Is it rude not to cater for allergies/special diets?

cnd8304

I think the best person to help with this would be the actual caterer. I am sure they've dealt with this issue many many times. The way I feel, also try to give a vegetarian option if your budget allows. But this could be items that could be a side or a hearty salad that fit into the meal as a whole. Vegans...ehh...I wouldn't go out of my way for a vegan meal unless I had a good number of friends and family that were vegans. (No offense to vegans out there, it is just harder to find a vegan solution) As for allergies, I don't think you should opt out of peanut butter frosting on YOUR wedding cake because of one or two people's allergy. I would warn them of the peanuts and peanut products (or any nut products) you will be serving so they know what to avoid. If it is someone really close to you like sibling, cousin, bridesmaid, etc. then maybe see about making a special treat just for them (ask another family member/close friend if they'd be willing to do that duty). Also if it is someone you are extremely close to, or an immediate family member, ask the caterer to make a special plate for them. Sometimes caterers won't charge too much, if anything, extra to accommodate it.

Oh and special diets like Adkins, low fat, low calorie...no you do NOT have to cater to those. That is their CHOICE not something that could be potentially life threatening, like a food allergy could be. And if you did have a veggie option then they can enjoy that as well.

Laura42012

I have a severe nut allergy and it's kind of awkward going to things like this because wedding caterers are more likely to add random ingredients like pecans to a sauce. I went into shock in the middle of Red Lobster after taking a bite of coconut shrimp that just happened to have a treenut in the sauce.

Adjusting to every need is not necessary but at least check first and notify those that need to know. I bring food with me if I know I'm going to be in a situation where I can't eat something.

rlmadrid

As a celiac, I know that fending for yourself blows. I would cater to restrictions and allergies. Because most venues expect to anyway, there shouldn't be any added hassle. However, low carb/low fat people may not be my top priority next to allergy sufferers or vegetarians. I am in no way discriminating, but it's easier for a low-carber to eat only half the baked potato after previously planning it into their day than for the vegetarian to ignore the big juicy piece of animal flesh on their plate. Just a thought.

rotill

Unless it's really specific, it's not hard to cater to a wide variety of diets. Making a dinner menu lactose and gluten free is very easy. By keeping vegetables and meat apart, it's easy to replace meat or fish with another vegetable course. Once a dinner is lactose free and the meat served seperately, keeping eggs out of it is easy too, and then all you need is to use plant oils to make it suitable for vegans. As for dessert: a sorbet should please eall parties except the diabetic, and those can easily be offered a little bowl of berries.

More specific allergies can be catered to by avoiding mixing: don't serve all the vegetables as mixed salads, for instance. And don't use nuts if you have any hint that people may have a nut allergy - just keep them out of the room. Those things can be dangerous.

And since most people use a professional to do the catering, the above precautions should not give a decent cook much trouble, and you don't need to think much about it. When I organise dinners for large meetings and conferences, the cooks tend to enjoy getting specific challenges, a paradigm to work within that forces them to be a little inventive.

When I invite people home, I always try to cater to people's allergies and preferences by making sure that as many as possible can eat the entire meal, and I have never had a problem with omnivores being offended when they didn't get meat or fish with their dinner when I have mixed vegetarians and omnivore guests. I tend to provide enough variety to sate all tastes.

I don't insist that others cater to my preferences, although I let them know what I can't eat. Most people get really upset if they go to the trouble of cooking a lovely meal, just to find that I can't eat it.

Sometimes I just eat, in order not to upset the cook, even if I know I will be sick later. That's reserved for aging, deaf aunts and people I just can't bother to discuss with (and likely will never share a meal with again.)

leeanneowens

If someone has medical reasons for needing special food I would want to cater to them. If someone chooses not to eat certain things then I would not worry about catering to them. There are lots of foods that I do not eat and I would never expect a bride to do that for me. It is her wedding and she should be able to serve whatever she wants. If I were giving a dinner party I would be happy to cater to preferences but not for a wedding.

