Why the need to bring people down who are in shape?
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To be perfectly honest, I don't care for the ultra-lean competition look, as an abstract group of people. I like the off-season look better. I don't think it's rude to say that. It's normal to have preferences.
Ding ding ding, we have a winner (now lets see if the others follow)
When I say attractive, I mean for a certain look. I don't mean it as an insult like how all of you are taking it. I mean that a certain look to me is not attractive.. period.
You've misquoted her taking her words out of context well done.0 -
I think I replied to another thread of yours that was about Yo , and I said it then and I say it now, I don't find her attractive.
Does that mean I'm body shaming or a big jealous meanie? No.
It just means that to me, she's not attractive and it has nothing to do with how cut she is or anything like that.
Do I appreciate all the work that went into it? Heck yes, because I know how long and hard I worked to get where I am and am sure that Yo did the same(and plenty more!)
You are certainly entitled to your opinion, but to state on an open forum that you do not find someone attractive, is rather insulting. I am sure that you probably don't find me attractive either, and it would hurt my feelings if you felt the need to express that.
How is it insulting?
You are not going to be attracted to every person that you see.. that's human nature.
Is there anything wrong with that? No, because that's how you as a person were wired. You can't change how you were hard wired at birth to stop from offending other people.
Just for the record I feel ashamed when I walk into just about any Wal Mart in America. I dont find anyone attractive and feel as if I may get a disease if I stay in the store too long. There I said it in an open forum. I am a horrible horrible person.0 -
To be perfectly honest, I don't care for the ultra-lean competition look, as an abstract group of people. I like the off-season look better. I don't think it's rude to say that. It's normal to have preferences.
Ding ding ding, we have a winner (now lets see if the others follow)
When I say attractive, I mean for a certain look. I don't mean it as an insult like how all of you are taking it. I mean that a certain look to me is not attractive.. period.
but what gives you the right to wander up to someone of that look and inform them that they aren't attractive to you? In what way is that polite, acceptable or in any way ok? Do you do that in real life? "Hey, lady - I know my friends think you're hot, but your a little chunky for me and you might want to work on that booty"
Have all the opinions you want. Express them in generalities "I don't like ripped chicks" but understand that it isn't ok to go to one and inform them that they aren't your thing, unless they EXPRESSLY asked YOU first.
See if you say I don't like ripped chicks, then we're body shaming.. which you can't do that either.
Aside from that, no one is ever going to win this argument because people can't see outside the of the box.
No matter what you say, someone is going to take it offensively.. no matter how nicely or politely you put it.0 -
To be perfectly honest, I don't care for the ultra-lean competition look, as an abstract group of people. I like the off-season look better. I don't think it's rude to say that. It's normal to have preferences.
Ding ding ding, we have a winner (now lets see if the others follow)
When I say attractive, I mean for a certain look. I don't mean it as an insult like how all of you are taking it. I mean that a certain look to me is not attractive.. period.
but what gives you the right to wander up to someone of that look and inform them that they aren't attractive to you? In what way is that polite, acceptable or in any way ok? Do you do that in real life? "Hey, lady - I know my friends think you're hot, but your a little chunky for me and you might want to work on that booty"
Have all the opinions you want. Express them in generalities "I don't like ripped chicks" but understand that it isn't ok to go to one and inform them that they aren't your thing, unless they EXPRESSLY asked YOU first.
See if you say I don't like ripped chicks, then we're body shaming.. which you can't do that either.
Aside from that, no one is ever going to win this argument because people can't see outside the of the box.
No matter what you say, someone is going to take it offensively.. no matter how nicely or politely you put it.
nice avoidance of pretty much my entire post
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I dont think your gf is "unattractive''
she is VERY attractive, gorgeous
just not what I want to look like
AND when you post her pics on an INTERNET forum where millions of people can see it
expect some mixed opinions
You need to grow up a smidge
some people are NOT going to find you or her attractive, just like you dont find others attractive for your own reasons
My original post stated that we are not everyone's cup of tea. I realise that.
