Christmas, porn & a nasty virus

TheRoadDog

Troll.

NormalSaneFLGuy

at least it's just a computer virus and porn, I can think of worse things involving viruses and guys with sexual experimentation

like strep throat and oral?

that would be one of many...

what about avian influenza?

JustJennie1

Let me say a few more things..

1) This is a "temporary" account because I have friends on my MFP that go to our church also. I didn't want them to see this post and know what was going on in our personal life. So if you're concerned that this is fake because it is my only post - this is why.. :-)

And your MFP friends who go to your church aren't going to recognize you through this "cryptic" post??:huh: :noway:

NormalSaneFLGuy

Leave it alone, NO GODS, NO MASTERS

I get the feeling you are secretly trying to divert the thread off topic. I don't appreciate that.

33Freya

He has an addiction, go get counseling.

WendyTerry420

For some porn is okay, others find it demeaning to men AND women. I'm one of those who thinks porn is demeaning.

I would never watch porn with my husband. As your husband is a pastor this is doubly bad on his part.

You need to talk to him and perhaps some counseling is in order?

Demeaning to whom? To the people making tons of money and do this of their own free will, or to the couples who find it an alternative to taking drugs?

5stringjeff

I agree in part. Have a serious conversation with him about his need and desire to get this area of his life under control. If he is willing, seek Christian counseling together. Even if he isn't willing, seek counseling for yourself. This is a difficult, and sadly, very prevalent problem in many relationships today-for the churched and the unchurched. Let's face it, as a pastor's wife, you know maybe more than anyone that just because you're a Christian and a church goer, you are not precluded from sin or non-perfect living. I have a family member who has sought couseling for this type of addiction, and it has helped so much. The spouse in that situation is very involved in the process, and that has helped their relationship. He will have setbacks, but he truly needs to seek help before this destroys his personal and professional life.

As for the virus-all you need is a really good virus blocker or malware remover. I've had a similar program mess with my computer-for downloading music. Gotta love em!

Good luck with this situation...it isn't easy, but you seem like a strong woman who can help bring her marriage into the place she wants it to be. I'll be praying for you!

This x 1000. Your husband needs counseling to quit porn (pastor or not, but especailly since he is a pastor), and you both need counseling to begin to repair your marriage.

Christabelle79

I agree with TheRoadDog, the OP is a troll. Or at least not completely honest. I don't understand the mindset of a woman who would create a whole new account to come onto a weightloss website to post about her husband looking at porn. A few things:

a) Shouldn't the OP be talking to her husband about her feelings?
b) If the woman feels she can't talk to her husband, then it might be time to bring in a mediator
c) If a mediator isn't an option, get a divorce.

This is such a devastating issue for the OP that instead of putting on her big girl panties she came to a website, under a noob account, to talk to her "friends," none of which will know it's her. Could it have been that the husband was up at 4 am to be Santa and got amorous but didn't want to wake the OP?

What I would be worried about is if the "pastor" was really looking at kiddie porn. Dig deeper OP, there may be something you missed.

Jymm

Actually it's the church goers and particularly the pastors and preachers that can't seem to stay away from porn. Back a few years ago when i worked with the public a local girl was the playboy centerfold one month. Twice i had people come in the store after a men had bought the Playboys saying that they just wanted to see what she said in the article (ya right) wonder why their preachers were all the way over in that part of town . So for my own amusement I started making sure that when people brought two magazines to the counter (a playboy under a more respectable magazine) I would pick up the playboy to look at the price . One guy i know was a preacher because i heard some of his church buddies calling him brother called me three different profane words in one breath when i picked up his copy of playboy. Church goers seem to think they have to have a weakness for some kind of porn i don't know why. They are fed the idea that they have to be weak so that god can save them I guess.

pastorswife78

Thank you everyone for the replies. Some have been very helpful while others have been snarky (as expected). This is a real problem for me and I sincerely appreciate those that have offered valid advice.

jess7386

What I would be worried about is if the "pastor" was really looking at kiddie porn. Dig deeper OP, there may be something you missed.

