A question for men with wives/significant others

charovnitza

I read your post and some replies to my husband, and his response was, "there seems to be more issues going on here than just food."

tameko2

If my husband was deliberately cooking things he knows I don't like (you said you didn't really like bacon and ham) then I would have no reservations about refusing to eat it. I'd spend Sunday making a month's worth of meals for myself and freeze them. He can eat whatever he wants.

I would do this, and my husband wouldn't mind at all. I mean..honestly, my husband would never make a ton of food I didn't want to eat, but he'd occasionally make a dish or two and I would do the same to him, and we'd both just expect the other not to eat it.

Also - I do second the idea of pre-prepared meals. And possible offer to pre-prepare SOME of the dishes for the entire meal - like you'll make the main dish that he just needs to reheat and he can make whatever sides he wants.

So I mean I know what you wanted to hear was whether or not men would be offended - mine wouldn't be, he'd be totally aware that he was making the choice to make something I told him I didn't want. On the flip side, there's "this is mine, sorry but I wanted to eat it" and then theres "here I'm being a total d*ck about it" -- and if he started being a d*ck about it, I'd tell him (as I have over many other things) "you're being an @sshole about this and I really don't appreciate it." Being that he doesn't WANT to be that kind of person, he will generally try to stop.

bellesouth18

If he gets offended, tell him you'd like to continue on your fitness goals and not go backwards.

I say fix your own meals, even if that means cooking for hours on a Saturday or Sunday and freezing meal portions for one so that on nights when he's cooked fatty, unhealthy meals you could pop your prepared meal in the microwave.

He is aware of my fitness goals. I guess I'm going to have to do something on the weekends for the upcoming week. It's a terrific idea.

bellesouth18

I read your post and some replies to my husband, and his response was, "there seems to be more issues going on here than just food."

Really? Like what? I'd love to know his opinion of exactly what's going on. Not being a male, I don't know.

bbbgamer

Why not tell him to prepare it for only himself because you are eating healthy and dont "like" what he is cooking. You would rather "hurt" yourself rather than hurt his feelings?

dansls1

I read your post and some replies to my husband, and his response was, "there seems to be more issues going on here than just food."

This - I don't think he's being very supportive. I'd continue trying to communicate. Certainly bacon in veggies doesn't have to always happen.

Bobby__Clerici

My wife likes yucky healthy food too.
And no, I won't accommodate and eat that nasty stuff.
We eat different meals, and it does not offend me. My kids detest her food choices as much as I do: lentil this...tofu that...:noway:
My wife eats what she wants, and I eat what I want.
Nobody gets offended.

bellesouth18

If my husband was deliberately cooking things he knows I don't like (you said you didn't really like bacon and ham) then I would have no reservations about refusing to eat it. I'd spend Sunday making a month's worth of meals for myself and freeze them. He can eat whatever he wants.

I would do this, and my husband wouldn't mind at all. I mean..honestly, my husband would never make a ton of food I didn't want to eat, but he'd occasionally make a dish or two and I would do the same to him, and we'd both just expect the other not to eat it.

Also - I do second the idea of pre-prepared meals. And possible offer to pre-prepare SOME of the dishes for the entire meal - like you'll make the main dish that he just needs to reheat and he can make whatever sides he wants.

So I mean I know what you wanted to hear was whether or not men would be offended - mine wouldn't be, he'd be totally aware that he was making the choice to make something I told him I didn't want. On the flip side, there's "this is mine, sorry but I wanted to eat it" and then theres "here I'm being a total d*ck about it" -- and if he started being a d*ck about it, I'd tell him (as I have over many other things) "you're being an @sshole about this and I really don't appreciate it." Being that he doesn't WANT to be that kind of person, he will generally try to stop.

haha Good suggestion about him doing the sides. Maybe I need to adopt your attitude! hehe

bellesouth18

Why not tell him to prepare it for only himself because you are eating healthy and dont "like" what he is cooking. You would rather "hurt" yourself rather than hurt his feelings?

