Why the need to bring people down who are in shape?

Matt_Wild

I think it's sometimes a defense mechanism to say "they were just born that way." Maybe not always, but a lot of times saying that makes it easier to justify not being in better shape. I used to think that way when I was younger.

Matt I think your gf looks great. I realize it's hard not to get ruffled by those comments (I got a little too ruffled in a body-shaming thread the other day so I can relate) but try not to let it upset you too much. :flowerforyou:

Which is why I post the before and after picture with Yo dating back to last year and now showing an attractive woman who was relatively untrained and then her now after training and dieting. People can't relate to me I find.

And yes, I try to ignore and laugh them off. Only just now in the success section Yo has been insulted in kind with a back handed compliment "if that's what you are after I guess" or words to that effect.

And again, the person making it is not nearly in shape. Does it matter the person making it isn't in shape? No, not really but it does seem a bit daft as mentioned if people are insulting others when their own house is not in order PLUS it is on a success thread.

I'm DAMN sure I'd get a strike against me if I went on (and rightly so!) to someones thread and said "well you've done pretty well but you are still pretty fat. I guess that's fine if you want"?

Matt_Wild

I like this quote ))

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

Carl Gustav Jung

NutellaAddict

It's just the internet people.

Timshel_

I've been around message boards for almost as long as they've been on the net and I moderated one for ever 10 years.

There are always people who are insecure and need to make themselves feel better by putting you down, questioning your advice or experience when they have nothing to offer of their own, etc.

The anonymous nature of sites like this make trolling very, very easy.

I've been on a few boards that required you to sign in with your real name as a way to stop this kind of thing.

Same here.I have one community forum that I started in 1997 and it is still going strong today, but not without lots of people coming and going, and all the drama that comes with it.

But in some instances it is the way things are said more than what is said, or who is saying it.

Just as you can choose to just skip advice you don't think fits your needs, someone giving advice can skip any comments back they feel belittle them and such.

But that is the dynamic of forums.

JosieRawr

She looks fabulous, anyone who says otherwise is either
1- jealous
2- insecure in themselves
3- drinking hateraid(lol)
4- all of the above

(same goes for if anyone's hating on you)

The end.

DebbieLyn63

Regularly I see people on MFP get shot down when they are in shape and trying to help others lose weight/get into shape, when requested.

Of course, the look I (or indeed Yo) hold not be your cup of tea, but to be insulting or incendiary seems to be a bit far?

Surely one should simply bypass a thread/comment or if you feel the need simply say "not to my taste thank you, but well done on meeting your goals" or similar? Just because my goals are different to yours, does not mean you should disrespect me, just like I will not disrespect yours.

We come on here to help/suggest/inspire people to meet/make their goals, yet it seems people make it their goal to hate/discriminate/harass/abuse/insult?

Matt, I completely agree with you, and am saddened by the insulting nature of some people on the forums. We all have different goals, and different preferences, and different ways to reaching those goals. No one should ever put down another person for their choices, nor should they insist that others should make the same choices they have made.

We are all supposed to be adults on this site. It would be nice if we could all act like adults and respect each other.

DebbieLyn63

I think she looks great.

The only thing I don't enjoy about the competition look is the fact that people have to fake tan themselves to improve the look of their muscles. I don't think this should be a requirement of competitions unless you want to do it.

So agree with this!!! It is the one thing I hated MOST about competition. Shaving every square inch of your body besides your face and head to prepare your body for the fake tan, then standing in all sorts of humiliating positions in front of a stranger to be sprayed down EVERYWHERE. Then the glittery brown stuff you rub on AFTER the spray tan, Then the tan coming off blotchy as you change outfits...EVERYTHING covered in spray tanner, the smell of it permeating your lungs and nostrils. Having to buy foundation for your face that you will not use EVER again uless you have another competition planned in a short time. Then the two weeks post contest where you look like a blotchy leper as your spray tan wears off and fades. I really wish that judges would actually just get closer and LOOK at the muscle tone of a contestand isntead of insiting everyone be this unnatural shade of orange/brown.

