Online Dating, Yay or Nay

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  • SmartAlec03211988
    SmartAlec03211988 Posts: 1,896 Member
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    No luck with online dating yet... most people vanish when they find out I'm in a wheelchair. As in, conversation is going well, everything seems cool, then I casually mention this, and... no more responses. Yikes. And those who aren't scared by it don't end up being a match in the long term.

    Still waiting for the one...


    Do you feel comfortable talking about it? I was never approached by a man in a wheelchair when I was single, but I bet I would have wanted to ask a million and one questions about it. Is that weird?! lol
    Yes, very comfortable. It's usually the other person who always apologizes for asking so many questions, even when I tell them I actually don't mind educating people on the subject. Questions are a good thing.

    I actually laugh about it, 'cause so many people act like its such a sore subject, and feel kind of strange asking questions. Always happens that way.

    That's really interesting! I could see how folks may feel strange asking questions. I'm sure you'll find a really wonderful woman to spend your days with.
    The real kick to the nuts was when ANOTHER person in a wheelchair ditched me when they found out I was in one. LOL!

    Loved that one!
  • SmartAlec03211988
    SmartAlec03211988 Posts: 1,896 Member
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    No luck with online dating yet... most people vanish when they find out I'm in a wheelchair. As in, conversation is going well, everything seems cool, then I casually mention this, and... no more responses. Yikes. And those who aren't scared by it don't end up being a match in the long term.

    Still waiting for the one...


    Do you feel comfortable talking about it? I was never approached by a man in a wheelchair when I was single, but I bet I would have wanted to ask a million and one questions about it. Is that weird?! lol
    Yes, very comfortable. It's usually the other person who always apologizes for asking so many questions, even when I tell them I actually don't mind educating people on the subject. Questions are a good thing.

    I actually laugh about it, 'cause so many people act like its such a sore subject, and feel kind of strange asking questions. Always happens that way.

    If you were to post a photo of yourself which allowed a full view, would that sort of screen out those ladies who were going to run off anyway? Or maybe include that info (and related background info) in your "getting to know me" paragraph?

    My husband's BF lost his left leg in a car accident, and uses a prosthetic, on his online dating profile he mentions it right up front and makes a joke about it so that women 1. know about it, 2. have the chance to absorb that info before they start a coversation, and 3. know he's comfotable talking about it.

    The use of a chair would not phase me in someone I was interested in dating, but my immediate first question would be considered to be rude/vulgar/none of my bizness.....so I understand why they may be feeling weird. Rather than brave asking you that question, they just run. It's not nice, but internet dating isn't a nice world sometimes....:ohwell:

    I wish you luck!
    I have since updated my profile on the dating sites I use with that information, although it seems people don't actually read profiles because I have still had messages from people who did not know - and subsequently ran off once they did.

    I find that strange, because before I even reply, I always read their entire profile so I can pick up something out of it for a topic of conversation. The idea they just quickly read through mine and send off a message like that surprises me... or perhaps their intentions are a little... askew.

    I don't really have pictures of me in a wheelchair - strange, I know. I might consider changing my profile picture of me in it on those sites to even further reinforce the point lol.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
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    drchimpanzee - I'm going to be totally straight up with you. I think you are a really good looking guy - your before pictures are hot, your current pictures are hot. If I were single (or of lesser character) I would be on you like white on rice.


    Until you open your mouth. And then, all I see is your ugly attitude.


    I deleted you from my FL a few weeks back after a lengthy and heated discussion between you and me and one of my other friends, wherein we both shared with you our experiences in dating overweight men. Each of us explained our attractions toward men of a heavier build, and that not only do WE put personality first and foremost when choosing partners, neither of us keep female friends that would do anything less as well. You still maintained that at least 80% of women were shallow and superficial, and wouldn't give you the time of day when you were overweight because of it, and won't give you their attention now because ... well, because of who knows what. Honestly, I stopped listening at that point. And deleted you. Your ignorance and sexism is disheartening.

