SPOUSE/PARTNER HONEST FEELINGS

Ninguneado73

I'm fairly certain that my boyfriend doesn't really care. It's not that he discourages me or anything, but sometimes when I say I am going to exercise he suggests I do some sort of house work that really isn't important at the time instead. He also hasn't really said anything about how I look. The one time he has said anything it was something like, "I'm proud of you, but..." I don't want any "buts." I want an "I'm proud of you." (note the period) It doesn't really matter, though. While I would like him to be more openly supportive and encouraging, I'm not doing this for him. I'm doing it for me.

he is either blind, or if he is not takes a wonderful and beautiful woman for granted...YES do it for you..it is the ONLY way

bmstee03

My husband started out all passive-aggressive 'hey I made you some cake'. Then after I shed 60lbs and started getting 'noticed' by other men he got all defensive and eventually he joined me and has lost 20lbs of his own. He was convinced I was now super hot an therefor I would leave him. Silly man. Now we work out together and are much closer because of our common goals.

cityjaneLondon

We are in our 60s and without grossing anyone out my DH really appreciates my new body :blushing: :laugh:
He never complained when I put a lot of weight on thro chemo for cancer and was always loving thro it all, but I could see he was concerned by my mobility problems and health issues.
He looks at me really admiringly now and is going to buy me a new dress for an upcoming family occasion.
He is really fit himself and super slim so my diet has made him lose weight and get too skinny. I have to feed him some extra calories. Every morning we work on the gym machines together, tho he can burn up more calories than me. I love working out with him. I don't think I could have done it on my own as I am naturally lazy.
Sometimes I think he can hardly believe how far I have come and just beams at me!

gracielynn1011

I've started this road many times during our 11 years as husband & wife, and so many times I've quit. When I started my routine at the end of January this year, I know he thought that I would quit again. I could see it in his face when he came home and I told him I did a workout already that evening.

As the days went by and turned into weeks, I could see that he was proud of me. If I changed my routine up or missed a workout, he would ask if I was okay. When I bought a new Easter dress, he said "You look so beautiful!" A few days ago he said I looked like I lost 50 lbs.

Instead of leaving the house when I workout, so I can have privacy, he stays and watches and tells me pointers. "Your knees are going forward too far." Or some other helpful tip. He also really enjoys taking my progress pics each month, even though he says he doesn't.

I would have to say that my hubby has been great with helping me progress and encouraging me when I get down about the slow pace of things.

VanCityFit

My husband is a bodybuilder so he spends more time in the gym than I do. We met through fitness and I think that since we both have a passion for it it makes our relationship that much stronger. He pushes me when I need it and I am very supportive of him as well.

A family that weighs food together stays together!!

Lisa_Rhodes

He's a great supporter. He's in the Military, so we motivate each other a lot. He teases me every once in a while about logging or wanting to cook my own food for weighing purposes (he doesn't measure or portion anything), but he's very supportive. The gym thing doesn't get in the way bc I do that while at work

squatsandlipgloss

My boyfriend started with me! We first did a program together, then I moved on to Insanity and he moved on to P90x because I have weight to lose, he doesn't but he wants to gain some muscle

kookanddra

At first my husband didn't say anything about me "trying" to loose weight. Then after I dropped almost 25 pounds and 2 sizes his insecurities really came out. He is overweight himself and when we both were, it was fine. Now he drops guilt trips and puts himself down to make me feel bad. If I work out at home he'll say something like "there you go making me feel even fatter". I confronted him because he made me feel bad but I didn't want to stop working out. I told him that he frames houses all day which is a workout and I sit behind a desk. Working out or walking is my only exercise. He said he was sorry and said I looked really good. He just has his own insecurities that he needs to deal with. I'm doing this for me and no one else!!! My kids support me and I feel great. If he can't handle it, then that's his problem. Not mine!!

aleesh_

At first my husband was insecure and thought I would leave him when I got skinny, he even said once that he wished I would stay 300 pounds forever but he knows that being that weight isn't healthy and that I need to be healthy for our kids. kids This was awhile ago, I think he feels much more secure now. He's never tried to sabotage my diet or stop me from working out though

Shawshankcan

My wife supports me in everything I do, well beyond fitness. What makes it easier though, she is on her own fitness quest. We have different goals and as such are on different paths to get there, but the support is there.

