An ex attack

_Witsy_

Ok...the one user arguing over "just break up" comment...completely hijacked the thread...well done. Learn the "report" or "ignore" functions if you see something that you don't like. You're comments didn't offer anything helpful to the thread either.

The last few years I've had to get rid of a lot of toxic relationships. Ones started with good intentions and ended up just being bad.

So OP...you don't owe this person anything...you barely dated...don't let his words change you. They are just words...I also agree...you'd prolly be better off without him..but that's just me thinking from the information you gave us. If in all other ways he is a good friend, tell him how those comments made you feel and tell him you will not tolerate *kitten* like that going forward. He messed up once...you give him a warning...do it again, see ya.

_DaniD_

Oh and just so everyone knows, I did break ties with him! I respect myself too much to put up with that. I may be in a fragile state of mind right now, but I know I don't deserve that!

Thanks again for all the awesome responses! You are all great!

Which is why Dani's advice, "Just break up" - is the best advice you'll get. It doesn't mean just break up with a boyfriend, etc....it can also mean to end things, walk away from the situation...just break up with whatever it is that is bringing negativity into your life etc. The phrase holds a lot of meaning and applies to so much of life...breaking up with your "bad" self, etc.

So when Dani or anyone says, "Just break up..." ...really think about it.

I really have never meant for it to be funny. Others have taken it and used it in a funny manner.

When I say just break up, I am hoping people will read it, think about it and say "hey she is right, it really isn't that complicated".

firstsip

Oh and just so everyone knows, I did break ties with him! I respect myself too much to put up with that. I may be in a fragile state of mind right now, but I know I don't deserve that!

Thanks again for all the awesome responses! You are all great!

Which is why Dani's advice, "Just break up" - is the best advice you'll get. It doesn't mean just break up with a boyfriend, etc....it can also mean to end things, walk away from the situation...just break up with whatever it is that is bringing negativity into your life etc. The phrase holds a lot of meaning and applies to so much of life...breaking up with your "bad" self, etc.

So when Dani or anyone says, "Just break up..." ...really think about it.

This. I can't believe the reception on this comment... it's an MFP meme for a reason: many times, it is solidly good advice. OP still referred to the guy in question as "friend." Others said the exact same thing in a paragraph; she said, "Just break up"... her answer was just shorter. Why the hostility? "Keep it simple" is another pretty well known anecdote... "Just break up" is a play from it.

Confused.

vim_n_vigor

It's just what a large group of people (and you ALL know who you are) post when they have nothing better to say.

I see this sentence about 5 times a day - referring to different posts that are left around the chit chat area of MFP that are similar or are inside jokes - it always makes me stabby.

oh these horrible women always having fun. i wish they would just get fat and get off my free weight loss website, horrible creatures, i wish they would all just find G....

really getting beaten down by all these people who wake up and decide to hate people on the internet who are silly in the chit chat forum. Like seriously, you dont like us, we can never make you like us, we arent trying to make you like us, what do you want? Do you really just want us to give up and leave and stop being health conscious and helping people? Is playing in the fun and games forums just too far - should we just be happy that we met most of our goals and just go away so we dont accidentally allow our success to hurt anyone's feelings. Are our little internet comments actually derailing your fitness goals and personal well-being?

then just stop trying to judge an entire group of people that you couldn't even name if someone asked you to point them out.

Please.

we have to be allowed to play somewhere on this freaking site.

She didnt put this in support and motivation, she put it in Chit Chat, Fun and Games. She set the tone. that's all. Please please please stop being one of the people that believe that there is a group of people on this website that is your enemy.

i cant take it anymore.

edited for spelling before i get shredded for that ish too

I don't think anyone is my enemy (nor do I care to be quite honest) but I do think it's childish. She clearly posted it for support not for smug "just break up" comments. Is it supportive, genuine, original, sincere, kind, helpful etc? No! It's just someting that the same people post over and over again to amuse each other. If you still find it funny after seeing it posted 100 times a day then more power to you. I don't. I can't take the "just break up" comments (or the multitude of other copy and paste comments that end up on every thread) and you can't take that people complain about them. For the record, I've said this ONE TIME and ONE TIME only because this asinine comment was made on a friends post who I DO CARE about. So if you're lumping me in with people who constantly complain, then I guess you're judging too...

'

Yet you hijacked your own friend's thread based on 3 simple words that could have easily been ignored. Bravo.

