Online Dating, Yay or Nay

SmartAlec03211988

No luck with online dating yet... most people vanish when they find out I'm in a wheelchair. As in, conversation is going well, everything seems cool, then I casually mention this, and... no more responses. Yikes. And those who aren't scared by it don't end up being a match in the long term.

Still waiting for the one...

Do you feel comfortable talking about it? I was never approached by a man in a wheelchair when I was single, but I bet I would have wanted to ask a million and one questions about it. Is that weird?! lol

Yes, very comfortable. It's usually the other person who always apologizes for asking so many questions, even when I tell them I actually don't mind educating people on the subject. Questions are a good thing.

I actually laugh about it, 'cause so many people act like its such a sore subject, and feel kind of strange asking questions. Always happens that way.

That's really interesting! I could see how folks may feel strange asking questions. I'm sure you'll find a really wonderful woman to spend your days with.

The real kick to the nuts was when ANOTHER person in a wheelchair ditched me when they found out I was in one. LOL!

Loved that one!

SmartAlec03211988

No luck with online dating yet... most people vanish when they find out I'm in a wheelchair. As in, conversation is going well, everything seems cool, then I casually mention this, and... no more responses. Yikes. And those who aren't scared by it don't end up being a match in the long term.

Still waiting for the one...

Do you feel comfortable talking about it? I was never approached by a man in a wheelchair when I was single, but I bet I would have wanted to ask a million and one questions about it. Is that weird?! lol

Yes, very comfortable. It's usually the other person who always apologizes for asking so many questions, even when I tell them I actually don't mind educating people on the subject. Questions are a good thing.

I actually laugh about it, 'cause so many people act like its such a sore subject, and feel kind of strange asking questions. Always happens that way.

If you were to post a photo of yourself which allowed a full view, would that sort of screen out those ladies who were going to run off anyway? Or maybe include that info (and related background info) in your "getting to know me" paragraph?

My husband's BF lost his left leg in a car accident, and uses a prosthetic, on his online dating profile he mentions it right up front and makes a joke about it so that women 1. know about it, 2. have the chance to absorb that info before they start a coversation, and 3. know he's comfotable talking about it.

The use of a chair would not phase me in someone I was interested in dating, but my immediate first question would be considered to be rude/vulgar/none of my bizness.....so I understand why they may be feeling weird. Rather than brave asking you that question, they just run. It's not nice, but internet dating isn't a nice world sometimes....:ohwell:

I wish you luck!

I have since updated my profile on the dating sites I use with that information, although it seems people don't actually read profiles because I have still had messages from people who did not know - and subsequently ran off once they did.

I find that strange, because before I even reply, I always read their entire profile so I can pick up something out of it for a topic of conversation. The idea they just quickly read through mine and send off a message like that surprises me... or perhaps their intentions are a little... askew.

I don't really have pictures of me in a wheelchair - strange, I know. I might consider changing my profile picture of me in it on those sites to even further reinforce the point lol.

Alex_is_Hawks

drchimpanzee - I'm going to be totally straight up with you. I think you are a really good looking guy - your before pictures are hot, your current pictures are hot. If I were single (or of lesser character) I would be on you like white on rice.


Until you open your mouth. And then, all I see is your ugly attitude.


I deleted you from my FL a few weeks back after a lengthy and heated discussion between you and me and one of my other friends, wherein we both shared with you our experiences in dating overweight men. Each of us explained our attractions toward men of a heavier build, and that not only do WE put personality first and foremost when choosing partners, neither of us keep female friends that would do anything less as well. You still maintained that at least 80% of women were shallow and superficial, and wouldn't give you the time of day when you were overweight because of it, and won't give you their attention now because ... well, because of who knows what. Honestly, I stopped listening at that point. And deleted you. Your ignorance and sexism is disheartening.

You know that saying about how if everything around you is bad, the common denominator is probably you? Yeah, that's what's going on here. You're good looking, reasonably intelligent, pretty well spoken, and seem to be gainfully employed. The only thing stopping you from finding a decent woman is YOU. I promise you that. Please get some counseling for your insecurities and sexist ideas about women, because it hurts my heart to see you struggle so much with this.

