Why the need to bring people down who are in shape?
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With that said, I just wanna know, why so many threads about your GF? Correct me if I'm wrong but haven't you made bunch threads boosting your gf? Also curious, is she even on MFP? I don't mind reposts, I don't mind you showing her off as a motivation and inspiration to others but just wanted to know why multiple threads about your gf?
We do weekly updates on her progress for her competitions she is doing, we regularly get asked about her progress and whenever we do we get asked questions because people often have the same goals or wish to get lean but do not know where to start.
As for her being posted onto other threads, it is used for an example of the methods suggested given and the results that one may achieve. I used to use myself but people see me and think I stopped being human a long while ago and say you are a bodybuilder, your methods will not work here. Yo has been bodybuilding with me for 4 months (last week of October) and these are the results she has got.
Yo is on the forums, her profile is www.myfitnesspal.com/yo_lazarov
With all due respect, tho your gf does look amazing and I am sure you both have worked hard for her to achieve her goals, when I started the thread asking for success stories for people who eat 1200 cals, why did you post her pictures and story on that thread? Did she achieve that on 1200 cals per day? Because if she did, that would really be amazing and you should share that bit of info with the people who insist that we will lose all our muscle if we eat that low.
Just an honest respectfully asked question.
And your posting of her pics, tho they weren't requested, certainly did not merit any body-shaming remarks.0 -
I think I replied to another thread of yours that was about Yo , and I said it then and I say it now, I don't find her attractive.
Does that mean I'm body shaming or a big jealous meanie? No.
It just means that to me, she's not attractive and it has nothing to do with how cut she is or anything like that.
Do I appreciate all the work that went into it? Heck yes, because I know how long and hard I worked to get where I am and am sure that Yo did the same(and plenty more!)
You are certainly entitled to your opinion, but to state on an open forum that you do not find someone attractive, is rather insulting. I am sure that you probably don't find me attractive either, and it would hurt my feelings if you felt the need to express that.0 -
I think I replied to another thread of yours that was about Yo , and I said it then and I say it now, I don't find her attractive.
Does that mean I'm body shaming or a big jealous meanie? No.
It just means that to me, she's not attractive and it has nothing to do with how cut she is or anything like that.
Do I appreciate all the work that went into it? Heck yes, because I know how long and hard I worked to get where I am and am sure that Yo did the same(and plenty more!)
You are certainly entitled to your opinion, but to state on an open forum that you do not find someone attractive, is rather insulting. I am sure that you probably don't find me attractive either, and it would hurt my feelings if you felt the need to express that.
How is it insulting?
You are not going to be attracted to every person that you see.. that's human nature.
Is there anything wrong with that? No, because that's how you as a person were wired. You can't change how you were hard wired at birth to stop from offending other people.0 -
But it is common courtesy not to VOICE certain opinions to people personally. If it was a pic of a super model or an actress, or the subject was for a certain body type, that would be one thing, but to tell a person that you don't find their girlfriend attractive, is just kinda rude, in most people's minds.
I also realize that some people's minds work differently, and they honestly believe that speaking the truth in all situations is perfectly acceptable. I have a 12 yo son with Aspergers and we work daily to teach him about social etiquette, and when he should keep his opinions to himself out of respect for other's feelings. Just because it may be true, doesn't mean he has to say it.0 -
Its really not that difficult:
If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all.
Even "advice" and "opinions" can be worded nicely.
No need for all the rest...0 -
No, but that's one of the wonders of the internet vs. real life. I have friends who I'm not physically attracted to, for one reason or another. I've never felt the need to just come out of nowhere and say "Y'know, I really don't find you attractive at all", or "Y'know, I think you're obese and could stand to lose a few pounds". Common courtesy dictates otherwise. I don't see why it's any different on the internet, other than the fact that people can hide behind the safety of remoteness and anonymity, so they don't get throat punched like they would if they said it in person.I think I replied to another thread of yours that was about Yo , and I said it then and I say it now, I don't find her attractive.
