Your most humiliating "fat" experience.
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Umm. Is it bad that I keep bringing home articles for at home workouts and leave them laying around for my wife - hoping against all hope that she will take the hint? Or that I bring home workout dvd's that she has said look like something she'd do (and then never sticks with them)? Or am I simply being an insensitive azshole? Where do you draw the line? I agree that he was being insensitive, but had he said other, kinder things to you in the past that you disregarded? Is a man (or woman) supposed to just be happy he has a wife, with no concern for what she does to her body or how she looks? Just live with it, shut up, and be happy? I've worked hard to be in better shape, shouldn't she?
Oh, and this is all hypothetical don't get your panties twisted.0 -
sure looks matter in a relationship...but I know, hands down... that my husband can probably get a new girl in a minute, but she will not be me. He will be miserable and then he would think, he chose a petty thing to give me up over. So I think to myself when I am feeling blue over my weight, noone is perfect, and you can choose to choose someone upon their looks and have great arm candy...or you can choose on personality and substance and be happy.
So, you can not have one with out the other? My ex used to tell me I would never find someone as awesome as him.
I am with a gorgeous and generous man now that treats me like a princess.
I think many of the women on this site would like to think that they are great arm candy with a personality and substance. The thought that your husband can not get both is pretty disrespectful to him..0 -
I always try to find ways to help this man understand. He is like talking to a wall. He seems like an emotionless hole sometimes. Of course he wasn't always like that. He said that in the beginning when a guy wants sex, he will do anything he needs to do to get it on a regular basis. What?! I figured as much. In hind sight I wonder why I was ever so blind. But it is what it is now. This is what happens when we believe in our heart that someone is really good underneath and that they deserve a chance.
I guess to answer my own question, I do find that memories such as this do hold me back at times. I don't dwell on the bad stuff, but sometimes I am reminded when I see a certain picture or read or hear a certain comment. Letting go of hurt feelings is something I need to work on in my own life. Not just for my health, but for my happiness.
Oh, honey. I think you probably need to work with a good counselor or therapist. It sounds from what you are saying that he is really not giving you the love and affection that you need and deserve. You do not need a relationship to be whole. If he is unwilling to provide you with a loving partner, perhaps he is not the person for you.
When I got married I think I weighed 125-130 pounds and was very fit. Now I am working my way down from a high of 214 pounds and totally out of shape. My husband loves me even more today than he did when we got married - his love is truly unconditional. He tells me I'm beautiful and attractive all the time. I don't *feel* attractive and know that I want to be healthier, but it helps me to know that he is there to support me, no matter how I look. He loves me for me, not because of how I look. Everyone deserves a caring and supportive partner. Don't settle for someone who treats you badly.
He could have told you that the suit didn't make you look your best in a much kinder or gentler way. Saying "you look disgusting" is just horrible. He could have said "I think another style might be much more flattering" or "I really think you look best in [another color]", which would tell you that you should get another suit but wouldn't be cruel.
We say such horrible things to ourselves all the time (fat, worthless, stupid, slob), there is absolutely no room in our lives for someone else to say those things to us.0 -
When I stepped on the scale at my 6 month post baby checkup and it read 220lbs. I looked in the mirror and I still looked VERY pregnant. At 5'5, I was a sad sight. I was so mad at myself for letting it get that bad. It was a HUGE wake up call.0
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I was 10, skinny as a rail, except for my bubble butt, which I was teased about mercilessly by other girls. NOW I like my butt, but then I was mortified. I had never even thought about how I looked.
Suffice it to say that I do not like people who make negative personal comments about how other people look.0 -
I think I've been lucky that I don't really have any "fat" experiences to share. But with luck, it's also been a lot of planning, because I have intentionally kept myself away from so many situations where this could occur. I won't exercise outside of my house because I fear something like the drive-by comments listed above. I bring my own larger chairs to events because I fear I might break someone's chair. I always search out weight limits. I haven't flown in over 15 years. Etc., Etc.
I am sorry for all the pregnant comments, but in a way, they have finally given me something to be thankful about in my body type. I'm fat all over and just have never had that "pregnant" look.