However there are lots of fat people on this forum who post their pictures. Is it right for me to tell them they aren't attractive to me and should lose more weight before daring to put photos on the internet?0 -
Why put anybody down?
I think there are times people put others down to make themselves feel better, I think there are times they put others down just because they plain old feel like it.
It's my personal opinion that the most mentally healthy people can see the beauty in most people.0 -
In fact I just went thro the WHOLE first page of success stories. Went thro I think all the pages.
Only the one thread that I posted had any negative comments on it.
Why is this?0 -
Regardless of opinions about opinions (which I think is a circular, never-ending debate in internet world), Matt, I think you and Yo are awesome. Hard work and dedication of any kind are to be commended, admired, and aspired to, whether or not people want the same results. I'm still fat enough that my main goal is just losing weight and gaining strength, so I don't really have specific body aspirations at this point, but if I can develop the work ethic that you and so many other people on my FL have towards fitness then however I end up looking, I'm guessing I'll be happy with it. Good on ya bro! :drinker: :drinker:0
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Regardless of opinions about opinions (which I think is a circular, never-ending debate in internet world), Matt, I think you and Yo are awesome. Hard work and dedication of any kind are to be commended, admired, and aspired to, whether or not people want the same results. I'm still fat enough that my main goal is just losing weight and gaining strength, so I don't really have specific body aspirations at this point, but if I can develop the work ethic that you and so many other people on my FL have towards fitness then however I end up looking, I'm guessing I'll be happy with it. Good on ya bro! :drinker: :drinker:
This is just it fella - everyone has different goals, I don't expect or need anyone to have the same as our wants/goals/needs. Thank you for posting.
But the simple fact my thread is the ONLY one I could see with negative comments on it of ANY kind is very telling for people feeling the need to state their preference.
Mods - could I PLEASE have clarification of what is acceptable?0 -
Mods - could I PLEASE have clarification of what is acceptable?
You are asking THEM? :laugh:
The same people that ban women in bikinis with 12% BF because its inappropriate and of a sexual nature, but if someone posts to success stories and has 40% BF and in her underwear thats acceptable? <- that right there should answer your questions.0 -
In fact I just went thro the WHOLE first page of success stories. Went thro I think all the pages.
Only the one thread that I posted had any negative comments on it.
Why is this?
I think regardless of the body type, it's the attitude that the poster projects. Humility goes a long way. I posted mine recently with a very positive response because I didn't try preaching to anyone about my way being better than another with the exception of saying that you need to make changes you can stick with. Just tell your story, tell your girlfriend's story. Keep it simple and I think the response will be better.0 -
You gotta realize it's just the nature of the beast and I'm not saying it's ok.
To me it's the same as the "men like meat leave the bones to dogs" or anything of that ilk. Some people I think have spent their whole life being singled out because of their weight. So they come up with stupid sayings to make themselves feel better. Or insult others body types, simply because it may be something they can't attain.
Same reason some on here say that us smaller folks shouldn't be on here, and smaller people make them feel bad.
Yo looks magnificent and I think to achieve that is magnificent. But ya gotta realize that's not everybodys goal. And when the come back with ugliness, it's most likley ugliness inside them and they don't see the hypocricy.
And NO I have no idea why it's acceptable. Because if it was the other way around strikes would be handed out like lollipops.0 -
Regardless of opinions about opinions (which I think is a circular, never-ending debate in internet world), Matt, I think you and Yo are awesome. Hard work and dedication of any kind are to be commended, admired, and aspired to, whether or not people want the same results. I'm still fat enough that my main goal is just losing weight and gaining strength, so I don't really have specific body aspirations at this point, but if I can develop the work ethic that you and so many other people on my FL have towards fitness then however I end up looking, I'm guessing I'll be happy with it. Good on ya bro! :drinker: :drinker:
This is just it fella - everyone has different goals, I don't expect or need anyone to have the same as our wants/goals/needs. Thank you for posting.