The thread was pretty much dead when she received the same SUPPORTIVE advice from many people. She already has ended it with him so moot point. I'm not here to argue and yes, of course I could have ignored it but I didn't. It's clear that everyone who is guilty of what I discussed will continue to stick together and spout insincere comments but I have no desire to be like that. I came to mfp to be supported and supportive but I guess others find it entertaining to act otherwise. I'm done here.

So, you are friends with someone who has been dating someone for 2 months who says something this ****ty to them and 'just break up' seems like a mean thing to say in response? That is supportive and that is giving her very good advice. Someone who is willing to pick at your biggest vulnerabilities this early on in a relationship isn't going to magically turn into a gem of a boyfriend later on.

yoovie

I dont understand why you have to announce when you see something on the internet that is childish. 80% of the internet is childish. She clearly posted it in chit chat, not support. She probably wanted a little humor or comedic relief to break up the sad, dont you think?

No I didn't. I wanted support. I would have posted it under the other topic, but I've been here long enough to see people get slammed for posting things like this under topics they don't belong. Seeing as this isn't EXACTLY fitness related, I wanted to try to avoid the back talk. Guess it didn't work!

I said probably. I didnt back talk you. Seeing this here delivered it with a light heart. Im sorry if you didnt feel light hearted when you posted it, which is why THIS was my response to YOU.

think of the girl you want to be - that you feel you are supposed to be - the girl version of you in your head that you know you really are, then become her.

it is painful to hear, but it isnt an insult to tell someone they lack confidence. It's just informing someone of how they present themselves to others and how it is received/perceived. The fact that you stayed up thinking about it so much, proves he touched a tender spot, a truth that you try to protect.

Feeling more confident and BEING more confident are separate things, but feeling more confident leads to the real deal, so just make sure to keep doing the things you love as you become the lady boss you know you are.

boomboom011

Im sensing tension and hostility.
are yall on the atkins diet?

PikaKnight

Oh and just so everyone knows, I did break ties with him! I respect myself too much to put up with that. I may be in a fragile state of mind right now, but I know I don't deserve that!

Thanks again for all the awesome responses! You are all great!

Which is why Dani's advice, "Just break up" - is the best advice you'll get. It doesn't mean just break up with a boyfriend, etc....it can also mean to end things, walk away from the situation...just break up with whatever it is that is bringing negativity into your life etc. The phrase holds a lot of meaning and applies to so much of life...breaking up with your "bad" self, etc.

So when Dani or anyone says, "Just break up..." ...really think about it.

I really have never meant for it to be funny. Others have taken it and used it in a funny manner.

When I say just break up, I am hoping people will read it, think about it and say "hey she is right, it really isn't that complicated".

Yep, that's how I felt the first time you said it. It's the most simple answer but doesn't make it any less true. It's like any phrase,

"Just go for it."
"Think about it."
"Why not?"
"It's what you make of it."
"He is able who thinks he's able" (Buddha)

...etc...

You don't have to write a whole paragraph of advice. Sometimes the simplest explanation/advice is the best...especially because when you give advice, it isn't about it making sense to you..but for the person listening to find a way to make sense of it in their situation.

SoDamnHungry

When those thoughts float back into your head, replace them with thinking about what a douche he is, and how smart you are that you didn't even stay friends with him. If my friend/boyfriend said things like that to me, we'd no longer be involved.

Peeps be douches.

UsedToBeHusky

Move on.

Watch out! Short, direct advice is not welcome here. I wouldn't suggest using this comment more than once. /sarcasm

Hellbent_Heidi

Do some women just bounce right back from a verbal attack like that? Anyways, any input would be appreciated. I really just want to move past this and somehow erase it out of my mind. Thanks!

I have yet to meet one who can just bounce back from something like that.

He sounds like a weak person who would stoop to such a low level...good riddance and congratulations to you on your success so far. Being happy with yourself is the best revenge, and I have no doubt that you WILL find someone awesome to treat you the way you deserve! :drinker:

legnarevocrednu

He said I wasn't sexy

Um....WTH, is this guy blind or something?!?!? I would say that you a hottie.

Aww thanks!! :blushing:

legnarevocrednu

It's just what a large group of people (and you ALL know who you are) post when they have nothing better to say.

