Is it rude not to cater for allergies/special diets?

deedee303z

Good grief! It's simple enough to have at least one or two veg friendly dishes--not every dish has to have some sort of meat in it to taste good and it's a simple kindness to offer plenty of options to all guests. Just having a couple of veg dishes covers a LOT of bases in regards to food intolerances and allergies (no milk, cheese, eggs, or other meat products). Not having peanuts or soy if you know that you have at least one guest who cannot safely eat them also shouldn't be additional cost or hassle. Having a few dishes without wheat or grain products shouldn't be a huge stretch either--most meals will naturally have dishes that don't. It's a matter of common sense and providing a reasonable variety so that all (or at least most) of the invited guests will be able to find something that they would like to eat.

And anyone who has been a vegetarian for any extended period of time is NOT just being picky--they literally cannot digest meat properly anymore so it will truly make them physically ill. Besides, for those of you complaining that a veg would not serve a carnivore meat at dinner--do you really want someone preparing a food for you that that don't eat themselves just because you cannot go without one particular ingredient for one meal?

And I'm not a vegetarian BTW. I just know quite a few of them.

sheclimber

I don't know about weddings anymore, it's been a long time since I've been to one of those. But speaking from the viewpoint of entertaining from my home, I have to say I too am skeptical of all the allergies out there, where did the all come from suddenly?? Here in CO it is very in-fashion to be gluten-free as part of a healthy diet - not something I personally do. My daughter has a particular friend who through school has always had gluten/soy and banana allergies and so every birthday she gets something different and my daughter couldn't bring bananas in her lunch all through preschool. Come to find out as these two have gotten closer over the years that 1) she has a banana a home but can only have 1/2 at a time otherwise she might get a rash and 2) she's not gluten/soy allergic but some of her family is so they have chosen to raise her that way. Only they aren't always consistent ( ie over the holidays they let it fall apart), and the parents don't eat that way. Just annoyed that over the years how I've catered to this child for lunches, playdates and birthdays, that it's really her parent's lifestyle choice for her....

When I invite a friend over for dinner that truly has an allergy, I will absolutely cater to them if I know in advance and they don't think I'll remember. I always forget that my husband's best friend is allergic to shellfish.

I think that if I had life-threatening I wouldn't trust that responsibility anyone but myself.

wifealiciousness

I think a fair point has been made. I would not invite someone for dinner or to my wedding unless I liked them. If I liked them, I'd care about what they ate. We had some vegetarian friends for dinner, and made a veggie meal for them a couple of weeks ago. I invited them because I like them, and I respect their decisions not to eat meat. It didn't kill me not to eat meat in my own meal. If it bothered me, I'd make seperate meals, or just not invite them! I've been guilty of messing up before (catering for a work event I forgot one of my staff was lactose intollerant, and felt awful when I realised I'd not catered for her), but on the whole, why would you not?! If I invite someone around for dinner, my first question is "Is there anything you don't eat". I ask this because I know if the tables were turned and I was served a ginger and anaseed flavoured main course with a coffee cake dessert, I'd be disappointed. My husband doesn't like fish very much so if we went to someones dinner party and they cooked salmon, it would be a disaster and embarrassing.

Weddings may be a slightly different kettle of fish, but then if you want to pay £50+ a head for a crappy mass produced piece-of-crap meal, with caterers that charge extra for any special diet food.... then that's your choice. I had a friend cater mine, with gorgeous home made food, which we knew every ingredient that went into it... so everyone was catered for! Easy.

links_slayer

life threatening allergy = yes
picky eater = gtfo

fattyfoodie

One of my best friends has a life threatening allergy to peanuts and has celiac disease. When we were planning our wedding, we chose a caterer who was willing to work with us to ensure that at least some of the food selections would be appropriate to her. We didn't do a sit down meal, though, we had a cocktail reception with canapes, so it wasn't too hard to make sure that some of the food choices were OK for her.

