If the Groom doesn't/didn't want a wedding

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  • Brianna72994
    Brianna72994 Posts: 887
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    I wouldn't care if my fiancee didn't want a wedding. I couldn't care less. I'm very spontaneous, let's just go to Vegas and get married. lol


    I'd rather save the money that I would have spent on the wedding and have a really nice honeymoon instead. Honeymoons aren't cheap! Especially the one I have in mind..
  • tj1376
    tj1376 Posts: 1,402 Member
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    Phew.

    This.is.what's.wrong.with.women.and.weddings.

    It becomes about the spectacle and not the actual 'institution'.

    I'd find her finacee and tell him to run.

    Hey now!! Im a woman and I personally think weddings are stupid wastes of time and money. If you want to have a party, cool, but really people all that fuss for one day? !! Its impractical and ridiculous and people that obsess about weddings have a screw loose. If you NEED to stand in front of everyone you have ever met in order to say vows of love - then are you really in love?
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
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    I didn't want a huge wedding. I wanted to buy a super gorgeous cocktail dress, get dolled up, and run down to city hall.

    My husband, however, really wanted to appease his mother and have a ceremony, reception...the whole shebang.

    We compromised, and had a small, intimate ceremony and reception. However, I would not have /flipdesked if he had insisted on a ginormous ceremony. Dear lord, it's one effing day. It doesn't matter how the days goes, as long as you're married by the end of it, it was a huge success.

    Methinks homebro should get out now before it's too late. She sounds a bit wackadoodle.


    FYI - I would GLADLY take a ginormous honeymoon over a ginormous wedding day. The honeymoon is way more memorable.

    EDIT: I love how two of the posts above me are generalizing women and weddings. Not ALL of us want the grand spectacle, and some of us don't even think about our weddings as children. Just a thought.

    This was us too. We had a wedding to make my husband's family happy. I didn't want a huge wedding, and didn't have one.
    I'd be way more concerned about the unwillingness to compromise.
  • Food4Fuel
    Food4Fuel Posts: 37 Member
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    To be honest, if she's thinking about calling off the marriage due to this one disagreement she's not ready to get married.
  • jlemoore
    jlemoore Posts: 702 Member
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    Weddings are over in minutes. It is the marriage that she needs to be concerned with. Sorry to spend $$$$ on a few hours is ridiculous.
  • 3foldchord
    3foldchord Posts: 2,918 Member
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    I didn't want a wedding. I just wanted a civil court wedding. Or to "elope" my husband talked me into it. He wanted a wedding, said my mom and his mom really would like that, yada yada.
    It was a small wedding (only one bride's maid. Just cake,no dinner or dancing). It was fine. Still would have preferred just a court thing, but am very glad I married my husband!

    1 month in Europe and not having to deal with a wedding sounds about perfect to me.

    I dunno. Maybe they can compromise on just 6 family members.
  • StaceySuperfly
    StaceySuperfly Posts: 101 Member
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    Weddings are so stressful and expensive! What really matters is the marriage. I agree with the groom, civil ceremony, maybe a big reception for everyone to enjoy and then a long European honeymoon. He sounds like he has some good sense. However, if the bride has her heart set on a big wedding and doesn't get it she will probably make his life hell for disappointing her!
  • alvalaurie
    alvalaurie Posts: 369 Member
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    I'd swear you were litening to my thoughts! I am in this exact situation. I am ok with no big frills of a wedding, but I at least wanted my parents (& his) there & he is emphatically refusing. He only wnats us and my 2 kids; I don't get it either?!?

    I'm not childish and I completely agree with just going to the JP but it's his whole attitude that this means nothing more than the signing of a legal document. What about the committment to each other? I'm interested to go back & read others thoughts.
  • CorvusCorax77
    CorvusCorax77 Posts: 2,536 Member
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    culture plays a big role for some folks. for some folks, if it isn't done in front of your community, you are hiding something.

    maybe a bit more open mindedness is in order before people assume she's nuts.

    she could just be mediterranean ;)
  • CorvusCorax77
    CorvusCorax77 Posts: 2,536 Member
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    Weddings are over in minutes. ....

    not if you're catholic, hon.
  • CorvusCorax77
    CorvusCorax77 Posts: 2,536 Member
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    Phew.

