For Big Women on the Edge When the Subway is Too Crowded
Replies
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I also don't think the actions of the OP could really be classed as any sort of "victory" in my opinion.
Of course it is good to stand up for yourself and that may feel exhilarating. On some occasions you absolutely do have to take a stand (pardon the pun.)
However, in a social situation like this one I think the truest triumph comes when you do not allow a rude person any kind of permission or ability to change your emotional state negatively.
The victory comes when despite someone being rude to you that you can simply smile sweetly, say "I hope you have a nice day" and walk away with your head held high....0 -
I also don't think the actions of the OP could really be classed as any sort of "victory" in my opinion.
Of course it is good to stand up for yourself and that may feel exhilarating. On some occasions you absolutely do have to take a stand (pardon the pun.)
However, in a social situation like this one I think the truest triumph comes when you do not allow a rude person any kind of permission or ability to change your emotional state negatively.
The victory comes when despite someone being rude to you that you can simply smile sweetly, say "I hope you have a nice day" and walk away with your head held high....
Nice post.
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Next time just push her bag over and sit down...even if you kind of have to sit on her!! LOL...when I lived in NYC I distinctly remember always trying to allow room for others to sit or giving up seats....there was this one time when there were no more seats and this lady walked up and basically sat on me...I didnt say anything...kind of fell on the floor dazed...i guess she needed the seat more than I did....:-)...I do not miss the NYC Subway or the DC Metro...0
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Wow, really? People amaze me sometimes. That's some of why I live in the South, where folks are friendly and there's no subway... Wait a minute, if someone reading is reading this, don't become insulted if you're from the North.. I don't want to start a war, just joking, really... But I hear you, cause I've got a pretty big booty and I'm always concerned about squeezing in somewhere and irritating someone. She needs to take her huffing and puffing and stuff it somewhere! Good for you for not taking the "ish" and standing up for yourself. Completely enjoyed your post. Thank you!! And I wish you immense success in becoming healthier!
I live in the south, and trust me, it's not all peaches and sweet tea here either :laugh: I miss the North; yeah, the snow sucks, but at least people are honest and don't hide what they really feel behind "well bless your little heart". Random 2 cents0 -
I haven't had the heart to ingest all of the anger in this thread to see if the question has been answered, but can anyone tell me what the OP meant when she wrote: "For Big Women on the Edge When the Subway is Too Crowded."
Did she mean women on the edge as in, the edge of sanity or the edge of their patience? Or did she mean a literal edge like the edge of a seat or the edge of the platform? Inquiring minds want to know!0 -
Excellent write up! you should send that in to some magazine editors and see if you can get it published!
Yes!0 -
I haven't had the heart to ingest all of the anger in this thread to see if the question has been answered, but can anyone tell me what the OP meant when she wrote: "For Big Women on the Edge When the Subway is Too Crowded."
Did she mean women on the edge as in, the edge of sanity or the edge of their patience? Or did she mean a literal edge like the edge of a seat or the edge of the platform? Inquiring minds want to know!
I read the whole thing, she was totally inside the car so I'm thinking the edge of patience... It is a good read...0 -
I just have to say I love this post! If you can't feel safe to humorously vent about being picked on because of size on a site meant to help ppl get fit, where can you? If people don't like what you wrote, they can MOVE ON. Someone must have peed in their cornflakes to post something to admonish you for fighting back. Just because it "could have" been done in a more politically correct manner doesn't mean a thing. They weren't there. They didn't experience it. You did and you handled it in a way YOU felt comfortable with. THAT is what matters.....nothing ANY of the rest of us peanut gallery members say or think matters, including me. Just keep doing what you're doing!0
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Good for you!! I wish I could stick up for myself like that.0
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Good for you!! Love your story! To anyone who takes offense then you're the ones with a problem if you think this has anything to do with you.. gesss get over yourselves.
I would rather be squished in a train with a bunch of over weight people than a bunch of skinny bony rude hags with bags any day.