I was once engaged to a man who is overweight. And this was when I was arguable hotter than I am now (younger and thinner). And I'm pretty damn hot now.

I broke that engagement because of....wait for it...his attitude. That's probably because I'm super shallow, though.

Wow....ouch! That's a bit of a brutal savaging.

I still have no idea how someone could possibly gleam any sort of attitude from 30s worth of conversation but if you want to swear to it fine. I'm sure tons can be read in to, "Hi my name is Will." Speaks volumes. Pretty much sums up my entire being. Seriously. It doesn't get past that. There has to be a looks based reason. Especially when all around women are talking to more fit guys. Seriously, was their approach different? Did they say "hello" different? You people have no clue what you're talking about.

ok YES....i can totally see it.

I went on this date with this guy....

and he didn't get any further than Hi. My name is XXXX.

wanna know why? cause he couldn't look me in the face, he played with his phone and he acted like he was ashamed to be at the same table as me.


I said you know what...this isn't going to work. I'm not going to spend my time with a guy that acts like I need a paper bag.

Turns out (which he sent me an email later) he was shy.....but he killed it...his personality killed ALL chances before he even got his name out....

so yeah...i totally can see how it's not looks based and personality based....

your argument that it MUST be looks doesn't always wash...

and man....your attitude REALLY sucks.

BigBrewski

Go to a bar and get sloshed.

Someone will leave with you, no matter your weight.

Works for girls to be sure.
On the other hand, I'm pretty sure I was taken home once because I was the last guy in the place that was still upright.

Where is this bar? I am good and standing upright

PRMinx

I still have no idea how someone could possibly gleam any sort of attitude from 30s worth of conversation but if you want to swear to it fine. I'm sure tons can be read in to, "Hi my name is Will." Speaks volumes. Pretty much sums up my entire being. Seriously. It doesn't get past that. There has to be a looks based reason. Especially when all around women are talking to more fit guys. Seriously, was their approach different? Did they say "hello" different? You people have no clue what you're talking about.

Yeah. You're totally right. It has nothing to do with your horrible attitude.

celtic0ne

I am marrying the man I met from eHarmony and know a number of other people who have had success that way. I also know some who have not had it work. For me, I found that something like eHarmony where you have to pay does help in finding people that are more serious about finding a relationship than just getting laid.

wikitbikit

I've been online since the late 80s... Prodigy, local BBSes, telnet/gopher and finally the web as we more or less know it now. I've never had a relationship with a guy I didn't meet online first. Couple drunken one night stands (had those with online guys too), but never a relationship. I don't have the foggiest idea how to go about meeting someone 'in real life,' lol.

My ex-husband and I get along fairly well, but our relationship ended basically due to me having chronic dysthymia/clinical depression and has given me trust issues out the wazoo. I don't blame that on the meeting him online part though, and i fI were looking, I'd for sure be checking things out online.

ajanmillie

online dating can be good. I have a friend who had some success on okc and pof, but you have to weed through some weirdos lol.

_cdngirl71_

I have met my current boyfriend online and now we are living together. I have met some losers from online but that's going to happen and I am sure the guys will say they have met some out there women too, ha ha! I say try it out, you just might me that special someone.

cnsmith2

I met my hubby on an online dating website "before it was cool." Next month we will have been married for 13 years.

I am definitely pro-online dating. Just be honest and also safe!

iBreatheMusic88

I don't get what's so bad about a guy that finds you attractive at your goal weight.

You think just because he dates you when your chubby that makes him more genuine?

Also, on the flip side you may meet a man who is only going out with you because your chubby. That's definately a thing.

And this may make you not want to work out at all... Believe me Im going through this as we speak, but you have to do whats best for you!

dezcast

I did ALOT of online dating. And I loved it! I met some great guys and girls! I never met a creepy girl but def a few creepy guys. But I always, always played it safe. I always told someone who I was going with and where, and also left it written down just in case. I always met them somewhere rather than let them pick me up. And always made sure it was in a public place until I either felt comfortable or another date. I met people that I still talk to all the time. Romantically it didn`t work out, but we`re still friends.