    This.is.what's.wrong.with.women.and.weddings.

    It becomes about the spectacle and not the actual 'institution'.

    I'd find her finacee and tell him to run.

    :noway:
  • umachanxo
    umachanxo Posts: 926 Member
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    They would need to find a compromise. Lots of girls dream about their wedding and I think for the groom to take that away from his bride may be a bit harsh. But she also needs to realize that she's doing the same thing to him saying she only wants one thing also. Maybe having a small ceremony?
  • lizzzylou
    lizzzylou Posts: 325
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    this is probably something that should've been discussed BEFORE getting this far into a relationship (i.e. engaged). BUT if it was sprung on me out of the blue, I'd be pissed that I couldn't have an awesome party with my friends there. (I do love a good time). BUT this guy is the guy that I've picked to be superb, comparatively, to marry. I'm not marrying my best friends. You should probably choose the guy. Otherwise you look like a total b1tch. Plus there's a month vacation in Europe....uuuum, yes please. I'll bring my friends souvenirs :)
  • AuddAlise
    AuddAlise Posts: 723 Member
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    I think she needs to sort out her priorities! A wedding is only one day; a marriage is for life.

    BTW, I like that guys thinking. I just wanted to go to Vegas and be done with it.
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,829 Member
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    I'm recently engaged, and my fiance is very much the "would be happy going to the court house" kind of guy. When we started getting really serious and discussing the idea of marriage, we realized we were pretty much polar opposites on what we wanted. He was ready to just go down to the court house and be done with it, then go on a honeymoon. I, however, wanted a big Catholic wedding (we are both Catholic, but my family is more obnoxious about it), black tie, seated dinner reception, with a band, a dj, the whole nine yards. We revisited the idea of marriage a few times and each time made concessions toward a compromise. Granted, he has done more of the compromising than I have, but the bottom line is if you want to marry someone, and you love them, you make compromises.

    If neither of them are willing to compromise and meet in the middle somewhere (maybe get married at the court house and then have a fun informal party with their friends and family for a reception), that doesn't really bode well for the rest of their marriage.
  • atsteele
    atsteele Posts: 1,358 Member
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    If they can't figure out a suitable compromise re wedding now (the very first day of their married lives), how are they going to be able to withstand the test of time? Marriage is a constant compromise.

    Personally, I wanted to elope. My husband wouldn't because he figured that my family would be PISSED. (He was probably right. Ok, ok, he WAS right. hehe) So we came up with a wedding that we both enjoyed (small, simple and fun). I haven't regretted it ever.
  • AngelsFan91106
    AngelsFan91106 Posts: 111 Member
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    I'm another girl who did not want a wedding--and think that the way people fuss over weddings nowadays is beyond insane.

    That said, a relationship must be built on compromises.

    THAT said, if she honestly feels that his refusal to have a wedding changes his status as "the one," I'd tell the potential groom he lucked out on finding this out about the woman now.
  • california_peach
    california_peach Posts: 1,858 Member
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    They should come to some sort of compromise or it will be an issue for years to come.
  • JenniBaby85
    JenniBaby85 Posts: 855 Member
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    European Month-long Honeymoon = WIN!

    But that's just me, my hubby and I eloped and did not make a big deal of the wedding. My parents and some close relatives were there, we said our vows, signed our license and went off to the beach for a week. I always tell the people I know "It's not about the WEDDING it's about the MARRIAGE". And if this is something that bothers her then she is not focusing on the marriage. Just the material and ceremonial stuff.
  • dzlilo
    dzlilo Posts: 55 Member
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    My fiance and I discussed our "wedding" vision before we even got engaged. He did not care to make a big fuss about anything, but he said he would go along with whatever I wanted. We attended about 5 weddings last year, and knowing each bride personally, we were aware of all the behind the scenes drama for this one day production! I know a few who admitted after the wedding that they would do it differently (and on a smaller scale) if they could do it all over again. $20k+ and all this fighting/drama over one day is not worth it to me or my fiance. We will have something very small for our immediately family members and close friends that we see on a regular basis. Then we're going to have a fabulous adventure in Europe.

    If the bride can't compromise on this and calls it a dealbreaker, then they weren't meant to be. Going through the wedding planning process is a big test of a couple's relationship strength and how they compromise. You shouldn't be fighting over the big day.

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