A question for men with wives/significant others

bellesouth18

My husband of 23 years has not joined my crusade to lose weight. I'm eating much differently than I used to. I still eat "regular" food, but have made many changes with portion control, types of food eaten, sodium content (still a work in progress), etc. He is aware of what I've accomplished and is supportive and happy for me.

I used to do the majority of the cooking for our family. I cooked healthier fair with veggies and leaner protein at each meal. And I was able to tweak what I was cooking for me to make it even healthier. However, since I started working a new full time job in October, he has taken over that job because I get home so late. Unfortunately, his food preferences don't line up with mine.

Though I really appreciate his efforts, he doesn't care how much fat, sodium, protein, etc. that he adds to his menu. He loves pizza, ham, bacon, sausage, Alfredo type sauces, pasta, gravy, fried foods, ice cream, desserts, and bread to just name a few. We both love vegetables, but he doesn't always prepare them and puts bacon and such in the veggies often. I'm not and never have been a big bacon or ham person and don't share his affinity for it <<<as she ducks for cover, knowing how MFP folks feel about that>>> It isn't hard to stay away from the desserts, but when I get home and am really hungry and ready to eat a meal...

My question is: If you spent at least an hour after working all day preparing a meal for your wife/SO and family, would you be offended if she didn't want to eat parts of it? The last thing I want to do is hurt his feelings.

drmerc

Yes

bathsheba_c

Here's the big thing missing from your story. Have you told him what you want? How he can accommodate your new way of eating?

bellesouth18

Yes, he is aware of how I feel about his cooking like he does.

Edit: He will not change how he cooks.

CkepiJinx

Talk to him about this, you said he is supportive I am sure he would understand. Have salad stuff to make as a side for days he doesn't make a vegetable side dish, ask him to set aside a portion of the veggies he does make with out the ham or bacon. It's all about compromise, my daughter and husband like Kraft Mac & cheese thick and creamy (so do I) but it is super high in calories so when hubby makes it for dinner I have a larger serving of the protein and only a 1/4 cup of the Mac & cheese . Good luck

shivles

Just ask him to do the veggies in 2 pans/dishes, one with bacon and one without? and not to add salt until its on the table?

Veganniee

If my husband was deliberately cooking things he knows I don't like (you said you didn't really like bacon and ham) then I would have no reservations about refusing to eat it. I'd spend Sunday making a month's worth of meals for myself and freeze them. He can eat whatever he wants.

rainghirl

Yes, I think I would be offended. On the other hand, if I knew my partner did not like something, like the bacon, I'd keep it out of their food and just put it in mine. I think both of you need to consider the other's feelings, it's not a one way street. Time for a little chat maybe rather than offending him outright? Perhaps you can come to an agreement where he cooks healthily most of the time but a couple of nights he gets to cook the stuff he really loves?

Oh right, he's not prepared to change. I wouldn't worry about offending him then.

billsica

I shut up and eat whatever my wife slaves over to make. It saves a lot of arguments.

Just eat what would be acceptable, then wait for an hour and make something else for yourself.

Angie1366

Personally - I would tell him,

"Although it is wonderful you are cooking my dinner - I need you to consider what you are making for me if you want me to continue looking gorgeous...

Here's some recipes to follow.

I love you Husband xxx"

Heheheh!

Surely he won't be insulted by that!

Barbellerella

Here are some choices:
1: eat smaller portions of what he makes.
2: cook up food that fits your goals over the weekend, so you can quickly reheat after your workdays for dinner.
3. Continue to do the same thing you've always done, and never achieve your fitness goals.

shivles

Personally - I would tell him,

"Although it is wonderful you are cooking my dinner - I need you to consider what you are making for me if you want me to continue looking gorgeous...

Here's some recipes to follow.

I love you Husband xxx"

Heheheh!

Surely he won't be insulted by that!

^^^THIS!

LittleMissNerdy

Maybe it's just me, but how supportive is he if he can't change the way he cooks just a little bit?

bellesouth18

He hates for me to be in the kitchen while he's cooking. He has said in the past that I didn't have to eat it if I didn't like how he fixed it. Some changes have been made in my favor, but usually only when others feel the same way, too. My dtr. doesn't like meat in her veggies either. If she's here, he'll accomodate.

Lone_Wolf70

Here are some choices:
1: eat smaller portions of what he makes.
2: cook up food that fits your goals over the weekend, so you can quickly reheat after your workdays for dinner.
3. Continue to do the same thing you've always done, and never achieve your fitness goals.