That would be very humiliating - and that would be something that would hurt me, never motivate me. My husband's family believes saying things motivates people - and maybe it does for some of them, but it doesn't for me. His sister has always been very large and I've heard them make comments about her being able to fit in a chair. I called them out on it later and they honestly believed that by pointing it out, she would realize she needed to lose weight. I laughed and said she knows she is overweight! A 300 pound person doesn't need someone to point it out - they are constantly reminded about it in every aspect of their life. They should have a safe and accepting place with their family. I also told them that comments like that would just force me to eat more - certainly not motivate me to lose weight. I'm grateful that that conversation happened early in our marriage, before I put on 75 pounds. If not, my husband might have said some things thinking he was "helping" which might have in turn destroyed our marriage.0 -
I have always been big. Mortifying moments started as long back as I can remember.
In 2nd grade- Since my name is Jacalenne- a boy nicknamed me jack-alantern- because I was big and round.
it stuck. I left that school shortly after.
In 6 & 7th grade- I would arrive to school late a lot, and would have to walk into the classroom in front of everyone while it was quiet. The teenage boys would make noises like i was shaking the earth, and whisper loudly "BOOM...... BOOOMMMM.....BOOM" everytime I took a step. It was all i could do to make it to my seat quickly.
There are plenty more. But i think after 8th grade I became more comfortable, and definitly after 9th grade I grew into my own. I found clothes that fit and instead of hiding away- I became more active- more loud, and talked back to whoever had the nerve to say something.
I ended being one of the most popular girls in High School. I was captain of the cheer team for 3 years. And I got along with EVERYONE. Either we all grew up- or I figured out i wasnt going to let my size hold me back.
After I just didnt care- I either didnt get anymore comments- or I didnt care enough to realize when they were saying them.
Not too long ago- we were at a function with my family and my best friend in public. I walked away and someone said something about me- as soon as I returned, I found that my 21 year old brother AND my best friend had pretty much told the lady to back the **** off and that she was going to get her *kitten* beat if she said one more thing because that was their sister. LOL.
I didnt really care. But any ways- that was a part of my story.0 -
I count myself pretty lucky that I've always held my weight well,always stayed at least moderately active, and I've been pretty self confident, I've had my off days and on days, but I am a loud mouth, sardonic person who holds her own.On the shallow side I've never felt ignored by the opposite sex, and I have an awesome boyfriend who always says great stuff about me and supports me losing some weight to a size I'm more comfortable. I have come to the point in my life where I realize I'll never be "skinny" and that's fine with me. Being a size 10 or 12 would be the hottest version of me, and I accept and love that.
Positive stuff aside there is some stuff that I'll never forget. Mostly it taught me to tell people to f*** off.
- When I was younger my Trindadian grandfather came to visit after a few years of not seeing me and asked me if I was still able to get up on my pointe shoes (I did ballet my whole young life until I was 18) Island people, esp the older generation can be really tactless. They think it's funny, but you just sound like a butt, sorry granddad.
- I was walking home from high school, guys yelled at me out of car, initially hitting on me, but when I didn't turn around they called me fat. I realized that they were just pouty because I didn't turn around and offer to b*** them, like all the other girls I'm sure that's worked on (being sarcastic)
- I went to Wet Seal once and I tried on an "XL" shirt, it got stuck, I tried in vain to take it off, but I was on my own and I had to ask the store associate to help me get it off. She had to rip it off me. She was really nice though, she told me "Oh you know these are Asian sizes, they are smaller." I still didn't go back in that store for 6 months though.
- I was in a long line at McDonald's with my bf, when two (I'm presuming crazy) older people who only spoke Spanish started coming up to me and my bf and talking to us. I've NEVER been called pregnant before ever, but apparently(my bf translated) she was asking me about my baby and the old man was saying that we were too fat blah blah. I think I was sad because while I got angry, and wished I knew Spanish so I could tell them to f*** off, my bf was the more humiliated one, he took me out of the line to go to the drive thru and was crying, he felt unable to tell them off because he has that Cuban sense of "be respectful to your elders" thing ingrained in him. I guess I felt embarrassed because I couldn't defend him and he felt unable to defend himself. That's the only time I've ever been called pregnant...it was bizarre.
