Help! my husband wont let me lift heavy weights

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Replies

  • Yogi_Carl
    Yogi_Carl Posts: 1,906 Member
    How many men would back down from lifting weights if their partner wouldn't "let them" because they would look "too muscular"?
  • stephaniemejia1671
    stephaniemejia1671 Posts: 482 Member
    Lifting weights should be a part of your regime. Do it anyway and prove him wrong. You are doing this for yourself anyhow, right? He should support you regardless. Tell him to look up how lifting weights effects women for the BETTER. Ignorance leads to silly comments and thoughts.
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
    I understand his need to protect but come on i am not a moron!

    I doubt that he thinks you're a moron. Also, hey, he's been deployed, and you've been depressed about it. This shouldn't be a make or break issue in a marriage. Relax, both of you, and have some fun together. You won't be lifting heavy for a while anyway.
  • fishgutzy
    fishgutzy Posts: 2,807 Member
    My wife thinks I lift too much. Ha! But she likes the benefits. No more chicken legs. I'm losing fat instead of muscle. And the muscle I have is stronger. So lifting heavy is a good thing. And trust me, if it doesn't bulk me up......
  • ericchristopher
    ericchristopher Posts: 1 Member
    Read the article linked below. It should have some good ideas on how to approach this issue.

    http://articles.elitefts.com/training-articles/strongher-university-the-female-psyche/
  • meeper123
    meeper123 Posts: 3,347 Member
    I understand his need to protect but come on i am not a moron!

    I doubt that he thinks you're a moron. Also, hey, he's been deployed, and you've been depressed about it. This shouldn't be a make or break issue in a marriage. Relax, both of you, and have some fun together. You won't be lifting heavy for a while anyway.

    Great point no way i can lift a lot right now i have chicken arms more bone than muscles it will be forever before i can lift heavy anyways
  • JenMc14
    JenMc14 Posts: 2,389 Member
    I understand his need to protect but come on i am not a moron!

    I doubt that he thinks you're a moron. Also, hey, he's been deployed, and you've been depressed about it. This shouldn't be a make or break issue in a marriage. Relax, both of you, and have some fun together. You won't be lifting heavy for a while anyway.

    Great point no way i can lift a lot right now i have chicken arms more bone than muscles it will be forever before i can lift heavy anyways

    You'd be surprised how much you can lift, especially on squats. I lift at home. I never max out. My husband, who is a serious lifter, taught me all the "holy crap, I'm about to drop this" procedures to avoid injury. The only thing I've had to do regularly is what I refer to as "the roll of shame", which is failing about halfway up on a banch, and gently letting the bar down on my chest and rolling it down my body. You're lifts will go up fairly quickly as well, being new to lifting, gains can come pretty fast, strength wise. You will gain some muscle, you will not get bulky if you're actively trying to lose weight. It will mostly help you retain muscle while you lose fat, which keeps you looking more "toned" which seems to be what most women on the forums here desire. Muscleandstrength.com has some great demo videos for lifts. Read a book like New Rules of Lifting for Women. Have your hubs read it, too. Talk to him about it this way: You'd like to give heavy liftin g a shot. You'll get a bench, weights, rack and never attempt to lift close to your 1RM on your own. You'll lift. You'll progress. You'll see how you like it. He can see how it affects your body. Give him a "pass" to comment if he thinks he doesn't like your look, and have a discussion about how you feel and how he feels. But, unless you decide to do a bulk cycle, eat at a surplus and do it for over a year and/or continual bulk/cut cycles, you're more than likely not going to get overly musclar or hard loking. I've been lifting "heavy" for over a year (I did take a 3 month break). I put on some weight, some muscle, mostly fat, over the holidays. I am 5'4", 127-130 pounds )117 at my smallest, lifting heavy). I am around 26-20% bf. I wear a size 2. I have curves, I am by no means overly muscular. I will say, my husband loves that I lift, and he LOVES my "squat booty" in yoga pants. I had knee issues and took some time off from heavy squatting. Husband was very happy when I started again, it definitely gives me a rounder booty!
  • watfordjc
    watfordjc Posts: 304 Member
    "I don't want you watching TV because your eyes will go square."
  • meeper123
    meeper123 Posts: 3,347 Member
    Thanks jen i have that book he grumbled as i bought it but i dont think he understands that those sexy lean girls do lift i will show him a few picks of lifters i like maybe he will see
  • libbybond
    libbybond Posts: 36
    my husband won't let me should not be in your vocabulary. It should be he prefers I don't .
  • laurie41565
    laurie41565 Posts: 64 Member
    Your husband won't LET you??


    Think about that for a while.... then go lift something heavy.

    ^ THIS!! :happy:
  • Sieden76
    Sieden76 Posts: 127 Member
    Sometimes just ignoring them and going and lifting anyway can be easier said than done. I would just say okay baby I won't lift heavy and then lift heavy when he's not looking. You have to pick your battles. My boyfriend is getting insecure now that I'm looking better because he's not working out. He tries to sabotage me by sending me to fast food places and stuff. I just ignore him lol. I do understand where you are coming from though, you want to avoid the fight if you can so it's not like he's holding you down and just won't let you, it's just that he would prefer that you did do it. I get it. I just say to agree and do it when he's not looking.
  • iLoveMyAR15
    iLoveMyAR15 Posts: 122 Member
    Your husband won't LET you??


    Think about that for a while.... then go lift something heavy.

    THIS x1000
  • ehaus443
    ehaus443 Posts: 6 Member
    I agree, just do it - you don't have to share all your workouts with him. If he wants to be weirdly opinionated, fine, but don't let it break your stride.
  • Danny_Boy13
    Danny_Boy13 Posts: 2,094 Member
    I say just do it with or without his approval. Once you start sculpting your bod he will like it.
  • redraidergirl2009
    redraidergirl2009 Posts: 2,560 Member
    So what is he going to rip weights out of your hands? Why do so many women on here act like they have to ask for "hubby's permission" to even take a crap? It's annoying.
  • jhc7324
    jhc7324 Posts: 200 Member
    Please tell me then, as I am intrigued, how exactly do you compromise on the fact that your wife doesn't want you to sleep with other women?

    Me personally? I don't.

    If I did however decide it was that big a deal to me then I would, at a minimum, discuss it with her first rather than do it behind her back. Honesty is the best policy and all that.
    The OPs husbands insecurities are a different problem and need to be resolved seperately. Insecurities does not give someone the right to stop their partner from getting healthy.

    You're right they don't. However neither do they give people the right to simply disregard what their partner is feeling, well, not unless you want a non functioning relationship that is...

    I think the biggest disconnect here is that the husband doesn't necessarily want the OP to not lift heavy, but that he doesn't want her to get "bulky". His main goal seems to be that he doesn't want you to look bulky, which is fine, that's an aesthetic thing and everyone will have different tastes.

    The problem is that he's associating that look with lifting heavy, which won't get 99% of women to that point. You can either have a bunch of discussions about how lifting heavy won't make you a musclebound female bodybuilder with no boobs (probably this is his concern), or you can just do it knowing the results won't be what he's actually afraid of.
  • Shereta5
    Shereta5 Posts: 13
    Neck punch him.

    yeah that and tell this is what you can do when you lift heavy :laugh:
  • traceytwink
    traceytwink Posts: 538 Member
    May be he's just worried you'll be stronger than him ????
  • meeper123
    meeper123 Posts: 3,347 Member
    Yeay lifted heavy for the first time ever after some youtube research it was amazing i love that feeling
  • c8linmarie
    c8linmarie Posts: 358 Member
    This is where I would tell him to go pound sand.





    Then go to the gym and lift something heavy.




    Put it down.



    Repeat.
  • assblaster69
    assblaster69 Posts: 47 Member
    Neck punch him.

    yeah that and tell this is what you can do when you lift heavy :laugh:

    I did this to my girlfriend and got in trouble
  • iggyboo93
    iggyboo93 Posts: 524 Member
    When he says "Honey I don't want you lifting weights cuz you'll sprout a penis and bulging veins. Then you will taekwando my wimpy *kitten* against the wall."

    Go to the gym and lift something heavy.
  • Kayrb
    Kayrb Posts: 1
    Muscle burns more fat so adding weights will help you increase your metabolism. Weight lifting also keeps your bones strong. My mom has been lifting weights since she was in her 50's and still lifts 3x a week at age 79 and she's a little thing BUT with a straight spine and in better health than she would have been without her muscle mass. The key is to lift lighter weights at a higher frequency - you won't bulk up but you will add muscle.
  • pcdoctor01
    pcdoctor01 Posts: 389 Member
    Tell him lifting weights will give you more endurance to do other things longer.
  • JenniCali1000
    JenniCali1000 Posts: 646 Member
    I'd focus on what I want and what I think looks good, not what my husband wants. Honestly, if he's that worried about it, he's got bigger issues. Put yourself first, lift whatever you want, and don't worry about!
  • IIISpartacusIII
    IIISpartacusIII Posts: 252 Member
    Dueling pistols at sunrise! Winner take all!
  • run_way
    run_way Posts: 220
    It sounds like he's being unreasonable. So do it right back and accuse him of wanting you to have to rely only on him when you get old and have no bone density.

    I'm actually not being serious at all, but it does sound fun ;) Your relationship is very important and simply finding ways to avoid a fight is not going to solve the issue. Even if you wanted to bulk up a little, isn't that your prerogative? Granted, I try to look good for my husband because I love him, but he would never tell me how I should look because he loves me.
  • emtbythesea
    emtbythesea Posts: 32 Member
    I'm going through the same thing. He's afraid I'm going to get bulky like a dude. I'm NOT a fan of blowing off my spouse and doing whatever I like - I'd be mad if he did that to me. What I don't understand is wanting to stop something that isn't even happening yet. And what if I WANTED to be big and huge? Guess what, I do! I used to weigh 98 lbs and looked like death. Now I weigh 115 and actually have some tits and *kitten*. He doesn't even notice it. I get joy and confidence from lifting, but when I get home I feel embarrassed. He likes to refer to people who go to the gym as "meatheads" and makes jokes when I come home pumped about my workout. It's really weird too because he's a professional athlete...who is lucky and never has to set foot in a real gym. Advice before I quit?
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
    I get joy and confidence from lifting, but when I get home I feel embarrassed. He likes to refer to people who go to the gym as "meatheads" and makes jokes when I come home pumped about my workout. It's really weird too because he's a professional athlete...who is lucky and never has to set foot in a real gym. Advice before I quit?

    Ask yourself some questions, and then decide if you should quit.

    -Does this make you happy?
    -Does this make you feel good about yourself?
    -Does this make you more healthy?
    -Does this negatively impact him or the family in any way that you should consider more important than the above two points? (finances, other?)

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