SPOUSE/PARTNER HONEST FEELINGS
Replies
-
My husband didn't really pay attention at first, then he did. I had lost 40 lbs and then he dropped 45 lbs. In January, he finally joined the gym with me. He gets there about 40 minutes before I do to get his strength training out of the way on my cardio days and then walks on the treadmill next to me while I run. On my strength training days, he gets there about the same time as me so we can work out together.
He is building some serious muscles now. Not only is he noticing it, so am I!
0 -
I think if you have young kids it is harder on the spouse since they have to take on a little more responsibility while you are working out - and mine in particular likes to eat crap so when I get on him for the food choices he makes for the kids he is not happy. However he says I am looking great so- that is a positive!0
-
My hubby doesn't mind me working out and he watches our little boy in the evenings while I run. He doesn't care that I buy the fruits and healthier groceries for myself as long as I buy him his normal food too. He does'nt mind that my healthier food is a bit more expensive b/c I eat everything I buy, nothing goes to waste. What he doesn't like is my appearance now that I've lost 106 lbs. He think I look sickly but he knows I like the way I look. He said he don't like a boney woman but I am happy with my boney self
0 -
i'm not allowed to talk about she who cannot be named on here...that is all.0
-
I'm fairly certain that my boyfriend doesn't really care. It's not that he discourages me or anything, but sometimes when I say I am going to exercise he suggests I do some sort of house work that really isn't important at the time instead. He also hasn't really said anything about how I look. The one time he has said anything it was something like, "I'm proud of you, but..." I don't want any "buts." I want an "I'm proud of you." (note the period) It doesn't really matter, though. While I would like him to be more openly supportive and encouraging, I'm not doing this for him. I'm doing it for me.
he is either blind, or if he is not takes a wonderful and beautiful woman for granted...YES do it for you..it is the ONLY way
That must be why he carries that folding cane.
Thank you. :blushing: 0 -
My husband is loving me being fit, he just hates there's no junk food in the house for him or the kids. Plus, it doesn't seem to want to motivate him to do the same which is a total bummer.
It's why I'm ogling all the fellas on here like a dog.0 -
This is a hard one ,and I've been on both sides. In fact, it's about the least fun topic ever. When i got pregnant and gained a bunch of weight, i had never been so large in my life. I don't know about you guys, but when i feel awful (nauseous, food aversions to anything that even smelled like meat, violent morning sickness noon, night, and morning) I have a really hard time eating my usual protein and green veggies diet. So, when I finally stopped being pregnant and looked at the wreckage that was my body, I decided to use my maternity leave to get in shape. So AFTER 6 weeks of c-section pain, i started walking, doing yoga, even biking.
HUSBAND NOT SUPPORTIVE (for WIFE NOT SUPPORTIVE SEE BELOW)
My husband was not supportive, because we were both cranky. Our son had colic. Neither of us was getting any rest. And to your spouse, i suppose being gone for 1.5 hours (by the time you get the to gym, get through the locker room, and get back to the car to drive home) can feel like forever when your son is crying and the only thing that will stop him from crying is mommy. And on top of it all, it was HELL going to the gym. My body hurt. My gym clothes didn't fit. I couldn't find a breastfeeding gigantic bra that was a jog bra. i went to spin class and people asked me if i "should be doing spin." I couldn't stop picturing an elephant on a spin bike. And i WAS HORMONAL. And it HURT to work out. I was out of breath. My blood pressure was all over the place. I had to monitor my heart rate like a fanatic. Walking was enough to make me feel like falling down. Not to mention: I felt GUILTY every time i left the house, like a was a monster. And my husband was not on maternity leave, just working from home, and we had no family to help us. Anyway, I did my usual workout plan and diet, but i plateaued after about 15 lbs. I was scared I was going to be obese forever.
And when i went back to work, i couldn't maintain the energy needed to pump, the calories needed to make milk, and the commute, and working. It was too much and I fell off the wagon, after all i wasn't losing any weight anyway. I gave up.
WIFE NOT SUPPORTIVE
it was around this time that my husband that he needed to lose the "sympathy weight" and eating protein bars as what seemed like his sole source of food. He also had the flexibility to leave during his workday after our son went to daycare, while i was commuting back and forth to NYC every day. My husband would pick up my son from daycare, and it would take me another 2 hours to get home. I didn't want to go to the gym anyway. His stormy look only reinforced it. And it was working right around the time my diet stopped. i wanted to KILL HIM. I was like.....this is what my body looks like after 10 months of pierogies and you're upset that you gained a pants size? I didn't have anything that fit me, but had to buy expensive suits for work in the plus sized department. the plus sized department at Macy's is right next to the cupcake tins. On a whole other level than the rest of the women's wear. They have their own dressing room! And to add insult to injury, someone peed in the dressing room the one time i went there to buy some clothes. it was HORRIBLE, traumatic, and i thought I'd be trapped there forever. I was also mad at him because he was whining that he was tired, and i hadn't slept properly in 9 months. Not since the first time i threw up.
And i felt fat. And ugly. And i watched my husband lose weight. Oh, i was so frustrated.
