Couples- separate or combined finances?

cubbies77

I don't understand why people are being so judgy. My boyfriend and I have separate accounts and will keep it that way after we get married. All of the bills get paid, and we never, ever fight about who bought what last week and whose turn it is to pay for this and that. I'm sorry if other couples are that petty, but that doesn't mean every couple with separate accounts is like that.

It has nothing to do with trust and everything to do with spending habits and what works for US as a couple. You don't get to decide if our relationship is "good" based on that one, little thing. We never fight about money. Ever. If I'm short one week, he gives me some. If he's short one week, I give him some. It isn't a loan. We don't "owe" each other. It's not like that.

We are co-signed on each other's accounts just in case one of us is hospitalized or passes away, but we've never withdrawn money from each other's accounts and wouldn't unless there was an emergency (like hospitalization or death).

Erin_goBrahScience

My boyfriend and I met 7 years ago, started dating 5 years, and moved in together 3 years ago. I always thought that I would want everything separate, but I have absolutely changed my mind.

Until recently my boyfriend and I split everything 50/50 - bills, food, restaurants, vacations, etc. There have been times in our relationship where I made more than him, and times where he made more than me, but what we contributed never changed. As time went on, our financial goals became more and more entwined - we planned vacations together, we bought furniture and appliances for the apartment together, we even started planning for retirement together. With the intent of saving for shared goals, we opened a joint account. Unfortunately, it never really functioned in the way we intended. He still had his own savings and I mine and we still both wanted to contribute to everything equally. If I needed to borrow from savings, I only took from the joint what I put in. I knew exactly who had contributed what.

After buying a condo together, my boyfriend mentioned that he wanted to take the extra payments we were going to make towards the mortgage each month and put it towards my school loans. Numbers-wise it made sense, but with everything split down the middle it felt like a hand out. I had to start thinking about money and debt as OURS instead of his and mine. We sat down, discussed our goals for the next year, five years, ten years, and twenty years. There were no surprises. We then agreed on some ground rules (e.g. run any purchase over 100 by the other first - not for permission but for discussion), and decided to combine our finances. As a first step/trial run we added all of our accounts to one Mint account. With this we get to see the big picture and work together as a team toward our goals. We get to see what it would be like to have combined finances without the possible legal repercussions. Now instead of itemizing everything and splitting it down the middle, we each put what we feel we can into the joint account for savings at the end of the month, and since everything is transparent there's no concern that someone is overstepping what they can afford. I now have absolutely no worries or concerns about taking any further steps.

This is EXACTLY what we do, we even budget on Mint too.

MyChocolateDiet

separate

SweetTeaAndCutoffs

wow...that is SO sad to me. I would never dream of leaving my husband at home while I vacation. Awful;(

keem88

joe and i split things, but our accounts are separate and always will be.
i pay the rent out of my account, he cuts me a check for half of it. we alternate who pays the groceries, i pay the electric he pays the cable bill, we both pay for whatever supplies our dog needs.
i feel like it just makes things easier. the whole what's mine is yours thing does apply to us, but having separate accounts i feel just makes things a lot less stressful

k8eekins

Talking about this with my s/o today and thought it would be interesting to discuss on here. We have some couple friends who completely combine their finances and then end up arguing over who spent what on beer/shoes etc. My s/o and I have pretty much decided to keep our finances (even once we have a mortgage/kids etc) separate, splitting our expenses down the middle and then what we do with the rest of our $ is our own business.

I feel like it works for us. I think sharing a bank account is pretty antiquated and can be risky if a relationship goes sour, and I like having the freedom to spend what I please on my clothes/treats/death ray parts.

What's your opinion on the subject?

Personally prefer to keep it separate.

BamaBreezeNSaltAire

wow...that is SO sad to me. I would never dream of leaving my husband at home while I vacation. Awful;(

Agreed.

zilea

Like others have commented, it's wonderful to have two separate accounts and one joint account. Contribute a set percentage or amount to the joint. Raise that percentage or amount gradually if you both want to aim higher with income over time and work harder for it. That's what my husband and I do. Many of my friends and family members who only have a joint deal with problems we don't have to deal with because of it. If we shared everything, we would probably have a lot of arguments we currently do not have. This way, we are both free to buy whatever we want out of our joint accounts and absolutely no discussion has to be had. Our gifts to each other come from our own money, etc. I really like it this way and can't imagine it any other way.

