Christmas, porn & a nasty virus

sm1zzle

You might want to look at xxxchurch.com. They deal in stuff like this. He needs to tell someone in authority over him, or it is only going to get worse, not better. Trust me, I know.

Sweet !

Do they have that one video with those nuns and the fruit roll ups ?

NormalSaneFLGuy

I really appreciate the flattery, you really now hot to make a guy smile.
I'm sorry for all the back and forth. I've just been playing hard to get after I saw your spread on www.gaybearstv.com/fisting

Wow. That certainly Is nice...and way weird, but I don't get down like that for groups less than 5

Oh. Nevermind then.

5th person gets a free cucumber.

awwwww...a bromance!

I guess there is a volunteer to hold the cucumber.

WendyTerry420

You might want to look at xxxchurch.com. They deal in stuff like this. He needs to tell someone in authority over him, or it is only going to get worse, not better. Trust me, I know.

Sweet !

Do they have that one video with those nuns and the fruit roll ups ?

link or it didn't happen :laugh:

stevewynjones

meerkat70

He has an addiction, go get counseling.

ah I do love the way so many on this thread are mental health professionals....

rosesigil

Okay.. I have an issue that I would like some advice regarding. The issue starts with my husband. We have been married for 12 years. I found out during our first year of marriage that he liked porn. Of course, he's a guy and I know that most guys like porn, so I can get over that. However, it started to interfere with our relationship and it felt like he was turning to porn rather than to me for whatever reason. We talked about it and he agreed to stop watching and to talk to me whenever he was having a desire to watch it again. This worked for several years. Things have been better and we have both been happier (or so I assumed).

Yesterday (on Christmas morning), he woke up early at like 4am and decided to do some surfing on the internet. Of course, this included porn. Unfortunately, he managed to download a virus - a nasty one called Ransomware that takes over your computer, shuts you down and scares the living daylights out of a person who was looking for porn. The virus stated that your computer had been disabled by the FBI because of child pornography. Unless you pay a fine, you will be prosecuted.. blah blah blah. He was scared - so upset that he didn't enjoy Christmas with our daughter becaues he was worried that he'd have to take presents back in able to pay the $500 fine. Dumbass!!!


IF this is real, then I'd say you have a serious problem. And I do understand. The problem is that you husband is a Pastor, a sworn, ordained servant of God and he is addicted to pornography--a slave of the flesh, as Paul would say. This detracts from his ability to truly represent Christ and pastor his flock. I know people will come on here and say--"pastors are people too! Waah!" That's true, but they have a choice in their vocation. If he cannot do the work of representing Christ, he should quit. He is a hypocrit who is betraying his faith and the faith and trust that others have put in him. It's not like he's a truck driver or a garbage man who can look at whatever they want and no one gives a ****. A pastor IS different. He cannot lead. YOUR problem is whether or not you should let his superintendent know. If you are a true woman of God you do not want to allow a fallen man to represent our Lord. However, you are his wife. You must choose what matters most to you. And here's another thing. Are you sure it is women you husband is looking at? My hunch is that he might be a closeted gay man; otherwise the temptation to fleshly lust could be satisfied by you. Yet another conundrum. I do empathize with you. I am not married to a pastor, but I do know one who struggles with these same issues. I know he is a fallen man and that he should not be leading his congregation--but i love him and do not want to betray him---there is good in him too. For now, I have left this in God's hands; maybe you could do that too, I don't know. And pray for them.

Finally, around 3pm yesterday, he comes to me and asks me how much do I love him.. I respond with the usual "why?"... lol He proceeds to tell me that he managed to get a virus, hands me the laptop with the notice from the FBI on it and has the good sense to look remorseful. My first thought was that it was real and he was actually involved in child pornography. It didnt' help that he wouldn't tell me what he was looking at when he got the message. I finally got the answer from him and after calming down, I googled the message and discovered that it was indeed a virus that can be picked up pretty much all over the internet.

My problem - he pastors a church!! In essence, he is my pastor since I go to the church he pastors. I am furious with him because of what he did. Even more so, I'm furious because I feel betrayed by my husband and my pastor! I know that this probably isn't a big issue to most people, but I'm putting this out there so that I can gain some perspective and deal with the anger that this is causing me.

Any comments? Questions? or advice??

bluefox9er

Joined Dec 2012, only 4 forum posts. The things people do on MFP lol..I call total and utter BS

jennyrebekka

"Dear Sweet Baby Jesus (my favorite Jesus) please help me to not wake up randy at 4 AM and give my computer an STD on your birthday. Amen"

But seriously, this too shall pass. Are you sure that this is worth all the energy you are putting into it?