After i read 1&2 i was like where's my delicious spitfire?.....then i read #3
Lol

bellesouth18

Personally - I would tell him,

"Although it is wonderful you are cooking my dinner - I need you to consider what you are making for me if you want me to continue looking gorgeous...

Here's some recipes to follow.

I love you Husband xxx"

Heheheh!

Surely he won't be insulted by that!

I'll give this one a try. He really like the changes in my body so far.

Firefox7275

Who does the grocery shopping? Are you concerned about your children's health or just your own weight? I don't see why this is a gender issue. If the shoe was on the other foot I'd be telling the guy to quit complaining and cook his own food to his own standards. Maybe he is doing this because you imposed your food standards and tastes on him for years.

You don't have to cook from scratch when you get in late, you merely have to reheat food that you previously prepared and refrigerated OR open the crock pot/ slow cooker and serve the meal you put together before your shift. It would also take you a minute to zap some fresh or frozen veggies in the microwave if your husband has not prepared them. Plenty of us singletons work late shifts and still eat healthy home cooked meals, no doubt so do many people in same sex couples.

bellesouth18

I shut up and eat whatever my wife slaves over to make. It saves a lot of arguments.

Just eat what would be acceptable, then wait for an hour and make something else for yourself.

Usually, the only thing acceptable is broccoli. He doesn't put stuff in that. I don't put the cheese sauce on it.

bellesouth18

Maybe it's just me, but how supportive is he if he can't change the way he cooks just a little bit?

Maybe he isn't as supportive as I thought he was.

bellesouth18

Who does the grocery shopping? Are you concerned about your children's health or just your own weight? I don't see why this is a gender issue. If the shoe was on the other foot I'd be telling the guy to quit complaining and cook his own food to his own standards. Maybe he is doing this because you imposed your food standards and tastes on him for years.

You don't have to cook from scratch when you get in late, you merely have to reheat food that you previously prepared and refrigerated OR open the crock pot/ slow cooker and serve the meal you put together before your shift. It would also take you a minute to zap some fresh or frozen veggies in the microwave if your husband has not prepared them. Plenty of us singletons work late shifts and still eat healthy home cooked meals, no doubt so do many people in same sex couples.

He has been doing most of the shopping too and forgets to buy stuff I like unless I've given him a specific list. Both of my children are adults. My son (21) still eats here, but he doesn't complain. He's lost about 50 lbs. himself and was one of my inspirations to lose weight.

neverstray

It sounds like you have a supportive loving relationship. So, just simply explain that you do not prefer to eat his type of cooking. So, "cook for yourself, when I get home, I'll make my own meal". While he may not quite take it well at first, just refer to the results he enjoys thus far, and let him know theres more of that to come in the future. Lol. Hopefully, he'll understand.

MyOwnSunshine

My husband eats signficantly different than I do. He is a picky eater and doesn't really like most healthy meals. He favors burgers and pizza, for the most part.

I try to eat healthy and eat mostly lean meats and veggies.

We have a 6-year-old daughter who is a healthy weight, and will eat some healthy foods, but is an extremely picky eater. She mostly eats the same things over and over again, but will eat some of what my husband or I eat, sometimes.

The solution? Communication and not requiring that everyone eat the same meal at the same time.

Typical conversation:

"What are you having for dinner tonight?"

"Rotisserie chicken and roasted brussel sprouts. If you want some of my chicken, you can have it."

"No, I think I'm going to make _____."

At dinner time, we generally tell my daughter what we're having and she can have some of either/both, or choose from her go-to choices.

It sounds complicated, but it's actually really easy and everyone is happy. We both buy groceries and help each other out, but we've accepted that we don't need to have unnecessary conflict over food and eating healthy.

Let your husband cook what he wants for dinner. Eat it if it fits in your plan, or make something else if it doesn't. He is a grownup and responsible for his own feelings. I don't understand why his feelings would be hurt if he chooses to cook something you can't/don't want to eat and then you choose to not eat it. Makes no sense to me.

