Your most humiliating "fat" experience.

kjanoudi

lol, how bout all of elementary/middle school?

mjkpe

I'm so sorry you had to endure this abuse. We should try at all times to love and support. Easier said than done but there is no excuse for this!

When dealing with issues like this we can apply the following: T H I N K before you speak!

T - Is it TRUE?

H - Is it HELPFUL?

I - Is it INSPIRATIONAL?

N - Is it NECESSARY?

K - Is it KIND?

If you can't answer yes to ALL of these then please SHUT UP!

tuckerrj

I was taking a sign language class at the local community college. We had a party at the end of it. I overheard two guys talking. One said,"My wife kept talking about this Richard guy in class (me) and I got really jealous. Then I met him and saw how fat he was & I knew there was no reason to be". I obsessed about that for a looong time.

Julesbait

you may find some of the weight you're looking to lose may be the husband.

THIS!!!!!

AIZZO4

I always felt people just had to keep reminding me I was fat. Calling me "big guy" or "big boy." Or if we were at a food gathering, people would say things like. "did you save some for us." My mom did't like the fact that I was big. She would call me names. She thought it would motivate me but all it did was made me worse.

AshleyKait

I went through an incredibly stressful period in my life and put on 50lbs thanks to stress eating (and then another 20lbs on top of that!). I was also in major denial about my weight gain. Well I was working on a story about people in an addiction recovery program and basically spent a week sitting in on some of their sessions and talking to patients who were willing to share their story. During some down time, one of the patients came up to me and asked me when my baby was due. I told her that I wasn't pregnant and rather than apologizing, she stuck her arms out in a circle (like she was simulating a big belly) and puffed up her cheeks and walked away. Granted, this woman had some serious issues (anorexia, alcoholism, bipolar disorder) but it still really hurt!

AIZZO4

I was going out with someone and he said "you need to go to the gym" in a very nasty tone. Never went out with him again.

Did he call the police when you slapped him?

mecka98

Although that may have been a motivating factor to jumpstart your weight loss, I'm sure it also destroyed your self esteem at the same time. At first, it seems he told you without telling you, but since you kept pushing for a reason, he may have thought it better to just say it "real". However, the words he used may have not been the best choice. I can tell you, my husband, may think such things but would never say them, because of the backlash he would receive in return. Men just don't understand that no matter what, all we really need is encouragement, support and to know that no matter what.....WE STILL LOOK GOOD!

jacalennejax

We all surely have some experience related to out weight that lingers in our minds. I wouldn't say I was even fat when this happened. I am 5'3", at the time I weighed 145 pounds. I was in the process of losing weight I gained from quitting smoking. Anyhoo, we were talking about going to the beach. My now husband, then boyfriend, made the remark that I should get a bigger swim suit. I was wondering what was wrong with the one I had. I asked him what he meant and why he said that. He would never really clarify. Finally he just yelled at me that I look disgusting in my swim suit. Needless to say, I haven't put on a swim suit since. I actually bought one last year, but I could never bring myself to wear the thing.

When you look back on these things do they motivate you? Do you feel a sense of hopelessness that drives you to failure over and over?

You said your now Husband? I would have never marrie dhim if he yelled at and said that. Just saying.

Jerbear1985

Maybe because he can say the truth while everyone else is busy trying to protect her feelings while she is going around embaressing herself- he was trying to help her. Apparently, she had to pull his teeth for him to tell her too. I support a guy telling his girl when she does/does not look good. I would want my girl to tell me when I look like **** too, instead of pumping my ego with things that I *want* to hear.

BeeElMarvin

Umm. Is it bad that I keep bringing home articles for at home workouts and leave them laying around for my wife - hoping against all hope that she will take the hint? Or that I bring home workout dvd's that she has said look like something she'd do (and then never sticks with them)? Or am I simply being an insensitive azshole? Where do you draw the line? I agree that he was being insensitive, but had he said other, kinder things to you in the past that you disregarded? Is a man (or woman) supposed to just be happy he has a wife, with no concern for what she does to her body or how she looks? Just live with it, shut up, and be happy? I've worked hard to be in better shape, shouldn't she?


Oh, and this is all hypothetical don't get your panties twisted.

Lesa_Sass

sure looks matter in a relationship...but I know, hands down... that my husband can probably get a new girl in a minute, but she will not be me. He will be miserable and then he would think, he chose a petty thing to give me up over. So I think to myself when I am feeling blue over my weight, noone is perfect, and you can choose to choose someone upon their looks and have great arm candy...or you can choose on personality and substance and be happy.