Personally, I try to accommodate people, provided they give me sufficient notice. We have many friends and family members with dietary restrictions (some medical, some not) so we did our best to make sure our wedding could accommodate a variety of dietary needs.

ETA: one guest had decided to become vegan less than a week before the wedding and she was out of luck.... we had vegetarian options, but nothing vegan.

quirkytizzy

It seems to me that its become the fashion to have allergies!

I didn't know one person with a allergy when I was a kid!!

Ps. I know some of you won't like this comment but its my opinion!

That's okay. Not everyone's opinion is backed up with science. You're fine.

DeeDeeLHF

'We have tons of allergies and celiac's in our family. Every holiday will find a variety of foods, in fact, you will find two or more versions of the same food on the table that cater to everyone's issues. For example, this Easter we had 3 baked bean different baked bean dishes. It was no problem here at home.

For a wedding, I would NEVER expect the bride and groom to accommodate our issues. We bring food with us that is tolerated and fill in the blanks with what is served.

D

RaquelCasul

...the friend let the OP that she probably couldn't cater to your diet so that OP would be prepared, so I would take that into consideration before considering her rude or not.

I think you misread my post. That's not really an accurate summary.

csuhar

Sorry, but whenever I've been over to a vegan/vegetarian's house to eat dinner, I wasn't offered a steak (or any other meat, for that matter).

This is always such an interesting assumption. I'm not sure why meat-eaters think they're not catered for when they're served perfectly edible food that doesn't contain specific ingredients they like, or why they think it's comparable to serving food containing ingredients that other people can't eat.

Same goes for vegans/veges as well I think.....

Exactly. Meat is also "perfectly edible food".

Also, couldn't we consider it rude for a guest to expect the host to adjust their plans and preparations for them, especially when we're talking a large group event?

It would be nice if everyone could be accommodated. But there are limits and the host may not have time, knowledge, or money to do that.

To me, there's a difference between a health issue and a preference issue. If I was in a situation where I had to choose between accommodating people with allergies and accommodating those who have simply chosen a dietary path, the person comes to me and says "I will get physically, possibly gravely, ill, if I eat certain foods" will have priority over the one who who says "this food isn't a part of the diet I've chosen for myself" when it comes to accommodation. (And I'm the guy who always brings a few veggie burgers to the office cookouts just in case there's a few vegetarians who flew in under the radar.)

verdancyhime

One of my favourite bloggers is engaged, and writing a lot of guest posts on wedding dilemmas. On one of her recent posts, she included the line "you don't have to cater for every allergy/diet".

I really disagree with this. I think it would be incredibly rude to invite a celiac, vegan, vegetarian, person with a nut-allergy, etc, to your wedding, with the proviso that you'll be serving edible food to everyone except them.:/

We did discuss this a little, and it turns out that I was picturing a scenario where you knew about the allergy/diet in advance, while she was picturing a scenario where you only found out late in the day. However, she did still say that she wouldn't feel the need to cater for one lone vegan, who would be "used to fending for themselves".

Having been that one lone vegan, I would be quite hurt if someone whom I liked enough to attend their wedding fed everyone but me.:(

I'd love to hear some other thoughts on this. I'm aware that I'm heavily biased due to the vegan thing. Plus, I've never organised a wedding.

Where should the line be drawn? Allergies, like celiac disease or nut allergies? Choices like veganism or vegetarianism? Special diets like atkins or the cabbage soup diet?

Well... I kind of assume vegans go to parties quite often where there are dishes served that vegans choose not to eat. It might just be me being naive, because I live in the cheese capital of the world, though. I'm a picky eater, I used to be worse as a child, but there are some dishes that are regular party staples here that I can't stand. But there's always something I will enjoy eating somewhere, and I eat that. I kind of view any kind of nonmedical dietary restriction that way- I would not be holding a big fancy party where there's only one dish, and if you don't want to eat one of the dishes, eat another instead. Now, I might make sure that the rice dish wasn't cooked in chicken broth or butter, and that there was a nice salad bar or sauteed mushroom dish or something, but I'm not going to serve a vegan only buffet because I invited a vegan- hopefully my vegan friend will be mature enough to watch other people eat bacon if they choose to and she doesn't.

soldier4242

Sorry, but whenever I've been over to a vegan/vegetarian's house to eat dinner, I wasn't offered a steak (or any other meat, for that matter).

