A question for men with wives/significant others

ninerbuff

My husband of 23 years has not joined my crusade to lose weight. I'm eating much differently than I used to. I still eat "regular" food, but have made many changes with portion control, types of food eaten, sodium content (still a work in progress), etc. He is aware of what I've accomplished and is supportive and happy for me.

I used to do the majority of the cooking for our family. I cooked healthier fair with veggies and leaner protein at each meal. And I was able to tweak what I was cooking for me to make it even healthier. However, since I started working a new full time job in October, he has taken over that job because I get home so late. Unfortunately, his food preferences don't line up with mine.

Though I really appreciate his efforts, he doesn't care how much fat, sodium, protein, etc. that he adds to his menu. He loves pizza, ham, bacon, sausage, Alfredo type sauces, pasta, gravy, fried foods, ice cream, desserts, and bread to just name a few. We both love vegetables, but he doesn't always prepare them and puts bacon and such in the veggies often. I'm not and never have been a big bacon or ham person and don't share his affinity for it <<<as she ducks for cover, knowing how MFP folks feel about that>>> It isn't hard to stay away from the desserts, but when I get home and am really hungry and ready to eat a meal...

My question is: If you spent at least an hour after working all day preparing a meal for your wife/SO and family, would you be offended if she didn't want to eat parts of it? The last thing I want to do is hurt his feelings.

More for me...................nope. I do ALL the cooking in the house now and some days she doesn't eat much of what I cook.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

bellesouth18

My husband does 99.5% of the cooking in our house. He's a very good cook, but is very heavy handed with the salt shaker and the oil and butter. He knows I don't want a lot of that in my meals. If it's a meal that he can keep separate, then we both have our own separate portions. One for his decadent delicious hi-cal version, and one for my 'more reasonable' version. This works particularly well with fish because we wrap each filet in a foil pouch and add our own seasonings to it. Otherwise, I really try to limit my portions and go heavy on steamed veggies and side salads.

I wish mine was willing to do that. I love fish. He won't eat it unless it's fried.

bellesouth18

My husband of 23 years has not joined my crusade to lose weight. I'm eating much differently than I used to. I still eat "regular" food, but have made many changes with portion control, types of food eaten, sodium content (still a work in progress), etc. He is aware of what I've accomplished and is supportive and happy for me.

I used to do the majority of the cooking for our family. I cooked healthier fair with veggies and leaner protein at each meal. And I was able to tweak what I was cooking for me to make it even healthier. However, since I started working a new full time job in October, he has taken over that job because I get home so late. Unfortunately, his food preferences don't line up with mine.

Though I really appreciate his efforts, he doesn't care how much fat, sodium, protein, etc. that he adds to his menu. He loves pizza, ham, bacon, sausage, Alfredo type sauces, pasta, gravy, fried foods, ice cream, desserts, and bread to just name a few. We both love vegetables, but he doesn't always prepare them and puts bacon and such in the veggies often. I'm not and never have been a big bacon or ham person and don't share his affinity for it <<<as she ducks for cover, knowing how MFP folks feel about that>>> It isn't hard to stay away from the desserts, but when I get home and am really hungry and ready to eat a meal...

My question is: If you spent at least an hour after working all day preparing a meal for your wife/SO and family, would you be offended if she didn't want to eat parts of it? The last thing I want to do is hurt his feelings.

More for me...................nope. I do ALL the cooking in the house now and some days she doesn't eat much of what I cook.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

It doesn't bother you that she won't eat?

bellesouth18

I enjoy cooking and do it well.

Sometimes I put a lot of mental effort into it and when someone does not appreciate it I do get disappointed. I've set-up expectations and they are easily knocked down when a child or dining partner/guest says "err, no". This is particularly true if the food I'm serving is very good.

Sometimes, I've spent a lot of effort and time but the results are less than stellar. I'm usually ok when someone tells me that my Masala sauce / strawberries and avocado turkey mash-up is a crash up, overcooked, dry AND mushy. And too spicy. Woops.

But, as the cook, I've learned to set up MY expectations a little better - I talk about what I'm going to prepare, I set the scene or at least ask/ tell about limits of what is being prepared - "I'm doing a wine and butter sauce, are you fine with that?"

I have two out of four picky eater daughters so I also prepare an escape dish.

Talk about meal preparation before - it is the best moment to make a comment, not as food is being served.

My husband isn't as understanding or accommodating as you so far.