    You know that saying about how if everything around you is bad, the common denominator is probably you? Yeah, that's what's going on here. You're good looking, reasonably intelligent, pretty well spoken, and seem to be gainfully employed. The only thing stopping you from finding a decent woman is YOU. I promise you that. Please get some counseling for your insecurities and sexist ideas about women, because it hurts my heart to see you struggle so much with this.

    I was once engaged to a man who is overweight. And this was when I was arguable hotter than I am now (younger and thinner). And I'm pretty damn hot now.

    I broke that engagement because of....wait for it...his attitude. That's probably because I'm super shallow, though.

    Wow....ouch! That's a bit of a brutal savaging.

    I still have no idea how someone could possibly gleam any sort of attitude from 30s worth of conversation but if you want to swear to it fine. I'm sure tons can be read in to, "Hi my name is Will." Speaks volumes. Pretty much sums up my entire being. Seriously. It doesn't get past that. There has to be a looks based reason. Especially when all around women are talking to more fit guys. Seriously, was their approach different? Did they say "hello" different? You people have no clue what you're talking about.

    ok YES....i can totally see it.

    I went on this date with this guy....

    and he didn't get any further than Hi. My name is XXXX.

    wanna know why? cause he couldn't look me in the face, he played with his phone and he acted like he was ashamed to be at the same table as me.


    I said you know what...this isn't going to work. I'm not going to spend my time with a guy that acts like I need a paper bag.

    Turns out (which he sent me an email later) he was shy.....but he killed it...his personality killed ALL chances before he even got his name out....

    so yeah...i totally can see how it's not looks based and personality based....

    your argument that it MUST be looks doesn't always wash...

    and man....your attitude REALLY sucks.
  • BigBrewski
    BigBrewski Posts: 922 Member
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    Go to a bar and get sloshed.

    Someone will leave with you, no matter your weight.

    Works for girls to be sure.
    On the other hand, I'm pretty sure I was taken home once because I was the last guy in the place that was still upright.

    Where is this bar? I am good and standing upright
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
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    I still have no idea how someone could possibly gleam any sort of attitude from 30s worth of conversation but if you want to swear to it fine. I'm sure tons can be read in to, "Hi my name is Will." Speaks volumes. Pretty much sums up my entire being. Seriously. It doesn't get past that. There has to be a looks based reason. Especially when all around women are talking to more fit guys. Seriously, was their approach different? Did they say "hello" different? You people have no clue what you're talking about.

    Yeah. You're totally right. It has nothing to do with your horrible attitude.

    jennifer-lawrence.gif
  • celtic0ne
    celtic0ne Posts: 216 Member
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    I am marrying the man I met from eHarmony and know a number of other people who have had success that way. I also know some who have not had it work. For me, I found that something like eHarmony where you have to pay does help in finding people that are more serious about finding a relationship than just getting laid.
  • wikitbikit
    wikitbikit Posts: 518 Member
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    I've been online since the late 80s... Prodigy, local BBSes, telnet/gopher and finally the web as we more or less know it now. I've never had a relationship with a guy I didn't meet online first. Couple drunken one night stands (had those with online guys too), but never a relationship. I don't have the foggiest idea how to go about meeting someone 'in real life,' lol.

    My ex-husband and I get along fairly well, but our relationship ended basically due to me having chronic dysthymia/clinical depression and has given me trust issues out the wazoo. I don't blame that on the meeting him online part though, and i fI were looking, I'd for sure be checking things out online. :)
  • ajanmillie
    ajanmillie Posts: 241 Member
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    online dating can be good. I have a friend who had some success on okc and pof, but you have to weed through some weirdos lol.
  • _cdngirl71_
    _cdngirl71_ Posts: 112 Member
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    I have met my current boyfriend online and now we are living together. I have met some losers from online but that's going to happen and I am sure the guys will say they have met some out there women too, ha ha! I say try it out, you just might me that special someone.
  • cnsmith2
    cnsmith2 Posts: 539 Member
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    I met my hubby on an online dating website "before it was cool." Next month we will have been married for 13 years. :)

    I am definitely pro-online dating. Just be honest and also safe!
  • iBreatheMusic88
    iBreatheMusic88 Posts: 115
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    I don't get what's so bad about a guy that finds you attractive at your goal weight.