ApexLeader

why not?

sillygoosie

DrChimp, I will be pondering your dilemma tonight as I cuddle up to my infinitely charming, overweight boyfriend.



No I won't. You've created your own issues.

NanzyBoek

Im getting married to my hubby who I met 3years ago from On-line dating.
I say Yay.
I have the same theory, got him when I started to loose some wieght so he'd love me for me and my fat *kitten* lol.

shred_me_up

i met my boyfriend on MFP online = yay if youre careful!

MadamUnique

I met my current boyfriend via http://www.oasisdating.com/ , been together for six months and quite strong. Wouldn't sideline it to be honest cause my boyfriend judges me on personality. Hes twenty, I'm nineteen.. but here's the catch? I'm OBESE hes hunky and with muscles. Hes 11 stone, I'm 18 and because I feel huge next to him. Its my AIM to get down in size! As we're both the same height its clear I'm overweight to the people around us.

I seriously wouldn't knock it off, it gives people a change to talk to you and get to know you! I wouldn't post any full length photos though, just facial ones. Wouldn't bring up the fact your losing weight either or they'll just keep in contact till your slim and then ask you out.

Good luck though ♥

oliviabog

I'll start by saying I met the father of my two children online. We have a house and a dog and he's amazing. I never thought online dating would bring about anything serious but I was wrong.

Conversely, both he and I went through our fair share of BAD dates. A couple of mine were downright scary. We were both about to quit online dating when he out the wrong search radius in and things happened from there.

If you just want a bit of fun and to see what kind of people there are out there then go for it, you never know what might happen. I would say to be on the side of caution. There are some people that are out for what they can get and some that won't take no for an answer so always meet somewhere that you can get away from easily. Oh and then there's the people who don't tell the truth about who they are. Also, if you don't get a good feeling fairly soon after meeting, don't drag it out, be honest and leave rather than waste your evening.

Have fun !

oliviabog

I meant my SO is amazing... The dog's cool too :S

saxmaniac

I still have no idea how someone could possibly gleam any sort of attitude from 30s worth of conversation but if you want to swear to it fine. I'm sure tons can be read in to, "Hi my name is Will." Speaks volumes. Pretty much sums up my entire being. Seriously. It doesn't get past that. There has to be a looks based reason.

Body language and attitude. Bitterness and anger is like a pile of dog crap on your shoes - it's going to stink up the entire place no matter *what* you do.

Dude, I can see that **** a mile away, and if a social dunce like I can, women can smell it halfway across the country.

Especially when all around women are talking to more fit guys. Seriously, was their approach different? Did they say "hello" different? You people have no clue what you're talking about.

They're talking to happier people who just happen to be more fit. But yes, their approach and hello WERE different.

Now read everything tyler writes and DO THAT.

kxlly

Do it! I met my husband on a ...kinkier... dating site. I'm shy, and it's difficult for me to meet people, so it worked for me fantastically.

djeffreys10

I still have no idea how someone could possibly gleam any sort of attitude from 30s worth of conversation but if you want to swear to it fine. I'm sure tons can be read in to, "Hi my name is Will." Speaks volumes. Pretty much sums up my entire being. Seriously. It doesn't get past that. There has to be a looks based reason. Especially when all around women are talking to more fit guys. Seriously, was their approach different? Did they say "hello" different? You people have no clue what you're talking about.

Dude, you seriously need to stop talking. Looks are purely subjective. What one finds attractive, another does not. It is very easy to take what you don't like about yourself and assign that as the reason for all of your woes. Hell, I have zero luck with women. I'm not great looking, so it would be easy to blame it on that. But I'm not really bad looking either, so that's prolly not the case. I have a great job, own my home, my car, my truck, my motorcycle, all that jazz. I could easily blame it on my having two kids, but the fact that my I am actually raising my kids as a single dad generally turns that into a plus in more womens book that you would imagine.