This is always such an interesting assumption. I'm not sure why meat-eaters think they're not catered for when they're served perfectly edible food that doesn't contain specific ingredients they like, or why they think it's comparable to serving food containing ingredients that other people can't eat.

Yeah I don't like this arguement either.
A vegetarian won't serve you meat products because they dont agree with the slaughter of animals for human consumption, so to buy meat and serve it to you is going against their beliefs. If they serve it to you, they may as well eat it themselves.

However if you decide to not prepare a meal for a vegetarian, it's not because you're against killing a vegetable for them. It's because you are disrespectful.

The truth of the matter is if you force a meat eater to conform to your eating pallet than you are not catering to them. You are simply feeding them. It is literally no different from a meat eater asking the vegetarian to conform to their eating pallet. These responses do a fantastic job of showing how self entitled a person can be. What is sounds like you're saying is this "It is ok for me to force you to eat like me but it is not ok for you to force me to eat like you." Like it or not a wedding is a huge event and when feeding that many people it can be difficult if you are the one imposing the extra restrictions on your diet simply because of your own personal beliefs then you are going to have to accept the fact that you will end up doing some self accommodating.

I think the first response did have a point when mentioning the "perfectly edible food" part. A steak is perfectly edible. If you have an allergy or something like that and you actually can't eat it then that is separate and distinct from won't eat it. Obviously if I know ahead of time I'll provide something else but if I don't know and you turn your nose up at a steak I offer based solely on your beliefs then you had better hope that something else I have prepared falls within your acceptable pallet because I will eventually get to the point where I won't deal with it anymore. I once had a cup of tea declined by a guest because she knew that the sugar I was using in the tea had been harvested with the help of animals. I immediately stopped trying to accommodate her and I did not feel that was even remotely disrespectful.

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flyingwrite

Sorry, but whenever I've been over to a vegan/vegetarian's house to eat dinner, I wasn't offered a steak (or any other meat, for that matter). I lived as a veggie/vegan for 20 years and never, ever cooked meat for a meat eating guest, and they didn't expect me to.

I now have gluten intolerance and am insulin resistant, and allergic to several different foods. I don't ever expect anyone to cater to my weirdness, and don't even mention it when I'm invited somewhere. I see it as my own responsibility to figure out what I can eat in any given situation, not someone else's problem.

I have been non-meat eating for almost 2 years now (still eat seafood). Whenever we have company, I ALWAYS make sure there are meat options. For instance, my mother doesn't eat fish so I fix chicken for her. For my birthday, we had a taco bar. We served beef, pork and chicken along with various vegetarian and vegan options. I recognize that this is my choice and not someone else's. But I want people to be comfortable in my home and would want them to be comfortable at my wedding as well.

k8blujay2

If I had to cater to everyone's needs... I just wouldn't... there would be no food, no drink, no nothing. It's stressful enough planning a wedding in the first place without having to eliminate basically everything for everyone regardless if it's a known allergy/illness/disorder or not. And I'm sorry, but I'm pretty sure the big bad world is not going cater to everyone's needs either... otherwise there wouldn't be niche food markets and food would be way more expensive because everything would be processed in sterile environments to make sure molecules from one food wouldn't get on another in every instance.

dmaloof2013

We sent out our wedding invites yesterday and the RSVPs specifically ask if there are any dietary requirements. I've never found a reception venue (and I've worked at a bunch) who don't expect to cater for dietary needs and charge extra or anything, its just par for the course that as a hospitality venue you will need to cater for dietary needs.

