A question for men with wives/significant others

bellesouth18

My husband of 23 years has not joined my crusade to lose weight. I'm eating much differently than I used to. I still eat "regular" food, but have made many changes with portion control, types of food eaten, sodium content (still a work in progress), etc. He is aware of what I've accomplished and is supportive and happy for me.

I used to do the majority of the cooking for our family. I cooked healthier fair with veggies and leaner protein at each meal. And I was able to tweak what I was cooking for me to make it even healthier. However, since I started working a new full time job in October, he has taken over that job because I get home so late. Unfortunately, his food preferences don't line up with mine.

Though I really appreciate his efforts, he doesn't care how much fat, sodium, protein, etc. that he adds to his menu. He loves pizza, ham, bacon, sausage, Alfredo type sauces, pasta, gravy, fried foods, ice cream, desserts, and bread to just name a few. We both love vegetables, but he doesn't always prepare them and puts bacon and such in the veggies often. I'm not and never have been a big bacon or ham person and don't share his affinity for it <<<as she ducks for cover, knowing how MFP folks feel about that>>> It isn't hard to stay away from the desserts, but when I get home and am really hungry and ready to eat a meal...

My question is: If you spent at least an hour after working all day preparing a meal for your wife/SO and family, would you be offended if she didn't want to eat parts of it? The last thing I want to do is hurt his feelings.

drmerc

Yes

bathsheba_c

Here's the big thing missing from your story. Have you told him what you want? How he can accommodate your new way of eating?

bellesouth18

Yes, he is aware of how I feel about his cooking like he does.

Edit: He will not change how he cooks.

CkepiJinx

Talk to him about this, you said he is supportive I am sure he would understand. Have salad stuff to make as a side for days he doesn't make a vegetable side dish, ask him to set aside a portion of the veggies he does make with out the ham or bacon. It's all about compromise, my daughter and husband like Kraft Mac & cheese thick and creamy (so do I) but it is super high in calories so when hubby makes it for dinner I have a larger serving of the protein and only a 1/4 cup of the Mac & cheese . Good luck

shivles

Just ask him to do the veggies in 2 pans/dishes, one with bacon and one without? and not to add salt until its on the table?

Sassia

If my husband was deliberately cooking things he knows I don't like (you said you didn't really like bacon and ham) then I would have no reservations about refusing to eat it. I'd spend Sunday making a month's worth of meals for myself and freeze them. He can eat whatever he wants.

rainghirl

Yes, I think I would be offended. On the other hand, if I knew my partner did not like something, like the bacon, I'd keep it out of their food and just put it in mine. I think both of you need to consider the other's feelings, it's not a one way street. Time for a little chat maybe rather than offending him outright? Perhaps you can come to an agreement where he cooks healthily most of the time but a couple of nights he gets to cook the stuff he really loves?

Oh right, he's not prepared to change. I wouldn't worry about offending him then.

billsica

I shut up and eat whatever my wife slaves over to make. It saves a lot of arguments.

Just eat what would be acceptable, then wait for an hour and make something else for yourself.

Angie1366

Personally - I would tell him,

"Although it is wonderful you are cooking my dinner - I need you to consider what you are making for me if you want me to continue looking gorgeous...

Here's some recipes to follow.

I love you Husband xxx"

Heheheh!

Surely he won't be insulted by that!

Barbellerella

Here are some choices:
1: eat smaller portions of what he makes.
2: cook up food that fits your goals over the weekend, so you can quickly reheat after your workdays for dinner.
3. Continue to do the same thing you've always done, and never achieve your fitness goals.

shivles

Personally - I would tell him,

"Although it is wonderful you are cooking my dinner - I need you to consider what you are making for me if you want me to continue looking gorgeous...

Here's some recipes to follow.

I love you Husband xxx"

Heheheh!

Surely he won't be insulted by that!

^^^THIS!

LittleMissNerdy

Maybe it's just me, but how supportive is he if he can't change the way he cooks just a little bit?

bellesouth18

He hates for me to be in the kitchen while he's cooking. He has said in the past that I didn't have to eat it if I didn't like how he fixed it. Some changes have been made in my favor, but usually only when others feel the same way, too. My dtr. doesn't like meat in her veggies either. If she's here, he'll accomodate.

Lone_Wolf70

Here are some choices:
1: eat smaller portions of what he makes.
2: cook up food that fits your goals over the weekend, so you can quickly reheat after your workdays for dinner.
3. Continue to do the same thing you've always done, and never achieve your fitness goals.

After i read 1&2 i was like where's my delicious spitfire?.....then i read #3
Lol

bellesouth18

Personally - I would tell him,

"Although it is wonderful you are cooking my dinner - I need you to consider what you are making for me if you want me to continue looking gorgeous...

Here's some recipes to follow.

I love you Husband xxx"

Heheheh!

Surely he won't be insulted by that!

I'll give this one a try. He really like the changes in my body so far.

Firefox7275

Who does the grocery shopping? Are you concerned about your children's health or just your own weight? I don't see why this is a gender issue. If the shoe was on the other foot I'd be telling the guy to quit complaining and cook his own food to his own standards. Maybe he is doing this because you imposed your food standards and tastes on him for years.

You don't have to cook from scratch when you get in late, you merely have to reheat food that you previously prepared and refrigerated OR open the crock pot/ slow cooker and serve the meal you put together before your shift. It would also take you a minute to zap some fresh or frozen veggies in the microwave if your husband has not prepared them. Plenty of us singletons work late shifts and still eat healthy home cooked meals, no doubt so do many people in same sex couples.

bellesouth18

I shut up and eat whatever my wife slaves over to make. It saves a lot of arguments.

Just eat what would be acceptable, then wait for an hour and make something else for yourself.

Usually, the only thing acceptable is broccoli. He doesn't put stuff in that. I don't put the cheese sauce on it.

bellesouth18

Maybe it's just me, but how supportive is he if he can't change the way he cooks just a little bit?

Maybe he isn't as supportive as I thought he was.

bellesouth18

Who does the grocery shopping? Are you concerned about your children's health or just your own weight? I don't see why this is a gender issue. If the shoe was on the other foot I'd be telling the guy to quit complaining and cook his own food to his own standards. Maybe he is doing this because you imposed your food standards and tastes on him for years.

You don't have to cook from scratch when you get in late, you merely have to reheat food that you previously prepared and refrigerated OR open the crock pot/ slow cooker and serve the meal you put together before your shift. It would also take you a minute to zap some fresh or frozen veggies in the microwave if your husband has not prepared them. Plenty of us singletons work late shifts and still eat healthy home cooked meals, no doubt so do many people in same sex couples.

He has been doing most of the shopping too and forgets to buy stuff I like unless I've given him a specific list. Both of my children are adults. My son (21) still eats here, but he doesn't complain. He's lost about 50 lbs. himself and was one of my inspirations to lose weight.

neverstray

It sounds like you have a supportive loving relationship. So, just simply explain that you do not prefer to eat his type of cooking. So, "cook for yourself, when I get home, I'll make my own meal". While he may not quite take it well at first, just refer to the results he enjoys thus far, and let him know theres more of that to come in the future. Lol. Hopefully, he'll understand.