Back in the 90s they didn't have spray tan, and we literally had to hand paint the tans on. That was even more awkward!

AnvilHead

I noticed a funny thing last night. In the "1200 calorie success" thread (which was subsequently locked and deleted), one poster related her success story and posted before and after pictures of herself. One subsequent poster politely congratulated her on her success, but stated that she would prefer to have a little more definition/muscle mass upon reaching her goal. That second poster was subsequently savaged by several people for being "rude", "mean", "hateful", etc., for suggesting that the skinnyfat look wasn't to her taste. Classic example of a double standard.

TxAlpha

People do have different taste in what they physically like......

IJS......one might justify their own sexual attraction with their opinion......

reallifealien

JEALOUSY IS JUST MISGUIDED INSPIRATION

DebbieLyn63

However, this thread is about helping people people out and the insults one gets back BASED on their shape when people post ASKING for help.

To be honest Matt, I read it as a general commentary about body shaming in general. It happens all the time on here. Either with the more muscular/defined women (and men) with a lower BF%, or about more slender people, or about thigh gaaps. The amount of times you see threads with "ewwwww gross' when someone has achieved what *they* want to achieve is really quite appalling.

Whether or not someone is asked for help is irrelevant. It is not acceptable in any situation.

I agree 100%

mhcoss

I get hate in daily life all the time.....

The best is "your too skinny"
or "dont lose any more weight you look great"

Really? I'll stop once I reach leanness not when it starts making you insecure.

telt4

Regularly I see people on MFP get shot down when they are in shape and trying to help others lose weight/get into shape, when requested.

Of course, the look I (or indeed Yo) hold not be your cup of tea, but to be insulting or incendiary seems to be a bit far?

Surely one should simply bypass a thread/comment or if you feel the need simply say "not to my taste thank you, but well done on meeting your goals" or similar? Just because my goals are different to yours, does not mean you should disrespect me, just like I will not disrespect yours.

We come on here to help/suggest/inspire people to meet/make their goals, yet it seems people make it their goal to hate/discriminate/harass/abuse/insult?

iceman7840

Some people (generally speaking) are weak and pathetic so it is second nature to lash out at others for their own short comings.

I signed up here last summer and was excited to find a forum of like minded people in the same situation with the same goals but I quickly learned by reading many threads that there are a lot of negative, whiny people here.

I've been on a lot of different types of forums and this is honestly the WORST I have ever seen in terms of behavior. It put a bad taste in my mouth so I have kept my participation to a minimum.

I was REALLY FAT once so I know the overall negativity and hopelessness one feels but I never felt the need to tear other people down. I certainly wouldn't attack someone that is where I wanted to be. I looked up to them. Those that are already in shape motivate me but it is those that have lived in my shoes and changed everything for the better that really motivate me.

Now after a year of very hard work, my journey is almost complete and I just have to laugh. If those people put half the energy that they spend being angry and bitter into improving their lifestyle, becoming positive and getting fit, they would hit their goals so quickly. I did just that and I cannot even put into words how good I feel and how happy I am.

As long as you're happy and feel good about who you are, who cares what the haters think.

Just my two cents.

Mustang_Susie

Some people (generally speaking) are weak and pathetic so it is second nature to lash out at others for their own short comings.

I signed up here last summer and was excited to find a forum of like minded people in the same situation with the same goals but I quickly learned by reading many threads that there are a lot of negative, whiny people here.

I've been on a lot of different types of forums and this is honestly the WORST I have ever seen in terms of behavior. It put a bad taste in my mouth so I have kept my participation to a minimum.

I was REALLY FAT once so I know the overall negativity and hopelessness one feels but I never felt the need to tear other people down. I certainly wouldn't attack someone that is where I wanted to be. I looked up to them. Those that are already in shape motivate me but it is those that have lived in my shoes and changed everything for the better that really motivate me.

Now after a year of very hard work, my journey is almost complete and I just have to laugh. If those people put half the energy that they spend being angry and bitter into improving their lifestyle, becoming positive and getting fit, they would hit their goals so quickly. I did just that and I cannot even put into words how good I feel and how happy I am.

