Christmas, porn & a nasty virus

lour441

Okay.. I have an issue that I would like some advice regarding. The issue starts with my husband. We have been married for 12 years. I found out during our first year of marriage that he liked porn. Of course, he's a guy and I know that most guys like porn, so I can get over that. However, it started to interfere with our relationship and it felt like he was turning to porn rather than to me for whatever reason. We talked about it and he agreed to stop watching and to talk to me whenever he was having a desire to watch it again. This worked for several years. Things have been better and we have both been happier (or so I assumed).

Yesterday (on Christmas morning), he woke up early at like 4am and decided to do some surfing on the internet. Of course, this included porn. Unfortunately, he managed to download a virus - a nasty one called Ransomware that takes over your computer, shuts you down and scares the living daylights out of a person who was looking for porn. The virus stated that your computer had been disabled by the FBI because of child pornography. Unless you pay a fine, you will be prosecuted.. blah blah blah. He was scared - so upset that he didn't enjoy Christmas with our daughter becaues he was worried that he'd have to take presents back in able to pay the $500 fine. Dumbass!!!

Finally, around 3pm yesterday, he comes to me and asks me how much do I love him.. I respond with the usual "why?"... lol He proceeds to tell me that he managed to get a virus, hands me the laptop with the notice from the FBI on it and has the good sense to look remorseful. My first thought was that it was real and he was actually involved in child pornography. It didnt' help that he wouldn't tell me what he was looking at when he got the message. I finally got the answer from him and after calming down, I googled the message and discovered that it was indeed a virus that can be picked up pretty much all over the internet.

My problem - he pastors a church!! In essence, he is my pastor since I go to the church he pastors. I am furious with him because of what he did. Even more so, I'm furious because I feel betrayed by my husband and my pastor! I know that this probably isn't a big issue to most people, but I'm putting this out there so that I can gain some perspective and deal with the anger that this is causing me.

Any comments? Questions? or advice??

Tell him he is too stupid to surf porn. Porn and malware are like peanut butter and jelly. If you can't clean up the mess don't watch the porn.

postrockandcats

IMHO, his only crime was to not have a good anti virus program when going to porn sites. You knew he liked and watched porn when you married him. If you had an issue with it, then your two choices were to deal with it or not marry and procreate with him.

That said, if *he* has a problem with his desire to watch porn or he's choosing to watch porn rather than have sex with you, then there's an issue to be resolved. But if the only thing is that he woke up to watch it and got a virus on the computer when he did, then forgive him and try to find a better solution than complaining about it on the internet to people who will give you those expected snarky responses.

honkytonks85

IMHO, his only crime was to not have a good anti virus program when going to porn sites. You knew he liked and watched porn when you married him. If you had an issue with it, then your two choices were to deal with it or not marry and procreate with him.

That said, if *he* has a problem with his desire to watch porn or he's choosing to watch porn rather than have sex with you, then there's an issue to be resolved. But if the only thing is that he woke up to watch it and got a virus on the computer when he did, then forgive him and try to find a better solution than complaining about it on the internet to people who will give you those expected snarky responses.

Totally agreed. All I got out of this was that he needs some 'internet education' so he doesn't get any more viruses.
First piece of advice - if it says click here, and looks dodgy, don't click there. In fact, just don't click there ever

gddrdld

Thank you baby Jesus; Christmas came a day late.

Let us give thanks and praise...amen.

keith0373

Thank you baby Jesus; Christmas came a day late.

Let us give thanks and praise...amen.

After we are done with the praise, can someone please explain to me where the dinosaur bones at Fernbank came from? Which day was that exactly?

bethygirlie

I don't think she's trying to control her partner. Porn becomes a problem when your spouse replaces their partner with porn. That is a problem, and I've been there, and it sucks. It makes you feel like you're the most unworthy person in the world.

maqsmj

IF this is real, then I'd say you have a serious problem. And I do understand. The problem is that you husband is a Pastor, a sworn, ordained servant of God and he is addicted to pornography--a slave of the flesh, as Paul would say. This detracts from his ability to truly represent Christ and pastor his flock. I know people will come on here and say--"pastors are people too! Waah!" That's true, but they have a choice in their vocation. If he cannot do the work of representing Christ, he should quit. He is a hypocrit who is betraying his faith and the faith and trust that others have put in him. It's not like he's a truck driver or a garbage man who can look at whatever they want and no one gives a ****. A pastor IS different. He cannot lead. YOUR problem is whether or not you should let his superintendent know. If you are a true woman of God you do not want to allow a fallen man to represent our Lord. However, you are his wife. You must choose what matters most to you. And here's another thing. Are you sure it is women you husband is looking at? My hunch is that he might be a closeted gay man; otherwise the temptation to fleshly lust could be satisfied by you. Yet another conundrum. I do empathize with you. I am not married to a pastor, but I do know one who struggles with these same issues. I know he is a fallen man and that he should not be leading his congregation--but i love him and do not want to betray him---there is good in him too. For now, I have left this in God's hands; maybe you could do that too, I don't know. And pray for them

you made the most un-acceptable comment in the universe

1st you are destroying a family

2nd you are destroying a church

3rd you are destroying a whole community

4th you called him gay

AWESOME :drinker: :devil:

penrbrown

And this is the reason priests molest young boys: they can't express their normal male urges with women because it's wrong and supposedly a sin. Watching porn is wrong. Sex is wrong. Masturbating is wrong. I get that he's portraying a certain image to is congregation but he is still a man, pastor or not

You're not seriously suggesting that men who cannot express their 'natural' sexual urges will molest children? Are you? Because that is incredibly insulting to men everywhere.

maqsmj

honestly ( i hope i wont get attacked )

you guy needs to get laid more

Your an idiot. Way to blame it on her instead of thinking maybe he's the one with the problem. I dated a guy who had a porn addiction and it didn't matter how many times we had sex he still felt the need to look at porn ALL the time. It's an addiction.

No - - YOU'RE an idiot - for not knowing the difference between your and you're

this made me LMAO