Losing Weight While Your Partner Doesn't

tlou5

It hasn't affected my relationship. I love my husband for more than just his body. He is fun, generous, smart and if he is a little portly that is his choice. He is healthy and happy and that is what matters the most to me.

Artaxia

I don't think you should leave someone you love just because they enjoy being heavier. It's their body. If you can't accept them for who they were and are, then it sounds like you have the issue and you need to move onto someone more your speed. Just my opinion.

kjsongbird

I started dating my fiancé 2.5 years ago, and he was about 175 lbs overweight, or more. I was not physically attracted to him, but was very attracted to everything else about him. He's a wonderful man, & he treasures me. I had dated not so great men before him, & decided to go against my instinct and try something different. I was so nervous to become physical with him, as I'd never been with a man of his size before. We got through it, but we were both uncomfortable. He was self conscious, & I could feel that. After our failed attempt at sex, I thought I'd either have to break up with him, or do the hard thing and talk about it. Well, We talked about it. And he opened up to me and told me he's always struggled with his weight, & that its the only thing he's like to change. So I tried to gently coax him in that direction. We got better at the sex thing, but it was still never good. We were so limited, and still, both uncomfortable. 6 months in he'd made no progress, and I stopped wanting sex, he'd ask why, and I'd again have the painful task of telling him why. He'd then promise me he'd take better are of himself.
This exact cycle has repeated over the last 2.5 years. We broke up 8 months ago bc I had started to find myself attracted to other men, & I felt so incredibly guilty. We broke up, and he was heartbroken enough to work hard and lose 20lbs in 1 month. He again promised me, and I felt sure he meant it this time. 2 months later we got engaged, because again, everything else in our relationship is great. But here we are, 3 weeks away from our wedding day, not having sex, and he's made very little progress. He still swears it will change, & that he's working hard. But he in never consistent enough to make a big difference. It's been somewhat manageable bc we don't love together, but once were married & sleeping in the same bed every night, won't it get worse? I'm always honest with him, & he knows how I feel. I honestly don't understand why he still wants to be with me. Neither of us is happy with our sex life, and I know that If nothing changes we'll probably get divorced. Yet he promises me it will. I just hate walking down the aisle with even a shred of doubt. I don't want to be In a sexless marriage. That is going to open up too many doors to potential, much bigger problems. Yet, he still swears he will do better. Wtf do I do?

ShrinkinMel

For me, personally, that alone would not be enough. We are each going to change and go through so many changes (physical and lifestyle) and part of a relationship is being there for each other in our good times and bad times. That said, if you are living fundamentally different lifestyles (ideal Saturday for you is going for a hike, compared to sitting on the couch all weekend being ideal for him/her), it's probably better to get out now while you are young.

I disagree though you can meet with friends for hikes. But always invite the partner and eventually they may go. They physical aspects shouldn't be everything. You obviously thought they were attractive at one point. Be patient the road and journey isn't the same for everyone.

bunbunzee44

Courage them, but don't nag. ask them to join you, but don't push it. just give them the option. You know it yourself, you need some sort of spark to start and the motivation to keep at it. I started by myself, kept eating healthy and going to gym. Later my man started to become interested in it as well. (: We still don't workout much together, but he's picked up some healthier habits and has his own workouts and is interested in nutrition. Just give your partner some time, the decision is theirs!

k1ttyk1tty

This is something that I'm definitely going through right now. My bf was pretty fit (he'd run a few miles every day) and then when he lost his job and we had to move in with his parents it went down hill for the both of us. We both gained weight, him 25ish and me around 65. I feel like I'm the only one sick of it. I'm doing my little workouts and he'll snicker or poke fun but at the end of the week, I've lost weight and he's still *****ing. I try to encourage him to take up running again or to just eat healthier but sometimes I feel like I'm pushing it too much. As weird as it sounds we've honestly started to motivate each other with sex. Trying new position and trying to go for longer times has helped us both lately. Because it really focuses of core muscle groups and it's not like you'll get tired and quit. Just switch positions and keep going. Maybe it's not the best way, but it's fun and it helps us bond (obviously). I've also been changing the way I cook, making better meals for us both and always having cold tea on hand so he doesn't go for soda. Maybe I just haven't lost that much weight for me to think that our lifestyles are so different that we can't be together but, I love him. We've been through a lot and as much of a **** head as he's been on a few occasions I really can't imagine leaving him over something so silly.