I mean at the end of the day, what does the fact that he saw other people naked really matter to you? And honestly, I would lie to you about it too. I would be scared that you would tell a bunch of strangers about a simple mistake that I made during a very stressful season.

you, my friend, are awesome

MoreBean13

Joined Dec 2012, only 4 forum posts. The things people do on MFP lol..I call total and utter BS

OP said they created this profile specifically to make this thread, for fear of judgey religious friends thinking less of her.

jennyrebekka

honestly ( i hope i wont get attacked )

you guy needs to get laid more

Your an idiot. Way to blame it on her instead of thinking maybe he's the one with the problem. I dated a guy who had a porn addiction and it didn't matter how many times we had sex he still felt the need to look at porn ALL the time. It's an addiction.

No - - YOU'RE an idiot - for not knowing the difference between your and you're

jenilla1

It's sad how so many people think this is something to joke about. A little bit of porn here and there may not be a big deal, if both parties have an understanding and set healthy boundaries, but if a compulsion for porn is causing problems with a person's ability to communicate and interact in a real life relationship, that's not healthy. Spouses shouldn't engage in secretive, isolating behaviors. There's an element of shame and selfishness there that just doesn't belong in a partnership. People should be comfortable sharing their lives with their partners.

I don't have this issue in my life, so I can't really advise you, but I do empathize and I wish you well in finding a solution...

Crankstr

honestly ( i hope i wont get attacked )

you guy needs to get laid more

Your an idiot. Way to blame it on her instead of thinking maybe he's the one with the problem. I dated a guy who had a porn addiction and it didn't matter how many times we had sex he still felt the need to look at porn ALL the time. It's an addiction.

No - - YOU'RE an idiot - for not knowing the difference between your and you're

careful! people like to report grammar correcticians around here...it is against forum rules.

dawndw

The problem is not that he is looking at porn. The problem is that he is getting in front of a group of people and portraying an image of himself that is false. The other problem is he is doing this against his wife's wishes and had he not got the virus he would still be doing it.

My thoughts exactly and some on here are telling her to watch it with him....I am sorry but that is just crazy.....

DonM46

Whatever you do, do NOT fall for the hoax of paying a 'fine' to anybody.
If you can't remove the malware from the computer by yourself, take it to a professional.
Might be a bit pricey, depending on how deep the malware has embedded itself, but the cost will be less than the 'fine.'
Also, invest in a quality antivirus software package and keep it current.
Mine tells me when a website is known for fraud, malware, etc., and it's up to me to continue or forget about the site.

meerkat70

It's sad how so many people think this is something to joke about. A little bit of porn here and there may not be a big deal, if both parties have an understanding and set healthy boundaries, but if a compulsion for porn is causing problems with a person's ability to communicate and interact in a real life relationship, that's not healthy. Spouses shouldn't engage in secretive, isolating behaviors. There's an element of shame and selfishness there that just doesn't belong in a partnership. People should be comfortable sharing their lives with their partners.

I don't have this issue in my life, so I can't really advise you, but I do empathize and I wish you well in finding a solution...

And the evidence of compulsion is....?

_Timmeh_

is there when we start posting funny gifs?

i'm confused.

I'm leaving that one alone. Most of the appropriate gifs for this thread would lead to a strike. :laugh:

Bill Murray... Caddyshack... scene where he's washing a golf ball... animated gif.

it exists.

:laugh:

Yep, that scene would work for this thread.

LMT2012

Watch the porn with him. Then at least, you're together, and maybe you'll learn something new. :flowerforyou:

This was my first thought too. Pastor or not, he is a man. Turn it out honey.

rosesigil

IF this is real, then I'd say you have a serious problem. And I do understand. The problem is that you husband is a Pastor, a sworn, ordained servant of God and he is addicted to pornography--a slave of the flesh, as Paul would say. This detracts from his ability to truly represent Christ and pastor his flock. I know people will come on here and say--"pastors are people too! Waah!" That's true, but they have a choice in their vocation. If he cannot do the work of representing Christ, he should quit. He is a hypocrit who is betraying his faith and the faith and trust that others have put in him. It's not like he's a truck driver or a garbage man who can look at whatever they want and no one gives a ****. A pastor IS different. He cannot lead. YOUR problem is whether or not you should let his superintendent know. If you are a true woman of God you do not want to allow a fallen man to represent our Lord. However, you are his wife. You must choose what matters most to you. And here's another thing. Are you sure it is women you husband is looking at? My hunch is that he might be a closeted gay man; otherwise the temptation to fleshly lust could be satisfied by you. Yet another conundrum. I do empathize with you. I am not married to a pastor, but I do know one who struggles with these same issues. I know he is a fallen man and that he should not be leading his congregation--but i love him and do not want to betray him---there is good in him too. For now, I have left this in God's hands; maybe you could do that too, I don't know. And pray for them

firstsip

Thank you baby Jesus; Christmas came a day late.