Laura42012

As for allergies, I don't think you should opt out of peanut butter frosting on YOUR wedding cake because of one or two people's allergy. I would warn them of the peanuts and peanut products (or any nut products) you will be serving so they know what to avoid.

Agreed!

samntha14

My husband is vegetarian and was vegan for six years before that I was vegetarian for 6 years myself. It does not cost more in most cases to order a special meal or as a host or hostess to have something on the menu for people to eat, and I am not rude for asking for one. It's called being a gracious host. The alternative is I don't come to your event and you have ZERO right to b*tch at us if we don't come because you are not WELCOMING us. For years we brought our own food. It's just too much. We just stay home, and I'm not even talking about big affairs. I mean Thanksgiving dinner and Easter dinner with our own families. Screw that. If I have to cook I'm staying the hell home.

piggydog

It's her wedding.....she can serve what she wants


But if your best friend has a serious nut allergy you obviously wouldn't want her to have a huge attack because of the main course.... That said if you tried to cater to people with gluten, whey, ect ect ect allergies and those on the Atkins, low carb, no sugar diets well you wouldn't have much of a wedding meal

samntha14

As for allergies, I don't think you should opt out of peanut butter frosting on YOUR wedding cake because of one or two people's allergy. I would warn them of the peanuts and peanut products (or any nut products) you will be serving so they know what to avoid.

Agreed!

Depends on the severity of the allergy. If they are allergic by scent, and I know someone who is, just being in the same room as peanut butter can send them into anaphylaxic shock

tross0924

I think it depends on the allergies/special diets, and how many people you're inviting that need a replacement.

If you take all the possible allergies/diets into consideration your wedding cake is gonna suck because it's going to be gluten free, dairy free, not chocolate, no fruit in it, no eggs, and basically consist of a plastic couple standing on a baked potato.

ChristineS_51

When my daughter got married, she, like other posters have mentioned, wrote a section of the RSVP for any special dietary requirements. We have vegetarians in our family, have been vegetarian ourselves in the past for about two years at one stage, but back to eating meat now.

I think standard catering practice is to allow for a vegetarian option; gluten-free etc.

I don't "like" seafood but ate the Crab soup at the wedding; my mum asked for soup without the crab, and this was provided.

If people who are just fussy find there is something they don't like, they can leave it on the plate.

My son is vegetarian, he says it's great when flying - because he gets served first!

No biggie!

cnd8304

As for allergies, I don't think you should opt out of peanut butter frosting on YOUR wedding cake because of one or two people's allergy. I would warn them of the peanuts and peanut products (or any nut products) you will be serving so they know what to avoid.

Agreed!

Depends on the severity of the allergy. If they are allergic by scent, and I know someone who is, just being in the same room as peanut butter can send them into anaphylaxic shock

If it was a parent, grandparent, aunt/uncle, sibling, very close friend that had this then I am sure the bride and groom would be keen to it and would chose not to have a peanut product. BUT if it is your dad's coworker's daughter whom you met once then no, don't opt out of what you love for her. If it is that severe then warn them obviously so they can chose to come or not. But it is the bride and grooms day. And if they are peanut eating meat eaters, then they should have a menu that reflects them for the most part. It isn't being rude to have your wedding reflect what you and your hubby love.

JustJennie1

I guess I'm in the minority here as I don't prescribe to the childish "It's MY wedding! I'll do what I want and who cares about everyone else!" Seriously. I can picture the bride stamping her foot and crying. But that's just me.

If you KNOW that a guest you have invited has a food allergy then I think you should accommodate that especially if it's an allergy that can kill them like a nut allergy. There are people who can go into anaphylaxic shock just by being near a nut. I worked with a woman who had a very severe nut allergy and whenever I made baked goods and brought them in I made sure that not only did I NOT use any nuts but I skipped any recipe that had nut extracts in it. Also I have never been to a wedding where they didn't offer a vegetarian dish.

If someone has celiacs then they can ask the venue how the food is prepared and possibly tell them ahead of time that they have an issue with gluten and need things prepared a certain way. If they can't accommodate that then I think it would be acceptable for them to bring their own food.

MeanSophieCat

We struggle with this in my husband's family. His sister and brother have dairy allergies. His mother and grandmother have gluten allergies. His aunt can't eat onions. His cousin is allergic to soy. His other cousin is allergic to eggs and chicken. He has aunts and uncles with nut allergies.

You can see how hard it would be to cook a full meal that everyone could eat. Additionally, some of the allergies are so severe that they cannot eat food that's been cooked on shared surfaces.

Something like a wedding would be tough - my husband's family typically eat before they go to events like that because they know they probably can't eat anything - but for a typical family get together this is my coping strategy.

I cook a single main dish that everyone can eat. It is typically a beef or pork roast cooked using only mild seasoning. That is what works in this family. I make a couple sides - without worrying about allergies and then everyone is told to bring a side. They bring something they can eat with the ingredients clearly listed. For snacks/dessert we do fresh fruit and veggies.

It would be rude for me to give no thought to what others can/can't eat. I don't think it is rude for me to ask them to bring a dish.

XLMuffnTop

LIfe threatening allergies would be catered to. Preferences no. Regarding vegetarians, I would assume there would already be several options available, salad, fruit, side dishes, etc.

Weddings are complicated so I would "cater" to as few demands as possible while, you know, not killing anyone. If it were a small gathering/event at my house, it would be much easier to take preferences, beyond allergies, in to account.

That said, this stupid BS is why I hate weddings, I didn't have one and I don't go to them. The last wedding I went to was my sisters in 1999 and I was 15. Problem solved.

amandapye78

I have several food allergies, but I have never expected someone to cater to my needs at a wedding or something. I just don't eat what I cant eat, there have been several family reunions and such where I didn't eat dessert or much else for that matter. I would however ask the ingredients of food and expect to be told.

MizTerry

Having been that one lone vegan, I would be quite hurt if someone whom I liked enough to attend their wedding fed everyone but me.:(

At the risk of sounding like a total B, are you going for the food or the friend?

At anything special that I've had done, I try to take my people with diabetes into account, but I have been known to forget because at an event of 100 people, there were maybe two who couldn't have anything due to their diabetes. Same goes for special religeous diets. You can't please everyone.

grimendale

As a vegetarian and former vegan, no I don't think you are obligated to cater to special diets. However, it is much appreciated and not hard to do. A salad without cheese and a vinagarette will satisfy most diets and won't break the budget. I remember being the lone vegan at a friends low-budget wedding, but she had baked a vegan cake for me the day before since I couldn't have the wedding cake. It really made my day.

NCchar130

Sorry, but whenever I've been over to a vegan/vegetarian's house to eat dinner, I wasn't offered a steak (or any other meat, for that matter).

This is always such an interesting assumption. I'm not sure why meat-eaters think they're not catered for when they're served perfectly edible food that doesn't contain specific ingredients they like, or why they think it's comparable to serving food containing ingredients that other people can't eat.

Same goes for vegans/veges as well I think.....

^^^^this! Vegans/veges usually CHOOSE not to eat meat and/or dairy products. There is no difference...both groups are choosing ingredients they like!

I grew up vegetarian. Our family often had to fend for ourselves at various events, no big deal. We just learned to eat around it. Now, several members of the family do eat meat as do new members of the family (spouses). So now, there is turkey on Thanksgiving for those who want it. I learned to cook chicken and steak for my husband and have no problem doing that. I agree, it should go both ways since, unless there's a meat allergy/intolerance, it is a food choice (and sometimes a religious choice). I always appreciated it when someone made an effort to include us and I'm happy to do the same for people who do not eat like I do.

servilia

I made sure to accommodate for religious restrictions but didn't feel compelled to go beyond that and I think it's unnecessary. Ppl with allergies can ask the staff about ingredients etc. weddings are expensive and stressful enough as it is and I think guests understand that. Plus there are soooo many ppl with bogus sensitivities these days.