In reverse, I support her and her quests, but I think I sometimes become like an over bearing parent at a hockey game. I want to help her succeed in everything she does as much as I want to succeed.

hbrittingham

My husband didn't really pay attention at first, then he did. I had lost 40 lbs and then he dropped 45 lbs. In January, he finally joined the gym with me. He gets there about 40 minutes before I do to get his strength training out of the way on my cardio days and then walks on the treadmill next to me while I run. On my strength training days, he gets there about the same time as me so we can work out together.

He is building some serious muscles now. Not only is he noticing it, so am I!

JewelsinBigD

I think if you have young kids it is harder on the spouse since they have to take on a little more responsibility while you are working out - and mine in particular likes to eat crap so when I get on him for the food choices he makes for the kids he is not happy. However he says I am looking great so- that is a positive!

marywilsoncline

My hubby doesn't mind me working out and he watches our little boy in the evenings while I run. He doesn't care that I buy the fruits and healthier groceries for myself as long as I buy him his normal food too. He does'nt mind that my healthier food is a bit more expensive b/c I eat everything I buy, nothing goes to waste. What he doesn't like is my appearance now that I've lost 106 lbs. He think I look sickly but he knows I like the way I look. He said he don't like a boney woman but I am happy with my boney self

fausto412

i'm not allowed to talk about she who cannot be named on here...that is all.

JenAndSome

I'm fairly certain that my boyfriend doesn't really care. It's not that he discourages me or anything, but sometimes when I say I am going to exercise he suggests I do some sort of house work that really isn't important at the time instead. He also hasn't really said anything about how I look. The one time he has said anything it was something like, "I'm proud of you, but..." I don't want any "buts." I want an "I'm proud of you." (note the period) It doesn't really matter, though. While I would like him to be more openly supportive and encouraging, I'm not doing this for him. I'm doing it for me.

he is either blind, or if he is not takes a wonderful and beautiful woman for granted...YES do it for you..it is the ONLY way

That must be why he carries that folding cane. Thank you. :blushing:

MizTerry

My husband is loving me being fit, he just hates there's no junk food in the house for him or the kids. Plus, it doesn't seem to want to motivate him to do the same which is a total bummer.

It's why I'm ogling all the fellas on here like a dog.

Stacivogue

This is a hard one ,and I've been on both sides. In fact, it's about the least fun topic ever. When i got pregnant and gained a bunch of weight, i had never been so large in my life. I don't know about you guys, but when i feel awful (nauseous, food aversions to anything that even smelled like meat, violent morning sickness noon, night, and morning) I have a really hard time eating my usual protein and green veggies diet. So, when I finally stopped being pregnant and looked at the wreckage that was my body, I decided to use my maternity leave to get in shape. So AFTER 6 weeks of c-section pain, i started walking, doing yoga, even biking.

HUSBAND NOT SUPPORTIVE (for WIFE NOT SUPPORTIVE SEE BELOW)
My husband was not supportive, because we were both cranky. Our son had colic. Neither of us was getting any rest. And to your spouse, i suppose being gone for 1.5 hours (by the time you get the to gym, get through the locker room, and get back to the car to drive home) can feel like forever when your son is crying and the only thing that will stop him from crying is mommy. And on top of it all, it was HELL going to the gym. My body hurt. My gym clothes didn't fit. I couldn't find a breastfeeding gigantic bra that was a jog bra. i went to spin class and people asked me if i "should be doing spin." I couldn't stop picturing an elephant on a spin bike. And i WAS HORMONAL. And it HURT to work out. I was out of breath. My blood pressure was all over the place. I had to monitor my heart rate like a fanatic. Walking was enough to make me feel like falling down. Not to mention: I felt GUILTY every time i left the house, like a was a monster. And my husband was not on maternity leave, just working from home, and we had no family to help us. Anyway, I did my usual workout plan and diet, but i plateaued after about 15 lbs. I was scared I was going to be obese forever.
And when i went back to work, i couldn't maintain the energy needed to pump, the calories needed to make milk, and the commute, and working. It was too much and I fell off the wagon, after all i wasn't losing any weight anyway. I gave up.