No. I'm still losing due to portion control. I'm just not losing as fast I was when I was doing the cooking. He makes large amounts of food when he cooks. No clue about portion sizes.

bellesouth18

I read your post and some replies to my husband, and his response was, "there seems to be more issues going on here than just food."

This - I don't think he's being very supportive. I'd continue trying to communicate. Certainly bacon in veggies doesn't have to always happen.

The bacon, etc. in veggies is a Southern thing, I guess, even though I rarely did it. He grew up eating like that, so that's all he knows I suppose. He likes the flavor. I don't.

HeatherSanto

This is a toughie. I've been in this situation and I went from never cooking to cooking all the meals and having to separate it as others have said to do. IE, he doesn't want whole wheat pasta so I would make two pastas. Any items that he could add his own salt/sauce to on his own. Needless to say when one is on board and the other is not, ( I mean COMPLETELY on board) it can be a recipe for disaster. He didn't want to work out, couldn't understand why I did it so much. In the end, after 10 years, we ended it.

Now, I must say I am blessed. My husband is losing weight too, works out with me and he is careful as a hawk with the meals, saves all the wrappers for my fitness pal and measures every single thing because he knows that I can't stray off my calories. I gain weight too quickly.

I know this is REALLY tough to hear, believe me, BUT you must do this for YOURSELF. You must. Do whatever it takes to stay on your goals. I spent too much time accommodating other people and worrying if I offended them. They actually should have been worrying about offending me. No one ever had a problem watching me eat myself to death and get to 300lbs. Soon as I needed to change my life, and I NEVER pushed it on anyone else, everyone had a problem. Those people in your life may 'say' they support you but unless they are on board... well.. its rough.

There are some great suggestions posted here. It may mean double cooking or making ahead and freezing. Do whatever it takes. If they want to doctor it up with sauce and salt and butter, they can. You can always add, but you can't take away. A plain base means you can do what you want and so can they.

I'm cheering for you from here. You CAN do this. You are strong and deserve a healthy life. XOXO

bellesouth18

My wife likes yucky healthy food too.
And no, I won't accommodate and eat that nasty stuff.
We eat different meals, and it does not offend me. My kids detest her food choices as much as I do: lentil this...tofu that...:noway:
My wife eats what she wants, and I eat what I want.
Nobody gets offended.

haha Good to know. He just told me he was going to Subway and asked if I wanted something. I said "no thanks!"

TheBoyEnigma

if you've explained your reasons and he's still getting offended, he's being silly, I think. he doesn't need to make separate things - you could make your own if it's that much of a problem for him, but realistically, it's not hard to just put something aside and not add rubbish to it.

Bobby__Clerici

My wife likes yucky healthy food too.
And no, I won't accommodate and eat that nasty stuff.
We eat different meals, and it does not offend me. My kids detest her food choices as much as I do: lentil this...tofu that...:noway:
My wife eats what she wants, and I eat what I want.
Nobody gets offended.

haha Good to know. He just told me he was going to Subway and asked if I wanted something. I said "no thanks!"

I try to make it up to her in other ways....:drinker:

bellesouth18

This is a toughie. I've been in this situation and I went from never cooking to cooking all the meals and having to separate it as others have said to do. IE, he doesn't want whole wheat pasta so I would make two pastas. Any items that he could add his own salt/sauce to on his own. Needless to say when one is on board and the other is not, ( I mean COMPLETELY on board) it can be a recipe for disaster. He didn't want to work out, couldn't understand why I did it so much. In the end, after 10 years, we ended it.

Now, I must say I am blessed. My husband is losing weight too, works out with me and he is careful as a hawk with the meals, saves all the wrappers for my fitness pal and measures every single thing because he knows that I can't stray off my calories. I gain weight too quickly.

