Am I being unrealistic?

ElizabethRaeBarnes

remember people, we are only getting 1 side of the story

for all we know shes a neat freak...

Yay, Him shaving his pubic hairs and leaving them all over the bathroom makes me a neat freak. . .
Him tipping over a full can of soda and leaving it in the carpet to rot... Yep, Im a neat freak for sure.
I consider myself normal.

UsedToBeHusky

remember people, we are only getting 1 side of the story

for all we know shes a neat freak...

Yay, Him shaving his pubic hairs and leaving them all over the bathroom makes me a neat freak. . .
Him tipping over a full can of soda and leaving it in the carpet to rot... Yep, Im a neat freak for sure.
I consider myself normal.

Don't take it personally. I'm sure that this individual is just trying to be impartial. Put yourself first. I realize that you have no family and no support system, but that just means you have to dig a little further. Call your local DHR or Medicaid office. They probably can't help you, but I'm sure they can refer you.

mmddwechanged

I used to work in a transition house for women who are abused. The house was in a secret location so they couldn't be found or harassed. I met many women with your story. I think it is easier to escape bruises than control sometimes. Big red flags are that you feel you can't leave, that he controls who you spend time with, the surveillance, and the way he treats his ex wife. I hope that there is somewhere that you can go to near by or a hotline you can phone to find out what resources are in your neighborhood. No one deserves to be treated like that.

mmddwechanged

Please call your nearest domestic violence shelter or the national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. Aside from being disgusting, this guy is a classic domestic violence perpetrator. Domestic violence is often not about being physically hurt, it is about him controlling your life and making you afraid to leave. Please call!

Just incase you missed it... THIS!!!! NOW!!!

Yes this is very true. (Sorry)

Peanutbutterx

him not cleaning up after himself is the least of your problems right now, the thing you need to worry about is that he is controlling and abusing you. i am almost wondering if him making you clean after him and being gross on purpose isnt depression but another way that he can hurt you more. you really should get away from him before he hurts you even more!! do you have a car? honestly if i were you i would pack up and drive away as far as possible and live out of my car for awhile if i had too..

Peanutbutterx

and i agree with what others are saying, call that # and go to the police!!

PhoenixIsis

Thank you for your replies. I am feeling lost most days. He plays video games and rarely connects with me. I think he is depressed and its depressing for me. I want him to get better and happier. I cant force anything though. I graduate in early 2015. Less than 2 years of college left.

He is using you and from the sounds of it you are putting in more work then he is with having to pick up after him. Cleaning up those type of messes takes alot of work and time. You need to get out of that situation and away from him, don't worry about his happiness but just yours, I know that sounds selfish but he is not caring for yours or even respecting you as a human so no need to waste any energy on him. Maybe see if you can get some school loans and live in a dorm or an apartment associated with the school so you don't have to be under his roof and his control. Even community colleges sometimes are able to help students in finding places to stay if thats the type of school you're going too.

lease1981

something that seriously worries me is that you said you were scared to leave. If so you need to go stay with friends get a restraining order on him get far away, you should be comfortable in your own home. He may pay for things but not worth it at all not only is he disgusting but disrespectful! No amount of money is worth that and when you are able to get a job in a few months do it and get out even if that means school part time and work full time. Don't waste your life in a terrible relationship it's not worth it and there are plenty of great guys out there who will treat you the way you should be treated.

princessrisariri

No wonder he thinks you will leave, he knows deep down how much of a Pig he is being and losing you might be the shock he needs to sort it out.
Don't do ultimatums or say you are just ona break to see if he sorts himself out, because then he will just act nicer for a bit.
Leave with no intention of running back (or if you do, don't let him know that)

Observe from afar if he can sort his life out, whilst you get on with yours.

Then you will either meet someone much nicer, realise how much you enjoy being just by yourself, or maybe (long shot) he will pull his **** together and you can start again slowly.

Bug2love

Thank you for your replies. I am feeling lost most days. He plays video games and rarely connects with me. I think he is depressed and its depressing for me. I want him to get better and happier. I cant force anything though. I graduate in early 2015. Less than 2 years of college left.

Get out! Speaking from experience he will only bring you down. You can not help him, you can not change him. I know it is horrible and hard to watch someone you love hurting but you can not help. He needs to help himself. You need to care about you more than staying with someone like that.

UKMarjie

There's two sides to every relationship and I don't think you've shared everything about yourself.
Stop bashing him and worry about yourself.
Quit complaining and do something about it.
If you don't like him and he's not going to change then leave.
Unless you just want attention and people to feel sorry for you?

I guess the thing is that reading the posts on this thread by the OP I am not getting a '*****ing about a basically ok guy' vibe here. I am getting 'victim of abuse who is afraid to leave her abuser'. Lots of drama on the thread and lots of drama by the OP for sure - but giving someone the benefit of the doubt is probably better here than trying to empathize with the other side and be balanced - if for no other reason than to err on the side of caution and safety.