As long as you're happy and feel good about who you are, who cares what the haters think.

Just my two cents.

Interesting that you say mfp is the worst.
I agree that I should just ignore people who are going to be nasty.
But wouldn't it be nice to just be able to log on and not immediately have to put my guard up?
By nature I'm an honest and open person and that's all I want from other people.
It's tiring to have to carefully pick thru a thread and censor out all the junk to try and find something of value.
Is it really too much to ask for common decency and maturity?

iceman7840

Some people (generally speaking) are weak and pathetic so it is second nature to lash out at others for their own short comings.

I signed up here last summer and was excited to find a forum of like minded people in the same situation with the same goals but I quickly learned by reading many threads that there are a lot of negative, whiny people here.

I've been on a lot of different types of forums and this is honestly the WORST I have ever seen in terms of behavior. It put a bad taste in my mouth so I have kept my participation to a minimum.

I was REALLY FAT once so I know the overall negativity and hopelessness one feels but I never felt the need to tear other people down. I certainly wouldn't attack someone that is where I wanted to be. I looked up to them. Those that are already in shape motivate me but it is those that have lived in my shoes and changed everything for the better that really motivate me.

Now after a year of very hard work, my journey is almost complete and I just have to laugh. If those people put half the energy that they spend being angry and bitter into improving their lifestyle, becoming positive and getting fit, they would hit their goals so quickly. I did just that and I cannot even put into words how good I feel and how happy I am.

As long as you're happy and feel good about who you are, who cares what the haters think.

Just my two cents.

Interesting that you say mfp is the worst.
I agree that I should just ignore people who are going to be nasty.
But wouldn't it be nice to just be able to log on and not immediately have to put my guard up?
By nature I'm an honest and open person and that's all I want from other people.
It's tiring to have to carefully pick thru a thread and censor out all the junk to try and find something of value.
Is it really too much to ask for common decency and maturity?

Well the worst as far as the different types of forums I have been apart of anyway.

It isn't too much to ask for but many people don't have and may have never had decency and maturity. That's why I find it easier to just browse on here and keep to myself.

DebbieLyn63

I noticed a funny thing last night. In the "1200 calorie success" thread (which was subsequently locked and deleted), one poster related her success story and posted before and after pictures of herself. One subsequent poster politely congratulated her on her success, but stated that she would prefer to have a little more definition/muscle mass upon reaching her goal. That second poster was subsequently savaged by several people for being "rude", "mean", "hateful", etc., for suggesting that the skinnyfat look wasn't to her taste. Classic example of a double standard.

As the author of that thread, I will weigh in here. I was gone last night and most of this morning, so I didn't see all the responses that were posted, but apparently there were some responses that were reported, and the mods temporarily took it down to give them a chance to go thru and edit the responses.

I, in no way, ever condone body shaming, insults, and attacks toward other people on here. We are all in different phases of our lives, in different situations, and having different goals.
I was a part of the body-building community 20 yrs ago, and loved lifting heavy and sculpting my body. I was lifting heavy in the sweaty gym with the big boys, and loving it. I know that it wasn't what some of the other ladies I knew enjoyed, but it was for me. If I did not have the injuries and disabilities I have now, at 49, I would most likely still be in the sweaty gym with the guys.
Unfortunately, a very serious accident ended that phase of my life.

Now, I am in a very different place. Going from extremely active, to unemployed in a wheelchair, with intense chronic pain for several years, resulted in quite a bit of weight gain for me. I didn't cut my calories enough to compensate for the drastic drop in activity level, and ended up gaining about 10 pounds a year over 8 yrs time. It is easy to do.
So I found myself in a position of having to lose a LOT of weight, and it is not nearly as easy to do as it was in my 20s and 30s and more physically able.