Nataliaho

As far as I am concerned he can't have it both ways. Either he makes an effort to accomodate your eating choices, or he accepts that you won't eat it. Logically the only other option is that you eat his cooking, even though its bad for you. That isn't an option...

bellesouth18

As far as I am concerned he can't have it both ways. Either he makes an effort to accomodate your eating choices, or he accepts that you won't eat it. Logically the only other option is that you eat his cooking, even though its bad for you. That isn't an option...

Thanks. I love your logic! haha It makes lots of sense when I look at it that way.

Nancy_hc

I had the same problem with my husband. I had to tell him STREIGHT up what I wanted and didn't wanted. When he DOES cook, he usually just cooks the main portein for me (which I still appreciate greatly and let him know so). But I'll make my own sides (normally just cooked veggies or a salad). Maybe an arraingment like this will work for you guys as well?

JUDDDing

I agree with ninerbuff.

You can eat whatever you want - just don't complain or act disappointed about what I made.

hedgiie

my wife don't like fish but she actually cook it and prepare it for me, even though she don't eat it.

likewise if i prepare something and she didn't eat it then it's fine. which i'm doing vegetable preparation but she don't like it.

we're married for 21 years, through many years, we learn how to adjust our emotions, but maybe in our early marriage i would say that i will be offended.

ninerbuff

My husband of 23 years has not joined my crusade to lose weight. I'm eating much differently than I used to. I still eat "regular" food, but have made many changes with portion control, types of food eaten, sodium content (still a work in progress), etc. He is aware of what I've accomplished and is supportive and happy for me.

I used to do the majority of the cooking for our family. I cooked healthier fair with veggies and leaner protein at each meal. And I was able to tweak what I was cooking for me to make it even healthier. However, since I started working a new full time job in October, he has taken over that job because I get home so late. Unfortunately, his food preferences don't line up with mine.

Though I really appreciate his efforts, he doesn't care how much fat, sodium, protein, etc. that he adds to his menu. He loves pizza, ham, bacon, sausage, Alfredo type sauces, pasta, gravy, fried foods, ice cream, desserts, and bread to just name a few. We both love vegetables, but he doesn't always prepare them and puts bacon and such in the veggies often. I'm not and never have been a big bacon or ham person and don't share his affinity for it <<<as she ducks for cover, knowing how MFP folks feel about that>>> It isn't hard to stay away from the desserts, but when I get home and am really hungry and ready to eat a meal...

My question is: If you spent at least an hour after working all day preparing a meal for your wife/SO and family, would you be offended if she didn't want to eat parts of it? The last thing I want to do is hurt his feelings.

More for me...................nope. I do ALL the cooking in the house now and some days she doesn't eat much of what I cook.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

It doesn't bother you that she won't eat?

She eats, just not in big portions. And I usually will cook for 4 when there's only 3 (my 8 year old) of us here. My wife is sound with her nutrition.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

upgetupgetup

I have to second those highlighting that your accommodation of his preferences is putting your own health in jeopardy. You have to put your health above the possibility of offending your husband. The way around that is with communication, ideally. If it's possible with him?

I will also commend you for carrying on with portion sizes, despite it. That must be tough to do!

I think people have covered a lot of stuff. I just wanted to add the practical suggestion of barbecued meat. I have never met a guy who'd refuse grilled meat. You have yours with salad, he can have his with whatever - split the sides down the middle. Also, roasts can be made lean.

You MUST get time in the kitchen. I guess the weekend idea you liked is a good solution.

stanthemovieman

Fortunately I don't have that problem as my wife recently had bariatric surgery so her eating had to change radically. Your hubby should not just give lip service to supporting your weight management goals, he should be proactive as well. If he isn't willing to set aside a portion of what he cooks to make it conform with your wants and needs, then you should take some time on the weekend, make foods that will work with your new goals and freeze or otherwise store them for the coming week. You can also save time by picking up the steamable veggies in the plastic bags that you just pop in the microwave. Also get pre-cooked chicken breasts from the frozen aisle and have those to make a quick bit of protein. I also find that Campbell's Chunky Grilled Steak chili is a quick and easy one bowl meal. It's 400 calories, only 6 grams of fat in a whole can and 32 grams of protein. While it has 54 carbs, they come from the kidney beans, so they are good carbs. I realize this will be more work for you, but if you do a little planning, you can take care of your dietary needs and hubby can continue to eat like a pig. Your both happy, or at least passive aggressive about your anger.