Through life you have little jabs and stuff here and there, underhanded "compliments" but I count myself lucky that I let a lot of that roll off of me. And honestly I know it helps that I have an hourglass figure and I'm pretty. Shallow but true.
Either way I still think it's unacceptable for people to be so cruel to others about appearance, etc. It's crap and it's damaging, and it's a waste of time.
I hope you get where you want to, and tell your husband to go do many things where the sun doesn't shine.0 -
I live in Korea, where an American size small is Korean large. Every time I ride the subway I feel like a blimp. I look across the car to the other side where people sit with an inch or two of space between them and squirm uncomfortably that my shoulders will touch my neighbors if I sit back. The whole time I imagine the Koreans calling me a fat American in their heads. Probably not completely realistic, but that's what it feels like!0
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A gal I work with once remarked that my arms were as big as her legs. I don't think she was trying to hurt my feelings, she's just not very sensitive and says whatever is on her mind. But yeah, that wasn't pleasant.
Another time, I was in a yoga class, and I am quite flexible so teachers often expect me to go farther in poses than the rest of the class... So I was in this Utkatasana twist and the teacher decided to help me do a bind (this requires clasping one's hands together as they reach around my butt). She tried and tried, and finally I had to tell her that my butt was too big for this. We both kind of laughed it off at that point
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Umm. Is it bad that I keep bringing home articles for at home workouts and leave them laying around for my wife - hoping against all hope that she will take the hint? Or that I bring home workout dvd's that she has said look like something she'd do (and then never sticks with them)? Or am I simply being an insensitive azshole? Where do you draw the line? I agree that he was being insensitive, but had he said other, kinder things to you in the past that you disregarded? Is a man (or woman) supposed to just be happy he has a wife, with no concern for what she does to her body or how she looks? Just live with it, shut up, and be happy? I've worked hard to be in better shape, shouldn't she?
Oh, and this is all hypothetical don't get your panties twisted.
I had a similar issue with my husband. I did not think that because I'm in shape, he should be. I'm in shape for me, not to manipulate other people into being what I want them to be. I just wanted him to be happy and healthy, not thin, just fit. I did not want him to feel criticized, nagged, or belittled. So I did the outdoor things that he likes to do, with him, to make it more fun for him to get exercise, and I cooked healthy meals for him. It's been working for 14 years.0 -
I was fat AND pregnant, and visiting my Mom down in Kentucky. I told her I was having trouble finding maternity clothes and was feeling really bad about things. She took me to a chain maternity store to look for work pants. They told me they didn't have any in my size. A MATERNITY store. I kinda lost it. "What - you all don't think fat women get pregnant? That fat women don't have sex? Why DON'T you carry the larger sizes? You're in Kentucky, for pete's sake" (Kentucky is known of having a high obesity rate). She said she'd talk to the store manager about ordering some larger sizes, but that didn't help me since I lived far away. I was so embarrassed.0
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in primary school some boy (who btw looks malnourished) wrote ''Go run, little did you know guys love skinny girls''. That was pretty humiliating.
Oh, also in primary I was called 'fat *****' once. Cant choose which hurt me most0 -
Getting kicked off a roller coaster a Busch Gardens. I was mortified. I was about 240lbs at the time. I have always had huge hips and even at my smallest they are wide. I had my sweatshirt tied around my waist and the girl behind me was like take it off you will fit....she was sweet but I put my head down and got off.0
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I was in the H&M changeroom trying on a few things with my sister, and (as it wont to happen) a few of the shirts were too small around the bust and tummy. I asked one of the sales ladies if she'd mind exchanging it for the next size up and she looked at the shirt, looked pointedly at my stomach, and said "We don't carry sizes that big." And was only about a size 9 at the time. I've never been a violent person, but I wanted to equal parts cry and punch her right in the ovaries.0
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Hi, this is my first post. First, I asked my husband the other day if I'd become his trophy wife when I lost weight and his answer? "You are already my trophy wife."