This is what I am doing with my invitations, because we are serving 1 meal. I know of two people who will need a different meal, which I am going to do that. We aren't doing any seafood or nuts due to allergies, and I just don't want them at my big day. I say it is a personal preference for everyone, but I am inviting those people and I don't want them to not be able to eat... That is just not cool in my eyes and I would want them to do the same for my allergies.

tachyon_master

Do what my brother did?

"This is the menu for the wedding. If you can't or won't eat what's on the menu, please organise your own food."

Nobody complained.

annbillingsley

Sorry, but whenever I've been over to a vegan/vegetarian's house to eat dinner, I wasn't offered a steak (or any other meat, for that matter).

This is always such an interesting assumption. I'm not sure why meat-eaters think they're not catered for when they're served perfectly edible food that doesn't contain specific ingredients they like, or why they think it's comparable to serving food containing ingredients that other people can't eat.

Same goes for vegans/veges as well I think.....

^^^^this! Vegans/veges usually CHOOSE not to eat meat and/or dairy products. There is no difference...both groups are choosing ingredients they like!

SunshineRowe

this is a question that would not even been asked 15 years ago... we are such a catering society, sure it would be nice if you have the money and time to go through the trouble but come on..it's an event for tons of people! you have to get pretty generic, you wouldn't ask everyone favorite flavor cake for a bday party ... should the icing have milk because someone may be lactose intolerant

LngHrDntCr13

I am a celiac myself and I get extremely sick if I eat anything with the slightest amount of wheat/wheat gluten. I never expect anyone to cater to my specific dietary needs, but I'm always so thankful when someone goes out of their way to make sure I can have an enjoyable snack or meal. And it doesn't have to be a huge expensive plate. A grilled chicken salad or a fruit bowl is a nice gesture!

NCchar130

There are so many people on some kind of special diet anymore that I think if I were planning an event, I would try to have a little something for everyone for the most common stuff. Most people who eat meat don't necessarily put meat in every single dish and if there were fruit/vegetable trays and such then most guests should be able to find something. I know at least two people with celiac, numerous people who are lactose-intolerant, vegans, vegetarians who eat eggs/dairy, people with peanut allergies, shellfish allergies, etc. It's true, they are used to fending for themselves.

The only time I find it really rude is if you specifically invite a vegetarian (for example) to eat at your home and don't make a single dish she can eat, because then it's about making a point.

cnd8304

I think the best person to help with this would be the actual caterer. I am sure they've dealt with this issue many many times. The way I feel, also try to give a vegetarian option if your budget allows. But this could be items that could be a side or a hearty salad that fit into the meal as a whole. Vegans...ehh...I wouldn't go out of my way for a vegan meal unless I had a good number of friends and family that were vegans. (No offense to vegans out there, it is just harder to find a vegan solution) As for allergies, I don't think you should opt out of peanut butter frosting on YOUR wedding cake because of one or two people's allergy. I would warn them of the peanuts and peanut products (or any nut products) you will be serving so they know what to avoid. If it is someone really close to you like sibling, cousin, bridesmaid, etc. then maybe see about making a special treat just for them (ask another family member/close friend if they'd be willing to do that duty). Also if it is someone you are extremely close to, or an immediate family member, ask the caterer to make a special plate for them. Sometimes caterers won't charge too much, if anything, extra to accommodate it.

Oh and special diets like Adkins, low fat, low calorie...no you do NOT have to cater to those. That is their CHOICE not something that could be potentially life threatening, like a food allergy could be. And if you did have a veggie option then they can enjoy that as well.

Laura42012

I have a severe nut allergy and it's kind of awkward going to things like this because wedding caterers are more likely to add random ingredients like pecans to a sauce. I went into shock in the middle of Red Lobster after taking a bite of coconut shrimp that just happened to have a treenut in the sauce.

Adjusting to every need is not necessary but at least check first and notify those that need to know. I bring food with me if I know I'm going to be in a situation where I can't eat something.

rlmadrid

As a celiac, I know that fending for yourself blows. I would cater to restrictions and allergies. Because most venues expect to anyway, there shouldn't be any added hassle. However, low carb/low fat people may not be my top priority next to allergy sufferers or vegetarians. I am in no way discriminating, but it's easier for a low-carber to eat only half the baked potato after previously planning it into their day than for the vegetarian to ignore the big juicy piece of animal flesh on their plate. Just a thought.

rotill

Unless it's really specific, it's not hard to cater to a wide variety of diets. Making a dinner menu lactose and gluten free is very easy. By keeping vegetables and meat apart, it's easy to replace meat or fish with another vegetable course. Once a dinner is lactose free and the meat served seperately, keeping eggs out of it is easy too, and then all you need is to use plant oils to make it suitable for vegans. As for dessert: a sorbet should please eall parties except the diabetic, and those can easily be offered a little bowl of berries.

More specific allergies can be catered to by avoiding mixing: don't serve all the vegetables as mixed salads, for instance. And don't use nuts if you have any hint that people may have a nut allergy - just keep them out of the room. Those things can be dangerous.

And since most people use a professional to do the catering, the above precautions should not give a decent cook much trouble, and you don't need to think much about it. When I organise dinners for large meetings and conferences, the cooks tend to enjoy getting specific challenges, a paradigm to work within that forces them to be a little inventive.

When I invite people home, I always try to cater to people's allergies and preferences by making sure that as many as possible can eat the entire meal, and I have never had a problem with omnivores being offended when they didn't get meat or fish with their dinner when I have mixed vegetarians and omnivore guests. I tend to provide enough variety to sate all tastes.

I don't insist that others cater to my preferences, although I let them know what I can't eat. Most people get really upset if they go to the trouble of cooking a lovely meal, just to find that I can't eat it.

Sometimes I just eat, in order not to upset the cook, even if I know I will be sick later. That's reserved for aging, deaf aunts and people I just can't bother to discuss with (and likely will never share a meal with again.)

leeanneowens

If someone has medical reasons for needing special food I would want to cater to them. If someone chooses not to eat certain things then I would not worry about catering to them. There are lots of foods that I do not eat and I would never expect a bride to do that for me. It is her wedding and she should be able to serve whatever she wants. If I were giving a dinner party I would be happy to cater to preferences but not for a wedding.

Laura42012

As for allergies, I don't think you should opt out of peanut butter frosting on YOUR wedding cake because of one or two people's allergy. I would warn them of the peanuts and peanut products (or any nut products) you will be serving so they know what to avoid.

Agreed!

samntha14

My husband is vegetarian and was vegan for six years before that I was vegetarian for 6 years myself. It does not cost more in most cases to order a special meal or as a host or hostess to have something on the menu for people to eat, and I am not rude for asking for one. It's called being a gracious host. The alternative is I don't come to your event and you have ZERO right to b*tch at us if we don't come because you are not WELCOMING us. For years we brought our own food. It's just too much. We just stay home, and I'm not even talking about big affairs. I mean Thanksgiving dinner and Easter dinner with our own families. Screw that. If I have to cook I'm staying the hell home.

piggydog

It's her wedding.....she can serve what she wants


But if your best friend has a serious nut allergy you obviously wouldn't want her to have a huge attack because of the main course.... That said if you tried to cater to people with gluten, whey, ect ect ect allergies and those on the Atkins, low carb, no sugar diets well you wouldn't have much of a wedding meal

samntha14

As for allergies, I don't think you should opt out of peanut butter frosting on YOUR wedding cake because of one or two people's allergy. I would warn them of the peanuts and peanut products (or any nut products) you will be serving so they know what to avoid.

Agreed!

Depends on the severity of the allergy. If they are allergic by scent, and I know someone who is, just being in the same room as peanut butter can send them into anaphylaxic shock

tross0924

I think it depends on the allergies/special diets, and how many people you're inviting that need a replacement.

If you take all the possible allergies/diets into consideration your wedding cake is gonna suck because it's going to be gluten free, dairy free, not chocolate, no fruit in it, no eggs, and basically consist of a plastic couple standing on a baked potato.