Yes but more importantly, what is a MILF and am I one???? :noway:
Derailed thread.0 -
Just had to post my thanks for the " Way to GO " story. It made me laugh and made me feel pride in another one of my " nutritional over achiever " sisters under the skin ! Give em hell girl! 0
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Wow, really? People amaze me sometimes. That's some of why I live in the South, where folks are friendly and there's no subway... Wait a minute, if someone reading is reading this, don't become insulted if you're from the North.. I don't want to start a war, just joking, really...
Last time you Southerns tried that is did not work out so well... :smokin:
I suspect this is why a bunch of us are "gun toting red necks"... we don't want to stockpile all our arms in one place again... just in case...
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It would be REALLY nice if people would NOT ASSUME that just because someone is "skinny", that they haven't struggled.
Ok...so I ate way too much over the course of 10 years and got fat. Like super fat. I made ALL those choices. I'm now fighting back and losing it. YAY ME.
That does not give me (or anyone else) to assume someone who is "skinny" or "underfed" just "hasn't lived a life like mine". You know..cuz eating disorders just are mythical and all.
GAWD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like if the tables were reversed, the obvious hypocrisy would be more evident.
And don't get it twisted...I'm another chubster out there in the real world but for the most part, people are very nice to me....cuz I'm nice to them.
endrant/
Okay. But I plan to lose a lot of weight and get down to a healthy weight and I honestly hope no one thinks I'm "underfed". I'm aiming for the fit look, not the anorexic/starving look. So I guess I'm confused when the OP throws out the term "underfed" and a few women pipe up on here like that is referring to THEM. If you look underfed you are probably doing it wrong. Lift weights or something.
Well I can't speak for the other posters piping up for that...the reality is someone will always get butthurt.. The OP's choice of words can ring negative in those that are thin...just like the word fat can piss off someone else.
I personally don't care what anyone else thinks about my weight. There are many people who are naturally tiny. There are also people who want to be naturally tiny and struggle. There are people who are big and now want to be thin...the point is...we all have our own ideals...it's none of our business to push them on anyone else.0 -
ha, why would she even bring up her education and pedigree? that is so silly, good for you for sticking up for yourself!0
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I also don't think the actions of the OP could really be classed as any sort of "victory" in my opinion.
Of course it is good to stand up for yourself and that may feel exhilarating. On some occasions you absolutely do have to take a stand (pardon the pun.)
However, in a social situation like this one I think the truest triumph comes when you do not allow a rude person any kind of permission or ability to change your emotional state negatively.
The victory comes when despite someone being rude to you that you can simply smile sweetly, say "I hope you have a nice day" and walk away with your head held high....
You do make a good point0 -
Maybe this had nothing to do with the OP's weight and had more to do with one person invading another person's space. I live in NYC and public transit is a nightmare due to overcrowding and limited seat space. The so-called underfed woman asked if the OP could move a step over. It was probably because the seated woman felt too crowded/boxed in. I have felt that way more times than I can count and it has nothing to do with the persons size. it has to do with invading my personal space and a slight movement in one direction would help immensly.
The fact that the seated woman was being called "underfed" for not being obese shows me that the OP was overly sensitive about her size and that probably played a factor in how the seated woman responded.0 -
Wow, really? People amaze me sometimes. That's some of why I live in the South, where folks are friendly and there's no subway... Wait a minute, if someone reading is reading this, don't become insulted if you're from the North.. I don't want to start a war, just joking, really...
Last time you Southerns tried that is did not work out so well... :smokin:
I suspect this is why a bunch of us are "gun toting red necks"... we don't want to stockpile all our arms in one place again... just in case...
:laugh:0 -
I am reminded of a (paraphrased) famous Winston Churchill quote...
"Yes, I'm fat, but you my good lady are stupid. The difference being is that I can lose weight and you'll always be dumb."
(Also...the term "redneck" is offensive. We prefered to be call "Agro-Americans!")
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RIGHT ON!!!! Preach it!!! That is an inspiring and empowering post!!!