Does that mean I'm body shaming or a big jealous meanie? No.
It just means that to me, she's not attractive and it has nothing to do with how cut she is or anything like that.
Do I appreciate all the work that went into it? Heck yes, because I know how long and hard I worked to get where I am and am sure that Yo did the same(and plenty more!)
You are certainly entitled to your opinion, but to state on an open forum that you do not find someone attractive, is rather insulting. I am sure that you probably don't find me attractive either, and it would hurt my feelings if you felt the need to express that.
How is it insulting?
You are not going to be attracted to every person that you see.. that's human nature.
Is there anything wrong with that? No, because that's how you as a person were wired. You can't change how you were hard wired at birth to stop from offending other people.
I'm one of the least politically correct people you'll ever meet. I can't stand overly sensitive people who go around looking for reasons to get butt hurt. I'm pretty blunt in offering my opinions and advice here on MFP. But I don't feel the need to go out of my way to deliberately offend/insult people without provocation.0 -
Hmm, I have read through the success thread and this one, and I think you are being a little defensive.
If you post photos on a website and invite comments, you are probably going to get some from people stating that they personally do not aspire to similar goals. That's not body shaming.
You will almost certainly also get people defining what they find attractive and not, because you are implicitly presenting a human body for judgement. If you get 20 people judging positively and one negatively, why is the negative view less valid? Forming your body to a specific look is an inherently introspective pursuit, thus the only opinion that really matters is the body's owner, anyway.
Finally, I don't know for sure if this is your combined goal, but if she is planning to compete to be judged on her physical form, why is the perceived judging here less palatable? Because the audience here is not preselected to converge on an opinion of the ideal female form?
Also, I suspect the way you present her story might raise some eyebrows - almost like she is a passive partner in this and you are 'making' her just so - and the poses you present in her photos may subtly reinforce that view. While this may be very much off-base, it is something that nonetheless strikes me, and I suspect I am not the only one. It is quite uncommon here to have third-person claimants to success; most people post their own images and own to their success themselves. I think there are also many people here with experiences with their own partners (as evidenced by a quick survey of the message boards) that make them particularly sensitive to such presentations, and this might color their views of her success somewhat.0 -
There were several requests for photos, and success stories...then each and every story was viciously cut down, as we're even the best pictures. People just got mean. It's a shame there isn't more support on a support site!
I get very tired of being told I am 'doing it wrong'. Usually by someone half my age with the ability to work out over an hour a day.
I am sorry the ugliness got to your girlfriend as well. Celebrate her (and your) success...and just remember that y'all (and others), know what's best for ourselves. Ignore the know-it-alls and the haters.
Oh goodness. As scary as it was for me to post my pics on the forums, if I had read some insulting comments about them, I probably would have cried like a little teenager. Now I am glad the mods pulled it, and may ask them not to repost. I guess I will keep my progress pics private amongst my friends list from now on. I guess if you don't have a perfect body, best not to share your pics!
Oh well, I will just listen to my hubby's reviews. His are always positive and uplifting!!0 -
But it is common courtesy not to VOICE certain opinions to people personally. If it was a pic of a super model or an actress, or the subject was for a certain body type, that would be one thing, but to tell a person that you don't find their girlfriend attractive, is just kinda rude, in most people's minds.
I also realize that some people's minds work differently, and they honestly believe that speaking the truth in all situations is perfectly acceptable. I have a 12 yo son with Aspergers and we work daily to teach him about social etiquette, and when he should keep his opinions to himself out of respect for other's feelings. Just because it may be true, doesn't mean he has to say it.
But is for a certain body type.. One that is cut and muscular.
By saying that I don't find muscular bodies attractive, I'd get yelled at for body shaming.
See how it all comes full circle in the end and you can't win no matter what you say?
Also, when I mentioned hard wired at birth, I wasn't talking about people who are on the spectrum. Clearly, that is a very different situation and has nothing to do with what I was talking about earlier.
