A question for men with wives/significant others

bellesouth18

No, I wouldn't be offended I he didn't want to eat it, but I know my so is Sometimes is when I don't. My solution is to make several options over the weekend to carry me through the week (chili, soup, large roast, large whole chicken or turkey, crockpot something, large package of chicken breasts) with options of mix in meals during the week. If he cooks something that I can't eat or doesn't fit my calorie goal I simply eat one of the other options that does.

Is he also willing to eat what you've prepared ahead?

bellesouth18

Personally - I would tell him,

"Although it is wonderful you are cooking my dinner - I need you to consider what you are making for me if you want me to continue looking gorgeous...

Here's some recipes to follow.

I love you Husband xxx"

Heheheh!

Surely he won't be insulted by that!
I agree with this quote. and If he continues to make meals that will not allow you to achieve your goals spend some time preparing meal to freeze and reheat. And/or eat smaller portions of the meals somewhat tolerable.

I already eat smaller portions of what he prepares. I do plan to cook ahead. That's the only thing I can do really.

CherokeeTopaz

Why not just pick out the bacon and not eat it?? lol That's what I used to have to do growing up... pick out the onions or tomatoes.. lol

bellesouth18

As he is fully aware that you are trying you control your eating habits, I don't think he would be. As long as you eat the main bits and leave out the puddle of cheesy sauce (or insert other here) I can't see why he should have a problem. Just say it is delish but you can't eat it all? Or you "ate the best bits"
Ultimately, he is aware of your "mission" and shouldn't be disappointed if you left the most unhealthy parts.

I already leave off some of his additives. But it's really hard to pick some of it out. I just kind of eat around some things. I always tell him thank you for cooking and tell him it was really good (it really does bother him if I don't acknowlege his efforts). It usually is really good--that's part of the problem. Dealing with the temptation is tough sometimes., especially every single work night.

bellesouth18

Why not just pick out the bacon and not eat it?? lol That's what I used to have to do growing up... pick out the onions or tomatoes.. lol

haha I already do that! It's the sodium added by the bacon, etc., that I can't pick out.

MinisterTom

I make my own food. My wife and kids don't need to eat what I eat. She can pretty much eat what she wants. I keep stuff on hand to make quickly in those situations. She is never offended. I just explained to her that she doesn't have to make as much when she makes that stuff because I prefer not to eat that anymore.

lostwinter

Not at all. Selectivity over the food he prepares would be fine to most men I know (including myself). The one caveat is that I recommend you work to convey to him that you are totally fine with his eating lifestyle and by opting out of some of his preparations that you are in no way judging his lifestyle. This insecurity could lead to more issues than time spent in the kitchen ever would. Best wishes!

bellesouth18

I make my own food. My wife and kids don't need to eat what I eat. She can pretty much eat what she wants. I keep stuff on hand to make quickly in those situations. She is never offended. I just explained to her that she doesn't have to make as much when she makes that stuff because I prefer not to eat that anymore.

It wouldn't bother me if my husband didn't eat what I fixed. But how would you, as a guy, feel if it was reversed?

bellesouth18

Not at all. Selectivity over the food he prepares would be fine to most men I know (including myself). The one caveat is that I recommend you work to convey to him that you are totally fine with his eating lifestyle and by opting out of some of his preparations that you are in no way judging his lifestyle. This insecurity could lead to more issues than time spent in the kitchen ever would. Best wishes!

Thanks! He already knows I'm not happy with how he eats and what it's doing to his health. So I must plead the 5th on this one.

GiddyupTim

Maybe you just need to give him time. I am pretty sensitive when people seem to criticize my cooking. I am a husband and I am difficult. But, with a bit of reflection, I usually come around and do the right thing.

bellesouth18

Maybe you just need to give him time. I am pretty sensitive when people seem to criticize my cooking. I am a husband and I am difficult. But, with a bit of reflection, I usually come around and do the right thing.

Thanks. He's sensitive, too, that's why I don't want to hurt his feelings. But I've been doing this for about 9 months now. Is that long enough for me to wait for him to come around?

MyOwnSunshine

I'm wondering whether there's more to this than him feeling slighted if you choose to not eat what he cooks.

I remember that before I lost weight, my husband and I were very much "partners in crime" with eating ridiculous amounts of unhealthy, high calorie foods. It's hard to enjoy the overindulging when the other partner won't participate because it makes the overeater feel self-conscious and guilty.

There has definitely been a "misery loves company," "we're in this together," "if we both do it, then it must be okay" component to many years of my relationship with my husband, as well as some friendships I've had in the past that revolved around eating. Somehow, there is less shame and more fun in bingeing and eating ridiculous things in ridiculous amounts if someone else is joining in.

Maybe he wants you to eat his calorie-laden cooking so he doesn't feel guilty for eating it. I really had a hard time when my "fattest friend" had gastric bypass surgery, because that left me the "fattest friend." Even though I was very happy for her, it was very hard for me. Maybe your husband is in a similar place, where he's happy for your weight loss, but he feels like he's going to be the "fat one" in the relationship.