WIFE NOT SUPPORTIVE
it was around this time that my husband that he needed to lose the "sympathy weight" and eating protein bars as what seemed like his sole source of food. He also had the flexibility to leave during his workday after our son went to daycare, while i was commuting back and forth to NYC every day. My husband would pick up my son from daycare, and it would take me another 2 hours to get home. I didn't want to go to the gym anyway. His stormy look only reinforced it. And it was working right around the time my diet stopped. i wanted to KILL HIM. I was like.....this is what my body looks like after 10 months of pierogies and you're upset that you gained a pants size? I didn't have anything that fit me, but had to buy expensive suits for work in the plus sized department. the plus sized department at Macy's is right next to the cupcake tins. On a whole other level than the rest of the women's wear. They have their own dressing room! And to add insult to injury, someone peed in the dressing room the one time i went there to buy some clothes. it was HORRIBLE, traumatic, and i thought I'd be trapped there forever. I was also mad at him because he was whining that he was tired, and i hadn't slept properly in 9 months. Not since the first time i threw up.
And i felt fat. And ugly. And i watched my husband lose weight. Oh, i was so frustrated.

Then, I went onto a different eating plan and started losing weight again. I couldn't work out at first, and it was killing me to watch my husband turn into a swimsuit model. It motivated me, but I was also so resentful about how much weight he was losing. And part of me blamed him for my being fat in the first place. It takes two to tango, but I was the one with a stomach that was hanging down halfway to my knees.

Now, to be fair, he wasn't a swimsuit model. And he was really working hard. But he had the time to work hard. And i resented that too. He didn't have a handicap, or a pregnancy related heart problem, and he could do "P90X and The Insanity Workout" and lose weight. I could only swim or do spin. Walking hurt. So i'd sit upstairs, nursing my son and my wounds and listening to that INSANELY ANNOYING guy on the P90X dvd.

On top of it all, it was really hard to motivate to go to the gym - almost impossible to get there in time for a spin class, and i felt crappy for all of the above reasons. So, we finally bit the bullet, cancelled my gym membership, and i just bought my own spin bike. I love spin. i really do. And it took a while, but i set it up with a sound dock, and used my iphone, and set up fans and put a tissue box there, and didn't need to smell anyone else's farts when i was spinning. (definitely a bonus) On the minus side, my husband had to endure spin music and sometimes up to an hour of my trying to get myself motivated to get out of the bed and across the room onto the bike.

It's been rocky. I've been really successful, I've and fallen off the wagon. I particularly remember last new years, buying a new dress and getting my hair cut and being really proud that I'd lost 45 lbs. The entire night everyone that I knew raved about how "fantastic" my husband looked. I ended up in a fetal position logging all of the food i'd eaten into my fitness pal on my iphone in the dark. When we got in the car he asked what was wrong. I told him: "You look fantastic! I can't believe you had a baby." then i proceeded to eat whatever i wanted and gained a bunch of weight back. I've been suspicious as to my husband's motives (why was he doing this? for whom?) i have been angry, resentful, all of the above.

BOTH OF US LEARNING
But recently i got back on the diet and exercise plan. Why? Because my husband did an even more restrictive dieting plan. I was mad at him again. But I decided, if he was going to do it, i was going to do it. And if that meant that he was going to have to accept my coming home from work and getting right on the bike 5 days a week, then that was going to be what it was going to be. And I accepted that 2 of those 5 days should be on the weekend. And i got a fitbit and have been walking the dogs and trying to focus on myself.

So all of you judge-y people who are so quick to drop your significant others, i think maybe you should walk a mile in their shoes. In total I think that the experience has made me a better, less judgemental person. And my husband and i are working through our issues. But try to understand that sometimes we are resentful not because we are sad that our SO is succeeding, but at our fear of failure.

I'm not actually going to read the responses to this email. The last time i posted something to these message boards, i got upset at the replies. I guess i just needed to vent.

wannabpiper

My sweetie hid the birthday cake the other day so that I wouldn't be tempted. I thought that was one of the kindest things he's ever done; except when he gave me those three great kids!

WDEvy

I'm very very lucky that my husband is taking this journey with me and he's incredibly supportive. We're doing this as a family to be in shape and healthy so we can have kids.

He's really good at helping me see the positive side when I feel blehh due to slow weight loss.

MissFuchsia

He's happy because I'm happy but I was 240 lbs when I met him and he still loved me then. I know weighing/logging my foods drice him mad. He also hates that I workout in the morning. He doesn't like waking up in an empty bed. He's usually up before me anyway so doesn't make that much of a difference really.