twerps EVER, and am so happy I don't have any of my own. I know for a fact my temper would get the best of me if I had one.

rant over.

Is it possible that his son might be autistic or have some other sort of condition? I've worked with autistic children in the past and there's nothing that will stop a tantrum really. The littlest things can set them off. You just have to pray for strength for the parents and hope they find something that works for their child.:flowerforyou: you never know the struggles of a family. I guess working with those kids made me think twice.

ETA it put the wrong icon

AlsDonkBoxSquat

You obviously don't have kids. I am sure when you do you will be an amazing mother and your kids will never throw tantrums though.

This.


You're a real peach.

You're much nicer than me, I was thinking she was a collosal ***** with absolutely no perspective.