Online Dating, Yay or Nay
Replies
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I met my husband on eHarmony!
I think success in online dating depends a lot on how you define "success" and whether you're up front about what you're looking for. My advice would be:
1. Get clear on what you want (dates, hookups, marriage, whatever)
2. Find out what site is good for that in your area. I'd recommend eHarmony for someone looking for a serious relationship. OK Cupid can be good depending on where you are--in New York it was awesome. In my current area of California, it was all hookups, which was not my thing.
3. Be honest about what you want in your profile. The dudes will weed themselves out. If you want marriage but you say "Oh, I'm just looking for someone to hang with and let's see where it goes," you are not going to get many guys who are serious about marriage.
4. Be honest about everything else in your profile.
5. Be safe (great suggestions in the thread already about this).
An alternative I'd suggest is volunteering. If you volunteer for a cause you really believe in, you're likely to meet someone who shares your values. Even if you don't meet someone you're interested in dating, you widen your social circle generally, and all those people have friends, some of whom may be single. You never know...0 -
Yay. Met my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years online.0
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Hmmm should I try opening an account or listing in multiple places rather than just one?
Also, what is the percentage of rape and death? Are we talking about lightening strike percentages here because I think I could live with that...
That's what I ended up doing just to cast a bigger net of people I was willing to meet.
Percentage of rape or death? I don't know I'm sorry... I've never heard of a horror story like that from online dating...
But, I had a couple "bad" dates before I met my current boyfriend.
But the "rules" I had were:
-Stay in public places where people can see you for the first date.
-Always have a friend check up on you mid-through any date to make sure you're okay.
-Let someone know where you are, and when you'll expect to be back home so they can check on you, (to make sure you're still alive)
Hope this helps!0 -
Online dating for men: Send out 10,000 letters. Get one response.
Online dating for women: Receive 10,000 letters. Respond to only hottest guys.
VERY TRUE! lol, that's why I dont like it. You respond to the 'cuter' guys because you can only go off of the physical attraction first. All the profiles say the same B.S no one really tells who they really are. You just have to learn when or if you meet them.
Online dating works for some, but not everyone. If you do it, set your expectations low....really low. I did it, and I felt like it was a complete waste of time and money. From a womens' perspective, I come across a lot guys who are looking for women online, but dont want to settle down or have a relationship. A lot of the men on it are not really serious ...well when you think about it, it's the same on line or in person, lol. I probably would never do it again. But some people have success....but like I said before, set your expectations low.. .VERY LOW.. and this way you won't be dissappointed if it doesn't work out. And if it does. well then, Good for you
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Yes online dating is just fine. Just don't marry them right away. 0
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The only thing I ever found on the free sites were men looking for booty calls.Hmmm should I try opening an account or listing in multiple places rather than just one?
Also, what is the percentage of rape and death? Are we talking about lightening strike percentages here because I think I could live with that...
That statement is online dating for the guys in a nutshell, pay site or otherwise.0 -
That's what I ended up doing just to cast a bigger net of people I was willing to meet.
Percentage of rape or death? I don't know I'm sorry... I've never heard of a horror story like that from online dating...
But, I had a couple "bad" dates before I met my current boyfriend.
But the "rules" I had were:
-Stay in public places where people can see you for the first date.
-Always have a friend check up on you mid-through any date to make sure you're okay.
-Let someone know where you are, and when you'll expect to be back home so they can check on you, (to make sure you're still alive)
Hope this helps!
^This.0 -
Online dating for men: Send out 10,000 letters. Get one response.
Online dating for women: Receive 10,000 letters. Respond to only hottest guys.
VERY TRUE! lol, that's why I dont like it. You respond to the 'cuter' guys because you can only go off of the physical attraction first. All the profiles say the same B.S no one really tells who they really are. You just have to learn when or if you meet them.