Lifting_Knitter

We combined when we got married. Both of our parents did and we just automatically did. Thank goodness....I have been a stay at home wife and mom for 5 years, I contribute by cleaning, cooking and making sure bills are paid...actually, everything besides the actually paying work and cutting grass (highly allergic to it). I earn it to, just a different way.

sammys1girly

One family, one marriage, one bank account.

We have done it this way since we got married. When we first were married, we both worked, and all the money went into one account. We had discussions about what to spend money on, but never arguments. There are no "wants" that one of us has above the common good of our family.

For the past 12 years, since our son was born, my wife has not worked outside the home, and we still have one bank account. I contribute 100% of the household money because I have the salaried job, but I have never thought of the money as mine. It is ours. And we still don't argue about money.


Agree totally!
Call me old-fashioned, but I have problems with statements such as "we each contribute an equal amount to a joint account to pay the bills, and whatever is left is mine to spend on my toys". I had a co-worker that was heading south for a winter vacation. I asked if her husband was going, and she said "no, he didn't have enough money to pay for his half, so I'm going with some other friends". Didn't get it then, don't get it now.

PottsvilleCurse1925

I prefer combined. It lets me keep track of what she's doing better by watching her debit card use on the bank statements.

sbowl

It depends on the two of you. My husband and I have been married for decades and even before we were married, we created one joint account. It has worked for us for many years. I take care of all the finances and he likes it that way. We never fight or argue over finances or what we want to purchase. This has been an interesting discussion looking into how other couples handle this issue.

stargazer008

My wife, and I have our separate accounts, and a joint account. We both transfer money into the joint account to pay the bills, then use our separate accounts to buy our own "wants, or needs".

It works wonderfully, for us.

When I was married to my ex, we fought over money all the time, and sharing the one account for everything was too hard to keep track of what we had. We were constantly out of money, and over-drafting.

That's a nice idea about the joint and separate account!

keem88

One family, one marriage, one bank account.

We have done it this way since we got married. When we first were married, we both worked, and all the money went into one account. We had discussions about what to spend money on, but never arguments. There are no "wants" that one of us has above the common good of our family.

For the past 12 years, since our son was born, my wife has not worked outside the home, and we still have one bank account. I contribute 100% of the household money because I have the salaried job, but I have never thought of the money as mine. It is ours. And we still don't argue about money.

Call me old-fashioned, but I have problems with statements such as "we each contribute an equal amount to a joint account to pay the bills, and whatever is left is mine to spend on my toys". I had a co-worker that was heading south for a winter vacation. I asked if her husband was going, and she said "no, he didn't have enough money to pay for his half, so I'm going with some other friends". Didn't get it then, don't get it now.

WOW about the co worker vacation. if you are living together as significant other, it may be different. but if that is your husband well then damn, help him pay for it. that sounds kind of messed up

_DaniD_

Combined.

olDave

I was married for 32 years. The first 15 or so we merged everything. It worked great. Then we decided to split everything. That worked great as well.

It's simply a matter of agreeing on a plan and sticking to it. As long as you have a household budget either way works.

Brianna716

When I lived with my BF we had separate finances... it was terrible, just terrible. I had to fight him tooth & nail to get him to give me money for bills. He would spend his "spare" money on whatever he wanted, but I had to spend my "spare" money on us- I couldn't buy things for myself.

I'm currently single, but I know I won't be in a relationship again if (future) he won't combine finances. I'd like to be able to create a budget together and agree upon how much spending money we get to keep individually.

angelamary61

We put money into a joint account to pay mortgage, bills, etc and money into a seperate 'holiday' account then the rest is our own. But my husband is very generous and earns more so likes paying for meals out etc, so I am lucky.

ashleighk123

Fiance and I have had combined accounts for a few years now. We don't argue about money. He makes twice what I make, but we don't argue about that either. I don't consider myself old fashioned in the LEAST but I can't imagine marrying someone who I didn't want to share my whole life with, and that includes my money. But maybe it's different for us because he is a banker. =]

EmilyOfTheSun

My boyfriend and I keep ours pretty separate. We split the grocery bill in half (commonly used items), if it's just something I'm gonna eat or just something he's gonna eat, we don't split that stuff. Rent is split evenly. Utilities are another matter but that's for other reasons. When we move, the utilities will be split evenly as well. Whatever is left over is my spending money, and he has his spending money. We will cover for each other during outings if one of us is broke.

It works for us.