Christmas, porn & a nasty virus

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  • jess7386
    jess7386 Posts: 477 Member
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    What I would be worried about is if the "pastor" was really looking at kiddie porn. Dig deeper OP, there may be something you missed.

    This x100. Dig deeper and make sure there isn't an even bigger issue.
  • NotRailMeat
    NotRailMeat Posts: 509 Member
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    ...We have been married for 12 years. I found out during our first year of marriage that he liked porn....
    Umm... Exactly why is this a problem NOW?

    TROLL MUCH?
  • Espressocycle
    Espressocycle Posts: 2,245 Member
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    Porn is not the cause of marital problems, marital problems are a cause of porn overuse. Since nearly all men watch porn, nearly all male pastors also watch porn. However, not all men download viruses. Invest in some computer literacy and security, particularly a user account he can use only for porn. Then, get over the whole porn thing and focus on improving your marriage.

    AND KEEP HIM OFF THE CHURCH COMPUTERS!
  • pastorswife78
    pastorswife78 Posts: 4
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    I agree with TheRoadDog, the OP is a troll. Or at least not completely honest. I don't understand the mindset of a woman who would create a whole new account to come onto a weightloss website to post about her husband looking at porn. A few things:

    a) Shouldn't the OP be talking to her husband about her feelings?
    b) If the woman feels she can't talk to her husband, then it might be time to bring in a mediator
    c) If a mediator isn't an option, get a divorce.

    This is such a devastating issue for the OP that instead of putting on her big girl panties she came to a website, under a noob account, to talk to her "friends," none of which will know it's her. Could it have been that the husband was up at 4 am to be Santa and got amorous but didn't want to wake the OP?

    What I would be worried about is if the "pastor" was really looking at kiddie porn. Dig deeper OP, there may be something you missed.

    a) I have talked and talked to my husband about this issue and it hasn't helped (apparently).
    b) the husband was not up at 4am to play Santa because all of that was done before we went to bed at 12:30 but I agree, perhaps he didn't want to wake me up.
    c) I came to this site to post this question because I really don't feel like discussing this with anyone else in my life and prefer to maintain some anonymity due to the nature of the problem and the possible outcomes of this situation coming to light in my community. i mean really - if you had this problem, who would you talk to about it?
    d) I am trying to dig deeper - i've researched the virus and validated that it can be found on many sites, not just porn. Before I make this a big issue with him, I just wanted some honest feedback in an anonymous format.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
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    If you were accepting of the fact that he was watching porn before but wanted him to come to you first normally, then why are you upset he looked at it this one time when he was bored and looking for something to do at 4 a.m.? Would you rather he woke you up? Is it because he downloaded a virus? He was worried and did something stupid. I don't quite understand why you're particularly upset this time.
  • scs143
    scs143 Posts: 2,190 Member
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    Porn is not the cause of marital problems, marital problems are a cause of porn overuse. Since nearly all men watch porn, nearly all male pastors also watch porn. However, not all men download viruses. Invest in some computer literacy and security, particularly a user account he can use only for porn. Then, get over the whole porn thing and focus on improving your marriage.

    AND KEEP HIM OFF THE CHURCH COMPUTERS!

    Pretty sound advice here.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
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    Porn is not the cause of marital problems, marital problems are a cause of porn overuse. Since nearly all men watch porn, nearly all male pastors also watch porn. However, not all men download viruses. Invest in some computer literacy and security, particularly a user account he can use only for porn. Then, get over the whole porn thing and focus on improving your marriage.

    AND KEEP HIM OFF THE CHURCH COMPUTERS!

    Some people are addicted to porn, and that can be the cause of marital problems. Marital problems don't necessarily cause porn overuse, and porn doesn't necessarily cause marital problems.
  • jynxxxed
    jynxxxed Posts: 1,010 Member
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    i mean really - if you had this problem, who would you talk to about it?
    My husband.