Humiliation: I was living in Italy at the time and there was this wonderful bakery down the street from me. Just before Christmas, I stopped in to treat myself to a spiced fig cookie, yum. I only bought one. As the baker was getting it for me, he turned and looked at me for a second and then asked me if I had an eating disorder. OMG!!! I left there as fast as I could and never went back. The worst part, the ground was damp outside the door and just as I hit the steps, I FELL. However, a very nice lady and man came over and helped me up and to a table at the café next door. Really, it was so hurtful. (5’4” and 220 att)0 -
That is what I was thinking, you married him? Even at 235 pounds my husband tells me he doesn't see me the way I think of myself.0
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I feel for ya OP!
I'm a deer hunter and I was married at the time. So this was Winter 2008. I was 290lbs. Our marriage was in SHAMBLES! (I didn't know he had been with another woman for approx. 6mo at the time - I choose to not believe the signs)
So we go out to a plowed field to be the "posters" for the people who were "driving" the deer towards us. We brought out those fold out camp chairs and we put them in the plowed field and when I sat down the plastic foot broke. He said "If you weren't so fat, maybe that wouldn't have happened" - I had a 12 guage loaded shotgun in my hands. I stood up out of the chair and my hands were shaking so bad because I knew I had to unload the gun because I was tempted to blow his knees apart.
I unloaded the gun, got in the truck and left him in the field. I went to a deer stand and cried so hard I threw up.
In all my years of being heavy and all my years of being teased nothing compared to that EVER!!!
I left him June 2009 after finding out about the mistress, lies, money and gifts. It was the best thing I've ever done.0 -
I was seeing a lady not long ago.
I showed her I was using MFP.
It said I had logged for 220 days. (yay me!)
Her response was "what good has that done you?"
Being a little sensitive about my fat gut. I didn't much care for that statement!
Come to find out she is on here and has been using the site for a long time.
So she knew what this site was for......guess what I'm not dating her anymore!!0 -
OHHHH.... that is sooo sad... We all have some issues we need to work on. Don't let that one nasty comment ruin it forever. And I would tell you, to look around that beach and see what other people have on, no can look nice with out looking trashy. They make bathing suits for every size now. I will never be that person at the water park in a shirt and shorts again... never!!!
GOOD LUCK !!!! and keep up the good work!!
OH my gosh! The beach! The funny thing is, it seems like the beach is the one place in the world where a person can just relax and let it all hang out. But go ta swimming pool and suddenly there are people with issues! LOL!0 -
I'm so sorry you had to endure this abuse. We should try at all times to love and support. Easier said than done but there is no excuse for this!
When dealing with issues like this we can apply the following: T H I N K before you speak!
T - Is it TRUE?
H - Is it HELPFUL?
I - Is it INSPIRATIONAL?
N - Is it NECESSARY?
K - Is it KIND?
If you can't answer yes to ALL of these then please SHUT UP!
Hmmm. I like this. You just gave me a good homeschool lesson for my daughter.0 -
I'm so sorry you had to endure this abuse. We should try at all times to love and support. Easier said than done but there is no excuse for this!
When dealing with issues like this we can apply the following: T H I N K before you speak!
T - Is it TRUE?
H - Is it HELPFUL?
I - Is it INSPIRATIONAL?
N - Is it NECESSARY?
K - Is it KIND?
If you can't answer yes to ALL of these then please SHUT UP!
I teach middle school and this going up on my wall before the end of the day today!! Thanks for sharing!0 -
Going in for my yearly "Lady" appointment a few years ago. My wonderfully tactful doctor waits until I'm all gowned up, strapped in, feet up and lights on with her head half a foot from my parts, to tell me that it would be a good idea for me to lose fifty pounds. What the hell kind of timing is that??0
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Umm. Is it bad that I keep bringing home articles for at home workouts and leave them laying around for my wife - hoping against all hope that she will take the hint? Or that I bring home workout dvd's that she has said look like something she'd do (and then never sticks with them)? Or am I simply being an insensitive azshole? Where do you draw the line? I agree that he was being insensitive, but had he said other, kinder things to you in the past that you disregarded? Is a man (or woman) supposed to just be happy he has a wife, with no concern for what she does to her body or how she looks? Just live with it, shut up, and be happy? I've worked hard to be in better shape, shouldn't she?
Well, no he had not actually. I wasn't even very much larger than I had ever been. I was running at least three miles every day. I was eating well too. I wasn't the lay around and stuff my face type at all. I'm still not that type. I think there is a way to get a message across without being a jerk even though what needs to be said may still hurt. Tact is all that is needed to deliver the message, love is what is needed to help the hurt feelings someone may have. His being 60 pounds overweight never once led me to treat him poorly. Although maybe he deserved a taste of his own medicine.0 -
A lot of responses on here about her Husband saying she was fat. My GF actually gets mad if I say she looks nice because she is a bit overweight and says me telling her she's fat or she shouldn't eat something helps her.0
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I have had that happen to me..not fitting into seats is so embarassing:embarassed:0
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I feel for ya OP!
I'm a deer hunter and I was married at the time. So this was Winter 2008. I was 290lbs. Our marriage was in SHAMBLES! (I didn't know he had been with another woman for approx. 6mo at the time - I choose to not believe the signs)
So we go out to a plowed field to be the "posters" for the people who were "driving" the deer towards us. We brought out those fold out camp chairs and we put them in the plowed field and when I sat down the plastic foot broke. He said "If you weren't so fat, maybe that wouldn't have happened" - I had a 12 guage loaded shotgun in my hands. I stood up out of the chair and my hands were shaking so bad because I knew I had to unload the gun because I was tempted to blow his knees apart.
I unloaded the gun, got in the truck and left him in the field. I went to a deer stand and cried so hard I thre
In all my years of being heavy and all my years of being teased nothing compared to that EVER!!!
I left him June 2009 after finding out about the mistress, lies, money and gifts. It was the best thing I've ever done.
You have a lot of self control. I might have blown his knee caps off. He's a jerk...good job leaving his sorry *kitten*!0 -
Several...but one that stands out is I was in a costco parking lot and a group of guys drove by and yelled Jenny Craig
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mine came while I was getting a pedicure, don't know how this came up, but the tech made a comment about how my weight prevented me from being able to do myself (which was true at the time), but didn't explain why every other chair in the salon will filled with skinny women also getting a pedicure. Suffice it to say, thanks to losing 76lbs and becoming more flexible, I will be doing my own pedicures this summer.0
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Umm. Is it bad that I keep bringing home articles for at home workouts and leave them laying around for my wife - hoping against all hope that she will take the hint? Or that I bring home workout dvd's that she has said look like something she'd do (and then never sticks with them)? Or am I simply being an insensitive azshole? Where do you draw the line? I agree that he was being insensitive, but had he said other, kinder things to you in the past that you disregarded? Is a man (or woman) supposed to just be happy he has a wife, with no concern for what she does to her body or how she looks? Just live with it, shut up, and be happy? I've worked hard to be in better shape, shouldn't she?
Oh, and this is all hypothetical don't get your panties twisted.
If your wife has mentioned an interest in working out, then I don't see anything wrong with leaving articles around or buying DVDs for her. My boyfriend bought me a Wii because I expressed interest in playing some of the dancing games, and I thought it was really sweet of him. Doing something like that isn't putting pressure on someone or being judgmental; it's doing something nice for them based on something they mentioned.
On the other hand, telling someone they look "disgusting" in their swimsuit is really mean. Asking her if she needed a bigger one was also mean. If she needed a bigger one, she'd buy one. Sometimes, my boyfriend and I go to a concert, and he asks for a "Large" t-shirt. I know he probably needs an XL, but I keep my trap shut because first of all, maybe the Large will fit (and sometimes it does), and second of all (and most importantly) it would hurt his feelings.
The most important thing is how you approach her. If you approach it out of love and concern and acknowledge that she's brought it up and maybe you can help her or workout together, then yes, that's okay. If it's something along the lines of, "You look fat now, so either lose weight or leave. I got myself in shape, so you should too," then that's pretty harsh. It sounds like you're really trying to help her, though. Give it time. It took me a year or so to finally take the first step toward losing weight, and my boyfriend was supportive and loving the entire time, always making sure to focus on my health and how much he worried about me and not how attracted he was or wasn't. He made it more about living a long life together.0
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