Help! my husband wont let me lift heavy weights

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Replies

  • MrsSassyPants
    MrsSassyPants Posts: 223 Member
    he wont let you and you just listening to him? What a healthy relationship you have.

    LIFT

    I was thinking this too, I went into a daydream mode imagining a life where my wife would listen to what I say and actually adhere to some of it and thinking about what a healthy relationship that would be...

    then I scrolled down and read LIFT and I snapped back to reality..


    You're killin' me. LMAO
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    I didn't read the comments. I also don't understand why you need your husband's permission. Do you go to the gym? You kind of need to, if you've never lifted heavy (it's a process to get there). Do you have a gym membership? Do you need his permission for that? Entice him with cardio kitten gym results, to get the membership. Then, when you are there, do what you want, try what you want. Get fit, and slim (from the weights)...he will change his tune when he sees your rock'n slim and defined bod!!!

    This is the get-stuff-done answer, and I kind of agree, no reason he has to know what you're doing anywhere. However, that means you're going to have to hide your logs in your locker, & read & watch instructional vids when he's not around. That kind of hiding would not be something I could live with, in any case, but especially if I were excited about something new.

    Convincing him might take a long time, though, takes people ages before the switch gets flipped even when they want to believe it.

    Wth, I guess hide your logs in the laundry room or something, where I guess he probably won't be :grumble:

    edit: no that is crappy, I hate the idea of that, just work on him constantly and do what you want.

    Well, I see the point. I get excited. I talk about stuff, I watch the vids. But, I keep my logs in a notebook, in my purse. After a while it gets pretty mundane. I tell my husband all my plans and he listens and encourages and supports. But, I do all the work on my own. He would have no clue what I do, if I was not so excited that I call him on the phone when I'm walking home to tell him about a great day at the gym (that only happens when he is home on a weekend day).

    What videos did the OP show her husband? Those are professionals!! It's not that easy!
  • sunman00
    sunman00 Posts: 872 Member
    Insecurity; a macho forces guy is worried what his wife might do when she looks fit & fab

    fo all sorts of reasons, the main one being your ego, you have to lift
  • ellygolightly
    ellygolightly Posts: 61
    Why is he voicing his displeasure in ANY way if you're doing something to better yourself! Obviously he isn't educated in the ways of females vs male bodies and doesn't understand that there's no chance of BULKING UP because we're simply not built for it.

    I'd just start doing it and when you DON'T start bulking up, say you told him so and carry on!
  • MissMormie
    MissMormie Posts: 359 Member
    Ok, you got loads of answers about why it won't make you bulky and how your many shouldn't have to 'let' you do anything. But now for something that should finish this discussion with him without a fight. You, with more muscles, and him will have better sex. You're stronger so you can hold positions longer, better stamina, and so on. And that gives him better sex as well, without him having to do all the heavy lifting in the gym.
  • upgetupgetup
    upgetupgetup Posts: 749 Member
    I didn't read the comments. I also don't understand why you need your husband's permission. Do you go to the gym? You kind of need to, if you've never lifted heavy (it's a process to get there). Do you have a gym membership? Do you need his permission for that? Entice him with cardio kitten gym results, to get the membership. Then, when you are there, do what you want, try what you want. Get fit, and slim (from the weights)...he will change his tune when he sees your rock'n slim and defined bod!!!

    This is the get-stuff-done answer, and I kind of agree, no reason he has to know what you're doing anywhere. However, that means you're going to have to hide your logs in your locker, & read & watch instructional vids when he's not around. That kind of hiding would not be something I could live with, in any case, but especially if I were excited about something new.

    Convincing him might take a long time, though, takes people ages before the switch gets flipped even when they want to believe it.

    Wth, I guess hide your logs in the laundry room or something, where I guess he probably won't be :grumble:

    edit: no that is crappy, I hate the idea of that, just work on him constantly and do what you want.

    Well, I see the point. I get excited. I talk about stuff, I watch the vids. But, I keep my logs in a notebook, in my purse. After a while it gets pretty mundane. I tell my husband all my plans and he listens and encourages and supports. But, I do all the work on my own. He would have no clue what I do, if I was not so excited that I call him on the phone when I'm walking home to tell him about a great day at the gym (that only happens when he is home on a weekend day).