Online dating works for some, but not everyone. If you do it, set your expectations low....really low. I did it, and I felt like it was a complete waste of time and money. From a womens' perspective, I come across a lot guys who are looking for women online, but dont want to settle down or have a relationship. A lot of the men on it are not really serious ...well when you think about it, it's the same on line or in person, lol. I probably would never do it again. But some people have success....but like I said before, set your expectations low.. .VERY LOW.. and this way you won't be dissappointed if it doesn't work out. And if it does. well then, Good for you
Wow. Finally got a woman to admit all she does is go off of looks. Kudos for your honesty. I'm so sick of hearing, "blah blah blah personality and confidence." Now I just need advice on how to overcome this looks barrier you women make us pass through and I'll be good.0 -
This content has been removed.
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I met my husband on eHarmony!
I think success in online dating depends a lot on how you define "success" and whether you're up front about what you're looking for. My advice would be:
1. Get clear on what you want (dates, hookups, marriage, whatever)
2. Find out what site is good for that in your area. I'd recommend eHarmony for someone looking for a serious relationship. OK Cupid can be good depending on where you are--in New York it was awesome. In my current area of California, it was all hookups, which was not my thing.
3. Be honest about what you want in your profile. The dudes will weed themselves out. If you want marriage but you say "Oh, I'm just looking for someone to hang with and let's see where it goes," you are not going to get many guys who are serious about marriage.
4. Be honest about everything else in your profile.
5. Be safe (great suggestions in the thread already about this).
I agree with all this. You have to be very honest and very clear about what you want and are looking for. If you're not and just keep a very generic/vanilla description you won't find much and get frustrated. My GF and I met on Match.com and have been dating for about five-months now and are talking about moving in together maybe this summer; I could definitely see myself marrying this woman. On-line dating was the best thing I ever did.0 -
Online dating for men: Send out 10,000 letters. Get one response.
Online dating for women: Receive 10,000 letters. Respond to only hottest guys.
VERY TRUE! lol, that's why I dont like it. You respond to the 'cuter' guys because you can only go off of the physical attraction first. All the profiles say the same B.S no one really tells who they really are. You just have to learn when or if you meet them.
Online dating works for some, but not everyone. If you do it, set your expectations low....really low. I did it, and I felt like it was a complete waste of time and money. From a womens' perspective, I come across a lot guys who are looking for women online, but dont want to settle down or have a relationship. A lot of the men on it are not really serious ...well when you think about it, it's the same on line or in person, lol. I probably would never do it again. But some people have success....but like I said before, set your expectations low.. .VERY LOW.. and this way you won't be dissappointed if it doesn't work out. And if it does. well then, Good for you
Wow. Finally got a woman to admit all she does is go off of looks. Kudos for your honesty. I'm so sick of hearing, "blah blah blah personality and confidence." Now I just need advice on how to overcome this looks barrier you women make us pass through and I'll be good.
I hate to say this, but I've seen enough of your posts to tell you that you actually have the looks going for you but it's your attitude towards women that sucks and is totally unattractive. There is nothing wrong with admitting that an initial attraction to someone is important. Beyond that, yes personalities need to be compatible. Are you saying you would contact a woman based solely on her profile if you did not find her the least bit attractive? Come on.0 -
That's an interesting suggestion from your friend. I don't know if it matters what size you meet someone at. Every person is different. Regardless of what size you are when you meet someone, if you want a long term relationship you want to know they'll love you no matter what. But if you do want to start dating and aren't sure how to meet someone, here is the thing about online dating...
It offers you the opportunity to meet people with similar interests that you would not otherwise meet. As a geeky/nerdy girl in a rural area I had a hard time meeting guys I had anything in common with (because I don't want to talk about huntin' or fishin' or muddin', etc, lol)... So I tried online dating just to meet some new people. It's good for stuff like that. I'm glad I didn't have to be limited to the guys I normally met, you know, "in the real world".
One possible downside is that you never know who you're going to fall for, so make sure before going out with someone from online dating that you're okay with telling your grandkids you met Grandpa on the internet... although by then it probably wouldn't be a big deal.
