A question for men with wives/significant others

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  • MyOwnSunshine
    MyOwnSunshine Posts: 1,312 Member
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    My husband eats signficantly different than I do. He is a picky eater and doesn't really like most healthy meals. He favors burgers and pizza, for the most part.

    I try to eat healthy and eat mostly lean meats and veggies.

    We have a 6-year-old daughter who is a healthy weight, and will eat some healthy foods, but is an extremely picky eater. She mostly eats the same things over and over again, but will eat some of what my husband or I eat, sometimes.

    The solution? Communication and not requiring that everyone eat the same meal at the same time.

    Typical conversation:

    "What are you having for dinner tonight?"

    "Rotisserie chicken and roasted brussel sprouts. If you want some of my chicken, you can have it."

    "No, I think I'm going to make _____."

    At dinner time, we generally tell my daughter what we're having and she can have some of either/both, or choose from her go-to choices.

    It sounds complicated, but it's actually really easy and everyone is happy. We both buy groceries and help each other out, but we've accepted that we don't need to have unnecessary conflict over food and eating healthy.

    Let your husband cook what he wants for dinner. Eat it if it fits in your plan, or make something else if it doesn't. He is a grownup and responsible for his own feelings. I don't understand why his feelings would be hurt if he chooses to cook something you can't/don't want to eat and then you choose to not eat it. Makes no sense to me.
  • Nanook8
    Nanook8 Posts: 33 Member
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    If you have communicated to him about all of this, which you indicate you have, then NO, I would not feel quilty about not eating what he had prepared. You have maintain what is healthy for you body. You can certainly acknowledge and verbalize to him each time he prepares a meal that you appreciate the time and effort he put into but only eat what aligns with your healthy eating plan and possibility indicate he should prepare smaller portions of the foods that he knows you are not going to eat in the future. Good luck on your journey.
  • bellesouth18
    bellesouth18 Posts: 1,070 Member
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    It sounds like you have a supportive loving relationship. So, just simply explain that you do not prefer to eat his type of cooking. So, "cook for yourself, when I get home, I'll make my own meal". While he may not quite take it well at first, just refer to the results he enjoys thus far, and let him know theres more of that to come in the future. Lol. Hopefully, he'll understand.

    We do except when it comes to food. haha He needs to lose 140 pounds himself, but isn't willing to do it yet. I'll give your suggestion a try. Thanks.
  • CarolinaGirlinVA
    CarolinaGirlinVA Posts: 1,512 Member
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    In our house, we plan the menu for 2 weeks and I buy the groceries needed for those recipes/meals. To make it easier on my husband, I have copies of our favorite recipes in a binder and I pull those out and clip them to the refrigerator. If he is cooking that night, he can find the recipe easily and all of the needed ingredients are available.

    Notice I said "we plan the menu". I have 3 boys and all 5 of us have input on what we will have for dinner each week (or two weeks). By giving everyone a say in what we eat, I can remind them they helped choose the meals and if they don't like it too bad. So far it has worked for us. :flowerforyou:

    Good luck!
  • janatleigh
    janatleigh Posts: 33 Member
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    I'm a vegetarian, and until recently (yay I finally got a job!!), lived with my mom and dad, who aren't vegetarians. At first, my mom would get upset and/or offended, but once she realized that I was making this personal choice for my own health, she supported me. Especially after she saw that this wasn't just a "fad" or "phase" (I've been a vegetarian for almost 7 years now). She doesn't cook tofu or veggie burgers or anything, but made an effort to include more vegetables in the meals.

    One solution I've had in the past is to precook some healthy meals and keep them frozen. That way if my family was having like burgers or something that I couldn't eat, I could pop something in the microwave and at least eat with them.

    I would think that once your husband sees you shedding weight and getting smokin' hot, he's going to join your crusade. I know my boyfriend is joining me! Good luck!
  • bellesouth18
    bellesouth18 Posts: 1,070 Member
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    My husband eats signficantly different than I do. He is a picky eater and doesn't really like most healthy meals. He favors burgers and pizza, for the most part.

    I try to eat healthy and eat mostly lean meats and veggies.

    We have a 6-year-old daughter who is a healthy weight, and will eat some healthy foods, but is an extremely picky eater. She mostly eats the same things over and over again, but will eat some of what my husband or I eat, sometimes.

    The solution? Communication and not requiring that everyone eat the same meal at the same time.

    Typical conversation:

    "What are you having for dinner tonight?"

    "Rotisserie chicken and roasted brussel sprouts. If you want some of my chicken, you can have it."

    "No, I think I'm going to make _____."

    At dinner time, we generally tell my daughter what we're having and she can have some of either/both, or choose from her go-to choices.

    It sounds complicated, but it's actually really easy and everyone is happy. We both buy groceries and help each other out, but we've accepted that we don't need to have unnecessary conflict over food and eating healthy.

    Let your husband cook what he wants for dinner. Eat it if it fits in your plan, or make something else if it doesn't. He is a grownup and responsible for his own feelings. I don't understand why his feelings would be hurt if he chooses to cook something you can't/don't want to eat and then you choose to not eat it. Makes no sense to me.

    I guess I feel guilty for not eating it because of the time and effort he put into preparing it for me. Guess I'll just tell him I'm not going to be eating everything he cooks in the future because I want to continue losing weight.
  • Hadabetter
    Hadabetter Posts: 942 Member
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    Is he heavy? Maybe he is afraid that you will be leaving him behind with the changes you are trying to make.
  • bellesouth18
    bellesouth18 Posts: 1,070 Member
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    In our house, we plan the menu for 2 weeks and I buy the groceries needed for those recipes/meals. To make it easier on my husband, I have copies of our favorite recipes in a binder and I pull those out and clip them to the refrigerator. If he is cooking that night, he can find the recipe easily and all of the needed ingredients are available.