I know this is REALLY tough to hear, believe me, BUT you must do this for YOURSELF. You must. Do whatever it takes to stay on your goals. I spent too much time accommodating other people and worrying if I offended them. They actually should have been worrying about offending me. No one ever had a problem watching me eat myself to death and get to 300lbs. Soon as I needed to change my life, and I NEVER pushed it on anyone else, everyone had a problem. Those people in your life may 'say' they support you but unless they are on board... well.. its rough.

There are some great suggestions posted here. It may mean double cooking or making ahead and freezing. Do whatever it takes. If they want to doctor it up with sauce and salt and butter, they can. You can always add, but you can't take away. A plain base means you can do what you want and so can they.

I'm cheering for you from here. You CAN do this. You are strong and deserve a healthy life. XOXO

Wow! What a man you have! I wish. A people pleaser I am. It's time for me. Guess I'm going to have to get selfish. I am determined to lose another 80ish pounds.

MrsRamseyForever

I have to agree with the others who have said that it sounds like there is more going on here than just the food. It really sounds to me like he is resisting cooking healthy foods for you because like you said, he is not ready to change HIS weight. Maybe he is feeling that you are trying to make him change too and this is how he is regaining some of that control- he CAN control what he eats (and you, if you let him) even if he might not feel like he can control his weight right now. Do you talk to him about his weight when you are talking about your goals/losses? If you are talking about his weight, even if you mean what you are saying to be positive or encouraging, he might be taking it as a jab at him and this is his way of fighting back... (I hope that made sense- the ideas make sense in my head, but sometimes not once I voice them.)

Bottom line, though, if you really want to continue losing the weight and reach your goal, you NEED to have a conversation with him about this. If he is as supportive as you say, you should be able to easily let him know that although you appreciate him cooking dinner for you each night it would be more beneficial for your goals if he just cooks for himself and lets you cook what you need to eat to maintain your goals. Or you can let him know that you might be eating small portions of what he cooks (maybe the chicken that night, but not the beans or potatoes or whatever) but you will also be making yourself something healthy to go along with it and you are not doing this to hurt his feelings or seem unappreciative but to maintain your goals. Communicate with him about this- tell him your needs and ask for a resolution that works for both of you. But you shouldn't be giving in on your goals just because it might hurt his feelings- like someone else said, he is an adult so he is ultimately responsible for his feelings. If you have made every reasonable effort to communicate with him and reach a solution together and he doesn't want to give something to the solution, then you should do what you need to do to keep yourself healthy. Maybe if he sees that you are REALLY serious about these changes then he will start to go along with you as well .

bellesouth18

if you've explained your reasons and he's still getting offended, he's being silly, I think. he doesn't need to make separate things - you could make your own if it's that much of a problem for him, but realistically, it's not hard to just put something aside and not add rubbish to it.

How'd you get so wise at such a young age? haha Rubbish is right.

bellesouth18

My wife likes yucky healthy food too.
And no, I won't accommodate and eat that nasty stuff.
We eat different meals, and it does not offend me. My kids detest her food choices as much as I do: lentil this...tofu that...:noway:
My wife eats what she wants, and I eat what I want.
Nobody gets offended.

haha Good to know. He just told me he was going to Subway and asked if I wanted something. I said "no thanks!"

I try to make it up to her in other ways....:drinker:

hehe I'll bet you do my friend!

martincsaint

If I don't want what my wife is cooking, I will cook for myself. In fact, it's often easier to cook for myself. She cooks for the children before I come home and it takes me about 30 minutes to prepare something tasty and healthy. My wife doesn't get offended when I do that.

Martin

WHEELYFAST

If he is unwilling to change his eating habits, prepare your dinner ahead of time or pick it up on the way home. You'd think that if you have been married for a while you should be able to understand each other and come to an agreement. Easier said than done, I know. I hope you can still join each other at the end of the day at the dinner table and enjoy family dinner time even if you are eating different meals. Good luck and best wishes.