You just have to be safe. I know many people personally who have used dating sites and I don't really know anyone that anything bad has happened to. You must always meet in public for the first time, in a safe place... maybe even the second or third time. I'm not denying that risks are there despite my having no experience with bad outcomes... I just don't know that they're any more likely to result from online dating than they are from dating, for example, that guy from work you don't know THAT well but talk to on lunch break. He could be crazy, you just don't know.0 -
Im notorious for picking guys up at stores...
Im notorious for picking guys up online...
Im not notorious for keeping any of them...0 -
I don't get what's so bad about a guy that finds you attractive at your goal weight.
You think just because he dates you when your chubby that makes him more genuine?
This.0 -
I say do it!!!! Why not!? Its another vehicle to meet people!! Just enjoy the experience.:bigsmile:0
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Online dating for men: Send out 10,000 letters. Get one response.
Online dating for women: Receive 10,000 letters. Respond to only hottest guys.
VERY TRUE! lol, that's why I dont like it. You respond to the 'cuter' guys because you can only go off of the physical attraction first. All the profiles say the same B.S no one really tells who they really are. You just have to learn when or if you meet them.
Online dating works for some, but not everyone. If you do it, set your expectations low....really low. I did it, and I felt like it was a complete waste of time and money. From a womens' perspective, I come across a lot guys who are looking for women online, but dont want to settle down or have a relationship. A lot of the men on it are not really serious ...well when you think about it, it's the same on line or in person, lol. I probably would never do it again. But some people have success....but like I said before, set your expectations low.. .VERY LOW.. and this way you won't be dissappointed if it doesn't work out. And if it does. well then, Good for you
Wow. Finally got a woman to admit all she does is go off of looks. Kudos for your honesty. I'm so sick of hearing, "blah blah blah personality and confidence." Now I just need advice on how to overcome this looks barrier you women make us pass through and I'll be good.
I hate to say this, but I've seen enough of your posts to tell you that you actually have the looks going for you but it's your attitude towards women that sucks and is totally unattractive. There is nothing wrong with admitting that an initial attraction to someone is important. Beyond that, yes personalities need to be compatible. Are you saying you would contact a woman based solely on her profile if you did not find her the least bit attractive? Come on.
^This. I so agree.
I have to be reasonably attracted to a guy to date him. That's normal. But Ryan Gosling could walk through my door and if he had your attitude towards women, I'd throw him out. Bitterness, anger and resentment can make anyone ugly.0 -
My sister met her now husband through E-harmony here in Australia!
Whatever works for you.
Kx0 -
Online dating for men: Send out 10,000 letters. Get one response.
Online dating for women: Receive 10,000 letters. Respond to only hottest guys.
VERY TRUE! lol, that's why I dont like it. You respond to the 'cuter' guys because you can only go off of the physical attraction first. All the profiles say the same B.S no one really tells who they really are. You just have to learn when or if you meet them.
Online dating works for some, but not everyone. If you do it, set your expectations low....really low. I did it, and I felt like it was a complete waste of time and money. From a womens' perspective, I come across a lot guys who are looking for women online, but dont want to settle down or have a relationship. A lot of the men on it are not really serious ...well when you think about it, it's the same on line or in person, lol. I probably would never do it again. But some people have success....but like I said before, set your expectations low.. .VERY LOW.. and this way you won't be dissappointed if it doesn't work out. And if it does. well then, Good for you
Wow. Finally got a woman to admit all she does is go off of looks. Kudos for your honesty. I'm so sick of hearing, "blah blah blah personality and confidence." Now I just need advice on how to overcome this looks barrier you women make us pass through and I'll be good.
I hate to say this, but I've seen enough of your posts to tell you that you actually have the looks going for you but it's your attitude towards women that sucks and is totally unattractive. There is nothing wrong with admitting that an initial attraction to someone is important. Beyond that, yes personalities need to be compatible. Are you saying you would contact a woman based solely on her profile if you did not find her the least bit attractive? Come on.
^This. I so agree.
I have to be reasonably attracted to a guy to date him. That's normal. But Ryan Gosling could walk through my door and if he had your attitude towards women, I'd throw him out. Bitterness, anger and resentment can make anyone ugly.
I'd say the general problem is women set an unreasonable level of attractiveness that is required. If you're over a certain weight you're done with most women. Period. Not cool. My attitudes are formed based off how I've been treated. If women dated a wider variety of guys I'd have no issue with them.0 -
Online dating for men: Send out 10,000 letters. Get one response.
Online dating for women: Receive 10,000 letters. Respond to only hottest guys.
VERY TRUE! lol, that's why I dont like it. You respond to the 'cuter' guys because you can only go off of the physical attraction first. All the profiles say the same B.S no one really tells who they really are. You just have to learn when or if you meet them.
Online dating works for some, but not everyone. If you do it, set your expectations low....really low. I did it, and I felt like it was a complete waste of time and money. From a womens' perspective, I come across a lot guys who are looking for women online, but dont want to settle down or have a relationship. A lot of the men on it are not really serious ...well when you think about it, it's the same on line or in person, lol. I probably would never do it again. But some people have success....but like I said before, set your expectations low.. .VERY LOW.. and this way you won't be dissappointed if it doesn't work out. And if it does. well then, Good for you
Wow. Finally got a woman to admit all she does is go off of looks. Kudos for your honesty. I'm so sick of hearing, "blah blah blah personality and confidence." Now I just need advice on how to overcome this looks barrier you women make us pass through and I'll be good.
I hate to say this, but I've seen enough of your posts to tell you that you actually have the looks going for you but it's your attitude towards women that sucks and is totally unattractive. There is nothing wrong with admitting that an initial attraction to someone is important. Beyond that, yes personalities need to be compatible. Are you saying you would contact a woman based solely on her profile if you did not find her the least bit attractive? Come on.
^This. I so agree.
I have to be reasonably attracted to a guy to date him. That's normal. But Ryan Gosling could walk through my door and if he had your attitude towards women, I'd throw him out. Bitterness, anger and resentment can make anyone ugly.
I'd say the general problem is women set an unreasonable level of attractiveness that is required. If you're over a certain weight you're done with most women. Period. Not cool. My attitudes are formed based off how I've been treated. If women dated a wider variety of guys I'd have no issue with them.
Whoa Whoa Whoa... not as much as you think... I mean, maybe it's different in different places but I can't tell you how often I find these skinny and beautiful girls hanging off the arms of hairy, beer-guzzling guys with the belly to show for it. You must be looking in the right places, to be honest? I mean, one of my exes looks almost exactly like you... it's weird actually... And I have many a guy friend who have no problems finding women... I would show you pictures to prove it but that's sort of a violation of their privacy thing... I think... maybe?0 -
I met my partner of over 5 years on lavalife.com as well as brother and sister in-law and my old neighbour and his wife. I would recommend online dating to anyone who doesn't have a lot of options to meet people. Just make sure you go in with a strong skin and not take rejections too personally. I went on numerous first dates only never to hear from the guy again and I just told myself he wasn't the right one. My partner met me when I was much heavier and has supported me throughout my weight loss journey. That's how I know he's a keeper.
Good luck with whatever journey you take.0 -
The fact of the matter is attraction is important... but what a woman is attracted to varies from person to person...
I have an affinity to gingerbeard men... but not always... just as other woman like chubby guys or fit guys or geeky guys (which I also love!) but the fact of the matter is attraction is necessary and honestly personality and confidence goes far.
I remember when I was going out all the time I never had issues getting dates. Now I don't go out EVER because of a few reasons, thus the attempting online dating. But it wasn't my hot bod for sure and I would go out with girls much prettier but it was my out-going and fun personality that got me the dates.
SOunds cocky but whatev. It's truth SON!!!0 -
I'd say the general problem is women set an unreasonable level of attractiveness that is required. If you're over a certain weight you're done with most women. Period. Not cool. My attitudes are formed based off how I've been treated. If women dated a wider variety of guys I'd have no issue with them.
I'm sorry. I didn't realize we had met before? I definitely didn't realize I had treated you poorly in the past.
You are generalizing and that's the problem.
Listen, I get it. Dating is hard. People treat each other terribly. My ex used me, lied to me, cheated on me, asked me to take him back and then left me for another girl. It was the worst, but I learned a whole lot.
I may be more careful screening the next one, but I'm certainly not going to blame all men for his indiscretions. If I did that then the only person I would be hurting is myself.0 -
I'd say the general problem is women set an unreasonable level of attractiveness that is required. If you're over a certain weight you're done with most women. Period. Not cool. My attitudes are formed based off how I've been treated. If women dated a wider variety of guys I'd have no issue with them.
Yes, because women have a hive mind and we all think alike.
Plus...you really think that some men don't apply that "unreasonable level of attractiveness" to women? Sounds like it's a human thing, that *some* people want a very attractive mate. Don't blame your inability to date on your looks. It's your attitude.0 -
_Pseudonymous-- I suggest dont worry about dating but worry about living the live you want. The online dating can be fun and exciting but those people can be one person online and another in front of you. I suggest try activities you enjoy or join groups like meetup dot you know the rest. And when you are out and about, just talk to people the right person will find you when your not looking. If you put pressure on dating, you will find yourself in a cycle that simple just sucks. I hope this can help you along your way. P.S. Always scan the produce isle at the grocery for potential mates.0
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Online dating for men: Send out 10,000 letters. Get one response.
Online dating for women: Receive 10,000 letters. Respond to only hottest guys.
VERY TRUE! lol, that's why I dont like it. You respond to the 'cuter' guys because you can only go off of the physical attraction first. All the profiles say the same B.S no one really tells who they really are. You just have to learn when or if you meet them.
Online dating works for some, but not everyone. If you do it, set your expectations low....really low. I did it, and I felt like it was a complete waste of time and money. From a womens' perspective, I come across a lot guys who are looking for women online, but dont want to settle down or have a relationship. A lot of the men on it are not really serious ...well when you think about it, it's the same on line or in person, lol. I probably would never do it again. But some people have success....but like I said before, set your expectations low.. .VERY LOW.. and this way you won't be dissappointed if it doesn't work out. And if it does. well then, Good for you
Wow. Finally got a woman to admit all she does is go off of looks. Kudos for your honesty. I'm so sick of hearing, "blah blah blah personality and confidence." Now I just need advice on how to overcome this looks barrier you women make us pass through and I'll be good.
I hate to say this, but I've seen enough of your posts to tell you that you actually have the looks going for you but it's your attitude towards women that sucks and is totally unattractive. There is nothing wrong with admitting that an initial attraction to someone is important. Beyond that, yes personalities need to be compatible. Are you saying you would contact a woman based solely on her profile if you did not find her the least bit attractive? Come on.
^This. I so agree.
I have to be reasonably attracted to a guy to date him. That's normal. But Ryan Gosling could walk through my door and if he had your attitude towards women, I'd throw him out. Bitterness, anger and resentment can make anyone ugly.
I'd say the general problem is women set an unreasonable level of attractiveness that is required. If you're over a certain weight you're done with most women. Period. Not cool. My attitudes are formed based off how I've been treated. If women dated a wider variety of guys I'd have no issue with them.
That is such a generalized statement about women, which is the entire reason I posted what I did. My current interest is overweight, and has other normal visual imperfections, yet he wins me over every day with just how cool he is. And when he smiles at me with his crooked teeth I swoon.