SuperC_85

No, I love my boyfriend, his weight isnt a consideration.

jamie610811

Simple answer, NO I'm not a shallow person

perseverance14

If it is real love on both your parts, stick it out and encourage him. True love is hard to find, don't take it lightly.

atfirstblush

My co-worker just lost over 100 pounds after having Bariatric surgery and eating healthier. She was engaged and her fiance kept gaining more and more weight. She kept suggesting he eat healthier but he just wasn't at that point in his life and they ended up going their separate ways. When I started losing weight my husband decided he better too, now he's lost 20 pounds. It's hard to be in a relationship when one person puts their health on a higher importance level than the other person does. This can really strain a relationship.

jess031988

As the girlfriend that never exercised when my spouse was I can share my side.

One day he just decided he wanted to loose weight, I still wasn't there emotionally and physically. I just didn't get the will power and have that motivation no matter how much I barked about my fat butt. It had been a couple of months of him trying to get better (he lost 30pounds) and I didn't support him, I felt awful and felt like no matter how I tried I would still look ugly regardless. He tried to pry and pry into getting me to loose weight but I didn't. I feel I didn't support him because he had this "you should be like me I'm so healthy" after two weeks and it lasted forever.

Fast forward 6 months later, he is not dieting anymore and I decided to do it for myself, and not for him because you cant work your best under other peoples pressures (Or at least I can't). I have now lost 60 pounds on MLP and 75 all together, he cannot believe it. He always wonders why we didn't do it together and it's simple, I wanted to do it on my own time, under my own goals and without his nagging.

You have to remember you both got big together, he didn't leave you then so why when your loosing weight and gaining confidence are you thinking about breaking it off? It seems like there is more going on then the weight loss issue.

claudineer

My fiancé has always been the athletic person in our relationship. For the first time in our 8-year relationship, I am the person consistently working out and improving my eating habits. He had a honest heart-to-heart with me when I gained almost 90 LBs. It hurt but I made changes. Now that the shoe is on the other foot, I would not leave him. If he can love me through a 90 LBs weigh gain…I can love him through is exercise down time. Sometimes, people who lose weight become the person he/she has always wanted to be. That nice fat person that became the mean skinny person… was always mean in his/her heart. However, they were told to be nice because he/she was fat. Sounds to me like you changed into the person you always wanted to be and you want a partner to reflect what you always wanted.

seltzermint555

For me, personally, that alone would not be enough. We are each going to change and go through so many changes (physical and lifestyle) and part of a relationship is being there for each other in our good times and bad times. That said, if you are living fundamentally different lifestyles (ideal Saturday for you is going for a hike, compared to sitting on the couch all weekend being ideal for him/her), it's probably better to get out now while you are young.

I agree with this.

My ex husband and I were both (very) obese, but I lived a VERY different and way healthier lifestyle than he did. It didn't matter that we were both fat...it was as different as if I was thin/fit and he was the only one with a weight issue...same problems IMO.

Now I am with someone who is much more like me. I am so happy and fulfilled and inspired. It's like night and day.

The only thing I'd say is please don't make a hasty judgment on your SO. Sometimes people (not pointing fingers at OP or anyone else) get kind of high & mighty especially in the early days of a lifestyle change and are hypercritical of their SO. The situation I described above (divorcing someone with a less healthy lifestyle) is something that went on for 10 years.

JenniferIsLosingIt

I'm in a similiar situation. My wife introduced me to this website. She had been doing it for a while, but she quit. I've been doing it, and don't see myself quitting. She gets pissed at me when I call myself encouraging her to come back, and start counting her calories, and watch what she eat. She tells me nobody likes a person who's always preaching weight loss, and that I'm going to just quit anyway. I happen to agree about the preaching, but its MY WIFE! I thought I could "preach" to her! So we'll see what happens as I continue to lose weight!

I have the same problem with my husband, he complains all the timeabout his health and what he needs to do to fix it but never does anything! It is verrry frustrating!

craziedazie

Absolutely not.
I am working on myself and my husband doesn't seem to have the motivation to work on himself right now. I will do my best to encourage him but if he chooses not to then I will still love him. He didn't choose to leave me when I gained a ton of weight.
I don't understand this line of thinking. Obviously if you have decided to lose weight you were overweight and your partner stayed with you. What if it was the other way around and he decided that he didn't want to wait for you to get motivated all those months you were stuffing your face.
I've been with my husband for ten years, fat and thin, sick and healthy and the idea of throwing that relationship away over him being unmotivated to lose weight is ridiculous to me.

Lovinglish

Never.... going through that now, im on my weight loss journey meanwhile my husband does chinese food every other night, however I love him nonetheless. Physical appearance is only one thing to weigh when factor out a good candidate for a partner. If your partner brings so much more to the table, then I would suggest u sit back and question ur motives.