And congrats on the weight loss and more to come!!!! :flowerforyou: :drinker:
Thanks!0 -
This exactly!Sounds like the chip on your shoulder is as big as the bag she's carrying.0 -
I am reminded of a (paraphrased) famous Winston Churchill quote...
"Yes, I'm fat, but you my good lady are stupid. The difference being is that I can lose weight and you'll always be dumb."
(Also...the term "redneck" is offensive. We prefered to be call "Agro-Americans!")
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Maybe she's carrying a big bag because she's sick of getting hit in the face with bellies, bags, backpacks and the like? Maybe she's a little irritated that people keep bumping into her and think they can just run over her because she's small? The bag gives her a little more room as if she were an "average" sized person.
It's her genetics. You can't get mad at someone's genetics that makes them small and tiny. We all come in different shapes and sizes. We should be respectful of all of them.
ugh I know how that feels. I'm 5'1 and people act like Im invisible. I get ran over, reached over, shoved, elbowed, and bumped into no matter where I go.0 -
Maybe she's carrying a big bag because she's sick of getting hit in the face with bellies, bags, backpacks and the like? Maybe she's a little irritated that people keep bumping into her and think they can just run over her because she's small? The bag gives her a little more room as if she were an "average" sized person.
It's her genetics. You can't get mad at someone's genetics that makes them small and tiny. We all come in different shapes and sizes. We should be respectful of all of them.
Fair enough, but she should have moved her bag instead of taking up an entire seat with it. That's the OP's big point. There's no reason this chick had to take up two seats and then harass the OP about being in her foot space (which she wasn't).
Since she wasn't showing yet, she could have set the bag on her lap. I always put my bag on my lap to 1) keep the other seat free and 2) because it's harder to grab and run with it if I'm hanging onto it.0 -
You are my new hero. :-)
Honestly, a purse in the seat? Get a grip.0 -
OP is my sister.
Having known her my whole life, I can say she is a good-hearted, well-meaning person. And I am the FIRST to tell her off if I don't agree, or if I think she's being off the wall. I don't take shiz from her, or from anyone else really. Water off a duck's back, I say.
Her friends and family come in all sizes, shapes and colors. For her to go off and even mention skinny and underfed, well - it was a breaking point. So, she was eloquent everywhere but maybe not so much with her description of the woman. Whatever. I've been the skinny and underfed, now I'm the fat and occasionally cranky. It happens.
I applaud my sister's weight goals and appreciate her struggle. I, too, rode the train that same hour-long ride for many, many years. It's not easy, and I even did it during rush hour with a tiny kid, because I had no choice. The rudeness on the subway is immense. And being polite and accomadating DOES NOT always work. Turning your cheek also gets old. I think, even JC himself, would get aggravated riding the train.
Fat, skinny, whatever - ya'll need to relax. Life is short, and yo' purse don't need it's own seat. Ever.0 -
I'm so sorry to hear that people have treated you that way. I have a relative that is sick and on medication that caused her to gain a lot of weight very quickly (a lot of swelling). She is off the meds now and the swelling has already gone down significantly. Anyway, my point is that people would at times be very insulting towards her. I don't know why people behave that way. Are they young? I would never treat someone that way, and it would never even cross my mind. I ride the subway everyday. I sit with my body pulled as close together as I can and hold my purse on my lap. I also get up and offer my seat whenever I see someone that may need it more. I also have knee issues, so I understand that can be challenging. At times when it was acting up badly I had trouble standing on the train, without getting tossed off my balance. I don't witness any behavior like this on the subway. I just sometimes encounter people that are drunk, want to talk to me for advice and then shake my hand, try to tell me about religion, or people that are yelling at imaginary people. I hope you experience this less and less. Take heart that most people disapprove of that behavior and would support you.
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It would be REALLY nice if people would NOT ASSUME that just because someone is "skinny", that they haven't struggled.
Ok...so I ate way too much over the course of 10 years and got fat. Like super fat. I made ALL those choices. I'm now fighting back and losing it. YAY ME.
That does not give me (or anyone else) the right to assume someone who is "skinny" or "underfed" just "hasn't lived a life like mine". You know..cuz eating disorders just are mythical and all.