    You think just because he dates you when your chubby that makes him more genuine?

    Also, on the flip side you may meet a man who is only going out with you because your chubby. That's definately a thing.

    And this may make you not want to work out at all... Believe me Im going through this as we speak, but you have to do whats best for you!
  • dezcast
    dezcast Posts: 429 Member
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    I did ALOT of online dating. And I loved it! I met some great guys and girls! I never met a creepy girl but def a few creepy guys. But I always, always played it safe. I always told someone who I was going with and where, and also left it written down just in case. I always met them somewhere rather than let them pick me up. And always made sure it was in a public place until I either felt comfortable or another date. I met people that I still talk to all the time. Romantically it didn`t work out, but we`re still friends.
  • ApexLeader
    ApexLeader Posts: 580 Member
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    why not?
  • sillygoosie
    sillygoosie Posts: 1,109 Member
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    DrChimp, I will be pondering your dilemma tonight as I cuddle up to my infinitely charming, overweight boyfriend.



    No I won't. You've created your own issues.
  • NanzyBoek
    NanzyBoek Posts: 151 Member
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    Im getting married to my hubby who I met 3years ago from On-line dating.
    I say Yay.
    I have the same theory, got him when I started to loose some wieght so he'd love me for me and my fat *kitten* lol.
  • shred_me_up
    shred_me_up Posts: 267 Member
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    i met my boyfriend on MFP :D online = yay if youre careful!
  • MadamUnique
    MadamUnique Posts: 173
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    I met my current boyfriend via http://www.oasisdating.com/ , been together for six months and quite strong. Wouldn't sideline it to be honest cause my boyfriend judges me on personality. Hes twenty, I'm nineteen.. but here's the catch? I'm OBESE hes hunky and with muscles. Hes 11 stone, I'm 18 and because I feel huge next to him. Its my AIM to get down in size! As we're both the same height its clear I'm overweight to the people around us.

    I seriously wouldn't knock it off, it gives people a change to talk to you and get to know you! I wouldn't post any full length photos though, just facial ones. Wouldn't bring up the fact your losing weight either or they'll just keep in contact till your slim and then ask you out.

    Good luck though ♥
  • oliviabog
    oliviabog Posts: 101
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    I'll start by saying I met the father of my two children online. We have a house and a dog and he's amazing. I never thought online dating would bring about anything serious but I was wrong.

    Conversely, both he and I went through our fair share of BAD dates. A couple of mine were downright scary. We were both about to quit online dating when he out the wrong search radius in and things happened from there.

    If you just want a bit of fun and to see what kind of people there are out there then go for it, you never know what might happen. I would say to be on the side of caution. There are some people that are out for what they can get and some that won't take no for an answer so always meet somewhere that you can get away from easily. Oh and then there's the people who don't tell the truth about who they are. Also, if you don't get a good feeling fairly soon after meeting, don't drag it out, be honest and leave rather than waste your evening.

    Have fun !
  • oliviabog
    oliviabog Posts: 101
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    I meant my SO is amazing... The dog's cool too :S
  • saxmaniac
    saxmaniac Posts: 1,133 Member
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    I still have no idea how someone could possibly gleam any sort of attitude from 30s worth of conversation but if you want to swear to it fine. I'm sure tons can be read in to, "Hi my name is Will." Speaks volumes. Pretty much sums up my entire being. Seriously. It doesn't get past that. There has to be a looks based reason.

    Body language and attitude. Bitterness and anger is like a pile of dog crap on your shoes - it's going to stink up the entire place no matter *what* you do.

    Dude, I can see that **** a mile away, and if a social dunce like I can, women can smell it halfway across the country.
    Especially when all around women are talking to more fit guys. Seriously, was their approach different? Did they say "hello" different? You people have no clue what you're talking about.

    They're talking to happier people who just happen to be more fit. But yes, their approach and hello WERE different.

    Now read everything tyler writes and DO THAT.

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