Christmas, porn & a nasty virus
Replies
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It sounds to me like you're sinless and therefore casting the first stone.
First, take care of the immediate issue, your computer. Unplug the machine from the network and start backing up the files you want to keep. There's a chance that the virus/spyware installed a keylogger that will try to get your passwords, or SSN's. Use the manufacture's hard drive image to restore the computer to factory settings. It's the best way to make sure that you're machine is virus and spyware free.
Second, don't judge your husband unless you want to be judged, too. Forcing him into counseling would be an embarrassment for a pastor. If you feel the need to regulate him on his machine, you can introduce parental controls. But realize this: there's no way to lock everything down. he's got tablets, smart phones, Macy's newspaper ads, Victoria Secret catalogs. "Tantalizing material" is out there.
Third, accept that your man isn't perfect. If you measure anyone against Jesus Christ, we're all going to fall short. I feel like the last thing you want to do is make yourself less approachable by forcing him into lying about it. That will damage your relationship with him. For Christians, the journey is about being more like Christ... but it's a journey. It doesn't happen overnight and it doesn't happen alone. Maybe work on finding another outlet...video games?
Anyways, sincerely, best of luck.0 -
I didn't say it did. FTR.
Out of curiosity, are you married?whatever...
Ok, I've deleted a couple answers so far...but I'm gonna leave it like this...I have a real problem with people using a marriage license to control their partner.
FTR, I've been married 18 years, and I completely agree that a marriage license does not mean you get to control your partner.
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Out of curiosity, are you married?whatever...
Ok, I've deleted a couple answers so far...but I'm gonna leave it like this...I have a real problem with people using a marriage license to control their partner.
was, happily divorced for 8 years...from a control freak who left me so scarred and scared that I didn't date for 8 years.0 -
Watch the porn with him. Then at least, you're together, and maybe you'll learn something new. :flowerforyou:
^^ This.. It only becomes as big of an issue as you both allow it to become.
Seriously? There is a difference between a guy randomly looking at porn and waking up at 4a.m. on Christmas to look at porn. Are you ****ing kidding me? That's NOT normal. You all are making it seem like it's no big deal and some how HER fault and she should just join in. He's the one with the issue. There is a difference between someone who looks at porn occasionally and someone who is addicted to porn.
I guess it's a good thing that I'm not normal. Normal sounds VERY boring the way you just put it. :ohwell:
(And FTR, I never said it was OP's fault. And OP never said he was addicted to it. In fact, it sounds like she condoned it until he woke her up at 4am to tell her about the virus. It sounds like the virus is the real problem. And someone already pointed out to boot up in safe mode and run a good malware program.)
She already stated that she's upset that they had the agreement that he'd come to her if he wanted to watch -- he didn't. And he snuck out of bed at 4am to look at it. He probably never would've told her about it had he never got a virus on the computer.
Right. So it sounds like this was an out of the ordinary thing, not an addiction, per se.
But honestly, who hasn't found themselves feeling a little randy at 4am, just out of nowhere, amirite?
As if there's some kind of time that is considered Porn Free. Silly prudes
not a prude..but randy at 4am? wake me up!!!!!!!0 -
Watch the porn with him. Then at least, you're together, and maybe you'll learn something new. :flowerforyou:
^^ This.. It only becomes as big of an issue as you both allow it to become.
Seriously? There is a difference between a guy randomly looking at porn and waking up at 4a.m. on Christmas to look at porn. Are you ****ing kidding me? That's NOT normal. You all are making it seem like it's no big deal and some how HER fault and she should just join in. He's the one with the issue. There is a difference between someone who looks at porn occasionally and someone who is addicted to porn.
I guess it's a good thing that I'm not normal. Normal sounds VERY boring the way you just put it. :ohwell:
(And FTR, I never said it was OP's fault. And OP never said he was addicted to it. In fact, it sounds like she condoned it until he woke her up at 4am to tell her about the virus. It sounds like the virus is the real problem. And someone already pointed out to boot up in safe mode and run a good malware program.)
She already stated that she's upset that they had the agreement that he'd come to her if he wanted to watch -- he didn't. And he snuck out of bed at 4am to look at it. He probably never would've told her about it had he never got a virus on the computer.
Right. So it sounds like this was an out of the ordinary thing, not an addiction, per se.