Nope, what it all boils down to is personality. The fact is that I am just so shy that I can't have a conversation with someone I don't really know. And that keeps me from meeting people. Now I have never seen you anywhere but this thread. But to be honest, your personality sucks. You believe you will be rejected based on your looks. I can promise you that comes across in your body language, and not many women are going to find that attractive.

herlittlegreendress

My boyfriend and I met online. Of course, I'd prefer to not have met on the internet because I feel like we missed out on that mushy romantic "how we met" love story. Even so, I felt much the same way...where was I going to find someone? There's no men my age at the office, church, friend groups, or gym (I went to Curves back then). It took a lot of duds to find the right one so definitely be careful, open, and never ever compromise yourself. You deserve the best in a significant other. (and vice versa!)

Regarding body image, I was SO SCARED to date while being as overweight as I am but I stayed honest (got rejected by many) and finally found my boyfriend who has been absolutely wonderful. I feel safe and complete knowing that he loves me just as I am now. Losing the weight will simply be a bonus in his eyes! In addition, I'll never have that pressure and fear of him leaving should I ever gain weight back in the future...Which is not in the plan, mind you, but I'm thinking about babies here. Heheh

Best wishes!

dessyjo

Both of my parents (after they divorced) signed up for pof.com (plenty of fish). Both of them found nice people, my dad is still with the first woman he found, but it took my mom quite a few dates to find a nice guy and this one she has now seems very nice! *Beware my mom received quite a few "gross" messages*

_Pseudonymous_

I don't get what's so bad about a guy that finds you attractive at your goal weight.

You think just because he dates you when your chubby that makes him more genuine?

Also, on the flip side you may meet a man who is only going out with you because your chubby. That's definately a thing.

And this may make you not want to work out at all... Believe me Im going through this as we speak, but you have to do whats best for you!

Yeah, my weightloss has nothing to do with being accepted or not and purely for the fact that I'm scared of ending up in poor health like my mother. I mean, granted... when you look this good it can only get better as my health gets better.. but still. I don't care if someone likes me skinny or fat or if that is anyone's preference... my only concern is that someone like me for ME. What's on the inside. I feel like I am a pretty sweet *kitten* chick and when I was thinner it was all about my looks and even as I'm bigger looks still play a lot into. I had a guy tell me he was a chubby chaser... but I don't care about that because what if I flucuate again? What if i get pregnant and everything gets wacky? would they leave me if I got thin? If a guy is into chubby women would he leave me because I lose weight? That's why I feel like this is a good time. Because they can see me big, small, they can see me struggle and my ups and downs and if they can see all that and still like me through ALL of that... then they really are worth it. I have NEVER I repeart NEVER been in love, I have dated A LOT... other things a bit too... but never gave my heart because I'm waiting for that... and yeah, a lot of people say to just stop looking it will happen... but I know plenty of people who are looking and it happend SO... that being said. I will continue to focus on me, losing weight, enjoying life and being the best me I can possibly be... and at the same time, enjoy looking to see what is out there. I mean... what can be wrong with that? Right?

sorry, you kind of got the blunt force of a universal reply to a few people's post on here. lol.

monizjm

No luck with online dating yet... most people vanish when they find out I'm in a wheelchair. As in, conversation is going well, everything seems cool, then I casually mention this, and... no more responses. Yikes. And those who aren't scared by it don't end up being a match in the long term.

Still waiting for the one...

Ouch, yep that's a fail when people drop off the face of the earth because of the minor details. I've met so many folks from all sorts of backgrounds, personal issues, health and physical disabilities, but that should never make them that less of an attraction or less of a person to know, converse with, etc.

BTW, what's caused you to be in a wheelchair if you don't mind me asking. I hope you have a great bunch of love ones and unconditional support.

wikitbikit

and yeah, a lot of people say to just stop looking it will happen... but I know plenty of people who are looking and it happend SO... that being said. I will continue to focus on me, losing weight, enjoying life and being the best me I can possibly be... and at the same time, enjoy looking to see what is out there. I mean... what can be wrong with that? Right?