But the simple fact my thread is the ONLY one I could see with negative comments on it of ANY kind is very telling for people feeling the need to state their preference.
Mods - could I PLEASE have clarification of what is acceptable?
It's not just you.
It's all threads that show muscular women. All have negative comments on them, and comments of "eww" or "not attractive"
You just post all the time, so it only seems like it's you. Go search other muscle threads and you'll see that it's not only you.0 -
Why the need to bring people down who are in shape?
Sometimes I think it's because the people who are "in shape" are sanctimonious jerks about it, and the attitude comes off as "my way is best and your way is stupid". I'm not saying this is you (I honeslty don't know), but it happens a lot. I've found that people who have lost a lot of weight can be even more sanctimonious that people who have quit smoking.
This should be an internet forum rule (not just MFP):Surely one should simply bypass a thread/comment or if you feel the need simply say "not to my taste thank you, but well done on meeting your goals" or similar? Just because my goals are different to yours, does not mean you should disrespect me, just like I will not disrespect yours.
BTW - I checked out your post of Yo's progress. I think she looks great!0 -
I think regardless of the body type, it's the attitude that the poster projects. Humility goes a long way. I posted mine recently with a very positive response because I didn't try preaching to anyone about my way being better than another with the exception of saying that you need to make changes you can stick with. Just tell your story, tell your girlfriend's story. Keep it simple and I think the response will be better.
Please explain where I preached?
If you notice on this thread and various others people have actually remarked how calmly me and Yo respond to people and their insults.
On my thread I simply said this is her results after training with me for 4.5 months in my training style and now I have an attitude?
Yours didn't get any negative comments because for reasons I've already described.It's all threads that show muscular women. All have negative comments on them, and comments of "eww" or "not attractive"
You just post all the time, so it only seems like it's you. Go search other muscle threads and you'll see that it's not only you.
So its OK to insult muscular women but not any other type, is that what you are saying?
Wow. Just wow.0 -
Why the need to bring people down who are in shape?
Sometimes I think it's because the people who are "in shape" are sanctimonious jerks about it, and the attitude comes off as "my way is best and your way is stupid". I'm not saying this is you (I honeslty don't know), but it happens a lot. I've found that people who have lost a lot of weight can be even more sanctimonious that people who have quit smoking.
This should be an internet forum rule (not just MFP):Surely one should simply bypass a thread/comment or if you feel the need simply say "not to my taste thank you, but well done on meeting your goals" or similar? Just because my goals are different to yours, does not mean you should disrespect me, just like I will not disrespect yours.
BTW - I checked out your post of Yo's progress. I think she looks great!
First of all - thank you!
And yes, often you'll find people in shape are sanctimonious jerks as you say. Same with smokers. Defo agree there.
And indeed fully agree if you don't like what you see, pass on and don't post rather than insult. Why people feel the need on a success thread is beyond me.0 -
You gotta realize it's just the nature of the beast and I'm not saying it's ok.
To me it's the same as the "men like meat leave the bones to dogs" or anything of that ilk. Some people I think have spent their whole life being singled out because of their weight. So they come up with stupid sayings to make themselves feel better. Or insult others body types, simply because it may be something they can't attain.
Same reason some on here say that us smaller folks shouldn't be on here, and smaller people make them feel bad.
Yo looks magnificent and I think to achieve that is magnificent. But ya gotta realize that's not everybodys goal. And when the come back with ugliness, it's most likley ugliness inside them and they don't see the hypocricy.
And NO I have no idea why it's acceptable. Because if it was the other way around strikes would be handed out like lollipops.
Fully agree with you here in every way
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I think regardless of the body type, it's the attitude that the poster projects. Humility goes a long way. I posted mine recently with a very positive response because I didn't try preaching to anyone about my way being better than another with the exception of saying that you need to make changes you can stick with. Just tell your story, tell your girlfriend's story. Keep it simple and I think the response will be better.