Then, I went onto a different eating plan and started losing weight again. I couldn't work out at first, and it was killing me to watch my husband turn into a swimsuit model. It motivated me, but I was also so resentful about how much weight he was losing. And part of me blamed him for my being fat in the first place. It takes two to tango, but I was the one with a stomach that was hanging down halfway to my knees.
Now, to be fair, he wasn't a swimsuit model. And he was really working hard. But he had the time to work hard. And i resented that too. He didn't have a handicap, or a pregnancy related heart problem, and he could do "P90X and The Insanity Workout" and lose weight. I could only swim or do spin. Walking hurt. So i'd sit upstairs, nursing my son and my wounds and listening to that INSANELY ANNOYING guy on the P90X dvd.
On top of it all, it was really hard to motivate to go to the gym - almost impossible to get there in time for a spin class, and i felt crappy for all of the above reasons. So, we finally bit the bullet, cancelled my gym membership, and i just bought my own spin bike. I love spin. i really do. And it took a while, but i set it up with a sound dock, and used my iphone, and set up fans and put a tissue box there, and didn't need to smell anyone else's farts when i was spinning. (definitely a bonus) On the minus side, my husband had to endure spin music and sometimes up to an hour of my trying to get myself motivated to get out of the bed and across the room onto the bike.
It's been rocky. I've been really successful, I've and fallen off the wagon. I particularly remember last new years, buying a new dress and getting my hair cut and being really proud that I'd lost 45 lbs. The entire night everyone that I knew raved about how "fantastic" my husband looked. I ended up in a fetal position logging all of the food i'd eaten into my fitness pal on my iphone in the dark. When we got in the car he asked what was wrong. I told him: "You look fantastic! I can't believe you had a baby." then i proceeded to eat whatever i wanted and gained a bunch of weight back. I've been suspicious as to my husband's motives (why was he doing this? for whom?) i have been angry, resentful, all of the above.
BOTH OF US LEARNING
But recently i got back on the diet and exercise plan. Why? Because my husband did an even more restrictive dieting plan. I was mad at him again. But I decided, if he was going to do it, i was going to do it. And if that meant that he was going to have to accept my coming home from work and getting right on the bike 5 days a week, then that was going to be what it was going to be. And I accepted that 2 of those 5 days should be on the weekend. And i got a fitbit and have been walking the dogs and trying to focus on myself.
So all of you judge-y people who are so quick to drop your significant others, i think maybe you should walk a mile in their shoes. In total I think that the experience has made me a better, less judgemental person. And my husband and i are working through our issues. But try to understand that sometimes we are resentful not because we are sad that our SO is succeeding, but at our fear of failure.
I'm not actually going to read the responses to this email. The last time i posted something to these message boards, i got upset at the replies. I guess i just needed to vent.0 -
My sweetie hid the birthday cake the other day so that I wouldn't be tempted. I thought that was one of the kindest things he's ever done; except when he gave me those three great kids!0
-
I'm very very lucky that my husband is taking this journey with me and he's incredibly supportive. We're doing this as a family to be in shape and healthy so we can have kids.
He's really good at helping me see the positive side when I feel blehh due to slow weight loss.0 -
He's happy because I'm happy but I was 240 lbs when I met him and he still loved me then. I know weighing/logging my foods drice him mad. He also hates that I workout in the morning. He doesn't like waking up in an empty bed. He's usually up before me anyway so doesn't make that much of a difference really.0
-
my partner is supportive, encouraging, realistic, supportie, wonderful!!!! I can't ask for more! I'm so lucky to have him!
You're "supposed" to have a best friend in a partner....someone who will support & encourage you....lift you up....if you don't have that i'm sorry....you deserve it!0 -
while I wish I could get my husband to join me on my journey, I will say this. He is very supportive and encouraging, very caring and has a load of compliments on a daily basis. I have earned myself a brand new car this summer and it is time to go shopping for one : ) yup - he's buying0
-
how does ur partner react .to ur fitness journey? Results?New look? Time spent at the gym... ?
She LOVES the way I look. This last week she has constantly complimented me, which feels amazing. I think it makes her feel a bit depressed because she isn't working out like I am and doesn't feel 'fit' right now, so I am trying to support her and her interests.
As for time, I squeeze in my workouts and such around everything else so I don't take time away from the family. Makes it a bit of hell on me, and a lot less sleep, but it's worth it.0 -
My boyfriend is really really supportive of me :-)0
-
We motivate each other so it's all good.0
-
I get complaints about "My Vanity", about how I'm all about me, and "Who am I doing this for? (doing it to improve my health & fitness apparently is NOT an acceptable answer) combined with deliberate interruptions during a workout and complaints about not spending enough time her because of my workouts. No compliments, no encouragement, just bit**ing.
Normally I joke around, but seriously... break up.0 -
I get complaints about "My Vanity", about how I'm all about me, and "Who am I doing this for? (doing it to improve my health & fitness apparently is NOT an acceptable answer) combined with deliberate interruptions during a workout and complaints about not spending enough time her because of my workouts. No compliments, no encouragement, just bit**ing.
