Online Dating, Yay or Nay
Replies
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I'd say the general problem is women set an unreasonable level of attractiveness that is required. If you're over a certain weight you're done with most women. Period. Not cool. My attitudes are formed based off how I've been treated. If women dated a wider variety of guys I'd have no issue with them.
I'm sorry. I didn't realize we had met before? I definitely didn't realize I had treated you poorly in the past.
You are generalizing and that's the problem.
Listen, I get it. Dating is hard. People treat each other terribly. My ex used me, lied to me, cheated on me, asked me to take him back and then left me for another girl. It was the worst, but I learned a whole lot.
I may be more careful screening the next one, but I'm certainly not going to blame all men for his indiscretions. If I did that then the only person I would be hurting is myself.
I'm not even talking about dating. It's not an issue of screening. I'm talking about meeting. 9 out 10 times I get blown off in the first 30 seconds because I don't look like the cookie cutter athletic beach body women are hoping walks up to them. You know, that guy they're talking to 5 minutes later.
Well, it's either the disdain dripping off your face or you are going after the wrong girls. Either way, there's a common denominator.
I have never been disrespectful to a guy who approached me in a respectful way. I'll talk to anyone if they have a good personality. I have also never bee lined to the hottest guy in the bar. I don't even pick up guys in bars.
You know what kills me here? There's a lot of people on MFP who I am sure would be happy to get to know you. But, instead of being nice and making friends, you've opted to alienate the entire female population here by constantly telling us how awful we are. What a wasted opportunity - and it's very telling about your approach in r/l.
It's so much easier to generalize and alienate an entire gender than it is to change yourself and your attitude. Good luck with that.0 -
I tried the dating sites and hated it (scary *kitten* people out there) but 2 of my best friends are married to their online love matches. I have however met a perfect man on this site - he just unfortunately is married! :grumble:0
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I'd say the general problem is women set an unreasonable level of attractiveness that is required. If you're over a certain weight you're done with most women. Period. Not cool. My attitudes are formed based off how I've been treated. If women dated a wider variety of guys I'd have no issue with them.
I'm sorry. I didn't realize we had met before? I definitely didn't realize I had treated you poorly in the past.
You are generalizing and that's the problem.
Listen, I get it. Dating is hard. People treat each other terribly. My ex used me, lied to me, cheated on me, asked me to take him back and then left me for another girl. It was the worst, but I learned a whole lot.
I may be more careful screening the next one, but I'm certainly not going to blame all men for his indiscretions. If I did that then the only person I would be hurting is myself.
I'm not even talking about dating. It's not an issue of screening. I'm talking about meeting. 9 out 10 times I get blown off in the first 30 seconds because I don't look like the cookie cutter athletic beach body women are hoping walks up to them. You know, that guy they're talking to 5 minutes later.
If it happens in the first 30 seconds and they've already screened you on the internetz, then I'd go with a shower and a stick of deodorant.0 -
I'd say the general problem is women set an unreasonable level of attractiveness that is required. If you're over a certain weight you're done with most women. Period. Not cool. My attitudes are formed based off how I've been treated. If women dated a wider variety of guys I'd have no issue with them.
I'm sorry. I didn't realize we had met before? I definitely didn't realize I had treated you poorly in the past.
You are generalizing and that's the problem.
Listen, I get it. Dating is hard. People treat each other terribly. My ex used me, lied to me, cheated on me, asked me to take him back and then left me for another girl. It was the worst, but I learned a whole lot.
I may be more careful screening the next one, but I'm certainly not going to blame all men for his indiscretions. If I did that then the only person I would be hurting is myself.
I'm not even talking about dating. It's not an issue of screening. I'm talking about meeting. 9 out 10 times I get blown off in the first 30 seconds because I don't look like the cookie cutter athletic beach body women are hoping walks up to them. You know, that guy they're talking to 5 minutes later.
Good god, your bitter is showing...again.
If you give of this vibe IRL, I'd run for the hills to get away from you, too.0 -
I tried the dating sites and hated it (scary *kitten* people out there) but 2 of my best friends are married to their online love matches. I have however met a perfect man on this site - he just unfortunately is married! :grumble:
I don't mean to break so many hearts...just can't help it. :blushing:0 -
Online dating for men: Send out 10,000 letters. Get one response.
Online dating for women: Receive 10,000 letters. Respond to only hottest guys.
VERY TRUE! lol, that's why I dont like it. You respond to the 'cuter' guys because you can only go off of the physical attraction first. All the profiles say the same B.S no one really tells who they really are. You just have to learn when or if you meet them.
Online dating works for some, but not everyone. If you do it, set your expectations low....really low. I did it, and I felt like it was a complete waste of time and money. From a womens' perspective, I come across a lot guys who are looking for women online, but dont want to settle down or have a relationship. A lot of the men on it are not really serious ...well when you think about it, it's the same on line or in person, lol. I probably would never do it again. But some people have success....but like I said before, set your expectations low.. .VERY LOW.. and this way you won't be dissappointed if it doesn't work out. And if it does. well then, Good for you
Wow. Finally got a woman to admit all she does is go off of looks. Kudos for your honesty. I'm so sick of hearing, "blah blah blah personality and confidence." Now I just need advice on how to overcome this looks barrier you women make us pass through and I'll be good.
Are you sure it is your looks that are turning women off? Most of your thread comments are so incredibly defeatist, bitter, and whiny that you have made yourself, quite frankly, repulsive.
Please do us all a favour and stop ****ing whining about how all women are shallow and only care about looks.0 -
drchimpanzee - I'm going to be totally straight up with you. I think you are a really good looking guy - your before pictures are hot, your current pictures are hot. If I were single (or of lesser character) I would be on you like white on rice.
Until you open your mouth. And then, all I see is your ugly attitude.
I deleted you from my FL a few weeks back after a lengthy and heated discussion between you and me and one of my other friends, wherein we both shared with you our experiences in dating overweight men. Each of us explained our attractions toward men of a heavier build, and that not only do WE put personality first and foremost when choosing partners, neither of us keep female friends that would do anything less as well. You still maintained that at least 80% of women were shallow and superficial, and wouldn't give you the time of day when you were overweight because of it, and won't give you their attention now because ... well, because of who knows what. Honestly, I stopped listening at that point. And deleted you. Your ignorance and sexism is disheartening.
You know that saying about how if everything around you is bad, the common denominator is probably you? Yeah, that's what's going on here. You're good looking, reasonably intelligent, pretty well spoken, and seem to be gainfully employed. The only thing stopping you from finding a decent woman is YOU. I promise you that. Please get some counseling for your insecurities and sexist ideas about women, because it hurts my heart to see you struggle so much with this.0 -
You got a lot of responses to this! I hope you get to mine.
I met my boyfriend on Okcupid and we almost didn't meet at all. He lives in Indiana and I live in Milwaukee and although we both were really statistically compatible (and kept showing up on each other's suggestions) we both thought that it was too far. I ended up messaging him anyway. Long story short, we've been dating for two and half years now and we're planning a future together!
My boyfriend accepts me for exactly who I am and even if I wasn't trying to lose the weight that I am, He would still accept me.
As far as okcupid is concerned, be honest with yourself and the people you meet on there. I also think all of the questions and quizzes seem stupid, but definitely shows who you might be more compatible with!
Good luck on your journey!0 -
I met my bf online....not a dating website just an old social network site and we have been together 9 yrs this may
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never tried it myself. the men i've dated who have done the online thing usually have a laundry list of traits they're looking for--and are still single b/c they do not understand that most 24 year old independently wealthy female theoretical physicists do not look like victoria secret models. and yes, they're still single after our break up.
i wonder why. but since they're my dating demographic, i don't bother looking online. 0 -
Please get some counseling for your insecurities and sexist ideas about women, because it hurts my heart to see you struggle so much with this.
I really want to marry you and feed you bon bons while rubbing you feet. Or just make out with you b/c you are that awesome.0 -
drchimpanzee - I'm going to be totally straight up with you. I think you are a really good looking guy - your before pictures are hot, your current pictures are hot. If I were single (or of lesser character) I would be on you like white on rice.
Until you open your mouth. And then, all I see is your ugly attitude.
I deleted you from my FL a few weeks back after a lengthy and heated discussion between you and me and one of my other friends, wherein we both shared with you our experiences in dating overweight men. Each of us explained our attractions toward men of a heavier build, and that not only do WE put personality first and foremost when choosing partners, neither of us keep female friends that would do anything less as well. You still maintained that at least 80% of women were shallow and superficial, and wouldn't give you the time of day when you were overweight because of it, and won't give you their attention now because ... well, because of who knows what. Honestly, I stopped listening at that point. And deleted you. Your ignorance and sexism is disheartening.
You know that saying about how if everything around you is bad, the common denominator is probably you? Yeah, that's what's going on here. You're good looking, reasonably intelligent, pretty well spoken, and seem to be gainfully employed. The only thing stopping you from finding a decent woman is YOU. I promise you that. Please get some counseling for your insecurities and sexist ideas about women, because it hurts my heart to see you struggle so much with this.
I was once engaged to a man who is overweight. And this was when I was arguable hotter than I am now (younger and thinner). And I'm pretty damn hot now.
I broke that engagement because of....wait for it...his attitude. That's probably because I'm super shallow, though.0 -
I don't get what's so bad about a guy that finds you attractive at your goal weight.
You think just because he dates you when your chubby that makes him more genuine?
Also, on the flip side you may meet a man who is only going out with you because your chubby. That's definately a thing.
I was just thinking the same thing as you two.
But online dating makes me think of the Catfish show. It's easy to be honest and share things with someone who's not physically with you. The challenge is being with the person face to face. Most folks don't play well with others. I prefer just meeting people. I don't care too much for the online market. Good luck girl with your decisions and choices!0 -
drchimpanzee - I'm going to be totally straight up with you. I think you are a really good looking guy - your before pictures are hot, your current pictures are hot. If I were single (or of lesser character) I would be on you like white on rice.
Until you open your mouth. And then, all I see is your ugly attitude.
I deleted you from my FL a few weeks back after a lengthy and heated discussion between you and me and one of my other friends, wherein we both shared with you our experiences in dating overweight men. Each of us explained our attractions toward men of a heavier build, and that not only do WE put personality first and foremost when choosing partners, neither of us keep female friends that would do anything less as well. You still maintained that at least 80% of women were shallow and superficial, and wouldn't give you the time of day when you were overweight because of it, and won't give you their attention now because ... well, because of who knows what. Honestly, I stopped listening at that point. And deleted you. Your ignorance and sexism is disheartening.
You know that saying about how if everything around you is bad, the common denominator is probably you? Yeah, that's what's going on here. You're good looking, reasonably intelligent, pretty well spoken, and seem to be gainfully employed. The only thing stopping you from finding a decent woman is YOU. I promise you that. Please get some counseling for your insecurities and sexist ideas about women, because it hurts my heart to see you struggle so much with this.
I was once engaged to a man who is overweight. And this was when I was arguable hotter than I am now (younger and thinner). And I'm pretty damn hot now.
I broke that engagement because of....wait for it...his attitude. That's probably because I'm super shallow, though.
when I've dated overweight men (and I have dated a few) I always left them because of their attitude.
the last one beat me.....but guess what.... drchimpanzee will probably say I left him because of his weight...nevermind his fists....0 -
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Your ignorance and sexism is disheartening.
You know that saying about how if everything around you is bad, the common denominator is probably you? Yeah, that's what's going on here. You're good looking, reasonably intelligent, pretty well spoken, and seem to be gainfully employed. The only thing stopping you from finding a decent woman is YOU. I promise you that. Please get some counseling for your insecurities and sexist ideas about women, because it hurts my heart to see you struggle so much with this.
QFT0 -
drchimpanzee - I'm going to be totally straight up with you. I think you are a really good looking guy - your before pictures are hot, your current pictures are hot. If I were single (or of lesser character) I would be on you like white on rice.
Until you open your mouth. And then, all I see is your ugly attitude.
I deleted you from my FL a few weeks back after a lengthy and heated discussion between you and me and one of my other friends, wherein we both shared with you our experiences in dating overweight men. Each of us explained our attractions toward men of a heavier build, and that not only do WE put personality first and foremost when choosing partners, neither of us keep female friends that would do anything less as well. You still maintained that at least 80% of women were shallow and superficial, and wouldn't give you the time of day when you were overweight because of it, and won't give you their attention now because ... well, because of who knows what. Honestly, I stopped listening at that point. And deleted you. Your ignorance and sexism is disheartening.
You know that saying about how if everything around you is bad, the common denominator is probably you? Yeah, that's what's going on here. You're good looking, reasonably intelligent, pretty well spoken, and seem to be gainfully employed. The only thing stopping you from finding a decent woman is YOU. I promise you that. Please get some counseling for your insecurities and sexist ideas about women, because it hurts my heart to see you struggle so much with this.
I was once engaged to a man who is overweight. And this was when I was arguable hotter than I am now (younger and thinner). And I'm pretty damn hot now.
I broke that engagement because of....wait for it...his attitude. That's probably because I'm super shallow, though.
when I've dated overweight men (and I have dated a few) I always left them because of their attitude.
the last one beat me.....but guess what.... drchimpanzee will probably say I left him because of his weight...nevermind his fists....
I've also dated a guy that was overweight. Damn, I hate being so shallow.0 -
my husband and i have been together for 11 years we met online, but not on an online "dating " site, we met on a writers site, and were assigned each other to mentor for a week...
meet when youre in progress, if you have the time to devote to it, dont wait till your "perfect" no one ever is0 -
So I recently received some very sound advice from a friend of mine. They suggested that I should start looking at dating NOW during this process that way I can weed out the ones who like me for me and not for my being skinny when I reach my goal.
there are so many things wrong with this that I don't even know where to start. :noway:
as far as the online dating . . . I've never done it . . . intentionally. I met my boyfriend here. We have common interests and similar personalities. Neither of us was looking to meet someone. That's usually the best approach IMO.0 -
Hmmm should I try opening an account or listing in multiple places rather than just one?
Also, what is the percentage of rape and death? Are we talking about lightening strike percentages here because I think I could live with that...
Hmmm. I've tried Match and hated it. I'm on eHarmony now. No sparks, but the caliber of men seems to be better. eHarmony is more expensive, so I think it prices out some of the rif raff in my area. And by riff raff I mean no job, lives at home and/or is looking for a one-night stand.
I don't know about percentages of rape and death but if it was high I think we would be hearing about it. Just use common sense.
1. Don't let him pick you up at home.
2. Meet in public.
3.Don't go home with him the first night.
4. Don't let him walk you all the way to your car door.
5. Park in a well-lit area.
6. Don't walk to his car.
7. Tell your friends before you go and set a time when you need to call them back or else they should be worried. *but then you can't lose track of time
8. Pick a restaurant/bar/event where you know someone and have them watch you get back in your car on the sly at the end of the date.
Great advice!! I should have heard these a few years back, especially on the letting him walk you to your car door. That was a bad move on my part. Sad that he got the knee to his Jewels.:laugh:0 -
And I'm pretty damn hot now.
Word.0 -
drchimpanzee - I'm going to be totally straight up with you. I think you are a really good looking guy - your before pictures are hot, your current pictures are hot. If I were single (or of lesser character) I would be on you like white on rice.
Until you open your mouth. And then, all I see is your ugly attitude.
I deleted you from my FL a few weeks back after a lengthy and heated discussion between you and me and one of my other friends, wherein we both shared with you our experiences in dating overweight men. Each of us explained our attractions toward men of a heavier build, and that not only do WE put personality first and foremost when choosing partners, neither of us keep female friends that would do anything less as well. You still maintained that at least 80% of women were shallow and superficial, and wouldn't give you the time of day when you were overweight because of it, and won't give you their attention now because ... well, because of who knows what. Honestly, I stopped listening at that point. And deleted you. Your ignorance and sexism is disheartening.