jha1223

I thought of you and this post tonight when we were in the kitchen. My wife was making sloppy joes and french fries. I was next to her making chicken nuggets and a salad. She made her dinner and was getting ready to leave the kitchen when she saw me pull the chicken nuggets out of the oven. She said, "Guess someone is cheating a bit tonight right?" Actually, I'm under calories for this meal and should have gotten some peas or green beans. But, seriously, look at this - homemade chicken nuggets with Parmesan and garlic, dijon mustard and a salad with sweet vidalia onion vinaigrette. Yes, chicken ... nuggets.

coburngirl

I love my hubby and don't like to hurt his feelings but if it's a matter of my weight loss success to his hurt feelings I choose my success. My husband doesn't like that we eat different meals (breakfast I have egg whites and cereal and he has sausage, eggs and toast). He doesn't want to be forced to eat what I eat and I feel the same. I love the idea of the crock pot cooking and I do that quite a bit myself as I too work full time and I find things that make us both happy. We are both big time meat eaters and dessert addicts and I just utilize portion control. Only YOU have the power of what you eat and what your successes are, and if you are supporting his needs whose supporting yours? Congrats on how far you've come and don't give up, just gotta keep tweaking things until you find out what works for you both. And a big congrats on the 23 year marriage. Just don't hear that so much anymore!

Thanks! Your reply opened my eyes. Who IS suporting me if I'm supporting him? Good point.

Edit: Thank you for your congratulations! :flowerforyou:

You are welcome!:happy:

kittyraj

Here are some choices:
1: eat smaller portions of what he makes.
2: cook up food that fits your goals over the weekend, so you can quickly reheat after your workdays for dinner.
3. Continue to do the same thing you've always done, and never achieve your fitness goals.

This is what I did. My partner too cooks some huge, salty, fatty 'cave man food'.
So I pre cook my weekday meals on Sundays, put them in those takeaway plastic containers and reheat throughout the week.

speedw1875

I love how your topic is for men with wives/significant others, yet the responses are about 80% female. Rock on ladies!

Your question was, as a man would I be offended if you didn't eat what I made.

No, if he were cooking to please he would be using you input in the menu. If you came home upset every night about what I made, that might get a bit old.

If I were in your shoe I would make sure a had a salad or steamed veggies ready to go in the fridge at night and enjoy a little bit of what my spouse made, I will probably help give you a bit more balance in you diet. Who knows, maybe having the veggies out at the dinner table will help encourage your spouse to do the same.

Best Wishes

floydypants

I can't believe that anyone has said they would be offended by this. If I was making meals for someone and they had told me they didn't want to eat certain things and those things are what I made them every night, then that would be my fault for making them something they don't want. How can anybody not see that?

You have explained to him that you want to eat more healthily. You need to keep an eye on sodium intake because of your blood pressure. He is deliberately making things that are bad for you and you don't want to eat, yet you are worried about offending him by not eating them. Is he worried about offending you by doing the opposite of what you want?

cobracars

When I cook I try to keep her preferences in mind but often she doesn't have a taste for what I've prepared. That doesn't offend me, and it also doesn't stop me from making things I like.
We've been married 27 years. Sometimes she cooks, sometimes I do...and sometimes we both say 'screw it' and go out for something. That's the hardest because it takes us a 1/2 hour to decide where to go where there is something we both want.
My 82 yr old father lives with us and we take the most care with his meals. We want it to be something he truly enjoys and it has to be soft and easy to eat as he has no teeth and does not want to get dentures.
So we've grown accustomed to working around each others needs/wants and we are fine with doing our own thing.

And yes, when I'm preparing something in the kitchen I don't want her in the kitchen with me. She's been cooking a lot longer than I have and set in her ways on how to do things. I like to follow a recipe and use measuring cups until I've made the recipe enough times to be familiar with it and know how I like it. She prefers to eyeball it and add/subtract ingredients at will. When she sees me doing something differently she usually has to point out there's a better or different way to do it (like why do I bother measuring things or why do I set out all my ingredients before starting). Sometimes you need to shut up and just let someone be.

bellesouth18

I thought of you and this post tonight when we were in the kitchen. My wife was making sloppy joes and french fries. I was next to her making chicken nuggets and a salad. She made her dinner and was getting ready to leave the kitchen when she saw me pull the chicken nuggets out of the oven. She said, "Guess someone is cheating a bit tonight right?" Actually, I'm under calories for this meal and should have gotten some peas or green beans. But, seriously, look at this - homemade chicken nuggets with Parmesan and garlic, dijon mustard and a salad with sweet vidalia onion vinaigrette. Yes, chicken ... nuggets.

That looks really good. I'd rather eat this than french fries, etc. Yum! Want to share the recipe?