This x100. Dig deeper and make sure there isn't an even bigger issue.

NotRailMeat

...We have been married for 12 years. I found out during our first year of marriage that he liked porn....

Umm... Exactly why is this a problem NOW?

TROLL MUCH?

Espressocycle

Porn is not the cause of marital problems, marital problems are a cause of porn overuse. Since nearly all men watch porn, nearly all male pastors also watch porn. However, not all men download viruses. Invest in some computer literacy and security, particularly a user account he can use only for porn. Then, get over the whole porn thing and focus on improving your marriage.

AND KEEP HIM OFF THE CHURCH COMPUTERS!

pastorswife78

I agree with TheRoadDog, the OP is a troll. Or at least not completely honest. I don't understand the mindset of a woman who would create a whole new account to come onto a weightloss website to post about her husband looking at porn. A few things:

a) Shouldn't the OP be talking to her husband about her feelings?
b) If the woman feels she can't talk to her husband, then it might be time to bring in a mediator
c) If a mediator isn't an option, get a divorce.

This is such a devastating issue for the OP that instead of putting on her big girl panties she came to a website, under a noob account, to talk to her "friends," none of which will know it's her. Could it have been that the husband was up at 4 am to be Santa and got amorous but didn't want to wake the OP?

What I would be worried about is if the "pastor" was really looking at kiddie porn. Dig deeper OP, there may be something you missed.

a) I have talked and talked to my husband about this issue and it hasn't helped (apparently).
b) the husband was not up at 4am to play Santa because all of that was done before we went to bed at 12:30 but I agree, perhaps he didn't want to wake me up.
c) I came to this site to post this question because I really don't feel like discussing this with anyone else in my life and prefer to maintain some anonymity due to the nature of the problem and the possible outcomes of this situation coming to light in my community. i mean really - if you had this problem, who would you talk to about it?
d) I am trying to dig deeper - i've researched the virus and validated that it can be found on many sites, not just porn. Before I make this a big issue with him, I just wanted some honest feedback in an anonymous format.

SoDamnHungry

If you were accepting of the fact that he was watching porn before but wanted him to come to you first normally, then why are you upset he looked at it this one time when he was bored and looking for something to do at 4 a.m.? Would you rather he woke you up? Is it because he downloaded a virus? He was worried and did something stupid. I don't quite understand why you're particularly upset this time.

scs143

Porn is not the cause of marital problems, marital problems are a cause of porn overuse. Since nearly all men watch porn, nearly all male pastors also watch porn. However, not all men download viruses. Invest in some computer literacy and security, particularly a user account he can use only for porn. Then, get over the whole porn thing and focus on improving your marriage.

AND KEEP HIM OFF THE CHURCH COMPUTERS!

Pretty sound advice here.

SoDamnHungry

Porn is not the cause of marital problems, marital problems are a cause of porn overuse. Since nearly all men watch porn, nearly all male pastors also watch porn. However, not all men download viruses. Invest in some computer literacy and security, particularly a user account he can use only for porn. Then, get over the whole porn thing and focus on improving your marriage.

AND KEEP HIM OFF THE CHURCH COMPUTERS!

Some people are addicted to porn, and that can be the cause of marital problems. Marital problems don't necessarily cause porn overuse, and porn doesn't necessarily cause marital problems.

jynxxxed

i mean really - if you had this problem, who would you talk to about it?

My husband.

There is nothing wrong with him watching it, there is something wrong with him lying to you about it. Further discuss THAT with him rather than your moral issues with porn.
Pushing your morals on to him wouldn't be appropriate, especially since you have known that he enjoys it since the beginning of your relationship. That's probably why he's hiding it from you in the first place (again, not that he's right for lying.. but you need to either accept it or not)

Christabelle79

I agree with TheRoadDog, the OP is a troll. Or at least not completely honest. I don't understand the mindset of a woman who would create a whole new account to come onto a weightloss website to post about her husband looking at porn. A few things:

a) Shouldn't the OP be talking to her husband about her feelings?
b) If the woman feels she can't talk to her husband, then it might be time to bring in a mediator
c) If a mediator isn't an option, get a divorce.