But honestly, who hasn't found themselves feeling a little randy at 4am, just out of nowhere, amirite?
hi5! hahaha. I don't know what is so bad with porn. And maybe I missed it, but are you all sure he's an addict? Or are you assuming that he is because he got a virus or two?0 -
honestly ( i hope i wont get attacked )
you guy needs to get laid more
Your an idiot. Way to blame it on her instead of thinking maybe he's the one with the problem. I dated a guy who had a porn addiction and it didn't matter how many times we had sex he still felt the need to look at porn ALL the time. It's an addiction.
Only an idiot would condem someone for simply stating their opinion.
Grow up.
Isn't that what you just did?
SNAP!
With all of the snapping you missed out on the underlying sarcasm created by the use of the word Idiot.
tsk, tsk.
With all the quotes, you must have assumed I read any of it.0 -
Leave it alone, NO GODS, NO MASTERS
That's no fun.
You. Now I like you.
But you don't like me?
Sexist!
Sorry but those little duck feet creep me out. Maybe with a wig and some lipstick. . .
do you love me now?
Yes. Yes I do.
well hello there!0 -
You need a copy of "50 shades of Grey"
Merry Christmas.0 -
Let me say a few more things..
1) This is a "temporary" account because I have friends on my MFP that go to our church also. I didn't want them to see this post and know what was going on in our personal life. So if you're concerned that this is fake because it is my only post - this is why.. :-)
2) I have watched it with him in an attempt to save our relationship. That is why we agreed that he would tell me when he had a desire to watch it, so that we could either watch it together, or work it out in another way... I personally have a moral issue with watching porn. It just isn't something that I feel I can do as a Christian. To help him, I compromised.. For all those out there who do, that's between you and your beliefs.
Why did you even bother posting under a temporary account? It isn't really an issue to be dealt with here. What results do you hope to get from us? What you already know I would expect. You either deal with it and accept it as a spouse, you search professional help if you can't, or you leave. I wouldn't bring it here.0 -
Let me say a few more things..
1) This is a "temporary" account because I have friends on my MFP that go to our church also. I didn't want them to see this post and know what was going on in our personal life. So if you're concerned that this is fake because it is my only post - this is why.. :-)
2) I have watched it with him in an attempt to save our relationship. That is why we agreed that he would tell me when he had a desire to watch it, so that we could either watch it together, or work it out in another way... I personally have a moral issue with watching porn. It just isn't something that I feel I can do as a Christian. To help him, I compromised.. For all those out there who do, that's between you and your beliefs.
Why did you even bother posting under a temporary account? It isn't really an issue to be dealt with here. What results do you hope to get from us? What you already know I would expect. You either deal with it and accept it as a spouse, you search professional help if you can't, or you leave. I wouldn't bring it here.
^ Damn..what she said..hahahaha
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you must have assumed I read any of it.
Then perhaps you should stop commenting and making yourself look foolish.0 -
This content has been removed.
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Was thinking the same thing.Not to be presumptuous.... But Is the reason for his porn watching due to lack of sex on your part ?
If not you need to sit him down and have a real world conversation with him and find out what the root cause is. The fact that he is the Pastor of a church means nothing. Just because someone is into the church thing does not mean they are not still human.
This, and this ^0 -
is there when we start posting funny gifs?
i'm confused.0 -
But honestly, who hasn't found themselves feeling a little randy at 4am, just out of nowhere, amirite?
As if there's some kind of time that is considered Porn Free. Silly prudes
not a prude..but randy at 4am? wake me up!!!!!!!
THIS!!!! my hubby is 11 years older than I, and sometimes he needs the porn to "rev up his engine" a little. I have no problem with that as I reap all the benefits!
Right! My husband is 54, and porn is free, whereas cocaine or meth or viagra are very expensive. :smokin:0 -
is there when we start posting funny gifs?
i'm confused.
I'm leaving that one alone. Most of the appropriate gifs for this thread would lead to a strike. :laugh:0 -
But honestly, who hasn't found themselves feeling a little randy at 4am, just out of nowhere, amirite?
As if there's some kind of time that is considered Porn Free. Silly prudes
not a prude..but randy at 4am? wake me up!!!!!!!
THIS!!!! my hubby is 11 years older than I, and sometimes he needs the porn to "rev up his engine" a little. I have no problem with that as I reap all the benefits!
All engines need some sort of fuel.0 -
is there when we start posting funny gifs?
i'm confused.