I'm talking about being wired as to what you find physically appealing and what you don't. I can't change the fact that I don't find her(or you or any other number of people on this site) attractive. Am I just not supposed to say that for the fact that you could get your feelings hurt over it? No. I'm allowed to express an opinion just like you are allowed to express one.
As long as you respect mine, I'll respect yours... period.0 -
No, but that's one of the wonders of the internet vs. real life. I have friends who I'm not physically attracted to, for one reason or another. I've never felt the need to just come out of nowhere and say "Y'know, I really don't find you attractive at all", or "Y'know, I think you're obese and could stand to lose a few pounds". Common courtesy dictates otherwise. I don't see why it's any different on the internet, other than the fact that people can hide behind the safety of remoteness and anonymity, so they don't get throat punched like they would if they said it in person.
I'm one of the least politically correct people you'll ever meet. I can't stand overly sensitive people who go around looking for reasons to get butt hurt. I'm pretty blunt in offering my opinions and advice here on MFP. But I don't feel the need to go out of my way to deliberately offend/insult people without provocation.
Yes. Every word of this.
I have opinions on everything. Many of them would not be popular if voiced. But I don't tell the checkout clerk at the grocery store whether or not I find him attractive. I don't wait next to a parked car with a certain political party's bumper sticker to tell the driver I think they're idiots. I don't go into churches and tell them they're wrong. At my high school reunion, I did say, "Damn... you used to be so hot... wtf happened?" Heck, even when I was dating, I wouldn't come right out and tell a guy I wasn't interested in, "No, you're too ugly."0 -
I'm talking about being wired as to what you find physically appealing and what you don't. I can't change the fact that I don't find her(or you or any other number of people on this site) attractive. Am I just not supposed to say that for the fact that you could get your feelings hurt over it? No. I'm allowed to express an opinion just like you are allowed to express one.
Why do you need to voice your opinion on whether or not someone is attractive? That's the question. Not whether or not you feel a certain way, but why you think it should be voiced.0 -
I think I replied to another thread of yours that was about Yo , and I said it then and I say it now, I don't find her attractive.
Does that mean I'm body shaming or a big jealous meanie? No.
It just means that to me, she's not attractive and it has nothing to do with how cut she is or anything like that.
Do I appreciate all the work that went into it? Heck yes, because I know how long and hard I worked to get where I am and am sure that Yo did the same(and plenty more!)
It's cool.
I don't find you attractive either.
:flowerforyou:0 -
How is it insulting?
You are not going to be attracted to every person that you see.. that's human nature.
Is there anything wrong with that? No, because that's how you as a person were wired. You can't change how you were hard wired at birth to stop from offending other people.
On a success stories thread, why do you feel the need?Hmm, I have read through the success thread and this one, and I think you are being a little defensive.
If you post photos on a website and invite comments, you are probably going to get some from people stating that they personally do not aspire to similar goals. That's not body shaming.
You will almost certainly also get people defining what they find attractive and not, because you are implicitly presenting a human body for judgement. If you get 20 people judging positively and one negatively, why is the negative view less valid? Forming your body to a specific look is an inherently introspective pursuit, thus the only opinion that really matters is the body's owner, anyway.
On a success stories thread? Is that really acceptable? Can I go onto every success stories thread where some has lost some weight and say well done but you are still a bit fat and still have 20-30lb to lose?Finally, I don't know for sure if this is your combined goal, but if she is planning to compete to be judged on her physical form, why is the perceived judging here less palatable? Because the audience here is not preselected to converge on an opinion of the ideal female form?
In the eyes of a bodybuilding judge with set criteria, so no, inccorrect.Also, I suspect the way you present her story might raise some eyebrows - almost like she is a passive partner in this and you are 'making' her just so - and the poses you present in her photos may subtly reinforce that view. While this may be very much off-base, it is something that nonetheless strikes me, and I suspect I am not the only one. It is quite uncommon here to have third-person claimants to success; most people post their own images and own to their success themselves. I think there are also many people here with experiences with their own partners (as evidenced by a quick survey of the message boards) that make them particularly sensitive to such presentations, and this might color their views of her success somewhat.