    What videos did the OP show her husband? Those are professionals!! It's not that easy!

    Lol! It's not, it's true :)

    Sure, it can get to be mundane after a while, or at least integrated enough into a routine that it ceases to be special and exciting. (Though I've got a perpetual case of that f-around-itis problem where you redesign your program a million times, and each time is game-changing, lol.)

    I just feel like it's often a weirdly profound conversion experience, especially for women, you know? I think it really does something to change people's self-perceptions in amazing ways. There's the shift in self-image, for sure, as well as the goal-setting stuff, changing focus from aesthetics (sometimes) to performance - it makes people aware of their power, beyond the gym. Even though you're talking about reps, or split squats, running through all through that talk is a theme of becoming an agent of change. And for me anyway it would be hard to split that off or blunt my excitement because someone didn't like the idea.

    Though, your suggestion is definitely in the catalogue of smart-wife approaches, I grant you.
  • pspetralia
    pspetralia Posts: 963 Member
    Get a new husband. What an incredibly selfish, ignorant, small-minded, insecure, cheuvanistic thing to say. Screw that guy. Do what makes you happy!

    YOU SAID IT FOR ME!!! thank you !

    She should leave her husband because he's scared of her getting "bulky"? I'm going to assume you two are single...

    OP: Its just a lack of understanding on his part. Just lift what you want and discuss other things. Cross that "bulky" bridge when you get there...But I have a pretty good feeling that you wont end up having to cross that bridge at all! :smile:

    Love your responses. I can't stand the way many MFP members love to advocate divorce.
  • Admiral_Derp
    Admiral_Derp Posts: 866 Member
    It's a ridiculous discussion to have to have, and I'm sorry that you must.

    If he refuses to believe the science behind lifting, specifically the fact that no one bulks without years of intensive work, and/or juice, not to mention that women bulk differently than men because of hormone level variance, then explain to him (slowly so he'll understand) that bulk won't sneak up on you. You're not going to lift one day and wake up the next looking like a cloud. Tell him that you are just going to lift until you start seeing the kind of body you want, and then you'll change your routine to accommodate. Then when the time comes, either change it, or don't. I suspect that when he sees the kind of results you're actually going to get, he'll change his mind.
  • ElizabethDoesCrossfit
    ElizabethDoesCrossfit Posts: 25 Member
    Your husband won't LET you??


    Think about that for a while.... then go lift something heavy.

    Agreed. He does not own nor control you. If he can't love you when you're trying to better yourself - a talk has to be had.
  • NicoleisQuantized
    NicoleisQuantized Posts: 344 Member
    He won't LET you?

    Tell him to stop nagging and that it is your body to do with whatever you wish. If he persists, tell him he can literally go **** himself until he learns to keep his misguided opinions to himself.
  • AmyMgetsfit
    AmyMgetsfit Posts: 636 Member
    Does he own you? Did he pay for you with livestock? I say ignore him and do what you want, it's your body. Tell him you got the memo and to shut up about it or the next time he wants to do something you will make a big stink about it. Maybe tell him to get educated on women weight training before he starts flapping his gums. Once you start menopause you will start losing bone mass and weight training helps prevent this or at least lessen the severity. Ask him if he would rather you have osteoperosis when you're 60 and maybe need a hip replacement. This would irk me.
  • theCarlton
    theCarlton Posts: 1,344 Member
    Are his knuckles all bloody from dragging them across the ground when he walks?
  • ash190489
    ash190489 Posts: 587 Member
    Your doing this for you... This is your health and fitness journey, not his! He is your husband and should support your goals, needs and well being! I'm sure his vows said he would love you for better or for worse... A bit of muscle gain surely isn't a divorce deal breaker! Do it. Married or not, you're your own person and you can do as you please. Weight training isn't about getting bulky, it's about dropping in centimetres, feeling stronger, feeling more confident, and looking sexy and feeling sexy naked - trust me, weight training does all this- and more! You and you're hubby will just have to wait and see to find out! DO IT! :laugh: :happy:
  • ChaseAlder
    ChaseAlder Posts: 804 Member
    Uh, I'm sorry but you lost me at "my husband won't let me."
  • BflSaberfan
    BflSaberfan Posts: 1,272
    You lost me at "my husband wont let me" - that'd be reason enough for me to do it a whole bunch.
  • jade2112
    jade2112 Posts: 272 Member
    He has got it in his head that if i do i will bulk up. I know thats not true I showed him youtube videos to prove it but he hated how the girl looked in it and now thinks if I lift too much I will look like her. One she had to work to look like that and I wont. Two there is no way I could get like her without years of work how can i help him put this to bed