I have done my homework. I know my TDEE. I have educated myself on macros and proper nutrients that I need for my situation. But even then, I have received so much judgment, and blatant insults because I need to eat at a lower calorie level than some other people on here. I find myself constantly having to defend myself, and explain how I do indeed have a TDEE that is only 1600-1700 calories a day, and eating at a 500 calorie deficit from that number is helping me lose a steady pound a week right now. No, my hair isn't falling out. No, I am not starving. No, I am not going to end up 'skinny-fat' (god, how I have grown to hate that phrase). I have lost 38 pounds since I joined here the end of August and I have yet to plateau, or have to lower my cals.
I shoot for 80-100g of protein, and 50-60g of healthy fats. I eat plenty of fresh vegetable and fruit and take a multivitamin as well.

But I don't get to feel good about the progress I have made, both on the scale, and in my health, because all some people see is that I eat 1200 calories, and therefore I am doing it wrong, and am starving myself. People constantly ask, "why would you want to starve yourself when you can eat so much more and still lose weight?" The answer to that is, if I COULD eat so much more and still lose weight, then I WOULD! Eating around 1800 a day is how I gained 80 pounds over 8 yrs. So many people have negated the progress I have made so far, by stating that I was going to look horrible if I got to goal, and gain all my weight back.

Fortunately, I have a fairly thick skin, and don't let them get to me, but others on here might not have the awesome support system I have at home, and among the friends I have made on MFP, and they may just give up altogether, out of confusion and frustration.

Are there some girls on here that are indeed starving themselves to be skinny? Of course there are. But most of them are not eating anywhere near 1200 cals. I certainly would not promote the unhealthy lifestyles that some of them have.

But many of the women eating 1200 or so cals, are just like me. Middle aged, overweight/obese, looking at diabetes or heart disease, and trying to live long enough to see our grandkids grow up. Most of us have arthritis or injuries that prevent us from lifting heavy, and we have families and other time restraints where we can't make it to the gym 5 days a week. We have different priorities.

What I would really like to see, is more respect for other people's situation, and less snarky, sarcastic comments. But I guess that might be too much to ask for adults on a fitness site?

marykpfist

I, in no way, ever condone body shaming, insults, and attacks toward other people on here. We are all in different phases of our lives, in different situations, and having different goals.
I was a part of the body-building community 20 yrs ago, and loved lifting heavy and sculpting my body. I was lifting heavy in the sweaty gym with the big boys, and loving it. I know that it wasn't what some of the other ladies I knew enjoyed, but it was for me. If I did not have the injuries and disabilities I have now, at 49, I would most likely still be in the sweaty gym with the guys.
Unfortunately, a very serious accident ended that phase of my life.

Now, I am in a very different place. Going from extremely active, to unemployed in a wheelchair, with intense chronic pain for several years, resulted in quite a bit of weight gain for me. I didn't cut my calories enough to compensate for the drastic drop in activity level, and ended up gaining about 10 pounds a year over 8 yrs time. It is easy to do.
So I found myself in a position of having to lose a LOT of weight, and it is not nearly as easy to do as it was in my 20s and 30s and more physically able.

But many of the women eating 1200 or so cals, are just like me. Middle aged, overweight/obese, looking at diabetes or heart disease, and trying to live long enough to see our grandkids grow up. Most of us have arthritis or injuries that prevent us from lifting heavy, and we have families and other time restraints where we can't make it to the gym 5 days a week. We have different priorities.

What I would really like to see, is more respect for other people's situation, and less snarky, sarcastic comments. But I guess that might be too much to ask for adults on a fitness site?

There were several requests for photos, and success stories...then each and every story was viciously cut down, as we're even the best pictures. People just got mean. It's a shame there isn't more support on a support site!
I get very tired of being told I am 'doing it wrong'. Usually by someone half my age with the ability to work out over an hour a day.

I am sorry the ugliness got to your girlfriend as well. Celebrate her (and your) success...and just remember that y'all (and others), know what's best for ourselves. Ignore the know-it-alls and the haters.

dad106

I think I replied to another thread of yours that was about Yo , and I said it then and I say it now, I don't find her attractive.

Does that mean I'm body shaming or a big jealous meanie? No.

It just means that to me, she's not attractive and it has nothing to do with how cut she is or anything like that.

Do I appreciate all the work that went into it? Heck yes, because I know how long and hard I worked to get where I am and am sure that Yo did the same(and plenty more!)