WendyTerry420

"Dear Sweet Baby Jesus (my favorite Jesus) please help me to not wake up randy at 4 AM and give my computer an STD on your birthday. Amen"

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Bentley2718

1) Get some descent anti-virus software.
2) Accept that many men (and many women) enjoy watching porn.
2a) As others have suggested, seriously consider finding some porn you can enjoy together.
2b) Discuss with your husband whether he simply enjoys watching porn or whether it is a symptom of alienation from you in some way (these are two very different things).
3) Consider attending another church or finding another spiritual leader/mentor, I think being married to your pastor is a conflict of interest for both of you.
4) Consider ignoring people who tell you to stage an intervention, do you really want to ruin your husband's career over a relatively normative and harmless interest?

Edited to clarify the nesting structure.

jenilla1

It's sad how so many people think this is something to joke about. A little bit of porn here and there may not be a big deal, if both parties have an understanding and set healthy boundaries, but if a compulsion for porn is causing problems with a person's ability to communicate and interact in a real life relationship, that's not healthy. Spouses shouldn't engage in secretive, isolating behaviors. There's an element of shame and selfishness there that just doesn't belong in a partnership. People should be comfortable sharing their lives with their partners.

I don't have this issue in my life, so I can't really advise you, but I do empathize and I wish you well in finding a solution...

And the evidence of compulsion is....?

Well, I guess you'd have to ask his wife, but if he's sneaking it and taking risks (he is a pastor portraying a certain image to his people and he has an agreement with his wife not to do it, but he still needs it enough that he is willing to risk getting caught). That sounds like a compulsion to me...and if it's not a compulsion, then it's a choice. Either way, it the end result is the same...

PikaKnight

IF this is real, then I'd say you have a serious problem. And I do understand. The problem is that you husband is a Pastor, a sworn, ordained servant of God and he is addicted to pornography--a slave of the flesh, as Paul would say. This detracts from his ability to truly represent Christ and pastor his flock. I know people will come on here and say--"pastors are people too! Waah!" That's true, but they have a choice in their vocation. If he cannot do the work of representing Christ, he should quit. He is a hypocrit who is betraying his faith and the faith and trust that others have put in him. It's not like he's a truck driver or a garbage man who can look at whatever they want and no one gives a ****. A pastor IS different. He cannot lead. YOUR problem is whether or not you should let his superintendent know. If you are a true woman of God you do not want to allow a fallen man to represent our Lord. However, you are his wife. You must choose what matters most to you. And here's another thing. Are you sure it is women you husband is looking at? My hunch is that he might be a closeted gay man; otherwise the temptation to fleshly lust could be satisfied by you. Yet another conundrum. I do empathize with you. I am not married to a pastor, but I do know one who struggles with these same issues. I know he is a fallen man and that he should not be leading his congregation--but i love him and do not want to betray him---there is good in him too. For now, I have left this in God's hands; maybe you could do that too, I don't know. And pray for them

Huh??? Just because he got a virus he's an addict and now he might possibly be gay?? ROFLMAO.....

I feel so bad for this poor guy who is getting labeled left and right just because he watches porn.

And btw...the OP did say something previously about watching it with him. Also...unless he's watching JUST women on women...there is going to be a dude in there...does this make him gay in your book? And no offense, but maybe she isn't satisfying his needs OR she isn't into the same fetishes, etc that he is. Watching porn doesn't make you "bad" or "wrong".

ihateroses

How's the sex life?

Gerald_King

He should confess to the congrigation then quit it is a sin

PikaKnight

I think that the OP should have left out the fact that he's a pastor. Honestly, he's a man..period...regardless of his job.

firstsip

How's the sex life?

ihateroses

I think that the OP should have left out the fact that he's a pastor. Honestly, he's a man..period...regardless of his job.

^ exactly this!

Doodlewhopper

Not meaning to sound snarky or judgmental, but you & hubby have problems other than his porn interests. I have less respect for him because he sneaks to view it.

Calm down and quit making this an issue; there should be no problem If he confines his activities to only viewing porn in privacy.

DannyMussels

Safe to say Santa brought him nothing this year.