Yo works long hours (13 hour shifts) and between hours of training, eating and sleeping there is very little time for her to relax and post up threads - it is often why she will pop into them later on in the day and say hello and thank people.
She recently designed the team wild page (www.team-wild.com) due to the hate mongering here from some women and usually, sadly, overweight women, who feel the need to bring her down a peg or two. Make no mistake, Yo is far far from coerced or forced into doing this and indeed we originally met last year when she wanted some to help coach her and we got chatting. So again, you are wrong and again you are making snap judgments from aspects you know nothing of.
I literally spend HOURS dealing with messages from people each day asking for help on their diets and asking to know what Yo does to get her physique yet a select few feel the need to take pot shots.
So please don't put words into our mouths and assume that what you do not know.
MODS - can you clarify what is acceptable to say about someones weight and look without it being considered an insult?
Is saying to someone I don't find you attractive because you are slightly obese, spotty and wear glasses and so not really my type ok? Even if they've lost 40lb?0 -
I'm talking about being wired as to what you find physically appealing and what you don't. I can't change the fact that I don't find her(or you or any other number of people on this site) attractive. Am I just not supposed to say that for the fact that you could get your feelings hurt over it? No. I'm allowed to express an opinion just like you are allowed to express one.
Why do you need to voice your opinion on whether or not someone is attractive? That's the question. Not whether or not you feel a certain way, but why you think it should be voiced.
On a SUCCESS thread no less.
It is STILL body shaming.
I don't find people who are overweight attractive. Half the people on this site are overweight, even in the success stories threads.
I still don't find the need to go and tell them that. Why do you feel the need to tell people who are in shape, not over weight that they aren't attractive to you?0 -
ok, I'm not the insult anyone type. I'm the live and let live type, but sorry body builders have never impressed me. I actuallt kinda think the rippling muscle look rather off putting. If someone has that as their ideal body image, well good for you, but just as I feel sorry for the too thin and the too obese and not fighting to get healthier, I feel bad for the over bulked. We are all who we are, and I will never dismiss or ridicule someone due to their body, but never expect me to really like it.
The pic of the lady, scary? No. Attractive? To some, I'm sure, but I never want to look like that. I dont want guns. I want lean and curves not to look like a supposed ideal form of mankind.my ideal form of mankind actually has no body at all just mind and soul, but until we achieve that I shall shoot for lean and curvy.
My two bits
cya
cp
I find this INCREDIBLY patronising. Feeling sorry for people who are different to you isn't a moral high ground I would like to sit on.
Im SICK of body shaming in its every form. For those who are muscular, non-muscular, fat, thin whatever. And 'fitspo' can go f**k itself too.....its just another way of telling people that their body isnt perfect and that they should be ashamed. Erm no.
Stop dogging on peoples hard work. Do I want a bodybuilder physique? No. Do I feel the need to tell other people they shouldnt either. Of course not. I can see they look awesome and have worked hard. Its like choosing to wear a tulip skirt or something.....would I wear it? no. Can I see that it looks good on others. Yes.0 -
I'm talking about being wired as to what you find physically appealing and what you don't. I can't change the fact that I don't find her(or you or any other number of people on this site) attractive. Am I just not supposed to say that for the fact that you could get your feelings hurt over it? No. I'm allowed to express an opinion just like you are allowed to express one.
Why do you need to voice your opinion on whether or not someone is attractive? That's the question. Not whether or not you feel a certain way, but why you think it should be voiced.
On a SUCCESS thread no less.
It is STILL body shaming.
I don't find people who are overweight attractive. Half the people on this site are overweight, even in the success stories threads.