Nanook8

If you have communicated to him about all of this, which you indicate you have, then NO, I would not feel quilty about not eating what he had prepared. You have maintain what is healthy for you body. You can certainly acknowledge and verbalize to him each time he prepares a meal that you appreciate the time and effort he put into but only eat what aligns with your healthy eating plan and possibility indicate he should prepare smaller portions of the foods that he knows you are not going to eat in the future. Good luck on your journey.

bellesouth18

It sounds like you have a supportive loving relationship. So, just simply explain that you do not prefer to eat his type of cooking. So, "cook for yourself, when I get home, I'll make my own meal". While he may not quite take it well at first, just refer to the results he enjoys thus far, and let him know theres more of that to come in the future. Lol. Hopefully, he'll understand.

We do except when it comes to food. haha He needs to lose 140 pounds himself, but isn't willing to do it yet. I'll give your suggestion a try. Thanks.

CarolinaGirlinVA

In our house, we plan the menu for 2 weeks and I buy the groceries needed for those recipes/meals. To make it easier on my husband, I have copies of our favorite recipes in a binder and I pull those out and clip them to the refrigerator. If he is cooking that night, he can find the recipe easily and all of the needed ingredients are available.

Notice I said "we plan the menu". I have 3 boys and all 5 of us have input on what we will have for dinner each week (or two weeks). By giving everyone a say in what we eat, I can remind them they helped choose the meals and if they don't like it too bad. So far it has worked for us. :flowerforyou:

Good luck!

janatleigh

I'm a vegetarian, and until recently (yay I finally got a job!!), lived with my mom and dad, who aren't vegetarians. At first, my mom would get upset and/or offended, but once she realized that I was making this personal choice for my own health, she supported me. Especially after she saw that this wasn't just a "fad" or "phase" (I've been a vegetarian for almost 7 years now). She doesn't cook tofu or veggie burgers or anything, but made an effort to include more vegetables in the meals.

One solution I've had in the past is to precook some healthy meals and keep them frozen. That way if my family was having like burgers or something that I couldn't eat, I could pop something in the microwave and at least eat with them.

I would think that once your husband sees you shedding weight and getting smokin' hot, he's going to join your crusade. I know my boyfriend is joining me! Good luck!

bellesouth18

My husband eats signficantly different than I do. He is a picky eater and doesn't really like most healthy meals. He favors burgers and pizza, for the most part.

I try to eat healthy and eat mostly lean meats and veggies.

We have a 6-year-old daughter who is a healthy weight, and will eat some healthy foods, but is an extremely picky eater. She mostly eats the same things over and over again, but will eat some of what my husband or I eat, sometimes.

The solution? Communication and not requiring that everyone eat the same meal at the same time.

Typical conversation:

"What are you having for dinner tonight?"

"Rotisserie chicken and roasted brussel sprouts. If you want some of my chicken, you can have it."

"No, I think I'm going to make _____."

At dinner time, we generally tell my daughter what we're having and she can have some of either/both, or choose from her go-to choices.

It sounds complicated, but it's actually really easy and everyone is happy. We both buy groceries and help each other out, but we've accepted that we don't need to have unnecessary conflict over food and eating healthy.

Let your husband cook what he wants for dinner. Eat it if it fits in your plan, or make something else if it doesn't. He is a grownup and responsible for his own feelings. I don't understand why his feelings would be hurt if he chooses to cook something you can't/don't want to eat and then you choose to not eat it. Makes no sense to me.

I guess I feel guilty for not eating it because of the time and effort he put into preparing it for me. Guess I'll just tell him I'm not going to be eating everything he cooks in the future because I want to continue losing weight.

Hadabetter

Is he heavy? Maybe he is afraid that you will be leaving him behind with the changes you are trying to make.

bellesouth18

In our house, we plan the menu for 2 weeks and I buy the groceries needed for those recipes/meals. To make it easier on my husband, I have copies of our favorite recipes in a binder and I pull those out and clip them to the refrigerator. If he is cooking that night, he can find the recipe easily and all of the needed ingredients are available.

Notice I said "we plan the menu". I have 3 boys and all 5 of us have input on what we will have for dinner each week (or two weeks). By giving everyone a say in what we eat, I can remind them they helped choose the meals and if they don't like it too bad. So far it has worked for us. :flowerforyou:

Good luck!

Excellent idea! Will try this, too.

RyanWilson1993

I've been in this position but it was my girlfriend holding me back from my fitness goals

bellesouth18

Is he heavy? Maybe he is afraid that you will be leaving him behind with the changes you are trying to make.

6'4" and about 360 lbs. Leaving him behind? You mean like for another man? Never. I'm not going anywhere! I'm doing this for me and want to get back to 125 lbs.