I'm leaving that one alone. Most of the appropriate gifs for this thread would lead to a strike. :laugh:
Bill Murray... Caddyshack... scene where he's washing a golf ball... animated gif.
it exists.
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you must have assumed I read any of it.
Then perhaps you should stop commenting and making yourself look amazingly awesome.
While I do appreciate the flattery, you really don't have to.
I am just a simple soul trying to make the world a brighter place.0 -
"Dear Sweet Baby Jesus (my favorite Jesus) please help me to not wake up randy at 4 AM and give my computer an STD on your birthday. Amen"
But seriously, this too shall pass. Are you sure that this is worth all the energy you are putting into it?
I mean at the end of the day, what does the fact that he saw other people naked really matter to you? And honestly, I would lie to you about it too. I would be scared that you would tell a bunch of strangers about a simple mistake that I made during a very stressful season.0 -
Truthfully, it all depends on how YOU feel about HIM. There are so many red flags here, it is almost impossible to count them ! If you love him and don't want to lose him, then counselling is a must ! I don't know how you feel about porn (nor do I know you at all and for that I apologize for chiming in without being introduced.), but that is a private matter and should be left as such between the two of you. Privacy is another issue should you choose to report him to the church. This may open up a can of worms that you don't want to be made public. Best of luck to you both !0
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What kind of church is he a pastor for? You need to speak to his superiors and initiate an invervention. They will understand your position because they will also want him to live a pure life. How can the shepherd lead a flock if he himself has gone astray? You can conquer the immorality together and get back onto a virtuous path, but you need to act on it and seek outside support. If he won't listen, you must speak to the members of your church and get them to rally around him in support. That supportive network will surely enable him to align his actions with the savior once again.
you want her to rat out her husband and potentially get him fired? wow.
I don't think that viewing porn is a big deal at all. Religion is weird.0 -
I really appreciate the flattery, you really know hot to make a guy smile.
I'm sorry for all the back and forth..I've just been playing hard to get.
Wow. That certainly Is nice...and way weird, but I don't get down like that.0 -
I really appreciate the flattery, you really now hot to make a guy smile.
I'm sorry for all the back and forth. I've just been playing hard to get after I saw your spread on www.gaybearstv.com/fisting
Wow. That certainly Is nice...and way weird, but I don't get down like that for groups less than 5
Oh. Nevermind then.0 -
I really appreciate the flattery, you really now hot to make a guy smile.
I'm sorry for all the back and forth. I've just been playing hard to get after I saw your spread on www.gaybearstv.com/fisting
Wow. That certainly Is nice...and way weird, but I don't get down like that for groups less than 5
Oh. Nevermind then.
5th person gets a free cucumber.0 -
is there when we start posting funny gifs?
i'm confused.
I'm leaving that one alone. Most of the appropriate gifs for this thread would lead to a strike. :laugh:
Bill Murray... Caddyshack... scene where he's washing a golf ball... animated gif.
it exists.
:laugh:
Yep, that scene would work for this thread.0 -
You might want to look at xxxchurch.com. They deal in stuff like this. He needs to tell someone in authority over him, or it is only going to get worse, not better. Trust me, I know.0
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Watch the porn with him. Then at least, you're together, and maybe you'll learn something new. :flowerforyou:
^^ This.. It only becomes as big of an issue as you both allow it to become.
Seriously? There is a difference between a guy randomly looking at porn and waking up at 4a.m. on Christmas to look at porn. Are you ****ing kidding me? That's NOT normal. You all are making it seem like it's no big deal and some how HER fault and she should just join in. He's the one with the issue. There is a difference between someone who looks at porn occasionally and someone who is addicted to porn.
what makes you say that he's addicted to porn? just because he's viewing it at 4am does not lead me to believe he's addicted to it. it just means that he doesn't want to deal with his wife potentially seeing him doing it and nag him about it.0 -
I really appreciate the flattery, you really now hot to make a guy smile.
I'm sorry for all the back and forth. I've just been playing hard to get after I saw your spread on www.gaybearstv.com/fisting
Wow. That certainly Is nice...and way weird, but I don't get down like that for groups less than 5
Oh. Nevermind then.
5th person gets a free cucumber.
awwwww...a bromance!0 -
Wtf are you on about ?
Strong first post.0
This discussion has been closed.
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