So, you can not have one with out the other? My ex used to tell me I would never find someone as awesome as him.

I am with a gorgeous and generous man now that treats me like a princess.

I think many of the women on this site would like to think that they are great arm candy with a personality and substance. The thought that your husband can not get both is pretty disrespectful to him..

Lyerin

I always try to find ways to help this man understand. He is like talking to a wall. He seems like an emotionless hole sometimes. Of course he wasn't always like that. He said that in the beginning when a guy wants sex, he will do anything he needs to do to get it on a regular basis. What?! I figured as much. In hind sight I wonder why I was ever so blind. But it is what it is now. This is what happens when we believe in our heart that someone is really good underneath and that they deserve a chance.
I guess to answer my own question, I do find that memories such as this do hold me back at times. I don't dwell on the bad stuff, but sometimes I am reminded when I see a certain picture or read or hear a certain comment. Letting go of hurt feelings is something I need to work on in my own life. Not just for my health, but for my happiness.

Oh, honey. I think you probably need to work with a good counselor or therapist. It sounds from what you are saying that he is really not giving you the love and affection that you need and deserve. You do not need a relationship to be whole. If he is unwilling to provide you with a loving partner, perhaps he is not the person for you.

When I got married I think I weighed 125-130 pounds and was very fit. Now I am working my way down from a high of 214 pounds and totally out of shape. My husband loves me even more today than he did when we got married - his love is truly unconditional. He tells me I'm beautiful and attractive all the time. I don't *feel* attractive and know that I want to be healthier, but it helps me to know that he is there to support me, no matter how I look. He loves me for me, not because of how I look. Everyone deserves a caring and supportive partner. Don't settle for someone who treats you badly.

He could have told you that the suit didn't make you look your best in a much kinder or gentler way. Saying "you look disgusting" is just horrible. He could have said "I think another style might be much more flattering" or "I really think you look best in [another color]", which would tell you that you should get another suit but wouldn't be cruel.

We say such horrible things to ourselves all the time (fat, worthless, stupid, slob), there is absolutely no room in our lives for someone else to say those things to us.

LikeNoOneElse84

When I stepped on the scale at my 6 month post baby checkup and it read 220lbs. I looked in the mirror and I still looked VERY pregnant. At 5'5, I was a sad sight. I was so mad at myself for letting it get that bad. It was a HUGE wake up call.

lithezebra

I was 10, skinny as a rail, except for my bubble butt, which I was teased about mercilessly by other girls. NOW I like my butt, but then I was mortified. I had never even thought about how I looked.

Suffice it to say that I do not like people who make negative personal comments about how other people look.

aa62579

I think I've been lucky that I don't really have any "fat" experiences to share. But with luck, it's also been a lot of planning, because I have intentionally kept myself away from so many situations where this could occur. I won't exercise outside of my house because I fear something like the drive-by comments listed above. I bring my own larger chairs to events because I fear I might break someone's chair. I always search out weight limits. I haven't flown in over 15 years. Etc., Etc.

I am sorry for all the pregnant comments, but in a way, they have finally given me something to be thankful about in my body type. I'm fat all over and just have never had that "pregnant" look.

That would be very humiliating - and that would be something that would hurt me, never motivate me. My husband's family believes saying things motivates people - and maybe it does for some of them, but it doesn't for me. His sister has always been very large and I've heard them make comments about her being able to fit in a chair. I called them out on it later and they honestly believed that by pointing it out, she would realize she needed to lose weight. I laughed and said she knows she is overweight! A 300 pound person doesn't need someone to point it out - they are constantly reminded about it in every aspect of their life. They should have a safe and accepting place with their family. I also told them that comments like that would just force me to eat more - certainly not motivate me to lose weight. I'm grateful that that conversation happened early in our marriage, before I put on 75 pounds. If not, my husband might have said some things thinking he was "helping" which might have in turn destroyed our marriage.

jacalennejax

I have always been big. Mortifying moments started as long back as I can remember.

In 2nd grade- Since my name is Jacalenne- a boy nicknamed me jack-alantern- because I was big and round. it stuck. I left that school shortly after.

In 6 & 7th grade- I would arrive to school late a lot, and would have to walk into the classroom in front of everyone while it was quiet. The teenage boys would make noises like i was shaking the earth, and whisper loudly "BOOM...... BOOOMMMM.....BOOM" everytime I took a step. It was all i could do to make it to my seat quickly.