You know that saying about how if everything around you is bad, the common denominator is probably you? Yeah, that's what's going on here. You're good looking, reasonably intelligent, pretty well spoken, and seem to be gainfully employed. The only thing stopping you from finding a decent woman is YOU. I promise you that. Please get some counseling for your insecurities and sexist ideas about women, because it hurts my heart to see you struggle so much with this.
*NUZZLES* Amen.0 -
I was once engaged to a man who is overweight. And this was when I was arguable hotter than I am now (younger and thinner). And I'm pretty damn hot now.
I broke that engagement because of....wait for it...his attitude. That's probably because I'm super shallow, though.
Thanks for sharing our story here...eff :grumble:0 -
Try being a guy on the shorter side!Online dating for men: Send out 10,000 letters. Get one response.
Online dating for women: Receive 10,000 letters. Respond to only hottest guys.
VERY TRUE! lol, that's why I dont like it. You respond to the 'cuter' guys because you can only go off of the physical attraction first. All the profiles say the same B.S no one really tells who they really are. You just have to learn when or if you meet them.
Online dating works for some, but not everyone. If you do it, set your expectations low....really low. I did it, and I felt like it was a complete waste of time and money. From a womens' perspective, I come across a lot guys who are looking for women online, but dont want to settle down or have a relationship. A lot of the men on it are not really serious ...well when you think about it, it's the same on line or in person, lol. I probably would never do it again. But some people have success....but like I said before, set your expectations low.. .VERY LOW.. and this way you won't be dissappointed if it doesn't work out. And if it does. well then, Good for you
Wow. Finally got a woman to admit all she does is go off of looks. Kudos for your honesty. I'm so sick of hearing, "blah blah blah personality and confidence." Now I just need advice on how to overcome this looks barrier you women make us pass through and I'll be good.
I hate to say this, but I've seen enough of your posts to tell you that you actually have the looks going for you but it's your attitude towards women that sucks and is totally unattractive. There is nothing wrong with admitting that an initial attraction to someone is important. Beyond that, yes personalities need to be compatible. Are you saying you would contact a woman based solely on her profile if you did not find her the least bit attractive? Come on.
^This. I so agree.
I have to be reasonably attracted to a guy to date him. That's normal. But Ryan Gosling could walk through my door and if he had your attitude towards women, I'd throw him out. Bitterness, anger and resentment can make anyone ugly.
I'd say the general problem is women set an unreasonable level of attractiveness that is required. If you're over a certain weight you're done with most women. Period. Not cool. My attitudes are formed based off how I've been treated. If women dated a wider variety of guys I'd have no issue with them.
But...
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And I'm pretty damn hot now.
Word.
I see you creepin' me. Keep going. I likes it.
Wait, you aren't overweight, are you? :laugh:0 -
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I'm not even talking about dating. It's not an issue of screening. I'm talking about meeting. 9 out 10 times I get blown off in the first 30 seconds because I don't look like the cookie cutter athletic beach body women are hoping walks up to them. You know, that guy they're talking to 5 minutes later.
[/quote]
Sounds like maybe you have a record of going out with people that are either out of your league or incredibly shallow.0 -
I'd say the general problem is women set an unreasonable level of attractiveness that is required. If you're over a certain weight you're done with most women. Period. Not cool. My attitudes are formed based off how I've been treated. If women dated a wider variety of guys I'd have no issue with them.
I don't think your weight was the reason for the unfair treatment you claim you received from women...0 -
I'm not even talking about dating. It's not an issue of screening. I'm talking about meeting. 9 out 10 times I get blown off in the first 30 seconds because I don't look like the cookie cutter athletic beach body women are hoping walks up to them. You know, that guy they're talking to 5 minutes later.
Sounds like maybe you have a record of going out with people that are either out of your league or incredibly shallow.
^This
Some of us have had bad experiences in life...Why should that dictate the here and now? So you got the shaft, I have too. Engaged to 1Concrete a while back, not any more. *kitten* happens man. Move on, I don't get it.0 -
Online dating for men: Send out 10,000 letters. Get one response.
Online dating for women: Receive 10,000 letters. Respond to only hottest guys.
How is this any different than real life? Except volume. Its life, deal with it.
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And I'm pretty damn hot now.
Yea, same0
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