Am I being unrealistic?

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  • x_ItNeverEnds_x
    x_ItNeverEnds_x Posts: 134
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    Ok the hygein is gross enough but IF he is depressed then I guess it's excusable. The control issue however is NOT. I don't care what his deal is your not his puppy your a grown woman who can make her won choice. You need to be firm with him I think your being to nice. Tell him how it is. He needs to give you space and stop tracking you. He need to get help for his depression or your gone. You don't need to deal with that. You have enough to deal with (school, job)
  • Mustang_Susie
    Mustang_Susie Posts: 7,045 Member
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    susan, get out of my head

    and those magazines were in there were for research...

    Get off the phone Jerry
  • stephaniemejia1671
    stephaniemejia1671 Posts: 482 Member
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    Leave. He doesn't deserve you. And to answer your question, no.
  • phoenixrizez
    phoenixrizez Posts: 50 Member
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    I don't think fear is a reason to stay in a relationship. I also don't think you are entirely ready to leave him...maybe because you are still attached. I would say PRAY about what to do and when God supplies the answer take it.
  • Jerrypeoples
    Jerrypeoples Posts: 1,541 Member
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    is that better?
  • mrsgeneric
    mrsgeneric Posts: 143 Member
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    He is going to drag u down with him!!! Leave now your only dating.... If u cant see a happy future there wont be one.
    U dont need his depression/ lazyness rubbin off on u. Your still young enough to go out and have a happy life with someone else who cares about u

    You cant live someone if you cant love yourself first! Trust me
  • BondBomb
    BondBomb Posts: 1,781 Member
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    The sex must be AMAZING! Smelly..but amazing.
  • angiehowes
    angiehowes Posts: 3 Member
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    You are worth more than you think you are. Your boyfriend doesn't deserve you or any other woman.
  • earlswimsuit
    earlswimsuit Posts: 63
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    How can you live with that???? I don't want to sound mean or rude but that is DISGUSTING!!! I would break up with him immediately..... talk with him and if hes too stubborn to change then say GOOD BYE!!
  • Serenstar75
    Serenstar75 Posts: 258 Member
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    Run far, far, far, far away. Even if it means leaving the state (if you're allowed to) and getting rid of this controlling pig. The only unrealistic thing here is any hope for happiness. And I've BEEN where you are. The best thing I ever did was leave and I did it while he was at work. Since you don't have parents to rely on, Whitney, or someone. Just have her come pick you up, pack what you can, and leave and don't take the cellphone with you. If you're super afraid, there are places that help women in that situation too.
  • speedgraphic19
    speedgraphic19 Posts: 36
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    Get out of there as soon as you can, however you can. Seriously. See if there's a DV shelter/resource in your area that can help you and RUN.
  • Maurice1966
    Maurice1966 Posts: 438 Member
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    I'm sure he must have some good qualities. It's hard to make a tough call. But you are each responsible for your own lives. You can try to assist, encourage, cajole even but ultimately he has to be the one to acknowledge that change is needed and if he can't do that, none of your pleading will matter. Wish you luck either way!
  • logicman69
    logicman69 Posts: 1,034 Member
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    Please call your nearest domestic violence shelter or the national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. Aside from being disgusting, this guy is a classic domestic violence perpetrator. Domestic violence is often not about being physically hurt, it is about him controlling your life and making you afraid to leave. Please call!

    Just incase you missed it... THIS!!!! NOW!!!
  • jillybeanpuff
    jillybeanpuff Posts: 144 Member
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    please please please get out of this relationship. it sounds like you already know what you need to do. my ex had some of the qualities you've described. in the beginning it was ok, after 4 years I finally moved across the state to break up with him. you will regret staying more than leaving, trust me. it doesn't sound like he would be very receptive to getting help, and that is obviously what he needs. and he obviously won't accept it from you. I'm sorry that you are in this situation, but take it from someone who has been in a similar situation, get out as soon as you can. it won't be easy being on your own, but obviously this man is not the man you fell in love with.
  • sarahmcp3
    sarahmcp3 Posts: 31 Member
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    My last boyfriend was exactly like this. Overweight, poor hygiene, spent all day on the computer. It got to a point where when he wasn't ignoring me he forced sex on me. This sounds like it's an emotionally abusive relationship and could be a ripe breeding ground for a future physical abusive relationship.