There are plenty more. But i think after 8th grade I became more comfortable, and definitly after 9th grade I grew into my own. I found clothes that fit and instead of hiding away- I became more active- more loud, and talked back to whoever had the nerve to say something.

I ended being one of the most popular girls in High School. I was captain of the cheer team for 3 years. And I got along with EVERYONE. Either we all grew up- or I figured out i wasnt going to let my size hold me back.

After I just didnt care- I either didnt get anymore comments- or I didnt care enough to realize when they were saying them.

Not too long ago- we were at a function with my family and my best friend in public. I walked away and someone said something about me- as soon as I returned, I found that my 21 year old brother AND my best friend had pretty much told the lady to back the **** off and that she was going to get her *kitten* beat if she said one more thing because that was their sister. LOL.


I didnt really care. But any ways- that was a part of my story.

DaniEdge9

I count myself pretty lucky that I've always held my weight well,always stayed at least moderately active, and I've been pretty self confident, I've had my off days and on days, but I am a loud mouth, sardonic person who holds her own.On the shallow side I've never felt ignored by the opposite sex, and I have an awesome boyfriend who always says great stuff about me and supports me losing some weight to a size I'm more comfortable. I have come to the point in my life where I realize I'll never be "skinny" and that's fine with me. Being a size 10 or 12 would be the hottest version of me, and I accept and love that.

Positive stuff aside there is some stuff that I'll never forget. Mostly it taught me to tell people to f*** off.

- When I was younger my Trindadian grandfather came to visit after a few years of not seeing me and asked me if I was still able to get up on my pointe shoes (I did ballet my whole young life until I was 18) Island people, esp the older generation can be really tactless. They think it's funny, but you just sound like a butt, sorry granddad.

- I was walking home from high school, guys yelled at me out of car, initially hitting on me, but when I didn't turn around they called me fat. I realized that they were just pouty because I didn't turn around and offer to b*** them, like all the other girls I'm sure that's worked on (being sarcastic)

- I went to Wet Seal once and I tried on an "XL" shirt, it got stuck, I tried in vain to take it off, but I was on my own and I had to ask the store associate to help me get it off. She had to rip it off me. She was really nice though, she told me "Oh you know these are Asian sizes, they are smaller." I still didn't go back in that store for 6 months though.

- I was in a long line at McDonald's with my bf, when two (I'm presuming crazy) older people who only spoke Spanish started coming up to me and my bf and talking to us. I've NEVER been called pregnant before ever, but apparently(my bf translated) she was asking me about my baby and the old man was saying that we were too fat blah blah. I think I was sad because while I got angry, and wished I knew Spanish so I could tell them to f*** off, my bf was the more humiliated one, he took me out of the line to go to the drive thru and was crying, he felt unable to tell them off because he has that Cuban sense of "be respectful to your elders" thing ingrained in him. I guess I felt embarrassed because I couldn't defend him and he felt unable to defend himself. That's the only time I've ever been called pregnant...it was bizarre.

Through life you have little jabs and stuff here and there, underhanded "compliments" but I count myself lucky that I let a lot of that roll off of me. And honestly I know it helps that I have an hourglass figure and I'm pretty. Shallow but true.

Either way I still think it's unacceptable for people to be so cruel to others about appearance, etc. It's crap and it's damaging, and it's a waste of time.

I hope you get where you want to, and tell your husband to go do many things where the sun doesn't shine.

sweetdianachka

I live in Korea, where an American size small is Korean large. Every time I ride the subway I feel like a blimp. I look across the car to the other side where people sit with an inch or two of space between them and squirm uncomfortably that my shoulders will touch my neighbors if I sit back. The whole time I imagine the Koreans calling me a fat American in their heads. Probably not completely realistic, but that's what it feels like!

bumblebums

A gal I work with once remarked that my arms were as big as her legs. I don't think she was trying to hurt my feelings, she's just not very sensitive and says whatever is on her mind. But yeah, that wasn't pleasant.

Another time, I was in a yoga class, and I am quite flexible so teachers often expect me to go farther in poses than the rest of the class... So I was in this Utkatasana twist and the teacher decided to help me do a bind (this requires clasping one's hands together as they reach around my butt). She tried and tried, and finally I had to tell her that my butt was too big for this. We both kind of laughed it off at that point