I see this sentence about 5 times a day - referring to different posts that are left around the chit chat area of MFP that are similar or are inside jokes - it always makes me stabby.

oh these horrible women always having fun. i wish they would just get fat and get off my free weight loss website, horrible creatures, i wish they would all just find G....

really getting beaten down by all these people who wake up and decide to hate people on the internet who are silly in the chit chat forum. Like seriously, you dont like us, we can never make you like us, we arent trying to make you like us, what do you want? Do you really just want us to give up and leave and stop being health conscious and helping people? Is playing in the fun and games forums just too far - should we just be happy that we met most of our goals and just go away so we dont accidentally allow our success to hurt anyone's feelings. Are our little internet comments actually derailing your fitness goals and personal well-being?

then just stop trying to judge an entire group of people that you couldn't even name if someone asked you to point them out.

Please.

we have to be allowed to play somewhere on this freaking site.

She didnt put this in support and motivation, she put it in Chit Chat, Fun and Games. She set the tone. that's all. Please please please stop being one of the people that believe that there is a group of people on this website that is your enemy.

i cant take it anymore.

edited for spelling before i get shredded for that ish too

I don't think anyone is my enemy (nor do I care to be quite honest) but I do think it's childish. She clearly posted it for support not for smug "just break up" comments. Is it supportive, genuine, original, sincere, kind, helpful etc? No! It's just someting that the same people post over and over again to amuse each other. If you still find it funny after seeing it posted 100 times a day then more power to you. I don't. I can't take the "just break up" comments (or the multitude of other copy and paste comments that end up on every thread) and you can't take that people complain about them. For the record, I've said this ONE TIME and ONE TIME only because this asinine comment was made on a friends post who I DO CARE about. So if you're lumping me in with people who constantly complain, then I guess you're judging too...

'

Yet you hijacked your own friend's thread based on 3 simple words that could have easily been ignored. Bravo.

The thread was pretty much dead when she received the same SUPPORTIVE advice from many people. She already has ended it with him so moot point. I'm not here to argue and yes, of course I could have ignored it but I didn't. It's clear that everyone who is guilty of what I discussed will continue to stick together and spout insincere comments but I have no desire to be like that. I came to mfp to be supported and supportive but I guess others find it entertaining to act otherwise. I'm done here.

So, you are friends with someone who has been dating someone for 2 months who says something this ****ty to them and 'just break up' seems like a mean thing to say in response? That is supportive and that is giving her very good advice. Someone who is willing to pick at your biggest vulnerabilities this early on in a relationship isn't going to magically turn into a gem of a boyfriend later on.

Oh my...we had already broken up prior to this message. I had also broken ALL ties with him prior to this message. So BREAK UP doesn't apply in the literal sense. I'm assuming she meant something else. Which is fine, but I can understand why people took it the wrong way, because, obviously, there is no one to break up with at this point.

PikaKnight

It's just what a large group of people (and you ALL know who you are) post when they have nothing better to say.

I see this sentence about 5 times a day - referring to different posts that are left around the chit chat area of MFP that are similar or are inside jokes - it always makes me stabby.

oh these horrible women always having fun. i wish they would just get fat and get off my free weight loss website, horrible creatures, i wish they would all just find G....

really getting beaten down by all these people who wake up and decide to hate people on the internet who are silly in the chit chat forum. Like seriously, you dont like us, we can never make you like us, we arent trying to make you like us, what do you want? Do you really just want us to give up and leave and stop being health conscious and helping people? Is playing in the fun and games forums just too far - should we just be happy that we met most of our goals and just go away so we dont accidentally allow our success to hurt anyone's feelings. Are our little internet comments actually derailing your fitness goals and personal well-being?

then just stop trying to judge an entire group of people that you couldn't even name if someone asked you to point them out.

Please.

we have to be allowed to play somewhere on this freaking site.

She didnt put this in support and motivation, she put it in Chit Chat, Fun and Games. She set the tone. that's all. Please please please stop being one of the people that believe that there is a group of people on this website that is your enemy.

i cant take it anymore.

edited for spelling before i get shredded for that ish too

I don't think anyone is my enemy (nor do I care to be quite honest) but I do think it's childish. She clearly posted it for support not for smug "just break up" comments. Is it supportive, genuine, original, sincere, kind, helpful etc? No! It's just someting that the same people post over and over again to amuse each other. If you still find it funny after seeing it posted 100 times a day then more power to you. I don't. I can't take the "just break up" comments (or the multitude of other copy and paste comments that end up on every thread) and you can't take that people complain about them. For the record, I've said this ONE TIME and ONE TIME only because this asinine comment was made on a friends post who I DO CARE about. So if you're lumping me in with people who constantly complain, then I guess you're judging too...

'

Yet you hijacked your own friend's thread based on 3 simple words that could have easily been ignored. Bravo.