Just speculation... he's not ready to give up his foods, but you certainly are. Do your thing and give him time to work through his feelings. He needs to manage his feelings, and if his feelings are hurt because you are choosing to make healthy choices, he will have to own that and do his best to work through it.

Janelle173

Maybe it's just me, but how supportive is he if he can't change the way he cooks just a little bit?

I agree with this. It is nice of him to cook, but to not take into consideration what you like or your health in the matter when CLEARLY it is important to you, it sort of sounds like sabotage. Intentional, or not, that is exactly what it is.

I would just let him know, I appreciate that you cook, but I also need to continue being healthy...and then do what another person suggested and make a month's worth of foods one daya month and freeze it...or cook a weeks worth every weekend, or something of that nature.

sparkle5k

DTMFA!!! Your health should be a top priority, anyone that doesn't support that doesn't deserve you.

bridgelene

If my husband was deliberately cooking things he knows I don't like (you said you didn't really like bacon and ham) then I would have no reservations about refusing to eat it. I'd spend Sunday making a month's worth of meals for myself and freeze them. He can eat whatever he wants.

I agree.

Especially as you've communicated with him about this, and he continues to do so.

bellesouth18

I'm wondering whether there's more to this than him feeling slighted if you choose to not eat what he cooks.

I remember that before I lost weight, my husband and I were very much "partners in crime" with eating ridiculous amounts of unhealthy, high calorie foods. It's hard to enjoy the overindulging when the other partner won't participate because it makes the overeater feel self-conscious and guilty.

There has definitely been a "misery loves company," "we're in this together," "if we both do it, then it must be okay" component to many years of my relationship with my husband, as well as some friendships I've had in the past that revolved around eating. Somehow, there is less shame and more fun in bingeing and eating ridiculous things in ridiculous amounts if someone else is joining in.

Maybe he wants you to eat his calorie-laden cooking so he doesn't feel guilty for eating it. I really had a hard time when my "fattest friend" had gastric bypass surgery, because that left me the "fattest friend." Even though I was very happy for her, it was very hard for me. Maybe your husband is in a similar place, where he's happy for your weight loss, but he feels like he's going to be the "fat one" in the relationship.

Just speculation... he's not ready to give up his foods, but you certainly are. Do your thing and give him time to work through his feelings. He needs to manage his feelings, and if his feelings are hurt because you are choosing to make healthy choices, he will have to own that and do his best to work through it.

Thanks for this! I never looked at it that way before. You may be on to something here.

bellesouth18

Maybe it's just me, but how supportive is he if he can't change the way he cooks just a little bit?

I agree with this. It is nice of him to cook, but to not take into consideration what you like or your health in the matter when CLEARLY it is important to you, it sort of sounds like sabotage. Intentional, or not, that is exactly what it is.

I would just let him know, I appreciate that you cook, but I also need to continue being healthy...and then do what another person suggested and make a month's worth of foods one daya month and freeze it...or cook a weeks worth every weekend, or something of that nature.

Yeah, I was wondering about sabotage, too, especially after reading the other replies. I do want to lose weight so I look better, but I'm doing this mainly for my health. I wish he'd do the same. He needs it as much or more than I do. I live with him--I know what he eats! haha

abrahamsitososa

I just tell her... "Babe this is my last unhealthy meal." If she doesn't believe me and cooks another one I tell her I can't eat because its not part of my diet. She stops cooking after that.

maqsmj

My husband of 23 years has not joined my crusade to lose weight. I'm eating much differently than I used to. I still eat "regular" food, but have made many changes with portion control, types of food eaten, sodium content (still a work in progress), etc. He is aware of what I've accomplished and is supportive and happy for me.

I used to do the majority of the cooking for our family. I cooked healthier fair with veggies and leaner protein at each meal. And I was able to tweak what I was cooking for me to make it even healthier. However, since I started working a new full time job in October, he has taken over that job because I get home so late. Unfortunately, his food preferences don't line up with mine.

Though I really appreciate his efforts, he doesn't care how much fat, sodium, protein, etc. that he adds to his menu. He loves pizza, ham, bacon, sausage, Alfredo type sauces, pasta, gravy, fried foods, ice cream, desserts, and bread to just name a few. We both love vegetables, but he doesn't always prepare them and puts bacon and such in the veggies often. I'm not and never have been a big bacon or ham person and don't share his affinity for it <<<as she ducks for cover, knowing how MFP folks feel about that>>> It isn't hard to stay away from the desserts, but when I get home and am really hungry and ready to eat a meal...

My question is: If you spent at least an hour after working all day preparing a meal for your wife/SO and family, would you be offended if she didn't want to eat parts of it? The last thing I want to do is hurt his feelings.

yes i will be offended, 2nd i will tell her if she doesnt like my food she can cook her own

and if u hate him cooking then cook after work for the next day

bellesouth18

DTMFA!!! Your health should be a top priority, anyone that doesn't support that doesn't deserve you.

Thanks for sticking up for me, but I think I'll keep him. He has many more things about him that I like.