GAWD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like if the tables were reversed, the obvious hypocrisy would be more evident.
And don't get it twisted...I'm another chubster out there in the real world but for the most part, people are very nice to me....cuz I'm nice to them.
endrant/
Agreed!!!!
I am not all that "big" and I find ladies of all sizes tend to try and take up space. Some folks just need more space than others. I live in Toronto and this actually happened the other day.. I'm used to it though and life moves on.
I think the person may have an a**hole but seriously, criticizing about someone's size on a site like this is super lame. Brush it off and move on.. and I've also been to New York plenty of times and the subway is busy and something you just get used to. If you can't get used to it, get a car or move elsewhere.
I don't really like the title of this thread or some of the content I originally read. It should be edited or the thread locked entirely. That's kinda discriminating against someone when you don't know that it could be their genes that cause them to be shorter and thinner than you.. not something I expect to see on MFP.0 -
I'm tiny, but I did not take offense to what the OP said because I already know that I'm well fed, healthy and thoughtful of others (my purse is small also).0
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I have to take public transit every day and, ironically, I was just thinking about this kind of thing today. All of us have to pile onto the bus and, in order to all fit, we basically stand pressed up against each other (I get anxiety, so it's definitely a lot of fun for me haha). Anyway, rather than thinking about rude people, I was impressed with how polite everyone is because we're all in the same boat every day at least two times a day. We squish up against each other and invade personal space in order to get one last person on the bus and never has anyone complained about someone being 'too fat' because they were 'taking up too much room'. The people who DO get complained about are the holier than thous sitting on the inside seat, leaving the inside empty while there are people looking for somewhere to sit (even elderly people, sometimes) or putting their bags down on the seat next to them. We don't like those people, but we accept everyone else You're welcome on our transit anytime. 0
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It would be REALLY nice if people would NOT ASSUME that just because someone is "skinny", that they haven't struggled.
Ok...so I ate way too much over the course of 10 years and got fat. Like super fat. I made ALL those choices. I'm now fighting back and losing it. YAY ME.
That does not give me (or anyone else) the right to assume someone who is "skinny" or "underfed" just "hasn't lived a life like mine". You know..cuz eating disorders just are mythical and all.
GAWD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like if the tables were reversed, the obvious hypocrisy would be more evident.
And don't get it twisted...I'm another chubster out there in the real world but for the most part, people are very nice to me....cuz I'm nice to them.
endrant/
Agreed!!!!
I am not all that "big" and I find ladies of all sizes tend to try and take up space. Some folks just need more space than others. I live in Toronto and this actually happened the other day.. I'm used to it though and life moves on.
I think the person may have an a**hole but seriously, criticizing about someone's size on a site like this is super lame. Brush it off and move on.. and I've also been to New York plenty of times and the subway is busy and something you just get used to. If you can't get used to it, get a car or move elsewhere.
I don't really like the title of this thread or some of the content I originally read. It should be edited or the thread locked entirely. That's kinda discriminating against someone when you don't know that it could be their genes that cause them to be shorter and thinner than you.. not something I expect to see on MFP.
Judging someone based on their size is wrong, obviously. So, yes, even skinny people shouldn't be judged based on their size. However, I think what the OP was getting at is that the woman with the rude comments was CLEARLY judging her based on her being bigger than herself. I find that some people always try to find the negatives in everyone's posts. I highly doubt OP has anything against 'skinny' people, as she is trying to be one of 'them' in her journey to become healthier with My Fitness PAL.
I'd just like to restate that the poster isn't discriminating against skinny people, but is obviously sick of being judged based on her size and being bullied because of it, as well, and is just venting at the RUDE women (who happens to be thin) who took up more than her share of space on the subway and then bullied her.
Also, not everything she said will you agree with. Maybe the subway doesn't seem busy to you, but to someone else, it might feel like a cramped, stuffy, jerky hell. Dealing with a-holes on the way home/to work (or wherever) is the last thing anyone needs to deal with. Why can't you just let the woman rant? Pals, indeed.0
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