    Personally, I don't let too many people tell me what I can and can't do. You are your own person and shouldn't be controlled by another human being. Do what you want and let him pout and nag. It's not your blood pressure going up.
  • thecakelocker
    thecakelocker Posts: 407 Member
    You lost me at "my husband wont let me" - that'd be reason enough for me to do it a whole bunch.

    Srsly.
  • katy_trail
    katy_trail Posts: 1,992 Member
    I didn't read the comments. I also don't understand why you need your husband's permission. Do you go to the gym? You kind of need to, if you've never lifted heavy (it's a process to get there). Do you have a gym membership? Do you need his permission for that? Entice him with cardio kitten gym results, to get the membership. Then, when you are there, do what you want, try what you want. Get fit, and slim (from the weights)...he will change his tune when he sees your rock'n slim and defined bod!!!

    'Cardio Kitten' love that :laugh: I still say take a video of you squatting with the barbell or dumb bells if you're not ready for that yet.
    there aren't many guys who think that isn't hot, and don't want their girl to have 'squat booty'
  • _SABOTEUR_
    _SABOTEUR_ Posts: 6,833 Member
    Just tell him you're going to zumba but hit the squat rack instead.
  • iulia_maddie
    iulia_maddie Posts: 2,780 Member
    I totally understand your issue. My ex boyfriend tried to keep me from seeing other guys once. Well that fool is an EX boyfriend now, because I do wut I want!
  • iron_jj
    iron_jj Posts: 446 Member
    Tell him to f*k off and do your own thing. ;)
  • emrogers
    emrogers Posts: 328 Member
    I'm pretty sure slavery is over. Take a cue from Nike and just do it. ;)


    I love this! LOL! Just, tell him, that you're sorry he feels that way. Then go pump iron.
  • ngressman
    ngressman Posts: 229 Member
    Let might be the wrong word but he gripes and nags if i do
    Glad you clarified that. Anytime I hear my husband won't let me do something I think abusive relationship. Why not just lift the weights, and not tell him how much you are doing. When he sees the results then you can tell him what you did to get there.
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
    vj09apM.jpg

    Tell him you'll stop when you start getting bulky.

    It will never happen - he'll be happy and so will you.
  • LeenaRuns
    LeenaRuns Posts: 1,309 Member
    <--Lifts heavy weights.

    </thread>
  • BetterThanExpected
    BetterThanExpected Posts: 104 Member
    Your body, your decision. Do it anyway and once he sees that you were right, he may change his opinion. Either way, it's your decision, not his.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    He has got it in his head that if i do i will bulk up. I know thats not true I showed him youtube videos to prove it but he hated how the girl looked in it and now thinks if I lift too much I will look like her. One she had to work to look like that and I wont. Two there is no way I could get like her without years of work how can i help him put this to bed

    You are a grown woman yes? I don't believe your husband can stop you from doing anything. Do your thing.
  • chokeslam512
    chokeslam512 Posts: 78 Member
    I hate this misconception so much. The bodybuilder ladies are on ridiculously strict diets and probably some "supplements".
  • purpleipod
    purpleipod Posts: 1,147 Member
    I'm confused why he has to give you permission to do the exercise you want to do.
  • contingencyplan
    contingencyplan Posts: 3,639 Member
    There is only one thing you will ever have in your life that is truly yours and yours alone. That is your body. Regardless of marriage, regardless of kids, regardless of ANYONE else, you should never allow someone else dominion over that. Once you do, you have given up your very freedom, your essence.

    Your husband is out of line if he thinks he has any say in what you can and can't do with your body. If he loves you he will accept it.

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