    There is nothing wrong with him watching it, there is something wrong with him lying to you about it. Further discuss THAT with him rather than your moral issues with porn.
    Pushing your morals on to him wouldn't be appropriate, especially since you have known that he enjoys it since the beginning of your relationship. That's probably why he's hiding it from you in the first place (again, not that he's right for lying.. but you need to either accept it or not)
  • Christabelle79
    Christabelle79 Posts: 80 Member
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    I agree with TheRoadDog, the OP is a troll. Or at least not completely honest. I don't understand the mindset of a woman who would create a whole new account to come onto a weightloss website to post about her husband looking at porn. A few things:

    a) Shouldn't the OP be talking to her husband about her feelings?
    b) If the woman feels she can't talk to her husband, then it might be time to bring in a mediator
    c) If a mediator isn't an option, get a divorce.

    This is such a devastating issue for the OP that instead of putting on her big girl panties she came to a website, under a noob account, to talk to her "friends," none of which will know it's her. Could it have been that the husband was up at 4 am to be Santa and got amorous but didn't want to wake the OP?

    What I would be worried about is if the "pastor" was really looking at kiddie porn. Dig deeper OP, there may be something you missed.

    a) I have talked and talked to my husband about this issue and it hasn't helped (apparently).
    b) the husband was not up at 4am to play Santa because all of that was done before we went to bed at 12:30 but I agree, perhaps he didn't want to wake me up.
    c) I came to this site to post this question because I really don't feel like discussing this with anyone else in my life and prefer to maintain some anonymity due to the nature of the problem and the possible outcomes of this situation coming to light in my community. i mean really - if you had this problem, who would you talk to about it?

    I wouldn't have this problem. I watch porn with my husband or, if I'm unavailable, he watches it through reputable sites (oxymoron right?) on his iPad. If I felt that he had an issue with it, we would talk it out. No one is the "Master" in our home. If things were still sketchy, then I would talk to my best friend, bring him with me to a councelor, or I would tell his mommy. lol We don't have a church so the idea of looking at naked people being intimate never occured to us as being "bad".

    Honestly, the only issue I see is that when you take the computer to get cleaned, your husband is going to be embarassed.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
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    Other people have stated my opinions on porn succinctly.

    As per the virus - unfortunately, yeah, the "tags" that get left behind can be way crazy and sometimes scary. My exhusband would visit porn sites and pick up tags that linked him to various dating sites - even though he'd never actually been there. It's embedded into the code or something - mad frustrating.
  • rmchapman4
    rmchapman4 Posts: 152 Member
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    Pray for him and still love him. Ask Good to remove his desire to view the porn. You may have to fast, also. Good luck, I am praying for you!
  • JenniBaby85
    JenniBaby85 Posts: 855 Member
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    Not bringing my Faith into this comment, and looking at this as objectively as I can. If pornography is interfering with your relationship, and he chooses IT over you, then you are both in need of help. Please seek counseling.

    I remember reading this *in reference to men*

    "Be the man that you want your sons to be, and your daughters to marry. Because they will"

    Same goes for women "Be the woman you want your daughters to be, and your sons to marry. Because they will"
  • Sabine_Stroehm
    Sabine_Stroehm Posts: 19,263 Member
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    whatever...

    Ok, I've deleted a couple answers so far...but I'm gonna leave it like this...I have a real problem with people using a marriage license to control their partner.
    Out of curiosity, are you married?
  • maqsmj
    maqsmj Posts: 697
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    honestly ( i hope i wont get attacked )

    you guy needs to get laid more
  • sunsnstatheart
    sunsnstatheart Posts: 2,544 Member
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    Guns don't kill people, porn does.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
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    whatever...

    Ok, I've deleted a couple answers so far...but I'm gonna leave it like this...I have a real problem with people using a marriage license to control their partner.
    Out of curiosity, are you married?

    FTR, I've been married 18 years, and I completely agree that a marriage license does not mean you get to control your partner.
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
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    Leave it alone, NO GODS, NO MASTERS

    That's no fun.
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
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    I like porn.
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
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    whatever...

    Ok, I've deleted a couple answers so far...but I'm gonna leave it like this...I have a real problem with people using a marriage license to control their partner.
    Out of curiosity, are you married?

    Does it matter?
    If you're married, do you get to control your partner?
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,843 Member
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    whatever...

    Ok, I've deleted a couple answers so far...but I'm gonna leave it like this...I have a real problem with people using a marriage license to control their partner.
    Out of curiosity, are you married?

    FTR, I've been married 18 years, and I completely agree that a marriage license does not mean you get to control your partner.

    Married or not there is absolutely NO reason for any kind of control in a relationship.
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