    I had no car and worked a minimum wage job that he had to use his moms car to drive me to ( we were living in his crazy mothers house). I ended up leaving him after almost two years.
    I gave my two weeks, broke up with him and moved back in with my parents all in the same day.

    You said you don't really have family to go to, is there anyone else you could stay with while you get back on your feet? a friend or shelter maybe? Staying with someone because of a roof over your head isn't ideal.

    You need to leave him. Experience has taught me that people like him don't change. If you are in a relationship with someone yes, it wont always be sunshine and roses, but they should enrich your life and inspire you to be the best you. They should support your goals and help you grow and thrive as a person. He isn't doing that. He's making you shrink and recess into a fearful dependent person. Have a get away set up and either leave or break up in a public place or with a friend on the premises. Don't answer his calls or messages or listen if he has any threats or pleas about getting back together. Have it be a clean break.
  • Mustang_Susie
    Mustang_Susie Posts: 7,045 Member
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    is that better?

    Much
  • reasnableblonde
    reasnableblonde Posts: 212 Member
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    He TORTURES his ex-wife. It doesn't matter if he's depressed or not; he's trouble. Get out and get somewhere safe. Stay with a friend or at a women's shelter. You're in an abusive relationship, and the longer you stay just to get your degree, the more he'll "own" it and you. Don't give the *kitten* the satisfaction.
  • TryingtobeHealthy4Life
    TryingtobeHealthy4Life Posts: 49
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    After reading what you wrote and the first page of replies I just wanted to say my part. You are an absolutely gorgeous, driven girl who deserves an amazing life. I have come across many diff types of people in his defence it is not the worst but it is a really really bad environment to be in. Not does college take up all your time but you have to be a Maid as well? Hell no! To all those ppl who said you should talk to him and find out what is going on. You did EVERYTHING right. There is not much more you can do. He clearly has underlying issues but u cannot really help someone who doesn't want to be helped or even try.
    That is a very toxic environment for you to be in. You cannot live in fear. I know many ppl who have and they felt that they could not get away or kind of didn't want to because this person was all they knew.

    You need to get out now and I promise you will be fine. You are doing everything to get you life and track. Yes it will be hard at the beginning, but wat isn't? You are not his mother to clean up after him. Plain and simple the fact that he doesn't take care of himself shows he doesn't respect you and expects you do clean up after him. You did it for so long and no one can ever say that you didn't try.

    Hope u figure things out and know that you are not alone.
    It def. GETS BETTER!!!
  • Peanutbutterx
    Peanutbutterx Posts: 332
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    when i was first reading this and read that you didnt connect anymore and that he was depressed and thats why he didnt clean up after himself.. i thought okay, maybe they need a date night just the two of them.. then after reading that he is controlling and won't let you have friends and scares you.. that is NOT okay!! I really want you to know that is not a normal/healthy feeling to have in a relationship.. you need to get away from him! Get a restraining order and get out! Come up with a plan that will work to leave him, pack your bags and leave when hes not home and dont tell him where you are or contact him. Who cares if he puts any picture of you up or anything he sounds like a mean, crazy, scary loser! You can do much better and you don't deserve this at all. You get one life, ONE and you dont want to spend it with this guy.. my advice get away from him ASAP! You should never be scared in a relationship, you should feel safe, get away now while you have a chance and dont have any kids yet!
  • ChloeRoseLejeune
    ChloeRoseLejeune Posts: 488
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    You said that 'something snapped in him', and that he behaves nicely towards you only every once in a while.

    Maybe hes bipolar.

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