PaigeAnderson100

How can this even be real? I mean seriously... If my man did any of the things that you have posted, I would be packing my stuff and leaving. Don't think that you can't do it on your own. Really? Gross.

jeremyw1977

He TORTURES his ex-wife. It doesn't matter if he's depressed or not; he's trouble. Get out and get somewhere safe. Stay with a friend or at a women's shelter. You're in an abusive relationship, and the longer you stay just to get your degree, the more he'll "own" it and you. Don't give the *kitten* the satisfaction.

Thank you.......holy hell, it's about time someone else saw that part of the story.
Hygiene and healthcare aside, (read carefully) HE PURPOSEFULLY INFLICTS EMOTIONAL TORTURE ON HIS EX, and now he is doing it to the woman who puts up with him now.

I said it earlier in this post, THAT IS NOT DEPRESSION, THAT IS SOCIOPATHIC BEHAVIOR!!!

Mustang_Susie

There's two sides to every relationship and I don't think you've shared everything about yourself.
Stop bashing him and worry about yourself.
Quit complaining and do something about it.
If you don't like him and he's not going to change then leave.
Unless you just want attention and people to feel sorry for you?

I guess the thing is that reading the posts on this thread by the OP I am not getting a '*****ing about a basically ok guy' vibe here. I am getting 'victim of abuse who is afraid to leave her abuser'. Lots of drama on the thread and lots of drama by the OP for sure - but giving someone the benefit of the doubt is probably better here than trying to empathize with the other side and be balanced - if for no other reason than to err on the side of caution and safety.

I'm all for her safety and well being.
I left an abuser.
I know all about that.
The choice is hers to make.
She needs to take the power out of this dysfunctional relationship.
Bashing him and complaining won't help her situation.
She needs to decide what she wants out of life and then do it.
But if she persists in complaining over and over here on mfp, nothing will change.
So, what does she REALLY want.
A better life for herself or to complain?

jeremyw1977

There's two sides to every relationship and I don't think you've shared everything about yourself.
Stop bashing him and worry about yourself.
Quit complaining and do something about it.
If you don't like him and he's not going to change then leave.
Unless you just want attention and people to feel sorry for you?

I guess the thing is that reading the posts on this thread by the OP I am not getting a '*****ing about a basically ok guy' vibe here. I am getting 'victim of abuse who is afraid to leave her abuser'. Lots of drama on the thread and lots of drama by the OP for sure - but giving someone the benefit of the doubt is probably better here than trying to empathize with the other side and be balanced - if for no other reason than to err on the side of caution and safety.

I'm all for her safety and well being.
I left an abuser.
I know all about that.
The choice is hers to make.
She needs to take the power out of this dysfunctional relationship.
Bashing him and complaining won't help her situation.
She needs to decide what she wants out of life and then do it.
But if she persists in complaining over and over here on mfp, nothing will change.
So, what does she REALLY want.
A better life for herself or to complain?

I guess we'll find out in a later post.
Will her next thread be another complaint thread, or will it be a thread describing how she left an abusive relationship?

Stay tuned.......if you wish.

Candida1983

Just a thought: you look young from your profile pic. Sounds like you're in an abusive relationship from how clingy you describe him to be. He also sounds like he's depressed, but you can't fix him. He'll change when he wants to. I would recommend trying to find a job that you can work at while you're not doing your online classes, getting your own place, and not ever getting into a relationship like that again. You're a grown woman, you deserve better than that and you know it, because you're on MFP asking for help (I took this as a cry for help). There may have been something with him at one time, but I wouldn't recommend trying to rekindle anything with him. He sounds like the type that would do something drastic if you were to let him know that you wanted to leave. I would pack some clothes and whatever else you have, and leave. It's for your safety, an to ensure that you have a future, and I guarantee that you will feel like a huge burden has been lifted off of you after you have left. Let him live in that house by himself, let him trash it and destroy it as he pleases. Live your life for you! You deserve a chance at happiness, and I don't see it happening with him.

christine_112

Not only does he sound like a disgusting pig of a human being who is not worth a second of your time, he also sounds dangerous. You need to get out of that environment as soon as possible.

setowally

Uh... speechless!

poponastick302

Just to counteract all of the 'EWWW OMGZIES WHAT A DISGUSTING PIG" comments.....a lot of the time this kind of behaviour (a complete lack of regard for personal hygiene/health) can be symptoms of depression. Especially if this behaviour has happened gradually and has not been there all along. Have you talked to him? No one wants to live that way. It's possible that this could be a lot more than someone just being a "lazy slob"

^ this. I can't offer too much advice because I've never been in that situation, but I know enough to understand that it's really difficult. I hope that you can get the help you need. Perhaps visit a GP with your concerns, to see what they think.

EdTheGinge

Bye bye, bye bye