Please explain where I preached?
If you notice on this thread and various others people have actually remarked how calmly me and Yo respond to people and their insults.
On my thread I simply said this is her results after training with me for 4.5 months in my training style and now I have an attitude?
Yours didn't get any negative comments because for reasons I've already described.It's all threads that show muscular women. All have negative comments on them, and comments of "eww" or "not attractive"
You just post all the time, so it only seems like it's you. Go search other muscle threads and you'll see that it's not only you.
So its OK to insult muscular women but not any other type, is that what you are saying?
Wow. Just wow.
Slow down there I wasn't saying you have preached, I was speaking more in terms of the threads that end up with negative response in general usually comes from the poster giving off the vibe that their way is better. Really all it comes down to is that it is nearly impossible to get the general population to perceive what we are trying to say through words on a page, especially on a forum because we type quickly without thinking through all that we are saying. In my opinion, when you say that Yo had such amazing results in 4 1/2 months I think that people perceive it as you saying, "I am awesome, my girlfriend is awesome and you should all do it this way and if you can't do it this fast you suck." There are SO many people on here with LOW self esteem that feel beaten down because of how long it is taking them to see results, regardless of what they are hoping to look like. This is why they respond negatively because they perceive that you are trying to make them feel inferior.
For me personally, I am impressed by the results that you and Yo are able to show in a short amount of time. My current goals (once I am cleared to exercise again post surgery) are to continue to lower my body fat percentage and build more muscle. I want definition, but probably not as much as Yo, but that's my goal and I think it will be awesome when I get there and if I post my success pictures and someone doesn't like them, that's too bad for them.0 -
Thank you for clarifying :drinker:
You know the funny thing, if you knew me face to face, I have low self esteem. You wouldn't believe it but I was mentally bullied by my ex fiancee for about 5 years. However I've never lost sight of the manners and respect I was given to me by my parents.
People are too quick to judge around here based on stereotypes (ps this isn't about you mate).0 -
it's all threads that show muscular women. All have negative comments on them, and comments of "eww" or "not attractive"
You just post all the time, so it only seems like it's you. Go search other muscle threads and you'll see that it's not only you.
So its OK to insult muscular women but not any other type, is that what you are saying?
Wow. Just wow.
No, I'm not saying that at all.
I'm saying that it's not only YOUR thread that gets insults. It's ALL threads about muscular/overweight/skinny women that get insults.
You only see it on your threads because that's what you want to see, and thus argue about.0 -
No, I'm not saying that at all.
I'm saying that it's not only YOUR thread that gets insults. It's ALL threads about muscular/overweight/skinny women that get insults.
You only see it on your threads because that's what you want to see, and thus argue about.
Show me ONE on the success threads. I've already asked this earlier on. Show me one insult. Please.
I've already been thro the first page, I can't see any.
Why?0 -
Thank you for clarifying :drinker:
You know the funny thing, if you knew me face to face, I have low self esteem. You wouldn't believe it but I was mentally bullied by my ex fiancee for about 5 years. However I've never lost sight of the manners and respect I was given to me by my parents.
People are too quick to judge around here based on stereotypes (ps this isn't about you mate).
I just had your thread from yesterday pop up on the right side of my screen and I noticed that there was very little negativity in that thread (really only maybe one or two people saying she looked amazing but not what they aspired towards). Anyhow, I think your OP on that one was simply stated, thus keeping away negative response.0 -
Regardless of opinions about opinions (which I think is a circular, never-ending debate in internet world), Matt, I think you and Yo are awesome. Hard work and dedication of any kind are to be commended, admired, and aspired to, whether or not people want the same results. I'm still fat enough that my main goal is just losing weight and gaining strength, so I don't really have specific body aspirations at this point, but if I can develop the work ethic that you and so many other people on my FL have towards fitness then however I end up looking, I'm guessing I'll be happy with it. Good on ya bro! :drinker: :drinker:
This is just it fella - everyone has different goals, I don't expect or need anyone to have the same as our wants/goals/needs. Thank you for posting.