I still don't find the need to go and tell them that. Why do you feel the need to tell people who are in shape, not over weight that they aren't attractive to you?
I'd say the same thing to an overweight person, just like I would an in shape person.
If I'm not attracted to you(in real life or on a fitness site) I'm going to say it, because that's how I express that I don't care for a certain look.
It's not body shaming, it's not rude/insulting.. It's expressing a preference.
I think half of you are taking the word attractive too literally... and need to look at it from other angles.0 -
I'd say the same thing to an overweight person, just like I would an in shape person.
If I'm not attracted to you(in real life or on a fitness site) I'm going to say it, because that's how I express that I don't care for a certain look.
It's not body shaming, it's not rude/insulting.. It's expressing a preference.
I think half of you are taking the word attractive too literally... and need to look at it from other angles.
DO you? Do you go into the success story threads and say to someone, "Nice job, but those stretch marks are nasty" or "Too bad you couldn't lose weight in that giant beak" or " Seriously? You think you're done???" or "Shame you lost all your boobs." Do you do that in real life? Just walk up to someone and tell them you don't think they're attractive?
To be perfectly honest, I don't care for the ultra-lean competition look, as an abstract group of people. I like the off-season look better. I don't think it's rude to say that. It's normal to have preferences.
I do think it's rude to tell an individual who isn't directly asking you that you don't think they're attractive.
It's like that scene in Rocky Horror Picture Show, where Janet tells Frank that Rocky's muscles don't appeal to her, and Frank replies, "I didn't make him for YOU!" :laugh:0 -
To be perfectly honest, I don't care for the ultra-lean competition look, as an abstract group of people. I like the off-season look better. I don't think it's rude to say that. It's normal to have preferences.
Ding ding ding, we have a winner (now lets see if the others follow)
When I say attractive, I mean for a certain look. I don't mean it as an insult like how all of you are taking it. I mean that a certain look to me is not attractive.. period.0 -
I'm talking about being wired as to what you find physically appealing and what you don't. I can't change the fact that I don't find her(or you or any other number of people on this site) attractive. Am I just not supposed to say that for the fact that you could get your feelings hurt over it? No. I'm allowed to express an opinion just like you are allowed to express one.
Why do you need to voice your opinion on whether or not someone is attractive? That's the question. Not whether or not you feel a certain way, but why you think it should be voiced.
On a SUCCESS thread no less.
It is STILL body shaming.
I don't find people who are overweight attractive. Half the people on this site are overweight, even in the success stories threads.
I still don't find the need to go and tell them that. Why do you feel the need to tell people who are in shape, not over weight that they aren't attractive to you?
I'd say the same thing to an overweight person, just like I would an in shape person.
If I'm not attracted to you(in real life or on a fitness site) I'm going to say it, because that's how I express that I don't care for a certain look.
It's not body shaming, it's not rude/insulting.. It's expressing a preference.
I think half of you are taking the word attractive too literally... and need to look at it from other angles.
Show me ONE example of you going onto a success stories thread and stating your opinion on how they look. ONE.
INFACT show me ONE exampe of anyone other than those in shape that gets this. ONE example.0 -
To be perfectly honest, I don't care for the ultra-lean competition look, as an abstract group of people. I like the off-season look better. I don't think it's rude to say that. It's normal to have preferences.
Ding ding ding, we have a winner (now lets see if the others follow)
When I say attractive, I mean for a certain look. I don't mean it as an insult like how all of you are taking it. I mean that a certain look to me is not attractive.. period.
but what gives you the right to wander up to someone of that look and inform them that they aren't attractive to you? In what way is that polite, acceptable or in any way ok? Do you do that in real life? "Hey, lady - I know my friends think you're hot, but your a little chunky for me and you might want to work on that booty"
Have all the opinions you want. Express them in generalities "I don't like ripped chicks" but understand that it isn't ok to go to one and inform them that they aren't your thing, unless they EXPRESSLY asked YOU first.0
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