    Notice I said "we plan the menu". I have 3 boys and all 5 of us have input on what we will have for dinner each week (or two weeks). By giving everyone a say in what we eat, I can remind them they helped choose the meals and if they don't like it too bad. So far it has worked for us. :flowerforyou:

    Good luck!

    Excellent idea! Will try this, too.
  • RyanWilson1993
    RyanWilson1993 Posts: 409 Member
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    I've been in this position but it was my girlfriend holding me back from my fitness goals
  • bellesouth18
    bellesouth18 Posts: 1,070 Member
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    Is he heavy? Maybe he is afraid that you will be leaving him behind with the changes you are trying to make.

    6'4" and about 360 lbs. Leaving him behind? You mean like for another man? Never. I'm not going anywhere! I'm doing this for me and want to get back to 125 lbs.
  • bellesouth18
    bellesouth18 Posts: 1,070 Member
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    I've been in this position but it was my girlfriend holding me back from my fitness goals

    How did you handle it?
  • minnesota_deere
    minnesota_deere Posts: 232 Member
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    wife and I are the same with each other, if we don't like what is made for all of us (2 kids),we make ourselves something else, kids included, and neither of us are offended. who cares, its not worth fighting over... more leftovers for the person who does like it. nobodies mad..
  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
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    My boyfriend (who lives with me) says he wouldn't mind as long as there was a reason. If he knew you wanted to be healthier / lose weight then he wouldn't have a problem basically.

    If I was in your situation, I would have a talk with him. Maybe introduce him to recipes and meals that can suit the whole family, you in smaller portions, him in larger portions etc He should be able to accommodate you too, it's not like he's really fussy (he likes vegetables) plus he can make himself whatever he wants after that I'm assuming, if there's something that he particularly wants to eat, that doesn't go with your goals.
  • RyanWilson1993
    RyanWilson1993 Posts: 409 Member
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    I've been in this position but it was my girlfriend holding me back from my fitness goals

    How did you handle it?
    I tried getting her to workout as well, but that only lasted about a week. She hated that I liked to stay healthy, because she was afraid girls would just flock towards me! It got bad when she tried to make choose between her or my gym membership.I think we broke up a few weeks after that though
  • runs4zen
    runs4zen Posts: 769 Member
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    If my husband was deliberately cooking things he knows I don't like (you said you didn't really like bacon and ham) then I would have no reservations about refusing to eat it. I'd spend Sunday making a month's worth of meals for myself and freeze them. He can eat whatever he wants.

    This. Don't make food a battleground. Sounds like something deeper is going on, anyhow. On a side note, for the last three years I have routinely eaten different meals when the meal the group is eating is something I know isn't good for me.

    Making someone else happy by eating unhealthy food so they don't get a bruised ego is so not on my radar. It shouldn't be on anyone's radar. Seems he'd like to see you healthy and happy too.
  • PhotogNerd
    PhotogNerd Posts: 420 Member
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    If he gets offended, tell him you'd like to continue on your fitness goals and not go backwards.

    I say fix your own meals, even if that means cooking for hours on a Saturday or Sunday and freezing meal portions for one so that on nights when he's cooked fatty, unhealthy meals you could pop your prepared meal in the microwave.
  • bellesouth18
    bellesouth18 Posts: 1,070 Member
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    wife and I are the same with each other, if we don't like what is made for all of us (2 kids),we make ourselves something else, kids included, and neither of us are offended. who cares, its not worth fighting over... more leftovers for the person who does like it. nobodies mad..

    Yeah. He takes leftovers for his lunch. I've been eating Lean Cuisines a lot, but have taken some of it myself on occasion.
  • bellesouth18
    bellesouth18 Posts: 1,070 Member
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    My boyfriend (who lives with me) says he wouldn't mind as long as there was a reason. If he knew you wanted to be healthier / lose weight then he wouldn't have a problem basically.

    If I was in your situation, I would have a talk with him. Maybe introduce him to recipes and meals that can suit the whole family, you in smaller portions, him in larger portions etc He should be able to accommodate you too, it's not like he's really fussy (he likes vegetables) plus he can make himself whatever he wants after that I'm assuming, if there's something that he particularly wants to eat, that doesn't go with your goals.

    Will give it a try!
  • chervil6
    chervil6 Posts: 236 Member
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    just eat what you want of the things he prepares and if he says anything , tell him he knows your watching your weight , no biggy is it
  • bellesouth18
    bellesouth18 Posts: 1,070 Member
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    If my husband was deliberately cooking things he knows I don't like (you said you didn't really like bacon and ham) then I would have no reservations about refusing to eat it. I'd spend Sunday making a month's worth of meals for myself and freeze them. He can eat whatever he wants.

    This. Don't make food a battleground. Sounds like something deeper is going on, anyhow. On a side note, for the last three years I have routinely eaten different meals when the meal the group is eating is something I know isn't good for me.

    Making someone else happy by eating unhealthy food so they don't get a bruised ego is so not on my radar. It shouldn't be on anyone's radar. Seems he'd like to see you healthy and happy too.


    He does want me to be healthy and happy. We don't fight over it because I just eat it. I do ask him what's in it so I can add it to my diary as honestly as I can.

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