But the simple fact my thread is the ONLY one I could see with negative comments on it of ANY kind is very telling for people feeling the need to state their preference.
Mods - could I PLEASE have clarification of what is acceptable?
Matt- apparently the success thread that I created DID have many negative remarks from people who were very cruel to some whose bodies were not up to par for their taste. The remarks were so hurtful that not only was the thread locked, but taken down completely until the mods could go thru and sanitize many of the comments.
I no longer have the fit, muscular body I had 20 years ago. Several years in a wheelchair, unable to walk and move like I had before, resulted in the pounds creeping up over the years.
I have worked very hard over the past 6 months to lose 38 pounds. I am still around 40 pounds to goal, no I'm no super model, and at almost 50, my body won't look fantastic even when I do reach goal. But do I deserve to have open criticism about my body, and insults and attacks because someone else thinks that I am not losing weight "the right way"?
For many of us on here, for various reasons, we are not able to to go to the gym every day and lift heavy to get a body that looks like Yo's. Or perhaps that is not our goal to even reach that point, even if we could.
But should her body be held up as the standard by which we should all judge ourselves?
I created a SUCCESS thread, asking for SUCCESS stories from people who need to eat at a lower calorie level, for whatever reason, so that they could share their story and experience with others who may be in a similar situation. You felt the need to come into that thread and post Yo's pictures, to show what a great body she has, due to her diet and exercise regimen, which CLEARLY does not fall into the parameters of the thread title.
WHY did you feel the need to do this?
Do you not see that by doing so, you have told the rest of us that were posting on the thread, that we clearly were not GOOD ENOUGH, and OUR SUCCESS didn't matter, because we clearly do not measure up to YOUR standard of beauty?
You earlier asked this question-
"INFACT show me ONE exampe of anyone other than those in shape that gets this. ONE example.
Edited by Matt_Wild on Tue 03/12/13 07:19 AM "
MY THREAD was one such example! The insults about particular women's bodies, mine included, were apparently quite brutal.
Why would ANYONE go on a SUCCESS thread and insult someone else's SUCCESS?
Immediately after this, you created the success thread of your own, with Yo's calorie level in the title. WHY was that necessary, if not simply to bash the women that cannot lose weight at that level?
I do not condone ANYONE insulting someone's body. As you can read, I have clearly stated that I do not feel it is proper for someone to tell you that your gf is not attractive.
But I also do not like what YOU did, in your part to turn MY SUCCESS thread into the hatefest that it became.
I have never disrespected you or Yo. I have never gone into any of your threads about Yo's success, and said, or implied, that what you were doing was wrong.
I don't understand why you felt the need to do it in MY thread.
Respect goes both way. You can't expect to receive it, if you do not give it.0 -
probably already been said but people like to bring people down. I get brought down for my weight and I have other friends on here in great shape who get the same treatment too. I don't know why, it the like the old saying misery loves company0
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The only thing I want to add to this circular, never ending debate is, please, please, please do not take others disrespect as a reason to stop giving advice and assisting those of us who really need you. We are the ones who will seek you out or follow your posts because we see that you are able to give us the support and information that we need.
Both you and Yo are AMAZING! I am excited about her progress and love seeing it. I'm not sure I will ever get there, but one can only dream, lol!
Thanks for putting up with the bad to help those of us that really appreciate you!0 -
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For some reason when a pic of a lean/ripped/whatever woman is posted, people assume that the poster is saying "Hey YOU should aspire to this." Even though you never said that in your post. I also think the third person presentation adds to that like someone else said but I'm sure Yo would get a few comments like that if she posted it herself. I don't get it either honestly.
BTW, you both look great. I know you work hard for that success.0
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