The thread was pretty much dead when she received the same SUPPORTIVE advice from many people. She already has ended it with him so moot point. I'm not here to argue and yes, of course I could have ignored it but I didn't. It's clear that everyone who is guilty of what I discussed will continue to stick together and spout insincere comments but I have no desire to be like that. I came to mfp to be supported and supportive but I guess others find it entertaining to act otherwise. I'm done here.

So, you are friends with someone who has been dating someone for 2 months who says something this ****ty to them and 'just break up' seems like a mean thing to say in response? That is supportive and that is giving her very good advice. Someone who is willing to pick at your biggest vulnerabilities this early on in a relationship isn't going to magically turn into a gem of a boyfriend later on.

Oh my...we had already broken up prior to this message. I had also broken ALL ties with him prior to this message. So BREAK UP doesn't apply in the literal sense. I'm assuming she meant something else. Which is fine, but I can understand why people took it the wrong way, because, obviously, there is no one to break up with at this point.

Yes it does. You are taking it into the dating/relationship way. But you can still "Break up" with the attitude you have with the situation. Look back and see what I posted about the phrase, "Just Break Up."

Jerrypeoples

i really see only one way to regain yourself from this. you and I a nice romantic evening, we take pictures documenting our "fun" together and then we can "accidently" email them to him.

the logic is totally sound. i swear

DebraYvonne

read Toxic People. I wish you the best and I hope you find someone who loves you and respects you!

ctalimenti

I just want to start out by saying that although I'm 28, I've never been in a real legitimate, long term relationship. That's the curse of being an unconfident fat girl for most of my life. That being said, I did just get out of a short term relationship (only 2 months). It was nowhere near serious and we decided to be friends. Last night, we got to arguing and we both said some pretty rude things but then he got real nasty. I never once attacked him as a man, but he had no problem attacking me as a woman. He said I wasn't sexy or confident. He said some other really rude and nasty things, but I won't get into that. Before he said that, I actually felt confident AND sexy. I don't have a problem attracting men or getting dates, and my confidence is sooo much higher than it used to be. I'm outgoing and I love talking to people. But what he said got to me. I was up half the night thinking about it and I'm not sure how to handle that kind of attack. I told him early on that I had lost a lot of weight so that when it comes to showing off my body, I still have issues with that. He seemed okay with it, but he brought that up in our argument too. I feel like a part of me took a serious hit. I feel like what he said pushed me back a bit, progress wise. I have done so well, building myself up, not only improving my body, but how I feel about myself. I don't want to feel like this! I guess I would like to know if anyone has been attacked like this before...and if so, how did you handle it and move on from that? I'm afraid his comments will be at the back of my mind for a while now, and I just want to erase them. I mentioned my inexperience with men because I'm wondering if that's part of the reason I'm taking it so hard? Do some women just bounce right back from a verbal attack like that? Anyways, any input would be appreciated. I really just want to move past this and somehow erase it out of my mind. Thanks!

To answer your question about your inexperience with men and taking the comment so hard. I agree with you, but as you gain more experience you'll let that stuff roll off your back. It's just the first time you've heard this and it hurts.

You did the right thing and didn't attack him as a man. Good for you.

I also wanted to add that the person who commented on his rudeness this early in the relationship, that's alarming really! There are tons of wonderful people in the world. Your job is to find them.

You are very pretty and it will take time to grow emotionally and mentally into that.

Please press the delete button.

legnarevocrednu

I dont understand why you have to announce when you see something on the internet that is childish. 80% of the internet is childish. She clearly posted it in chit chat, not support. She probably wanted a little humor or comedic relief to break up the sad, dont you think?

No I didn't. I wanted support. I would have posted it under the other topic, but I've been here long enough to see people get slammed for posting things like this under topics they don't belong. Seeing as this isn't EXACTLY fitness related, I wanted to try to avoid the back talk. Guess it didn't work!

I said probably. I didnt back talk you. Seeing this here delivered it with a light heart. Im sorry if you didnt feel light hearted when you posted it, which is why THIS was my response to YOU.

think of the girl you want to be - that you feel you are supposed to be - the girl version of you in your head that you know you really are, then become her.

it is painful to hear, but it isnt an insult to tell someone they lack confidence. It's just informing someone of how they present themselves to others and how it is received/perceived. The fact that you stayed up thinking about it so much, proves he touched a tender spot, a truth that you try to protect.

Feeling more confident and BEING more confident are separate things, but feeling more confident leads to the real deal, so just make sure to keep doing the things you love as you become the lady boss you know you are.