I think you are right and I wish you the best of luck, and hope you have a wonderful time! :flowerforyou:

_Pseudonymous_

and yeah, a lot of people say to just stop looking it will happen... but I know plenty of people who are looking and it happend SO... that being said. I will continue to focus on me, losing weight, enjoying life and being the best me I can possibly be... and at the same time, enjoy looking to see what is out there. I mean... what can be wrong with that? Right?

I think you are right and I wish you the best of luck, and hope you have a wonderful time! :flowerforyou:

Why thank you, my dear! I'm sure I will have a wonderful time!!! And if the dates are terrible then they will just end up make great stories... it could go into my own version of HIMYM... "Kid's this is the story of how I met your father..." lol

_Pseudonymous_

just discovered this gem online

Title: How To Win at Online Dating

In the spirit of these blogs, I present to you a .Gif post of my successful, patent pending approach to dating.

First, sign up for an online dating site because you have trouble meeting people sober and you LOVE the internet.



Mostly because your social graces aren’t exactly polished



So you try to write yourself a profile that highlights how awesome you are



Then you show it to your friends for a second opinion (or, let’s be honest, to tell you how great your profile is, you witty genius you)



Start looking up matches, overwhelmed by cute guys



Find one that’s really cute



Send him a ‘Flirt’ and feel really awesome about how confident you are making the first move



Wait for his message



Fight the desire to e-stalk him based on his profile info



Finally get a message back



It’s one sentence and he misspells 50% of the words in it



Decide you’re too cool for him anyway



Keep’ looking till you find someone better. Someone like



the end

crisanderson27

So I recently received some very sound advice from a friend of mine. They suggested that I should start looking at dating NOW during this process that way I can weed out the ones who like me for me and not for my being skinny when I reach my goal.

there are so many things wrong with this that I don't even know where to start. :noway:

as far as the online dating . . . I've never done it . . . intentionally. I met my boyfriend here. We have common interests and similar personalities. Neither of us was looking to meet someone. That's usually the best approach IMO.

Love this girl!...and no, I'm not her boyfriend, though I live about ten miles from him. Two more absolutely incredible people you'll not likely find.

To the OP...when it comes to online dating...here are my ONLY real experiences...over the last two years.

First girl, lived 158 miles from my front door. I spent three months driving there and back at minimum one, but usually two or more times a week. Then I found out she was a prostitute.

Second girl, almost a year later. Literally perfect for three weeks. I guess the moon phase changed or something though, because then she went psycho bipolar (still doesn't seem to have recovered from that), dumped me, slept with some guy two days later, and spent the next three months trying to get me back (including the month she was dating him).

Third girl, we met...seemed incredibly sweet, went over to her house to watch movies, went home. Nothing else happened. A couple days later I was attacked via myspace message by her ex GIRLFRIEND who'd found out about me by hacking her email...for 'f*cking the love of her life'. Apparently, the girl was a lesbian who'd invited me over specifically for sex (that didn't work out so well)...just so she could be absolutely sure whether she was gay or not. We're actually pretty good friends now though.

Other than that, I've been literally pretty much ignored. I got messages once in awhile...usually from women I had no real attraction to (and before you call me shallow, there's a HOST of reasons for no attraction...appearance is just one of them). On occasion I got a message from a girl I WOULD be attracted to, but she invariably ended up a flake (as in...I'm not even sure why she was on the site...no interest in meeting, no interest in really talking...uhh...why the eff did you send the initial message?!). The messages I've sent out, were almost universally deleted without being read. I've never learned why. I'm not boring, I'm pretty good at holding a conversation as a matter of fact. I don't think I'm ugly...though only Jac might call me pretty. I never have figured it out. Now understand...I doubt there's anyone on this message board (except a young lady named Shiboshi), who would accuse me of having a negative, or poor attitude...so that's certainly not going to be it. In the end I've started to feel that it absolutely does comes down to attraction as well, but not just based on looks. Most (sane) women just don't seem to be interested in what I'm wanting to give.

Such is life.

But don't let my experiences dissuade you. Eventually I'll find the right kind of psycho (that seems to be all my pond is stocked with...you make do with what you're given lol) for me, I'm sure of it...and I'm sure you will too .