I'm sorry you have had such a bad experience with women, but do you expect it to get better when you continue to treat us all like shallow, conniving b!tches? At some point you're just going to have to trust that we're not all bad. True some are, but that goes for men too.0 -
Simple put, woman were programmed at a early age to be a princess in a fairy land. Then society and reality hits and now in today's society most and I say most, almost everyone would like the milk not the cow. If you don't believe me look at the statistics of those who marry young and now they are divorce. The truth is there isnt just that one person that is your soul mate but a person with many faces. You create your own destiny and love life, you chose who comes and who leaves. This is life.0
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I'd say the general problem is women set an unreasonable level of attractiveness that is required. If you're over a certain weight you're done with most women. Period. Not cool. My attitudes are formed based off how I've been treated. If women dated a wider variety of guys I'd have no issue with them.
I'm sorry. I didn't realize we had met before? I definitely didn't realize I had treated you poorly in the past.
You are generalizing and that's the problem.
Listen, I get it. Dating is hard. People treat each other terribly. My ex used me, lied to me, cheated on me, asked me to take him back and then left me for another girl. It was the worst, but I learned a whole lot.
I may be more careful screening the next one, but I'm certainly not going to blame all men for his indiscretions. If I did that then the only person I would be hurting is myself.
I'm not even talking about dating. It's not an issue of screening. I'm talking about meeting. 9 out 10 times I get blown off in the first 30 seconds because I don't look like the cookie cutter athletic beach body women are hoping walks up to them. You know, that guy they're talking to 5 minutes later.0 -
I say "Yay" and even went so far as to create an on line profile, but my wife found out and she said " nay."0
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I'd say the general problem is women set an unreasonable level of attractiveness that is required. If you're over a certain weight you're done with most women. Period. Not cool. My attitudes are formed based off how I've been treated. If women dated a wider variety of guys I'd have no issue with them.
I'm sorry. I didn't realize we had met before? I definitely didn't realize I had treated you poorly in the past.
You are generalizing and that's the problem.
Listen, I get it. Dating is hard. People treat each other terribly. My ex used me, lied to me, cheated on me, asked me to take him back and then left me for another girl. It was the worst, but I learned a whole lot.
I may be more careful screening the next one, but I'm certainly not going to blame all men for his indiscretions. If I did that then the only person I would be hurting is myself.
I'm not even talking about dating. It's not an issue of screening. I'm talking about meeting. 9 out 10 times I get blown off in the first 30 seconds because I don't look like the cookie cutter athletic beach body women are hoping walks up to them. You know, that guy they're talking to 5 minutes later.
did it EVER occur to you it's your attitude shining through?
my god, if this is how you think inside before you even meet the woman...that her odds are 90% that she's gonna find something wrong with you....
that relays onto your body language, onto your voice inflection...onto EVERYTHING...
you're killing your chances before you even get a chance dude....
man UP!0 -
I'd say the general problem is women set an unreasonable level of attractiveness that is required. If you're over a certain weight you're done with most women. Period. Not cool. My attitudes are formed based off how I've been treated. If women dated a wider variety of guys I'd have no issue with them.
I'm sorry. I didn't realize we had met before? I definitely didn't realize I had treated you poorly in the past.
You are generalizing and that's the problem.
Listen, I get it. Dating is hard. People treat each other terribly. My ex used me, lied to me, cheated on me, asked me to take him back and then left me for another girl. It was the worst, but I learned a whole lot.
I may be more careful screening the next one, but I'm certainly not going to blame all men for his indiscretions. If I did that then the only person I would be hurting is myself.
I'm not even talking about dating. It's not an issue of screening. I'm talking about meeting. 9 out 10 times I get blown off in the first 30 seconds because I don't look like the cookie cutter athletic beach body women are hoping walks up to them. You know, that guy they're talking to 5 minutes later.
I've seen guys much fuglier than you score women with looks that were way out of their league. Maybe the guys were all rich. Maybe they just had better personalities.
Everyone judges based on looks to a certain extent. But I doubt you've been victimized by that as much as your butt-hurt would indicate.0
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