For Big Women on the Edge When the Subway is Too Crowded

macaya5

sigh. I live in NYC. I take the subway. A lot. Inevitably, the train will be packed. Just as inevitably, there will be a tiny skinny woman with a huge purse who will take umbrage with how much space I am occupying. Yes, I take up a fair amount of space. BUT I also make sure to zipper my coat and take my bag off so that the chances that I'm going to bump into someone are reduced. I am not the only person taking up a lot of space on a packed train. NY'ers do not have a lot of personal space. We live on top of each other. Meh. I learned to work and live around that. Like, I wouldn't sit in a space that is not the width of my shoulders. If my shoulders don't fit, my *kitten* wouldn't fit. (Fun fact! Cats' whiskers serve the same function!)

There is ALWAYS and I mean FREAKING ALWAYS some tiny, underfed chick with a HUGE purse that will start some ish with me. Seriously. Today I get on a train and go to the middle because I'm going to be on it for an hour. My right knee is wonky from having had a torn meniscus and the ensuing repair surgery years ago. The woman I wind up standing in front of is tiny, has a purse the size of RI on the seat next to her and is doing her best to take up as much space as possible. Someone later pointed out to me that she looked more like she was riding in the back of a cab than a bench on the subway. She huffs when I stand in front of her. With my big self. Taking up space that she clearly had claimed. After about 5 minutes of pouting and huffing, she asks me to move SO SHE WON'T KICK ME. I told her that I was fine, she wasn't going to kick me. Then she asked if I could just move half a step over. No, I could not. And then I was a lot of curse words and...wait for it...fat.

Every single time, it comes down to fat. I assure you, I put my pants on this morning. I know what size my butt is. This was just her way of trying to shame me for taking too much space, eating to much food, having the nerve to be big enough to be seen. So no, I was not going to back down. Not when HER BAG had a seat.

So. There was a shouting match. She also proclaimed her education (college, me too) and pedigree (claims to be a hood rat, I grew up in the projects) and FINALLY said she was PREGNANT. I maintained that she was a self important entitled *itch and no, I was not going to move because she had plenty of space. When she didn't get her way and said she'd kick my *kitten*, I told her she was welcome to try, I have about 100lbs on her.

In the end I calmed down because some nosy fellow passenger started showing me pictures of her kids. I remembered spending the weekend with my niece and nephews who are some of the most incredibly cute kids EVAR. The whole things stopped being worth it and I managed to defuse the situation.

Seriously though...f*** that fat shaming bs! I am comfortable in my own skin and I'm the one who has to live in it. I'm not doing this because I want to be the perfect size or because I'm worried about how people see me. Everything I'm doing is to live better and feel stronger.

This morning I noticed that I'm going up the stairs to the elevated subway with less effort. I swam for 45 minutes because I love swimming. I reveled in the feel of my muscles working to pull me through the water and later, the feel of my heart rate speeding up as I walked quickly. I ate 1231 calories total and I'm not hungry because I planned and prepared tasty, well balanced, nutritious, filling meals that I ate throughout the day. Oh and the pants I was wearing? That's the last time I wear them for anything other than bumming around the house because they're baggy and look like crap on me.

And you know, even if I lose all 140lbs of the weight I need to lose to be the perfect BMI I will NEVER back down or hide or try to be invisible. I will always stand my ground. Especially on the freaking subway.

elena0559

Good for you! The title alone made me lol

asaunders1981

Love this post. Youre awesome.

pbfatty

I cannot begin to explain how proud and awed I am of you, and this vile human being obviously has their own skewed reality, and despite their "pedigree," they deff. no NOTHING of manners. so, the summation is this: BRAVO! and regardless of you not being so proud of how angry this person was able to make you I am sure that in some way or another they will get theirs. You get back what you put out, simple. :drinker:

SmartAlec03211988

What a sad, pitiful human being she is. And immature to boot.

I love it when people pull the education or pedigree card, as if it means anything at all... you put that ***** in her place.

cchamil1985

Excellent write up! you should send that in to some magazine editors and see if you can get it published!

labellecanuck

Gosh, people in NYC can be so vile when it comes to public transport. Congrats for standing up for yourself!

PeriwinklePineapple

awesome post, great attitude, totally impressed. and as someone who's ridden many a nyc subway, i find it hysterical that anybody should ask you to move...its crowded, tight, and just something you deal with unless somebody is literally stepping on you -- and even then you just deal with it sometimes ;-)

coolraul07

<slow clap>

hdjjones

Now we know why people get pushed off the platform.

chubbygirl253

That girl had some nerve and I'm glad you stood up to her. The fact that she felt her purse deserved a seat above any of the standing passengers just shows what kind of person she is. Good for you.

bonjour24

<slow clap>

This. What a cow. I dont care whether youre fat, thin, tall, short, straight, gay, etc. Thats just rude. And since when does level of education mean your opinion is more improtant? If it was that bad, she could have moved. If i was there id have cheered you on!

GiGiBeans

I'm in NYC too and I've seen more tiny women hit in the head and face with backpacks and elbows than I can count. In fact my sweet but oblivious 6'2" 230 lb husband has clocked a number of them personally. I get why they're paranoid. I'm surprised they're not macing us.

rebelate

I absolutely LOVE when people give "reasons" for why they can do things. You should move so she can flail her feet about, and not be worried about hitting you. It's okay though, because she's pregnant and "educated."

Like, oh okay. Orrrrrr, she could just....not move her feet about?