I apologize. I read that, but didn't realize it was from the same person. There are a lot of responses here. I wasn't referring to just your post either. This has been taken in a very strange direction...which happens quite often on here, I know. Thank you for your response. It's very logical and makes sense.

legnarevocrednu

i really see only one way to regain yourself from this. you and I a nice romantic evening, we take pictures documenting our "fun" together and then we can "accidently" email them to him.

the logic is totally sound. i swear

Haha! Totally sound! Cute!

legnarevocrednu

It's just what a large group of people (and you ALL know who you are) post when they have nothing better to say.

I see this sentence about 5 times a day - referring to different posts that are left around the chit chat area of MFP that are similar or are inside jokes - it always makes me stabby.

oh these horrible women always having fun. i wish they would just get fat and get off my free weight loss website, horrible creatures, i wish they would all just find G....

really getting beaten down by all these people who wake up and decide to hate people on the internet who are silly in the chit chat forum. Like seriously, you dont like us, we can never make you like us, we arent trying to make you like us, what do you want? Do you really just want us to give up and leave and stop being health conscious and helping people? Is playing in the fun and games forums just too far - should we just be happy that we met most of our goals and just go away so we dont accidentally allow our success to hurt anyone's feelings. Are our little internet comments actually derailing your fitness goals and personal well-being?

then just stop trying to judge an entire group of people that you couldn't even name if someone asked you to point them out.

Please.

we have to be allowed to play somewhere on this freaking site.

She didnt put this in support and motivation, she put it in Chit Chat, Fun and Games. She set the tone. that's all. Please please please stop being one of the people that believe that there is a group of people on this website that is your enemy.

i cant take it anymore.

edited for spelling before i get shredded for that ish too

I don't think anyone is my enemy (nor do I care to be quite honest) but I do think it's childish. She clearly posted it for support not for smug "just break up" comments. Is it supportive, genuine, original, sincere, kind, helpful etc? No! It's just someting that the same people post over and over again to amuse each other. If you still find it funny after seeing it posted 100 times a day then more power to you. I don't. I can't take the "just break up" comments (or the multitude of other copy and paste comments that end up on every thread) and you can't take that people complain about them. For the record, I've said this ONE TIME and ONE TIME only because this asinine comment was made on a friends post who I DO CARE about. So if you're lumping me in with people who constantly complain, then I guess you're judging too...

'

Yet you hijacked your own friend's thread based on 3 simple words that could have easily been ignored. Bravo.

The thread was pretty much dead when she received the same SUPPORTIVE advice from many people. She already has ended it with him so moot point. I'm not here to argue and yes, of course I could have ignored it but I didn't. It's clear that everyone who is guilty of what I discussed will continue to stick together and spout insincere comments but I have no desire to be like that. I came to mfp to be supported and supportive but I guess others find it entertaining to act otherwise. I'm done here.

So, you are friends with someone who has been dating someone for 2 months who says something this ****ty to them and 'just break up' seems like a mean thing to say in response? That is supportive and that is giving her very good advice. Someone who is willing to pick at your biggest vulnerabilities this early on in a relationship isn't going to magically turn into a gem of a boyfriend later on.

Oh my...we had already broken up prior to this message. I had also broken ALL ties with him prior to this message. So BREAK UP doesn't apply in the literal sense. I'm assuming she meant something else. Which is fine, but I can understand why people took it the wrong way, because, obviously, there is no one to break up with at this point.

Yes it does. You are taking it into the dating/relationship way. But you can still "Break up" with the attitude you have with the situation. Look back and see what I posted about the phrase, "Just Break Up."

Ha. No, I read her explanation, and I know she didn't mean it in a LITERAL WAY aka dating/relationship way. Make sense? She wrote a short statement based on a deeper meaning. Most people don't take the time to try to guess the deeper meaning on a forum. They accept things the way they sound. I however, understand where she was coming from.

odditblue

It helps sometimes to write down what they said on a piece of paper, and then throw it into a fireplace, or run the words through a paper shredder, or just tear them up into little pieces. You are not defined by what he said, but it feels like it. He found the right buttons to push that hurt the most and that's what he went after. He is feeling insecure because you have the option of leaving him now and it makes him feel like he's less. Don't stay with the guy. Don't go back after him. Not after all the apologies in the world. Get away from him and his abusive words. You don't want that haunting you. Believe me. ((hug ya)) You are beautiful. Inside and out. Believe in YOU. Love yourself. You are worth it.