This is such a devastating issue for the OP that instead of putting on her big girl panties she came to a website, under a noob account, to talk to her "friends," none of which will know it's her. Could it have been that the husband was up at 4 am to be Santa and got amorous but didn't want to wake the OP?

What I would be worried about is if the "pastor" was really looking at kiddie porn. Dig deeper OP, there may be something you missed.

a) I have talked and talked to my husband about this issue and it hasn't helped (apparently).
b) the husband was not up at 4am to play Santa because all of that was done before we went to bed at 12:30 but I agree, perhaps he didn't want to wake me up.
c) I came to this site to post this question because I really don't feel like discussing this with anyone else in my life and prefer to maintain some anonymity due to the nature of the problem and the possible outcomes of this situation coming to light in my community. i mean really - if you had this problem, who would you talk to about it?

I wouldn't have this problem. I watch porn with my husband or, if I'm unavailable, he watches it through reputable sites (oxymoron right?) on his iPad. If I felt that he had an issue with it, we would talk it out. No one is the "Master" in our home. If things were still sketchy, then I would talk to my best friend, bring him with me to a councelor, or I would tell his mommy. lol We don't have a church so the idea of looking at naked people being intimate never occured to us as being "bad".

Honestly, the only issue I see is that when you take the computer to get cleaned, your husband is going to be embarassed.

quirkytizzy

Other people have stated my opinions on porn succinctly.

As per the virus - unfortunately, yeah, the "tags" that get left behind can be way crazy and sometimes scary. My exhusband would visit porn sites and pick up tags that linked him to various dating sites - even though he'd never actually been there. It's embedded into the code or something - mad frustrating.

rmchapman4

Pray for him and still love him. Ask Good to remove his desire to view the porn. You may have to fast, also. Good luck, I am praying for you!

JenniBaby85

Not bringing my Faith into this comment, and looking at this as objectively as I can. If pornography is interfering with your relationship, and he chooses IT over you, then you are both in need of help. Please seek counseling.

I remember reading this *in reference to men*

"Be the man that you want your sons to be, and your daughters to marry. Because they will"

Same goes for women "Be the woman you want your daughters to be, and your sons to marry. Because they will"

Sabine_Stroehm

whatever...

Ok, I've deleted a couple answers so far...but I'm gonna leave it like this...I have a real problem with people using a marriage license to control their partner.

Out of curiosity, are you married?

maqsmj

honestly ( i hope i wont get attacked )

you guy needs to get laid more

sunsnstatheart

Guns don't kill people, porn does.

WendyTerry420

whatever...

Ok, I've deleted a couple answers so far...but I'm gonna leave it like this...I have a real problem with people using a marriage license to control their partner.

Out of curiosity, are you married?

FTR, I've been married 18 years, and I completely agree that a marriage license does not mean you get to control your partner.

BeachGingerOnTheRocks

Leave it alone, NO GODS, NO MASTERS

That's no fun.

TylerJ76

I like porn.

TylerJ76

whatever...

Ok, I've deleted a couple answers so far...but I'm gonna leave it like this...I have a real problem with people using a marriage license to control their partner.

Out of curiosity, are you married?

Does it matter?
If you're married, do you get to control your partner?

JustJennie1

whatever...

Ok, I've deleted a couple answers so far...but I'm gonna leave it like this...I have a real problem with people using a marriage license to control their partner.

Out of curiosity, are you married?

FTR, I've been married 18 years, and I completely agree that a marriage license does not mean you get to control your partner.

Married or not there is absolutely NO reason for any kind of control in a relationship.