GODDD. I also have a thing against big purses.

hrubyk1804

Great post! I love it when someone who feels it's their 'right' to be rude and nasty to another person gets called out on it.
Good for you!!

makaiya

Yeah, my kids are awesome.

when I was pregnant with old guy #1, I stumbled over this lady who had her legs stretched out by the middle pole. Then I got screamed at for being a fat *****. Oh, and that I "broke" her foot. So, you know me, I threw up on her.

catmanor

OMG!! You are my hero!!! You totally ROCK!

macaya5

Yeah, my kids are awesome.

when I was pregnant with old guy #1, I stumbled over this lady who had her legs stretched out by the middle pole. Then I got screamed at for being a fat *****. So, you know me, I threw up on her.

Ladies and gentlemen, my sister! Apparently it's genetic.

Thank you all for relating!

disdatdude

Ya gotta love NY...fun place to visit...but you couldn't pay me to live there.

makaiya

Some thing is genetic. Our mother was kind enough to leave me her fat arms.

jackiecamarena

<slow clap>

*cheers*

pinkraynedropjacki

There is ALWAYS and I mean FREAKING ALWAYS some tiny, underfed chick with a HUGE purse that will start some ish with me. Seriously.

Wait a sec? Sorry but I am one of those 'underfed chicks' you just discriminated against.... thing is...I used to be one of those 'fat chicks that should know better' like you 12 months ago. I can see now why I walk everywhere.......perhaps you should start that as well rather than having a go at someone for being an 'underfed chick'




PS.... I'm hardly underfed, in fact I eat MORE now than when I was a fatty..... I just work had to stay here. But I'm far from rude, unless you complain. Have a go at me for being skinny or underfed & I'll have a go back. But I'll never start anything.

cardio_fiend

Excellent write up! you should send that in to some magazine editors and see if you can get it published!

I totally agree with this post!

OP, you are an amazing writer. No, you do not ever have to hide...from anybody!

macaya5

There is ALWAYS and I mean FREAKING ALWAYS some tiny, underfed chick with a HUGE purse that will start some ish with me. Seriously.

Wait a sec? Sorry but I am one of those 'underfed chicks' you just discriminated against.... thing is...I used to be one of those 'fat chicks that should know better' like you 12 months ago. I can see now why I walk everywhere.......perhaps you should start that as well rather than having a go at someone for being an 'underfed chick'




PS.... I'm hardly underfed, in fact I eat MORE now than when I was a fatty..... I just work had to stay here. But I'm far from rude, unless you complain. Have a go at me for being skinny or underfed & I'll have a go back. But I'll never start anything.

I don't know YOU. I am NOT having a go at YOU.
This chick on the train though? She had issue with the fact that I stood in front of her, period. She was grasping at straws to make me back down. I didn't discriminate against her. I stood my ground when she acted an *kitten*.
I walk at least 2 miles A DAY, by the way. I eat when I'm hungry, too. Usually after weight training and doing cardio for an hour.

So glad you found a way of being that works for you. Hopefully you'll feel better about your body image and will stop letting it define you sometime soon.

pinkraynedropjacki

There is ALWAYS and I mean FREAKING ALWAYS some tiny, underfed chick with a HUGE purse that will start some ish with me. Seriously.

Wait a sec? Sorry but I am one of those 'underfed chicks' you just discriminated against.... thing is...I used to be one of those 'fat chicks that should know better' like you 12 months ago. I can see now why I walk everywhere.......perhaps you should start that as well rather than having a go at someone for being an 'underfed chick'




PS.... I'm hardly underfed, in fact I eat MORE now than when I was a fatty..... I just work had to stay here. But I'm far from rude, unless you complain. Have a go at me for being skinny or underfed & I'll have a go back. But I'll never start anything.

I don't know YOU. I am NOT having a go at YOU.
This chick on the train though? She had issue with the fact that I stood in front of her, period. She was grasping at straws to make me back down. I didn't discriminate against her. I stood my ground when she acted an *kitten*.
I walk at least 2 miles A DAY, by the way. I eat when I'm hungry, too. Usually after weight training and doing cardio for an hour.

So glad you found a way of being that works for you. Hopefully you'll feel better about your body image and will stop letting it define you sometime soon.

I feel better about my 'body image' now than when I was in denial of my weight. Only thing that defines me is how far I can push myself mentally..... and I'm doing great with that. Strange how it's always the ones who are now like how I WAS that say I have a body image problem.

chooriyah

Good for you for sticking up for yourself. You are going to be fit and healthy some day soon; she will likely be ill-mannered and rude forever.

macaya5

I feel better about my 'body image' now than when I was in denial of my weight. Only thing that defines me is how far I can push myself mentally..... and I'm doing great with that. Strange how it's always the ones who are now like how I WAS that say I have a body image problem.

I'm not saying you have a body image problem, I'm saying you have a problem not letting that define you.

And just from these posts, I can tell I am not like you. I am not in denial about my weight. I own a digital scale with fresh batteries and I clean my glasses off to make sure I am reading the numbers correctly. What I find interesting is that you took this personally and decided to take action against me for relating my experience. Further, you try to cover your baseless attack by saying that you'll never start anything.

Aaaaannnd...I'm done. Peace.

makaiya

Come on, we'll tag team and eat the skinny people.

Oh no, wait, they get bitter over internet rants.

kar328

I lived in Manhattan for 14 years so I know the adventures of riding on the subways well. That woman is nuts and I'd feel sorry for her because she has to live with herself. Glad you handled it so well, and glad you shared with the rest of us.

witchy_wife

I don't think it had anything to do with whether she was fat, thin or what..... that is just downright rude! I applaude you restraint in not slapping her in the face.

Some people are unbelievable. I don't know how people think they can get away with talking to someone like that. Man.... I feel so angry on your behalf! You dealt with it way better than I would have done.

Sorry you had to deal with such a cow. Trust in karma. If she was pregnant she may just gain 100lb in her pregnancy due to those comments lol!

makaiya

Just for the record, I hate skinny people, fat people, and those peaky ones in between.