Normally I joke around, but seriously... break up.
^^this....0 -
over 100 lbs and not a word??? how is that possible? that is wonderful, good for you, he should notice!0
-
My Husband is awesome. He supports my health goals and never complains about the healthy versions of food I now prepare. He is great :-)0
-
I've lost over 100 pounds and have become much more fit and healthy in every way. My spouse hasn't really ever commented on it. sigh/shrug/WTF
sometimes guys are terrified to say ANYTHING good or bad about our weight.... LOL He may have noticed and is thinking
"If I compliment she might think I think she looked bad before" Or something. Just sayin!
0 -
My boyfriend's just started running again because he's preparing for Zombie Earth next week o_O
Anyway, since then I've been more open about me working out and dying afterwards and he's been a lot more supportive than ever - even though he always says that I don't need to lose weight. Lol I'm about 15lbs lighter than him (he doesn't know that), and my thighs are the same size as his! I've got thighs of a dancer; his came from bodybuilding.
I've been helping him as much as I can with his running prep, just need to see if he can outrun zombies for three hours now!
It feels good to talk about getting healthy, because he's already a fit fella, I suppose I just had to step up a bit lol0 -
Eh my hubby is and isn't supportive. He compliments me constantly! ( he has only ever known me fat and fatter) As many of you have said though he has seen me diet and fail SO many times before. I get comments like oh is this the eat dinner for breakfast diet or is this the eat that crappy soup and drink lemonade diet?
OH and don't even get me started on the oh your going to lose all the weight and leave me topic. He is very insecure when it comes to me "looking good" I am lucky to be with a man that thinks I AM the most beautiful women he has ever seen and loves me unconditionally BUT at the same time he thinks I will cheat on him. I really wish he would get on this bandwagon and eat well with me too. He has lost some weight but not by trying. He got a job after being laid off for a very long time and it just kinda started to come off. I just wish he cared about his health. Even after having cancer I can't get him to get up and get moving and eat right. SURE he will go for a walk with me here and there but its not enough to be consistent.0 -
My partner loves it. We both put on a lot of weight when we started dating 4 years ago. He is a professional athlete but had time off when we met and eats loads. I joined him and we both became the heaviest we have been. We moved to the other side of the world and in together 1.5 years ago. This has been great for us. Have our own kitchen,buy our own food,do a workout DVD at 2am in the morning if we feel like it lol. I started counting cals with mfp and the weight started coming off. He didn't count cals but comes to the gym with me and eats what i eat and never has complained once because that was his way of supporting me. He has lost over 50 pounds. I think what helped was I didn't sit him down and say right we have to do this. I just did my own thing and he joined in along the way.
Sneaky sneaky :laugh:0 -
My SO is into the mud runs and races we do together, but hes never once been to the gym with me in our 7 yrs together. But he would also never attempt to discourage me from my 'Me' time, its that me time that keeps me happy when im at home lol0
-
My partner loves it. We both put on a lot of weight when we started dating 4 years ago. He is a professional athlete but had time off when we met and eats loads. I joined him and we both became the heaviest we have been. We moved to the other side of the world and in together 1.5 years ago. This has been great for us. Have our own kitchen,buy our own food,do a workout DVD at 2am in the morning if we feel like it lol. I started counting cals with mfp and the weight started coming off. He didn't count cals but comes to the gym with me and eats what i eat and never has complained once because that was his way of supporting me. He has lost over 50 pounds. I think what helped was I didn't sit him down and say right we have to do this. I just did my own thing and he joined in along the way.
Sneaky sneaky :laugh:
^^^^ Good job. Leading by example0 -
He's supportive to a degree... He constantly is asking me if I'm going to leave him now....0
-
Mine is very supportive always says I look great and gives compliments about my muscles. Only complaint he has had is food is a bit more expensive now eating healthier foods and he has said fruit and veggies are really expensive when we buy groceries and why do we need so much of that sometimes cuz its expensive. But we compromise I still buy him the snacks he likes and mountain dew and then we're ok. :)He can actually afford to gain weight and I need to lose some more weight so it works out all good.0
-
He supports me and goes walking with me daily but has made it clear I'm not changing his diet (he's like 130 pound soaking wet 6'1) He can eat an entire pizza and 20 wings - Thought it may slow down but he's almost 30! Lucky him0
-
My husband has been so supportive. He has joined MFP, gotten us a family membership to a gym, goes to the gym with me, he Celebrates my successes, and pushes me through my failures. I can even depend on him to check the labels when he runs to the store for me!That said... He wants this because I want this. He has never thought of me as anything but beautiful, he would just be happy for me to see what he sees. I am a pretty lucky girl!
You have a good man embrace it! (him)0 -
Mine will ask me to go for a walk--and I always say yes. And he doesn't complain about the meals. He doesn't like me getting up at 5 am..and in fact just got us a puppy as he figured I was up anyway to let it out. hmmm. I've only lost 2 lbs so far--so there isn't much for him to compliment me on yet...getting there. He didn't complain about me buying the DVDs tho either.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.3K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.2K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 424 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.7K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions